“I’m looking for my daughter. Ashton.” Pause. “I understand she may be staying in the neighborhood for the summer, and…”
“Sir, I don’t think I can help you.” Politeness coated Eddie’s words. Ash could have cried. “I don’t know her.”
Go out there. You can’t hide in Eddie’s bedroom forever. You can’t pretend this isn’t happening. But maybe she could. Maybe Eddie would steer her father in a different direction.
“This is her picture,” her father went on. “A few people in the grocery store said they’ve seen her. Said she might be working at a restaurant here in town. And the woman across the street—”
“I don’t think…” Eddie stopped.
In her mind’s eye, Ash saw him study the picture. Saw him do a double take and look closer. Saw the corners of his mouth twitch. Imagined that bile rose in the back of his throat as he looked at an image of the woman he’d just spent the night with, the woman who had lived upstairs, and lied to him, all summer long. She forced herself to walk down the hall.
“You can stop looking,” she said. “I’m here.”
Her father stood in the open doorway, one hand in the pocket of his pressed suit pants, the other absently picking at a buttonhole in his sports coat. He looked the same as always. Poised and confident. Taller than the average man, but not haughty even though he looked down on just about everyone.
“Ashton!” His gaze shifted as she walked into the living room, and she saw him take in the T-shirt she wore and her bare legs beneath it. He looked from her to Eddie and back again. He swallowed, a small motion that anyone else might have missed. But she saw it and knew exactly what it meant. Disappointment. Disapproval.
Then he smiled, and it was true and fatherly, the way she remembered. “It’s good to see you.”
Eddie frowned. “You’re…I don’t…What’s going on here?” He stared at Ash and pushed the picture back at her father. “Why are you here?”
She wasn’t sure who he meant, her or her father. Neither one answered.
“Ash?”
Finally she drew a breath. “Yes. He’s my father,” she whispered. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”
Eddie shook his head. “I don’t get it. Who are you? What’s your real name?”
“I’ll give you two a minute,” Senator Kirk said, and slipped back into the foyer. The door clicked shut.
Ash wound the edge of Eddie’s T-shirt around her fingers.
“You’re Senator Kirk’s daughter?”
She nodded.
“Are you fucking kidding? Why didn’t you tell me?” Eddie’s voice turned thick.
“I didn’t know how.”
He took her by the shoulders, squaring her off and forcing her to meet his gaze. “Why the hell not?” He shook his head. “Jesus, what else haven’t you told me? Is it all a lie? Law school? Breaking up with your boyfriend? Every damn thing?”
Her tongue moved inside her mouth, searching for words. He spun away from her. Facing the windows, he laced his hands behind his head. “Just leave, Ash. Or Ashton. Or whatever your name really is.”
“Eddie, please. I'll tell you. I'll explain everything.” Ash sucked in a breath and held it.
But he didn’t say anything, just shook his head again. The muscles in his back drew tight with tension. In silence, she pulled on her shorts and grabbed her shirt and panties from the couch. She couldn’t find her socks and shoes, but she didn’t dare stay. In another minute he’d throw her out himself. As it was, the air, thick with anger and betrayal, nearly pushed her out the door.
“I’ll stop by later,” she said in a low voice. “Maybe we can talk then.” She pulled the door shut before Eddie could answer. She wasn’t sure he would forgive her this time. And she wasn’t sure she would blame him if he didn’t.
* * *
Senator Kirk waited on the front porch, rocking in one of the wicker chairs. Ash closed her eyes and pressed her back into the wall. I can’t do this. I can’t. She opened her eyes again. I have to. She took a deep breath and stepped outside.
“Dad, what are you doing here?”
“This isn’t exactly where I expected to find you.” He didn’t look at her.
I am not apologizing to him. Her cheeks turned hot. I am not going to feel guilty about any of this.
“Your mother called you the other day,” he went on.
“Yes.”
“Told you we were going to the Vineyard next weekend. As a family.”
