“Why not? You were a great mother to Katie.”
“I was never happier than when Katie was here with me.” A knot twisted in her stomach. “But it wasn’t always that way….”
She explained about Linda Jean, and how, when she’d tried to tell Mason, he hadn’t taken her anxiety seriously.
“If Mason loved me enough to want to marry me, why didn’t he understand the effect that Linda Jean’s seizure had on me?”
“Maybe being from a big family meant he’d seen a lot of mishaps involving his siblings, or maybe he was accident-prone himself. Maybe he thought you were telling him because you were over your fear.”
“Over it? I’m not sure I’m over it now. I went into pediatrics after we broke up to prove to myself that I could care for a child, in the hope that I could conquer my anxieties.”
“And now there’s the head nurse position.”
“Yes, I have to decide if I’m going to accept it soon.”
“I think you should. You love children. I know you have doubts, but I’m sure this job will make you believe in yourself again. Lisa, darling, you do your best in everything.”
“Thanks, Mom. I just wish the rest of my life was working out as well as my professional life.”
“Honey, I’ve watched you and Mason—there’s a strong connection between the two of you and I can tell how much you mean to each other. Want my advice?”
“Do I have a choice?” she asked, smiling at her mother’s eagerness.
“Don’t give up. You and Mason are so well matched. Take a chance on him. What have you got to lose?”
“Everything, if he follows his ex-wife to L.A.”
“Did he say he’s doing that?” her mother asked, a shocked expression on her face.
“Mason loves Peter so much that he may feel he has no choice but to go.”
“Did you and Mason ever talk about why you broke up?”
“No.”
“Wasn’t that why you went out to dinner last night?”
“Yes.”
Her mother smiled sadly. “So both of you sat there, avoiding the one topic you needed to broach…. How awful.”
“I just couldn’t tell him how I felt without a little encouragement from him. I didn’t get any.” Lisa shrugged.
Her mother pushed her coffee cup aside. “Do you love Mason? Don’t stop to think about it, just answer.”
“Yes, but…”
“No buts. The very next opportunity, you tell Mason what you just told me. That you want to try again, and see what he says. Now I won’t pressure you any more about it.”
Yes, she loved Mason despite everything that had happened in the past few years. She loved him and her mother was right. She needed to tell him everything, including the revelation that she would like a family…with him.
“Thanks, Mom, for everything.”
“If you don’t mind changing the subject, I’ve been meaning to ask if you have any photo albums of when you were young. I only ever had the one picture, and I’d like to see more.”
“The attic is filled with memorabilia. Why don’t I go see what I can find, and you and I can spend the afternoon going over them,” she said. Looking forward to more time with her mother, Lisa went to the attic.
UP IN THE ATTIC, with the smell of old wood surrounding her, she felt some peace return. The attic had been her playroom when she was a kid. But the last time she’d been up here was after her dad passed away, and then only to put a box of his papers in storage.
Peering around in the low light, she spotted her old high chair and a pink chest of drawers on which her collection of antique dolls rested.
Back in the corner were dozens of boxes of photos from her childhood. Here, amidst all these things Alice Clarke had saved, she felt her love more than in any other part of the house.
Someday she’d go through everything hidden away in all the nooks and crannies, but for today she had to decide which of the photo boxes to take downstairs.
She was rooting through the boxes when she heard someone on the steps. “Who is it?” she called out.
“Me.” Mason’s head appeared over the floorboards.
Her heart jumped in anticipation. They were alone up here; this was her chance to say everything that had been on her mind. “Hey. What’s up?”
“I came by to see you,” he said, making his way to where she stood.
His smile was so tender and inviting she wanted to slip into his arms. “I’m looking for photos of me as a child to show Mom. Funny, I’ve been talking a lot about family lately,” she said, searching for the right words.
He moved closer, and she could see that he’d nicked his chin shaving that morning.
“You’ll have a full day going through all this stuff.”
“Mom wants to know all about me, and I want to hear more about my dad.”
“Old photos are one of the nicest ways for you and your mother to share your lives,” he said, his hand coming to rest on her shoulder, his smile tentative.
Her skin warmed beneath his fingers, and she couldn’t stop herself from leaning into his touch. “But the very best part of this for me is that I don’t feel left out anymore. I’m part of a family. And I understand why you wanted one of your own now. I think…I want that, too.”
He looked shocked, then his eyes widened in pleasure. Her breath caught in her throat as she watched his mouth, wishing he’d say something, or simply kiss her. Without thinking, she licked her lips, her head tilting back.
The scent of his soap and his skin enveloped her as his gaze held hers. “Oh, Lisa…” he whispered as he edged closer, his lips just above hers.
She slid her arms around his neck and pulled him down to her. Coming alive at his touch, she kissed his chin and his throat, as her fingers clasped his gold chain. The urgent pressure of his body against hers fueled her desire. Her mouth met his in a hot, passionate kiss, bringing her alive to his touch, to her need for his love.
His breath coming in short gasps, he eased away from her, his eyes filled with longing. “Honey, you have some timing. I actually came here to tell you something.”
