by Cat Mann
****
After that late-night conversation, Ari and I bumped into each other a lot more often than we had in the beginning of my time at Dana Point. He started talking to me now and then in lit and even asked me a few questions about our assignments. On Wednesday, I think he thought I was getting tired of turning around to face him, so he moved his seat one forward and sat by me. I chewed half a fingernail off and bounced my leg around so much that our table started to shake. Ari had to put his hand on my leg to get me to stop. He had it there for just a moment, and he never took his eyes from the front of the room, but my heart did a little freak out anyway.
Thursday night, my floor gathered for the weekly party and I put into motion a plan I had come up with earlier. I announced to Emily with some wonder in my voice that Ari and I had discovered that our families had been friends quite some time ago. That, I added, explained why I was with him on Sunday. I think they believed me – whatever, my explanation would have to work for the time being because it was the only one I was going to offer. I glanced quickly around the commons, looking for Ari. He was talking with Rory by the pool table. We locked eyes for a moment and I smiled. He didn’t return my smile and quickly turned away. My heart crumbled, my stomach was assaulted with disappointment and I felt the threat of tears in the backs of my eyes. I lost patience with myself for feeling upset and made a lame excuse to go to bed early.
I sat in my bed and talked myself out of crying until I finally was able to find sleep. My dreams reached a new level of frightening that night. I had never been so scared … and the worst part was that upon waking, I couldn’t even remember what the dreams had been about. I woke up screaming and trying to paw my way out of some kind of bag. My pillows flew to the floor and I quickly covered my mouth with my hand to muffle the noise. Too late, my dorm door creaked open.
“Ava, are you alright?” Ari came in sounding tired and worried.
“I’m fine, well, not really fine … I had a bad dream that scared the whatever out of me. But I don’t want to talk about it,” I added as I saw him start to ask a question. The clock on my phone showed two-thirty in the morning. I definitely needed more sleep, but I knew from experience that sleep had just removed itself from the realm of the possible. “Great,” I sighed, mostly to myself.
Ari took a step into my room.
“Stop.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean I don’t want you in here.”
“Why?”
“I thought were passed all of this evasiveness, Ari. I smiled at you and you acted as if I wasn’t even there. I don’t want this … whatever this is,” I said pointing back and forth between the two of us. “I am sick of you. I am sick of feeling this way, as though I’m not worthy of your friendship.”
“Oh, God, Ava … I’m so sorry. It’s complicated. I am working some issues out right now. Just please, Ava, please, give me a little bit of time.”
“Why can’t we be friends?” I demanded.
“We can!”
“Friends smile at each other, Ari. They say “hi” in the hallways!”
He smiled, a really big, beautiful smile and said, “hi!”
“It doesn’t count when we are in a dark room at two thirty in the morning.”
“You are right. Can I just have a little more time?”
“Time for what?” I snapped.
“Just time … please.”
“Whatever, Ari.”
Ari walked the rest of the way into my room, grabbed a discarded pillow off the ground and took a seat on my bed. He leaned his back against the wall, put the pillow on his lap, and motioned for me to lie down; I did so very hesitantly. As soon as my head hit the pillow, he began to move his fingers ever so lightly down my cheeks and my neck. He took one of my hands, held it in his, and traced little circles in my palm. He started to talk softly, nearly inaudibly.
“What is your favorite color?” The question brought a smile to my face. It was so normal and unassuming. Most the time his questions were hard and required so much thought and careful truth.
I couldn’t help but play his game. “Gray,” I answered honestly.
“Oh, come on!” he said with a laugh. “Gray isn’t a color.” I shrugged and he moved on when I didn’t give him a substitute answer.
“Favorite movie?”
I thought about that for a second, and then answered, “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.”
“Good one,” he said approvingly, still moving his fingers like feathers across my skin.
“Yours?” I asked with a yawn.
“Beetlejuice,” Ari answered quickly, and I laughed.
“That’s the best answer ever.”
“Well, that’s because Beetlejuice is an awesome movie.”
I rolled over to my side shaking with laughter and Ari moved on.
“Favorite book?”
“Les Misérables.” I answered, calming back down.
“Alright. Odd choice, though,” he said, more quietly than before.
“Favorite band?”