“And I told her I was working.”
At that, her father stood and turned. “Sweetheart, I know why you’re here.”
You do?
He reached for Ash and pulled her into a hug. “I’m sorry,” he whispered into the top of her head. “I’m sorry for everything I put you through.”
She began to cry.
“I know what you’ve gone through the last few months. I know it’s been hell.”
Her shoulders shook, and the more she tried to stop the tears, the harder they came.
“But please come home. Please. I want to…” He stepped back and swiped a thumb across her cheekbone. “I’m going to make things right. But I need you there. All of you.”
Ash hiccupped. “I don’t know…”
Her father glanced around, taking in the house with its peeling paint, Eddie’s truck parked by the curb, the auto shop logo on her borrowed shirt. “This isn’t what you want. Is it? This isn’t really you.”
How did he know what she wanted? Or who she was? “Maybe it is.”
He tilted his chin a little and smiled. “Come on. That—” He nodded toward Eddie’s front window. “That’s just a distraction. I understand. I know you've been upset about Colin. I won’t tell your mother about it. About any of it. Just come back with me.”
Something inside Ash shifted. A distraction? Not Eddie. You don’t get to take shots at Eddie. Not when he’s the one true thing I’ve found this summer. Maybe the one true thing she'd found in her life. “I can’t.”
“This place has nothing to offer you.”
“You don’t know that.”
Senator Kirk barked out a laugh. “Yes, I do. I’ve been in a hundred of these towns, sweetheart. They seem charming at first. They’re nice to look at. The people are welcoming enough. But there’s nothing here for you. Where the hell would you find a job? You’re brilliant. You need to live in Boston. Or New York. Not someplace so small. So limiting.”
“Limiting?” He would never understand, she thought, and for the first time, she saw the distance in her father’s eyes, the cold sliding scale that measured people and places. She was tired of it, tired of wondering where she fell on that scale. And tired of knowing that no one really measured up.
“You should go,” she said.
His brows rose. “You’re saying no? Just like that?” He paused, rubbing his jaw. “Your mother will be devastated. Colin too.”
The mention of her ex was enough. Ash stepped away from her father, toward the door of her home. “I’m sorry you wasted your time coming here. Tell them whatever you want. But I’m not leaving Paradise.”
Chapter Twenty
“My father was here.” Even as Ash said the words, she couldn’t believe them.
“What?” Jen’s voice raced up the octave. “In Paradise?”
“Yeah.”
“You’re kidding.”
Ash didn’t answer. One hand wound itself through her hair, still damp from the shower.
“You’re not kidding?”
“It gets worse.”
Jen whistled.
“I was at Eddie’s.”
“This morning? As in you spent the night there?”
“Yeah.”
“Holy shit! It’s about time.” Jen practically purred her approval across the telephone line. “So how was it?”
“How do you think?” Amazing. Skin-tingling, heart-turning-inside-out amazing. Ash almost didn’t want to remember, because it made everything worse. Yet as she s
aid it, heat fluttered in her belly. His hands on her skin, his body, lean and hard, his mouth skating across hers and making her ache for more…the memory of it made her dizzy. She lay flat on the hardwood floor of her living room and put a hand over her eyes.
“Ash?”
“I’m here.”
“How the hell did your father find you?”
“Who knows?” Connections, an email, a phone call or two. It didn’t matter. He might have traced her credit card or gotten a copy of her cell phone bill. He might even have had her followed, from the first day she arrived in town. She sighed. She knew enough of politicians to know they could find out anything they wanted to.
“He wants me to come back to Boston,” she said after a minute. “The family’s doing a big press thing next weekend. And Mom's really upset that I said no.”
“What did you tell him?”
“That I wasn’t coming.”
“How’d he take that?”
“Not well. Big surprise.” She tried to rub away the headache. That wasn’t the worst part, though. Not even close. “Eddie’s furious.”
