“I’m not an invalid,” he argued.
“But you might be if you get any worse,” she said.
“I’m drinking the gruel that hack of a healer gave you.”
“He’s not a hack. He said you needed bed rest.”
“I can’t, not while Zollin’s in danger.”
“You could lie down in the wagon,” she pleaded.
“No, I’m too stubborn to do that. Besides, I prefer sitting close to you,” he said, winking at her.
“You are stubborn, like an old mule. I guess it’s good that I’ve spent my whole life working with animals.”
They flirted shamelessly, but Quinn’s condition didn’t allow them to pursue what was obviously a very strong physical attraction. Quinn still felt twinges of guilt over Zollin’s mother, even though he knew that feeling guilty was senseless. Still, there were times when his happiness felt wrong. He liked Miriam, she was smart and attractive. Under different circumstances he would have wooed her with gifts and perhaps taken a more conventional approach to courting her, but he didn’t have the freedom to do things the way he would have liked. For the last nine months he had lived with the threat of constant danger, to himself and to his son. He longed for a time when he could relax and not worry about Zollin, but he knew that day would never come. Too many powerful people wanted Zollin, and, until that changed, Zollin would never be truly safe. Still, Quinn felt his time was over. His body just couldn’t keep up with the constant demands he was making on it.
They rode through the day, often waking before dawn and setting out as soon as it was light enough to see their way. They didn’t pass many travelers, and fortunately they weren’t accosted by outlaws. It seemed that the closer they got to Orrock, the emptier the land became.
“Do think there is really an invasion?” Miriam asked, trying to keep the worry from her voice.
“It’s difficult to say,” Quinn answered. “I think it is entirely possible, and the people who live here seem to think it’s true. I’m assuming that’s why they all left.”
They were riding through a small village that was empty of its residents. The inn was locked up, but the windows had been broken, and someone had obviously looted the establishment, most likely looking for ale.
“War seems so improbable,” Miriam said. “I mean, there hasn’t been a war in over three hundred years.”
“There hasn’t been a war between the kingdoms,” Quinn said. “But, there has always been fighting. We battle the Skellmarians and the Shirtac raiders. Baskla has fought the Shuklan forces trying to cross the North Sea. Ortis has held the Wilderlands against the Norsik. Even Osla has trouble with pirates raiding along the eastern coast at times. There will always be fighting to some degree.”
“That’s a very cynical point of view,” Miriam said.
“Maybe, but I’ve been there. I served in the King’s Army and fought Skellmarians up in the Great Valley.”
“You were a soldier?” Miriam asked.
“Yes, for a time, and promoted to the King’s Royal Guard. Then I met Zollin’s mother and decided to settle down.”
“What happened to Zollin’s mother?”
“She died giving birth to him. Something tore, and the midwife couldn’t stop the bleeding,” Quinn said sadly.
“Oh, Quinn, I’m so sorry.”
“Me too. It was a tough time. The village had a wet nurse who helped with Zollin, but it took me years to get over the loss. I’m sure I wasn’t a very good father.”
“Zollin is strong. I think you must have done a very good job raising him.”
“The fact that you would describe him as strong makes me incredibly happy. That boy couldn’t hammer a straight nail to save his life. He was absolutely miserable as my apprentice, and I was afraid I was going to lose him. I didn’t think he would make it in the army, he just seemed too fragile. Then he discovered magic and everything changed. All the things I thought were weaknesses became strengths.”
“That’s probably not uncommon. I think parents are often too close to see their children for who they really are. Then, when they grow up and begin life on their own, you get to see them the way they are, not just the way you want them to be.”
“It sounds like you’ve had a lot of experience,” Quinn said. “Were you married?”
“No, I never married, never had a family,” she said wistfully. “My parents both passed away when I was just coming of age. I had apprenticed with my father, unofficially of course, but I was a daddy’s girl. I was learning how to care for animals when I was just a toddler. By the time I was finishing up essentials school I could do most of the work my father did. Then, when they passed away, I just kept his practice going. People kept bringing their sick or injured animals, and when they got the results they wanted, they didn’t question what I could do.”
“But you never fell in love?” Quinn asked. “I find it hard to believe that none of the young men in Felson found you attractive. I think you’re beautiful.”
Miriam looked down, blushing. She wasn’t used to someone treating her like a woman. She had spent most of her life trying to be seen as the equal of any man. She could shoe a horse, set broken bones, and help any number of animals give birth. Romance had always been a distant, impractical dream.
“Most men aren’t looking for a wife with a career,” Miriam said sadly. “I was too busy to be of much interest to most boys. There were a few that came snooping around, but they were lazy louts that only cared about drinking, and they thought marrying me would mean they could lay around all day doing nothing.”
“It seems like that’s all you want me to do,” Quinn teased, but then burst into a fit of coughing.
“That serves you right,” Miriam said in a mocking tone when Quinn had finished coughing.
“That isn’t funny,” he said, panting and holding his side. “I think I broke a rib that time.”