“That one is easy,” I said with a sleepy smile, “Vampire Weekend hands down.”
“No way! Me too,” he gave a small laugh, and then continued with the questions.
He learned that my favorite food is a tie between peanut butter and green bananas and that I am a diehard Cubs fan and I like to watch college basketball. He learned I am a crab in the morning if I do not have a cup of black coffee and I hate it when my toes get cold. He started to ask more personal questions the more comfortable he became.
“You don’t like it when people get too close to you.”
“That’s not a question,” I said, astounded by his perception.
“No, you’re right it’s not, but it’s true. But you didn’t seem to mind when my family hugged you.”
“No,” I said, nearly silent, agreeing with his observation.
Ari ran his hand slowly back up the inside of my arm and across my shoulder. He lingered for a moment on my collarbone before making his way up my neck and across my jaw line then he brushed his fingers across my lips. The touch was unlike anything I had ever experienced. I felt a happy pull in my tummy urging him to do more.
“You have never minded when I touch you … when I hold you.”
“No.” I closed my eyes.
“Good, because your skin is soft and I can’t seem to keep my hands off it.”
Holy hell.
I peeked up through my lashes at Ari and he flashed me a beautiful smile.
“I can tell that the game is keeping you awake. The whole point of my being here is to get you back to sleep.”
His voice was clearer, less husky when he spoke, and he moved his fingers off my face and began to play with my hair.
“So you like the Cubs. Well, I am Sox fan so does that makes us enemies?”
“White or Red?”
“White.”
I scrunched my nose up at him in disapproval but shook my head no and at some point in the night I fell asleep on Ari’s lap answering more silly, pointless questions like that. My dreams were peaceful and happy for once.
My eyes fluttered open for a moment around dawn. My room was still dark and I could hear quiet breathing in my ear. Ari had fallen asleep. His head was on my pillow and his arm was wrapped tight across my body. My heavy eyelids closed again, taking me back to unconsciousness and happy thoughts before I was able to process how wonderful it felt to be in these arms.
When I awoke again, my room was bathed in light. I felt a feather light touch caress my arm.
“Morning.”
I blinked at Ari and smiled. “Morning.” My smile faded to a frown.
“What’s the matter?” He moved a stay hair from my face and tucked it behind my ear.
“Aren’t you worried someone will see you walk out of my dorm room?” I was still mad at him for ignoring me the night before at the party.
“No, I am not. You should be worried though.�
� He smiled playfully.
I jumped up, horrified of what people might think of Ari slipping out of my room wearing his pajamas.
Ari laughed. “Calm down. It’s ten thirty on Friday. No one on this floor sleeps in this late besides me. They’ve all gone home or down to the beach.”
Ari stood up. He had on a pair of blue and white striped pajama pants that hung artfully off his hips and a white tee-shirt. He lifted his hands above his head in a stretch causing his shirt to rise. I stole a glance at his stomach, at his muscles and the little trail of hair that disappeared under his waistband. I felt my face flush with red-hot heat. Ari chuckled and dropped his hands back to his sides.
There was a knock from my bathroom door. “Ava, are you awake?” I heard Emily say on the other side.
My chin dropped and I looked quickly from Ari to the door and then back again. Ari waited calmly for me to decide on what I should do.
“Err, just a minute, Em!”
I grabbed onto Ari’s arm and pulled him across the room, I opened my door that led to the commons and pushed him out into the hall. He smiled brightly at me. “Have a nice day, Ava. I will see you later.”
“K,” I blushed then paused for a moment not wanting to say goodbye. Emily knocked again and I jumped and shut the door fast and ran over to the bathroom door to greet Em.
“What were you doing?!”
“Uh, nothing … um, what’s up?”
Emily took a deep breath and smiled. “Pilates? This afternoon, you in?”
“Absolutely.”
“Awesome, I am so bored today,” she said as she plopped down in my chair.
Emily sat around my room for a bit and complained that the boy she had met a few weeks ago had stopped calling her. I gave her the “grass is always greener, it’s always darkest before the dawn” speech and then promised to meet her at the Pilates studio later on that day. She peeled herself up out of my chair and went back to her room to write an essay for history. I let out a sigh of relief once the door finally closed.