“Mmm…” Jen clicked her tongue. “Yeah, I guess finding out your new girlfriend is Senator Kirk’s daughter might be kind of a rude awakening first thing in the morning.”
“No, he’s really…he threw me out. I don’t know.” Ash’s voice broke. “I don’t think he wants to have anything to do with me.”
“He’ll get over it.”
“I lied to him. About everything.”
“Ah, you just didn’t tell him the whole truth. There’s a difference.”
But Ash knew there wasn’t, not in Eddie’s mind.
“Give him some time. He’ll come around.”
She closed her eyes against the sun that insisted on poking through the blinds. “What if he doesn’t?”
“I’m not answering that.” Jen paused. “Why are you so hard on yourself?”
“Because I screwed up.”
“Everyone screws up. Don't think you're special because of it. ”
“Ouch.”
“Aw, honey, you know I'm teasing. Listen, if Mr. Stubborn downstairs doesn't call, or doesn't return your calls, then go down there and knock on his door until he lets you in. Sleep on his doorstep if you have to.”
“That sounds a little dramatic.”
Jen went on without missing a beat. “Explain why you made up the name, why you didn’t tell him who you really were. Come on, anyone else in your situation would have done the same thing.”
But neither of her sisters had. Jess and Anne, whatever other faults they might have, had remained in Boston, fielding media questions and carrying on with their lives as Kirk daughters. Only Ashton had turned her back on the family.
“I saw Colin the other day,” Jen said.
“So?” Her ex was the absolute last person Ash wanted to think about.
“He looks like hell.”
“Good.”
“That’s what I said. To his face.”
“You didn’t.”
“Sure did. I walked up to him and told him he’d never looked worse in his life, and that it served him right for letting the best thing go that ever happened to him.”
“Jen, I love you.”
“I know.” She laughed. “He agreed with me, too. You know, Callie went back to her old boyfriend. Right after Colin dumped her.”
Ash thought about that. In the last few months, everything and everyone in her life had seemed topsy-turvy. Everything she believed so steady had tumbled out of place. But now her father stood guilt-free. Callie and Colin were no more. Next weekend, the Kirk family would travel to Martha’s Vineyard, the way they did every summer. Ash remained the only puzzle piece still out of place.
“Jen, I have to go.”
“What are you going to do about Eddie?”
“I don’t know.”
But she did. Ash knew exactly what she needed to do. She needed to go down there and tell him everything, once and for all. She needed to explain why she’d come to Paradise. Why she’d changed her name. Why she’d left Colin, and why she had no intention of taking him back. Sure, she had some things to work out, including one hell of a mess back in Boston, but she needed to start here, with the one man who’d made her feel like no one else ever had.
She needed to start with Eddie.
* * *
Ash stared into her closet. Draped on a hook hung the shirt she’d grabbed from Eddie’s apartment that morning. She glanced at the clock. Had it only been a matter of hours since her life had fallen apart? She felt as though she’d been fed through a roller, squeezed of all emotion and energy. She wondered if she turned sideways and looked into the mirror, there’d be nothing left of her but a thin little line.
What did one wear to have the most difficult conversation of one's life? Did she pull on something comfortable, to remind herself that no matter what happened, she'd still be all right? Did she wear something stunning, to make up for the shake in her voice? Or something familiar, to remind the other person that, really, she was the same person as yesterday?
She sighed and reached for her favorite blue tank top, the one with the silver stripe across the front that made her feel a little like a retro Wonder Woman whenever she pulled it on. Not that it mattered. Eddie didn’t care what she wore. He never had. It was one of the many reasons she liked him so much.
For the last two hours, his stereo downstairs had blasted raucous, heavy metal music. Some she recognized. Most she didn’t. All sounded angry, frenzied, turned up to full volume, as if to block out sound and thought. She pictured him down there, cursing at her and wondering why he’d ever gotten involved in the first place. Ash brushed her hair and pinned some of it back from her face. Much as she wanted to hide behind it, today she needed to look Eddie straight in the eye when she apologized to him. He deserved that much.
