Often he had come too late, for many people died of hunger and exposure in that severe winter, and if Lukas hadn't been forced by his duty to Melissa to detach from all the misery he saw on his lonesome haunts, he would have been raving mad with grief before one month had passed.
He always allowed himself to feel the pain and the hurt when he was over there, detaching it on his way home, and he treated as many sick as he could, leaving the severe cases and mentally disturbed ones for the times he had accompaniment.
Those visits had impact on his friends too, but even Jonathan and Melissa managed to let the good they did overrule the horrid things they saw. Lukas did keep those two from the worst parts of it, Jonathan was still so young and in a very impressionable phase of his life, but most of all, he had been through all of this himself, and though it had made him very tough indeed, it must bring back bad memories.
Melissa was a different matter, she was growing fast now, and she sometimes seemed a bit absent-minded, communicating with their child,
Lukas guessed.
In simple, domestic matters that concerned only themselves, she could be very emotional all of a sudden, snapping at them or needing a lot of love and attention to be comforted over things that seemed of little importance to Paul and himself.
But in these quarters of abject poverty and injustice, she was as strong and steady as ever, helping him to cure really difficult cases that needed her ability to see through anything.
And if something really got to her, usually cases with children involved, she simply asked Lukas to detach her from it afterwards, and he did, within a few heartbeats. They could not do this work if they let the suffering get to them.
But this time, Lukas was on his own, and having cured a case of pneumonia in a child that was not totally hopeless otherwise, reasonably well-fed, and living in a home that was mostly air- and watertight, and he decided to return home before dark.
He was never afraid in the streets on his own, because no-one ever saw him, he still had his former ability to stay unseen but he could use it even more consciously now, and he had never yet been spotted when he didn't want to be.
Crossing the river by the large stone bridge, he spotted a dark shape huddled in one of the recesses of the massive structure. It seemed to be wrapped in a blanket, but though it was already March, the temperatures were still below freezing, and Lukas wanted to make sure the poor creature in front of him was not dying of cold or starvation. Lukas knew of a dozen churches or other places where he could bring a destitute Londoner for a warm night and a meal or two.
He walked towards the figure really quietly, wanting to assess his condition in secret, no use disturbing someone who was sound asleep and in no direct danger of dying, in his months in London he had already learned to choose carefully whom to help, for there were too many to help them all.
As he approached the shape, it sat up, revealing a haggard, emaciated man of around thirty, with tangled hair, a fresh bruise on his cheek and dark rings under his eyes. The man seemed to feel Lukas' presence, which indicated he must have some innate talent, and he obviously did not expect anything good to come from someone sneaking up on him.
Instead of offering defence, the figure cringed, and Lukas' heart nearly
broke seeing so much fear in what seemed to be a reasonably healthy person.
Reasonably healthy was usually a cue to leave a person alone, and despite his guilt to leave another human being in the street at freezing temperatures, a winter in the city had hardened even Lukas to the extent that he now changed his course to resume his way home.
As he put distance between himself and the homeless man, he heard a weak voice call out: 'Lykos, is that you?'
He stopped in his tracks, stunned to hear his Greek name spoken by a haggard man in the underbelly of Victorian London, though spoken in a heavy London accent.
'Lykos, please, don't go!' The voice was stronger now, and shaking with emotion.
What could he do but turn around and see who it was that knew his name? As he approached, the man suppressed a desire to run or hide, and looked him straight in the eye. 'Don't you recognize me? I don't wonder, I've changed a lot. You haven't changed a bit, though, you look fine, strong and powerful, I'm glad to see that.'
Totally without clue, Lukas studied the man's ravaged face for a trace of resemblance to someone he knew, but his mind did not supply a name, or even a circumstance in which he could have known this person.
'Never mind,' the other said, 'I wouldn't recognize myself, and I'm the last person you'd expect to find here, you probably think I'm dead, executed by your father and his sister.'
'Dionysus? Is it you? In London?' Lukas just couldn't believe that, his father had told him his old friend was working on his rehabilitation.
'If anyone ever speaks to me here, they call me John,' the gaunt man observed dryly, 'but they usually don't speak. They just grunt their satisfaction, or hit me. The ladies were nicer, but what lady would want me like this?'
The figure, still sitting under his threadbare blanket, did indeed look like something a lady would never touch, filthy and haggard, though if it was indeed Dionysus, that was her loss, for his reputation as a lover was only second to Lukas' own.
'Dionysus, is that really you?'
'Yes, Lykos, it is really me. Your aunt convinced the other gods to give me one last chance to better myself instead of letting Hera kill me outright,
told me you had begged her to speak up for me. They blocked my magic and your father left me here. Well, not here, in a better neighbourhood, I've come upon hard times.'
Stepping even closer, Lukas took a good hard look and saw something of the man he had once known and loved in the wretched shade of a man before him. Dionysus had been young and fat, this man was skin over bone, and older, but the resemblance was there.
The way he reached out for Lukas was also very familiar, and as he touched his mind he knew for sure, his old friend had been punished by dumping him in Victorian London, with no magic, and no skills to make a living, in the middle of winter!