She opened her mouth to speak, but he pressed his fingers over her lips.
“It’s final. Sara is moving to California and taking Peter with her,” he said, a tremor in his voice.
“Oh, Mason, I’m so sorry. You love Peter. You’re such a great dad. What will you do?”
“I’m not sure. If I stay here, I’m afraid Peter won’t understand why I’m not with him, so I feel I have to be there when he needs me. But if I go, I’ll be leaving you and I’ll have to start over with no support from my family. Sara wants it both ways—a new career on the other side of the country and our son. How can she possibly think that moving Peter is a good thing?”
Crushed by the raw pain in his voice, she put her arms around him. “Mason, is there anything I can do?”
“At this point, I don’t know what anyone can do. I talked to Sara about leaving Peter with me, but she wouldn’t agree.”
“Can’t she see that Peter will lose out on so much without his family near him?”
“Sara’s not too concerned about family,” he said ruefully, his own arms tightening around her.
Whatever it took, she’d help him, ease his pain.
Holding him close, she murmured, “Mason, what’s next? Where do we go from here?”
“Damned if I know, but I’ve got to find a way…” he replied. His arms fell away from her. The pain was gone from his eyes, replaced by a preoccupied stare. “I’ve got to go,” he said abruptly. “I’ll call you later.”
“But—”
He turned from her and strode across the floor to the steps.
He was leaving. While she was trying to support him through this, he was walking away from her and what she was offering.
At the top of the steps, he spun back to face her, dragging his fingers through his hair, a habit so familiar it made her want to cry.
�
��I’m sorry, Lisa, but I need to work this out for myself.”
Surprise and hurt jolted her. “So much for starting over,” she whispered over the thud of his feet moving down the wooden stairs.
He was going it alone, she thought bitterly. He’d never included her as an equal partner in their relationship, never shared all the ordinary problems of life. He always had to be in charge, get his own way, no matter how much it hurt anyone else—including her.
Mason clearly hadn’t changed. He expected to make the decisions and she was expected to go along with them.
The one time she hadn’t, he’d walked out on her.
Now that she was offering to share in the decisions, he’d left—again.
MASON HATED HIMSELF for the pain he’d seen in Lisa’s eyes, but he couldn’t help himself. He couldn’t help much of anything today. The prospect of losing his son had knocked him for a loop. He’d been well aware that this could happen, but he hadn’t truly believed it. What a fool he’d been.
He’d never felt this vulnerable. This sense that his life was out of his control was foreign. Frightening.
He needed to come up with a plan or be relegated to seeing his son a few weeks a year.
Those few weeks wouldn’t allow him to be a real father. But was moving to L.A. logical if he had no one to support him?
Yet the one person whose support he craved, he’d walked out on. He wanted to retrace his steps, go back to Lisa and make up for his behavior. He loved her, not just because she was such a kind person—as he knew from experience—but because she made every part of his world work.
When they were together, she’d cared for his friends, listened to his stories and told him hers. She was always there to cheer him on, tease him when he got too serious, get him to laugh when life showed its ridiculous side. And now they wanted the same things—home, family. But the cost would be his relationship with Peter.
And he might have already screwed things up between him and Lisa. The hurt look on her face a few moments ago said he’d made a serious mistake by turning away.
He’d done it again.
Dammit! Why hadn’t he let her be involved? There was probably nothing she could do, but she’d been willing to try, and he’d shut her out.
And all this time he’d believed that she was shutting him out, not paying attention to him. But she had been completely open and focused on him, and he’d walked away without a word of explanation.
He should’ve stayed in the attic, listened to her suggestions and let her caring ease his sense of losing control.
But the truth was, he didn’t know how to ask for help. He’d always been the one people leaned on. And he’d grown up in a policeman’s house where being in charge was as natural as breathing.
Except that now when he needed someone to lean on, he couldn’t find the words to ask, to admit that he was afraid and lonely.
And now he stood to lose the one woman who mattered most to him.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
THE FOLLOWING MONDAY, Lisa pulled into the hospital parking lot, ready to start her first day as head nurse of pediatrics.
Mason’s behavior last week had shown her that he wasn’t nearly as serious about their relationship as she was, that in a crisis, he didn’t need her. She shuddered at the thought of how close she’d come to telling him she loved him.
In the aftermath of his abrupt departure, she’d decided to focus on her career and accept the promotion. She’d had a very positive meeting with the VP of nursing last Thursday and came away feeling upbeat and ready to do the job.
Being head nurse would effectively remove her from direct patient care, but on the other hand, it would give her a chance to be involved in planning for the unit and perhaps making some changes.
On the way up the elevator to the fourth floor, Lisa decided that she’d have a meeting as soon as possible to get feedback from the staff on some of her ideas. She felt fairly confident that the other nurses would be receptive; she’d worked with all of them at some point in her normal nursing rotation and had a good relationship with them.
Having been away, she didn’t expect to know any of the patients on the unit, but she planned to sit in on the morning report to bring her up to speed. Eager to get to her new job, she hurried down the corridor toward her office, which was just inside the doors of the unit.