The music shut off. Ash stopped in her bedroom doorway, feet searching for her flip-flops. His door opened. Her heart turned over. Is he coming up here? Maybe he would save her the shameful walk downstairs, the difficult knock on his door.
But then the front door to the house opened and thudded shut. No, Eddie wasn’t coming up here to see her. Eddie was leaving.
Ash hurried through the living room. She pulled back the blinds of the front window and peered into the street in time to see his truck spin in a tight circle and head downtown. Without even stopping at the intersection, he made a hard left, cutting off a mini-van. The van honked. Eddie stuck a hand out the window and flipped it off so fast, Ash imagined he meant the middle finger for her as well. Maybe for the whole town of Paradise.
He’s going to Frank’s. Somehow, she knew that’s where he was headed. To work on cars. To forget his frustration. To put in a couple of hours away from the house and away from her.
Something inside Ash squeezed tight, and her chest began to ache. She'd give him his space. “I’m not going to chase him,” she whispered. If he left the house, then he didn’t want to see her. Not now. Maybe not even today. Jen was right. She would wait.
Even if it just about killed her.
* * *
Three hours passed. Ash did two loads of laundry, cleaned out her refrigerator, and e-mailed both her sisters. Finally, around four-thirty, she fell into a restless sleep on the loveseat.
A dream. Red and blue balloons. Ash on a Ferris wheel, all alone. She looked around, startled, and grabbed at the safety bar. As she spun around and around, the ground grew farther away each time she passed. Someone below her laughed, but when she glanced down, all she could see were faceless people. Flashes of light. Cracks of thunder. She spun in a slow circle, until the next time she looked, the ground had disappeared altogether, and all she could see was the sky falling beneath her.
In a cold sweat, Ash sat straight up and looked around her darkened living room. Rain sliced against her windows; the sky had turned stone gray. The clock read nearly six. Her legs, crunched underneath her, tingled when s
he tried to move them. She rubbed her eyes and made her way to the front window. Please let him be home. Please let his truck be there.
It wasn’t.
She straightened her clothes and walked downstairs barefoot. Biting her bottom lip, she knocked on Eddie’s door.
Once. No answer.
Twice. Tiny mewed on the other side of the door.
Three times, though she knew by now he wasn’t home yet.
I’m going to Frank’s. If Eddie’s mad at me, fine. But she needed to tell her side of the story. And she needed to do that today, tonight, before they woke up tomorrow with another twelve hours of anger between them.
The drive to the shop took less than five minutes, but still her insides had worked themselves into a giant pretzel by the time she pulled into the lot. The office light burned, and she jumped from her VW. Please be here. She peeked around the side of the building, where the employees parked. Five empty spots. And one with a truck inside it, parked at a crooked angle, as if its driver had slammed on the brakes just in time. A red truck. Eddie’s truck.
Ash’s heart hurled itself into her throat. She had to stop and take a breath before returning to the front door to try the knob. Locked. She frowned and tried again. It didn’t budge. Then she read the sign near the bottom of the glass:
Monday-Friday: 9 to 5.
Thursday Nights and Saturday Afternoons: By Appt. Only.
Ash knocked on the glass. She hadn’t seen anyone else’s vehicle parked outside, but if Eddie was here, wouldn’t his boss be as well? She cupped her hands around her eyes and stared inside. It looked as though a dim light illuminated the work area, back behind the office. Maybe they’re hanging out in the shop. She knocked one more time.
“Ash?” The voice came from behind her.
She spun around, startled. Frank stuck his head out the window of his over-sized diesel truck, which rumbled in place beside her car.
“What are you doing here?”
“I’m…” For a moment, she thought the tears might come again. “I’m looking for Eddie. He’s not here?”
The big man cleared his throat. “I—um—no.”
“But I saw his truck out back.”
The Promise of Paradise Page 13