As Lukas kneeled before him and took him in his arms with a cry of anguish, John said with horror: 'Don't touch me Lykos, I'm filthy!'
'You're also very cold, and hurt, and in sore need of love. How could they do this to you? I begged my aunt to spare your life and to give you a chance to redeem yourself, but I didn't mean they should let you starve to death slowly, beaten, and from the look of you, abused as well, in misery and in the cold. That is much worse than outright killing!'
He stood up and tried to get his former master to stand up, but the poor man was in a much worse condition than he had seemed to be, he just couldn't manage.
'I'm sorry Lykos, I can't do it. I haven't eaten in days, and nobody wants me anymore, not even the men, so I have no power left either. I'm already starting to age, and soon death will finally release me. It will be a blessing.'
John's voice was thick with emotion, and tears were leaving tracks in the dirt on his face.
'I'm glad to have seen you once more, Lykos, and in good health. Will you hold me a little longer? You were always my favourite, I'm so sorry I treated you so badly. I'd like to die in your arms, but I suppose I'm good for a few more days, and you have better things to do.'
'You haven't lost your pathos at least, John. I call myself Lukas here, you'll have to get used to that. I'm not leaving you here to die, you're coming with me. Why didn't you look for me?'
Lukas supposed that with his old friend so emaciated he could probably carry him all over town, but first he was going to warm him a little and give him some much needed love.
'Your father said I couldn't, I had to prove I was worth something by
myself. I guess I failed. And have you any idea how big this city is? Anyway, at first I did rather well, pleasing rich ladies and getting paid in cash and the power to keep me handsome and young.
But their husbands found out, and I didn't know it was not allowed
to share, so I got beaten and didn't dare to stay in that neighbourhood anymore.
The watch was looking for me.
Then there were the rich men, but that also stopped after a time. Then other men, they beat me a lot but I still got my love and some food. And now I'm too skinny and too afraid to get my love that way, and too filthy.
You're sweet, to hold me like that, and so nice and warm. I can't come with you, your mortals hate me. They'd beat me too. I don't want to be beaten again, I just want to not be hungry and not in pain anymore.'
'John, you're delusional. Just stop talking, and let me give you some strength.'
Lukas didn't hesitate to kiss the emaciated, dirty face of the man he once loved, and he filled up his reserves as far as they still could be filled, which was not a lot, but enough to keep him alive, and keep him from ageing even further.
That kiss made John cry, the love it contained, and the forgiveness it signified, he had longed for both so much, but he knew he didn't deserve either. Maybe he could have built a life for himself in London, but something in him had always told him he had no right to be happy, had no right to live.
It was a miracle he had lasted this long, and an ever greater one that Lukas had found him before it was too late.
With the energy Lukas had given him, John managed to reach their safe home, and Lukas prepared himself to talk fast to have Paul and Melissa allow him to take his former nemesis inside it. For Lukas did not think they would be ready to forgive Dionysus his misdeeds, though they admired Lukas for being able to.
He opened the door and tried to get John to climb the stairs. But the haggard tramp was very much afraid to go inside, he was still a bit delusional and convinced he would be kicked out again with violence.
Paul came out of the workshop to see what the ruckus was all about, followed by Melissa. As John saw their well-known faces, showing their surprise at Lukas turning up with a ragged beggar on his shoulders, he tried to run for it. He managed two large leaps, and then he fell flat on his face, physically and mentally exhausted.
Paul did not kiss Lukas out in the street, but he did put an arm on his shoulder, as Lukas kneeled beside the man lying on the pavement. 'I found him on the stone bridge, dying of exposure, and since I once loved him very much I took him home with me, to save him. But he is very afraid you will beat him if he comes into our house.'
'Why would we harm a helpless man?' asked Paul, not understanding of course.
'Paul, Melissa, please meet John. We all knew him in Greece under a different name.'
As Lukas managed to get John to sit, and was holding on to him firmly to keep him from trying to get away again, he saw comprehension dawn on Melissa.
'Dionysus! You poor man, who did this to you?'
She sat beside him, not easy with her distended belly, and she stroked his filthy hair and his ravaged face. 'Come, let's get you cleaned up and fed, and your wounds looked at, and then you can either sleep safely or talk to us.
Your father must have dumped him here when he visited, Lukas, but why?
That is just plain cruel.'
But John did not feel safe at all, for there was still the artist, whom he had wronged beyond imagination, and anyway, the husbands were usually the ones who beat him. Paul noticed of course, and though he had originally thought Dionysus deserved punishment for what he had done to all of them, this was incomprehensible. What use did it have to humiliate and starve someone, how would that make him a better person?
'You have nothing to fear from me, John,' he spoke, carefully coming closer to the ragged man and holding out his hands in an offering of peace. 'I forgave you months ago, and Lukas has forgiven you for your crimes against him. Besides, it looks like you've paid many times over, you look near death.
Come, let us take care of you.'
And Paul lifted him up the stairs, whilst Lukas prepared the bed in the apartment for him, and some clean clothes. Then they helped him out of his rags, and Lukas put him under the shower to give him a good scrubbing, whilst Paul and Melissa got a little bit of easily digestible food for him and a pair of scissors.