She entered her office to find a huge bouquet of roses on her desk. “Wow! Who would have done this?”
She put her purse in the cupboard behind the desk, and picked the card out from among the roses. Mason’s name was scribbled on the small white square of paper, but nothing else.
She hadn’t heard from him since their conversation in the attic. She’d wanted to call him but couldn’t because she didn’t know where she fit in his life. The fact that he hadn’t called her had been painful, but obviously Mason had his own priorities. She simply wasn’t one of them. “I’ll call him later today and thank him.” She hoped she got voice mail, though, as she wasn’t prepared to have a conversation that made her feel even lonelier than she did now.
“Good morning, head lady. The pressures of the new job making you talk to yourself already?” Melanie said from the doorway.
“Good morning to you, too. And no, I’m just admiring the roses.”
“Those arrived a few minutes ago from Mason. I peeked at the card. They’re beautiful, aren’t they?”
“They are.” Mason had sent her flowers to welcome her on her first day back—and starting her new job. She was touched by his kindness.
“I wonder how he knew I was starting today. I didn’t tell him.”
“You didn’t have to. I told him. He and Sara have been here since the night before last. Peter was admitted to Emergency. He had an appendectomy.”
“Oh, no!” What a frightening thing for any little boy, but knowing him made it more personal. Only days earlier Peter and Katie had played together, his sweet nature so endearing, so easy to love. “Is he okay?”
“He’s fine, and so cute. Of course, being his aunt makes me a little biased.”
“Why didn’t someone call me?” Why hadn’t Mason called her? He’d know she’d be concerned.
“I assumed Mason would’ve told you, although he and Sara have been here, staying with Peter around the clock. I’ve gone to check on them every chance I could get, and I’ve never seen my sister so upset. She and Mason have certainly come together to deal with this crisis. It’s nice to see them like that.”
“I guess so…”
Mason and Sara working together to care for their child. And why not? They both loved him. It wasn’t unusual for parents to put aside their differences for the sake of their child. Did that explain why Mason hadn’t called in a week? Had he and Sara reconciled?
After being a surrogate mom to Katie, she could say with certainty that if she were in their situation, nothing would keep her away from her child. Why would Mason be any different? He loved Peter and she finally understood how powerful that love could be.
“Mason’s with him now, making sure he eats a bit of breakfast. Peter is being discharged tomorrow.”
“I hope he’ll be okay. Peter and Sara are supposed to be leaving for L.A. pretty soon, aren’t they?”
Melanie shrugged. “I haven’t asked. They haven’t wanted to talk about their plans, but I’m sure Sara will give me an update when this is over. But I’ve got to get going now—duty calls. I just came by to officially congratulate you.”
“Thanks. I’ll talk to you later,” Lisa said, her mind on Mason and how hard this must’ve been.
He’d obviously been too worried about Peter to call. She felt selfish that she’d only been thinking of herself. She’d drop by the room and see if she could do anything. And if Sara was there, she’d offer her sympathy, now that she understood with her heart as well as her head how a mother would feel.
At the nurses’ station, she checked the room number for Peter, then went down the corridor. The door was cl
osed, making her hesitate for a moment. Mason had probably closed it because Peter was asleep.
She quietly eased the door open and peeked in. As she’d expected, Peter was asleep.
Silhouetted against the light from the window, Mason and Sara stood next to his bed, their arms wrapped around each other. Mason’s lips were pressed to Sara’s forehead, his arms cradling her.
Shock tumbled through every part of Lisa’s body. Embarrassment made her cheeks flare hot. Desperate to obliterate the look of happiness on Sara’s face, Lisa closed her eyes.
Her fingers trembling against the cool surface, she carefully shut the door.
“WHO WAS THAT?” Sara asked, stepping out of Mason’s arms as she glanced toward the slowly closing door.
He wanted to swear. “Lisa,” he said.
“She saw us? Like this?”
He’d seen the devastation on Lisa’s face and had no doubt that she’d jumped to all the wrong conclusions. “Look, can you stay for a few more minutes and watch Peter? I need to find Lisa and tell her what’s going on.”
Sara nodded. “Sure, but I have to be back at the house in an hour.”
“I won’t be long.”
Of all the rotten luck! He was sure Lisa had assumed the worst where he was concerned and he could hardly blame her. Why hadn’t he taken the time to call her, tell her what had happened with Peter? She would have been so understanding and caring…But he realized that after he’d left her in the attic, he didn’t know how to ask her to forgive what he had done.
He hurried down the corridor to Lisa’s office while he mentally prepared what he’d say to her. When he got there, she was at her desk reading a document, her blond hair tightly confined at the back of her head. She looked all business—just as he’d expected.
“Can I speak to you for a minute?”
She glanced up, her eyes clouded, her face pale. “Certainly. I trust Peter’s doing well,” she said, the formality in her voice negating any familiarity between them.
“He’s fine and ready to go home tomorrow. But I came here to talk about something else.”
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