“Nah,” Miriam said. “Your ribs are fine. That’s just the meanness coming out of you.”
“Seriously,” Quinn said, looking at her. “I’m interested, and I’m not just looking for a free ride.”
“That’s hard to believe while I’m driving this wagon.”
“Well, believe it. I don’t know what you want in life, Miriam, but I know what I want. I want to be where you are. I’ll do whatever I have to do to make that happen. I’ve given Zollin all the help I can give him. Once I make sure that he knows Mansel is leading him into a trap, I’m through.”
“What about Prince Wilam?” Miriam asked.
“That’s the King’s problem.”
“And if the King calls on you again?”
“I’ve served my country. I’ve taken care of my family. Now it’s time for me to get what I want. And what I want is you.”
“Don’t beat around the bush,” she said, blushing. “Tell me how you really feel.”
“I feel like the luckiest man in the world when I’m with you.”
“Quinn, you hardly know me,” she argued.
“And I can’t wait to learn everything about you. I haven’t been with anyone else since my wife died. I thought that part of my life was over. I just didn’t care for anyone else, but all that changed when I met you.”
Miriam didn’t reply. She was driving the wagon with her head down, letting the horses find their own way. It was getting late and she knew she needed to begin looking for a place to make camp for the night, but it was difficult to think about anything clearly. She had given up hope of ever finding a partner in life. When she had been young she had thrown herself into her craft. Animals were her passion, and without her father to find a suitable match, she had thought that she would always be alone.
“There’s a farm up ahead,” Quinn said. “Might be a good place to make camp for the night.”
Miriam looked up. There was a farmhouse and a small stable. It looked like the perfect place to rest for the evening. And she realized that she needed time to consider her feelings. It had been exciting to
see Quinn again. She had felt an instant connection to him when they had met months before, but then Quinn had been sent to Osla, and Miriam had been busy in Felson. She had almost forgotten the way she felt until she saw Quinn at her door. Even though he looked sick, all her feelings had come rushing back to her. His insistence on continuing his quest to find Zollin had propelled her into action. She couldn’t let him go alone, and to be honest, she had been excited by the prospect of spending time with him, but now she had to decide what was best for her future. Quinn obviously had strong feelings for her, but it could merely be infatuation. She needed to set the record straight with Quinn. No matter how much fun being with him was, she was too old for romance. She had responsibilities in Felson, and Quinn had responsibilities to the King.
“I’ll see if we can make camp here for the night,” she told Quinn.
She went to the farmhouse and was greeted warmly by the people inside. The farmer went out to make space for them in the small barn. He had only one milk cow, so there was room for Miriam to bed down their horses for the night. She decided to make camp under a large oak tree, where she spread out their blankets and started a fire. The farmer’s wife brought them food, a hearty stew, and some ale. Quinn drank his medicinal brew and soaked his bread in the thick stew.
They had just finished eating when Miriam decided she couldn’t wait any longer. She was afraid of her feelings, and going home would be simpler. She could return to life the way it had always been. That was the prudent thing to do, she told herself.
“Quinn,” she said softly, just loud enough to be heard over the crackling of their small fire. “I don’t think I can go with you to Orrock. I think I need to go home.”
“Oh,” Quinn said, unsure what Miriam was hinting at.
“I’ve enjoyed being with you, but you’re on the mend now, and I’ve got responsibilities in Felson.”
“Yes, of course you do,” he said, suddenly finding it hard to breathe.
“I mean, what are we really doing here? We don’t know each other. We have completely different lives.”
“What are you trying to say, Miriam?”
“I’m saying, this just isn’t going to work.”
“What isn’t?” he asked.
“Us. . you and me. We’re from two different worlds. You know the King; I’m an animal healer. You travel all across the Five Kingdoms and this is as far from Felson as I’ve ever been.”
“So? All that matters is how we feel,” Quinn said.
He felt as if an emotional knife were being twisted in his stomach. His body ached from his racking cough, but that pain was nothing compared to what he felt as he heard Miriam say she was leaving.
“Quinn, we both know that feelings come and go. We can’t base our future on feelings that could change tomorrow.”
“My feelings won’t change,” Quinn said.
“You don’t know that.”
“I meant what I said. Once I find Zollin I’m going back to Felson. I’m not giving up.”
“We’ll see,” was all she managed to say. “I better go check on the horses.”
She hurried to the barn, and Quinn was left alone. He wanted to go after her, but he knew it wouldn’t do any good. Miriam had made up her mind, and words wouldn’t change it. It was one of the things he admired about her. She put more stock in action than words, just as he did. The only thing he could do was to complete his task and then make good on his promise.
Miriam was gone for over an hour. When she finally came back, Quinn was lying down but not asleep.
“I think I can pull the wagon with just Ajax,” she said, referring to one of her horses. “You can take Meela on to Orrock or wherever you need to go.”
Quinn didn’t respond right away. He was tired and knew he needed at least a little rest, but he had some things to say before he went to sleep.