Still naked but totally clean, he sat down to a moderate meal whilst Paul cut his tangled hair at shoulder length and Melissa carefully looked over his wounds.
He had no beard to shave. The wounds were not serious, so Melissa left them uncovered, the main problem with John was emaciation, and the lack of power to stop him from ageing
A totally different name for him was fitting, for he was a totally different person, only the folds of loose skin hanging down where his belly had been reminded of the old Dionysus.
In a clean shirt, with his stomach filled as much as they dared, a privy and a warm bed at hand, Paul and Melissa went back to the workshop to finish their project before it got too dark, and Lukas stayed behind to watch his friend fall asleep.
'Sleep now, old friend, and when you wake there will be more food and you can tell us all that happened. Do you trust my loved ones now to offer you no harm?'
Lying in the soft bed, covered with a thick duvet, and with a loving friend beside him, John dared finally relax, as Lukas stroked his hair and his face to give him some of the love he so desperately needed.
'Lukas, I love you,' were his last words before he fell into a deep, deep sleep.
When it was clear he was not going to wake for some time, Lukas went downstairs and silently fell into Melissa's waiting arms. Paul wrapped both of them in his, and together they tried to understand why Lukas' family had visited this cruel punishment upon one of their own.
'Another week, and he would have been dead, and no-one would have known. He would have just disappeared from the face of the earth. Why?
And how come I found him just in time?'
'Lukas, are you certain he will not betray you again?' Paul asked worriedly, ' I'd hate to see you get duped again.'
'Whom would he betray me to? He has got nothing and no-one left. He could so easily have died there, and I would never have known.' Lukas seemed thankful to have his former friend under his wings.
'I'm glad this happened, I'm not glad he's in such bad shape of course, but I'm glad we'll have a chance to make up. Maybe suffering will change him as much as it did my father. But if he poses any danger to you, I will personally see him removed from our house.
If he is not, I hope to teach him how to take care of himself, and respect other people.'
'A commendable goal, Lukas,' Melissa said, ' but what worries me a little is the analogy with your situation when you came to us, and with your father's: he will need a lot of love to restore him, and who is going to give that to him?'
The broad smile she got made it clear he had already thought of that, and he replied: ' We will all give him what love we can, dearest, and no more. It may take a little longer for him to recover totally, but he is easy to love, and after living destitute for half a year, he will be very happy being clean and fed, and get a hug or a cuddle instead of a beating. Don't worry love, all will be well.'
That did satisfy Melissa, and she embraced Lukas once again. He put a hand on her belly, hoping to feel the baby move inside, a tiny bit afraid she'd snap at him for being needy, he had made a point of not showing weakness anymore, but he couldn't detach his feelings for his old friend, he hoped Melissa would understand that.
'Don't be shy, love, I will try not to be catty again, but sometimes it just happens. You don't deserve that at all, you may show some need and feelings once in a while. Why don't we go upstairs and sit down together? Then you can feel my belly as long as you like, and even talk to the baby.'
Minutes later Melissa was indeed sitting on the sofa, with Paul on her one side and Lukas on the other, both a hand on her belly.
Lukas was totally absorbed by what was happening under his hand, but Paul was nibbling her ear and was soon stroking her inner legs, clearly more interested in herself than in their invisible baby. Melissa suspected that was the normal guys' attitude to babies, which mad
e her very happy because apparently Paul still thought her very attractive.
But Lukas' intense enjoyment of her pregnancy also made her very happy, for it made her feel safe and loved as a future mother, a very scary new role she was supposed to just accept.
And that was just the worst bit, no sooner had she realized how glad she was to have these special men behind her, than she found herself weeping again, this time with joy, that she was loved so well.
Paul didn't pay attention to her mood swings anymore, he knew where they came from and assured her they would pass. But Lukas was still upset, every time she snapped at him or cried without very good reason, and he did his very best to comfort her or soothe her. That was also just perfect,
someone to take her seriously, and someone to show her all would be well.
Suddenly a smile lighted Lukas' face, and he said: 'I can feel him, I really can!' He took Paul's hand and put it back on Melissa's belly, where he had just felt the movement, and now Paul showed strong feelings as well, the baby just become a lot more real to him.
'Did you feel that too, Melissa?' he asked.
'Of course I did, I feel it very distinctly, from inside as well as outside,'
she replied.
Having gotten what he wanted, Lukas now got up and started on dinner, and Paul and Melissa started something else entirely. She kissed him and stroked him with heat, and he was very eager to answer her intimacies. They managed to keep it small, until Lukas called that dinner was ready.
During dinner they discussed John's case further, and after dinner they retired to bed immediately, eager to make love, and expecting to be woken by their guest somewhere in the night. Lukas had checked on him before turning in, and their exhausted guest had woken only to eat and drink a little, and cuddle a little more, then he had gone right back to sleep.
Lukas had explained to him that he might come to them in the night if he felt afraid or lonely, but that he was not invited to share love with any of them. John had accepted this with painful humility, apparently he didn't expect to have any claim on them, which for the moment was best. They would make it up to him later.
Past Lives Page 42