I went to the gym and happily shoved my ear buds in; I listened to Discovery while I did a quick five miles, thinking of Ari the whole time while running with a foolish grin stretched across my face. As I rounded my last mile, I spotted Emily walking through the gym door. She was chatting up Ari and Rory. My stomach immediately filled with butterflies at the sight of Ari. Emily smiled and waved at me and I smiled back and returned her wave. Rory waved to me as well and I saw a smile spread across Ari’s face and then a very tiny wink. He mouthed “hi” right before I turned the corner.
Emily met me in the Pilates studio shortly after my run. Emily is shorter than I am by a couple of inches and has a great California tan. Her hair is always full of loose, bouncy curls and she nearly always has a smile on her face and something funny to say. She talked all through Pilates, making the instructor mad, and finally quieted down once she was warned for the fiftieth time to be quiet or else. After Pilates, Emily talked me into having lunch with her at Ambrosia, the campus café. I listened to her prattle on about the boys in her life, or lack thereof, and smiled at her. She asked how things were going between Rory and me and I assured her, once again that there was nothing but friendship in our future. Or so I had hoped. I wasn't sure how convinced he had been the other day when I told him I wasn’t interested. At times, I still got the sense that he might want more. I did not volunteer any information to Emily about Ari and me. As far as Em was concerned, Ari and I hardly knew each other.
Emily and I washed up after lunch then we hit the library for some much needed study time. I sat down at a table next to her, Viola, Sam, Sophie and Rory. I tried to focus on history but my thoughts kept floating back to Ari and his strong, warm arms, his intoxicating scent and the way his heart beat like a lullaby.
Giving up on studying altogether, I pulled up my email program, and started reading a note Mia had sent that morning. In the email, she told me all of the details about her last date with Jack and that they would be going out again that night. She said she couldn’t wait. She went through all the specifics about what she was going to wear and how they were going to the Navy Pier and that, even though Navy Pier sounded kind of like a cliché, she was really excited about going. I wished her luck and hoped that she had fun and told her over and over again how much I missed her.
I closed my laptop and looked up at the table to see that Ari had joined the group. He and Rory were laughing about something. I had noticed that, every once in a while, when no one was watching, they actually seemed to like each other. Ari winked at me again and my cheeks turned pink. Rory stood up and announced that he was heading home and all the girls told him goodbye.
“Hey, Ari, when are you leaving? Maybe I can just catch a ride with you,” Rory said as he slung his backpack over his shoulder. Ari shot a quick glance at me and then turned to Rory.
“Uh,” he started, scratching the stubble on his face, “probably not until tomorrow.”
Rory shrugged his shoulders and then looked over at me.
“Am I going to see you this weekend, Ava?” His tone was almost accusatory.
I felt caught off guard and I prayed that my cheeks were not still bright red with embarrassment. “I don’t know, Roar, probably not.”
Rory looked back and forth between Ari and me and his face took on an angry edge.
“I see,” he said. “Well, see you tomorrow, I guess, Ari. Or maybe not.” He looked back at me, and then he walked away.
Emily, who always said the first thing that came to her mind, gawked at Rory as he left.
“What was that all about?”
Ari spoke up, giving me a reprieve, “Whoever knows with him?”
“Yeah, that’s true,” Emily said with a laugh.
I gave Ari a quick smile and then attempted to get back to my history assignment.
We all walked back to the dorm and Viola commented to Ari how she had not seen him stay at the dorms on a Friday in a long time. He rattled off an excuse that I missed because my phone started ringing the Cubs theme song, “Go Cubs Go,” and I knew Mia was calling. I was happy that she was calling at a time when I could actually take a call. I hung back from the rest of the group as they continued to walk up the path and I answered my phone. Mia and I talked about the same stuff we had already gone over in our emails, but really talking was much nicer.
“Any new developments with Ari?”
“Yeah, I think so. Actually, things are much better. He introduced me to his family last week.”
“Wow! That’s great. You sound happy, Ava. It suits you.”
I smiled into the phone. “I am happy.”
“Good, you deserve it. You are too hard on yourself sometimes, Ava.”
“Don’t get all philosophical on me now, Mia. Don’t you have a date to get ready for?”
“Oops, you’re right! I have to go now--but I miss you and I love you and will talk to you really soon.”
“I love you, too, Mia.”