“Miriam, I’m sorry if I’ve put you in an awkward position. That was never my intention. I do have strong feelings for you, but I don’t want you to feel pressured or uncomfortable. If you want to go back to Felson, I won’t stop you. I have to go on and find Zollin, and I know you understand that. But I will come back to Felson, because I want to be near you. I want to get to know you better. I want to show you that I’m sincere in my feelings. Nothing is going to change that.”
Miriam didn’t answer, and Quinn was worried he’d said too much. He lay on his back and looked up at the stars through the leafy branches of the big oak they were camped under. The fire had died down and the nocturnal insects were singing. It was a peaceful moment, but neither Miriam nor Quinn felt at peace.
“I just think it’s for the best,” she said at last.
“All right,” Quinn said, his heart aching. “Be careful going home. I’ll see you as soon as I can.”
Quinn had never expected to feel the pain of heartbreak again. It was like a dark cloud had enveloped him, and he felt as if he would never be okay again. He rolled onto his side and tried to sleep.
Miriam was sad too, but she was also afraid. She had been practical all her life. She had learned to be responsible when her parents died, and she had been forced to fend for herself. For years she had been afraid, especially at night. She would bolt the doors and windows, even on the hottest summer nights, and lay quaking in bed. Finally, she had grown used to being alone, and now she was afraid of what a future with Quinn might entail. What if he discovered that she was not the person he wanted to be with? What if there was something about her that was somehow wrong and that he would discover as they got closer? She didn’t want to turn her life upside down only to be crushed if Quinn changed his mind. Being practical had seen her through a life of hardship, and she saw no reason to change now, no matter how badly it hurt her.
It was a few hours before dawn when Quinn woke up coughing. The ground seemed to be filled with stones under his blanket, and even though he ached all over, he decided to get up and leave. He checked on Miriam. She was sleeping, or at least pretending to sleep. It was difficult to leave without saying goodbye, but he thought it might actually be easier than seeing her face grow stiff with resolve and bid him farewell in some formal way that would make him feel like a stranger.
He rolled his blanket and gathered his canteen. He stuffed into his belt the packet of herbs the healer had given Miriam to use when making his medicinal drink. There was some salted beef and hard crusted bread, which he carried with him to the barn and put into one of the saddle bags they carried in the wagon. All their tack was neatly arranged behind the seat of the wagon. Quinn hefted his and carried it into the barn. Meela was an older mare, but she was surefooted and happy to see him. She nickered softly as he approached.
“Hi girl, ready for a ride?”
The horse bobbed her head as if to say yes. He arranged a blanket on her back, then set the saddle on top of the blanket and adjusted the straps that wrapped around her stomach. He fit the bridle over her head and put the bit into her mouth, then lead her out into the cool night air. He was chilled, but he knew it wouldn’t take long to get warm riding. He stopped one last time and looked back at the campsite. Miriam was still lying down, not moving. It took a great amount of strength to climb onto the horse and leave Miriam behind, but that had been her choice.
He rode out as the stars twinkled in the sky and the moon quietly set. It would be light in a couple of hours, he estimated. He wanted to be as far away as possible when Miriam awoke. He wanted to complete his task and return to her, to prove his feelings were real and that he was someone she could count on.
When dawn came, Miriam rolled over and saw that Quinn was gone. She had expected as much. She knew he was the kind of man who kept his word. She had fully expected him to leave as soon as he could. But she hadn’t been prepared for the way his leaving made her feel. She couldn’t help but think that she had made a mistake. Perhaps Quinn had been her chance for happiness, and now he was gone. He might never return. She hated the thought of going home and waiting, not knowing if Quinn w
as hurt, or even dead, but she had made up her mind. Going home had been her choice. She had pushed him back onto his dangerous path alone. She had to live with that decision now.
She got up and began breaking camp. Quinn had taken his own blanket and supplies when he left, so there was very little for Miriam to do. She was hungry, but she decided she would be fine eating their dry rations on the road. She wanted to get home as soon as possible, where perhaps she wouldn’t feel so guilty, she hoped.
She was walking around the farmhouse with Ajax, who was pulling the wagon, when the farmer stepped out to greet her.
“I hope you had a good evening,” he said.
“Oh, we did, thank you.”
“Where’s your man?”
“He set out before dawn,” she explained. “I’m going back home to Felson.”
“Oh, no. I wish I’d known he was leaving so early. I have a message that needs to be delivered to Orrock.”
“I’m sorry, he would have been happy to deliver it,” she said.
“It isn’t my message. Here, read it.”
He handed her the small piece of paper. As she read her eyes went wide.
“Is this true?” she asked.
“We buried him ourselves. He was with a group of soldiers, and they rode off when they saw the dragon. We found him a couple hours later, stabbed in the stomach and left for dead. He lived a few more hours. There’s not a healer within a day’s ride or we’d have sent for help.”
“I’ve got to go,” Miriam said, fear straining her voice.
“Oh, okay,” the farmer said.
“I’ll deliver the message.”
“Are you sure?” the farmer asked.
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