by Lynn Ames
“Exercising care here is important. It is safe to say that there is much more going on here than meets the eye. I can’t talk about the classified parts of what happened back then. But if you’re serious about wanting to bring Jay’s work to the big screen, you should know that there are those who will not like the idea. There could be backlash.”
“Understood.”
Kate took the last bite of roast beef and crumpled up the paper. “All of which brings me back to your original question.”
Dara smiled. “I wondered, if at your advanced age, you’d forgotten.”
Kate shot her a murderous glance. “Your time will come. Just when you think you’re doing fine, you’ll walk into a room and forget why you’re there. When that happens, I want you to remember that you made fun of me.”
“I’ll make a note of it.”
“So, before you distract me again and I really do forget, I’m going to answer your question.” Kate shifted her position so that she was fully facing Dara. “What transpired during the Hyland incident deeply affected all of us. Jay and I suffered physical and emotional trauma. Both of us nearly lost our lives and each other.”
Kate closed her eyes as the memories threatened to derail her. She flinched at the touch of Dara’s gentle fingers on her arm.
“I’m sorry. I just— I didn’t mean to cause you pain.” Dara dropped her hand to her lap.
“You didn’t. The pain was inflicted a long time ago. Sometimes, when the memories are fresh, it can be overwhelming. Honestly, I don’t know that I could’ve done what Jay did, reliving so much of it in order to infuse the book with real emotion…” Kate’s voice trailed off as her own words sunk in. Jay’s irritability and the personal disconnect they’d been feeling hadn’t started with the leak and the investigation. It had its roots in the writing of the book. How had she not seen that before? How had she not understood the depth of Jay’s distress and the cause of it?
“Kate?”
“Hmm?”
“Are you okay? We really don’t have to go through this. I know you’re strong, and you seem to be almost as stubborn as I am, but this is not necessary.”
“I’m okay. Really.” Kate tucked away the epiphany for another time. “In any event, after it was all over, we needed some time away. We needed time to heal.
“Of course, we had to testify before Congress in a series of closed-door hearings. And we were required to be in court for various and sundry legal proceedings. In between, the two of us spent a lot of time in the mountains and in nature, trying to find our new normal.”
“Your relationship is so strong,” Dara said. “It’s obvious even to the most casual observer how much you love each other. I hope that, after thirty years together, Rebecca and I have that.”
“It takes work, and faith in love and each other. Jay is everything to me. I can’t imagine my life without her in it.” More quietly, Kate added, “I don’t want to imagine my life without Jay in it.” Her heart stuttered. They could fix what was wrong. Kate would go home and tell Jay what she’d figured out. They would talk through all of it, and together they would find their way back to each other. They would carve out time and space for themselves—their own personal oasis, even in the eye of this hurricane. Their love was stronger than any challenge they’d ever faced, including ghosts of the past.
“It is good to see your face, Vaughn Elliott. Yours too, Peter.”
“You need a shave, Sabastien. How many times have I told you baby-faced guys and beards don’t mix.”
“Very funny. You do not like my goatee? I think it makes me look roguish. Maybe it is because your computer screen is too small. You cannot properly see the beard.”
“Or maybe you need a shave,” Vaughn reiterated.
“Peter? Man-to-man, you appreciate the facial hair, yes?”
Peter shook his head. “Sorry, buddy. It could be that Skype doesn’t do the goatee justice, but I have to agree with Vaughn on this one.”
“Merde.”
“Now can we get down to business?” Peter asked. Despite Sabastien’s repeated assurances that the connection was secured by state-of-the-art technology and techniques, Peter didn’t trust it.
“Sabastien, where are we on identifying the Black Knight?” Vaughn asked.
“I have researched every major hack for the past ten years, cross-referenced all of the databases, and run every algorithm. There is not even a smell of this individual.”
“A hint, or a whiff.”
“Quoi?”
“There is not even a hint or a whiff. Pick one or the other of those, but ‘not even a smell’ is nonsensical,” Vaughn said.
“Right. There is not even a whiff of anyone using that handle.”
“Kate, Jay, Lorraine, and I met the other day,” Peter said. “We’re working the angle that the moniker might be one used by a member of the Commission. If so, the reason you’re not finding anything is because the code name isn’t a hacker handle at all.”
“Interesting,” Vaughn said. “Do you have anything to back that up?”
“Lorraine was deep undercover with the Commission during the Hyland incident. She is well familiar with their protocols and practices. Every operative had an alias. It was rare for them to communicate with each other using real names.”
“Perhaps, but surely this is not the first time this person has hacked. He is too good. Why have I not found anything done by him before?” Sabastien asked.
“Is it possible this person has hacked before, just using a different signature?” Vaughn asked. “Sabastien, instead of tracing for a moniker, try looking at technique. Find something, anything, that sets this hacker apart, something that is unique to him.”
“Okay. I do not know why I did not think of that first.”
“In other news,” Peter said, “I did some checking and discovered that Michael Vendetti, one of the key figures in the Hyland fiasco, just got out of prison. You all know I don’t believe in coincidences.”
“Me either,” Vaughn said. “Do you have any sources that can look into his visitors, mail, and contacts while he was locked up? Maybe there’s something there.”
“Lorraine is doing some digging even as we speak.”
“Good. Sabastien, are you still feeling secure?” Vaughn asked.
Sabastien laughed mirthlessly. “Secure? I have not felt secure since this whole thing began. But if you are asking me if I am okay where I am, I think I am.”
“Excellent. Let’s reconvene next week, unless something comes up first. Keep in touch,” Peter said, and severed the connection.
He opened the accordion folder on his desk and pulled out the thick file folder labeled “Vendetti, Michael.” He hadn’t yet told Kate that a man she once trusted as her second in command at the White House, a man who, it turned out, played a significant role in two of the most painful chapters in her life, was free. It wasn’t a conversation he was looking forward to having with her. Still, he knew he couldn’t put it off for much longer. He pulled out his phone and texted Kate to see if she and Jay would be free for dinner in the next few days.
CHAPTER NINE
Jay’s heart leapt at the sound of the garage door opening. Kate was home. She ran into the dining room and lit the candles. The table settings glistened in the resulting glow. The smell of garlic wafted up from one of the covered serving dishes.
Quickly, Jay checked her reflection in the mirror over the sideboard. Nervous much?
“Jay? Honey? Are you here?”
“Right here.” Jay walked around the corner and stopped short. The sight of Kate, standing in the hallway, looking impossibly beautiful, took her breath away.
“What’s wrong?”
Jay blinked. “Wrong? Nothing’s wrong. You look amazing.”
Kate looked down at her clothes. “I look like I spent most of the day sitting on a train.”
Before Kate had finished the sentence, Jay was wrapping her arms around her. “Sitting on a train never looke
d so good.” She reached up and captured Kate’s lower lip between her teeth and pulled lightly, then kissed her in earnest.
As she pulled back, she watched the pulse point in Kate’s neck beating wildly. Moisture pooled in her center. “I love you, sweetheart.”
Kate brushed her fingers along Jay’s cheekbones. “I love you too. So very much.”
Their mouths met again, tongues questing, lips melding together, the taste at once familiar and new.
Jay unbuttoned Kate’s jeans, her hands trembling from desire. She ran a palm up under Kate’s shirt, caressing the soft skin of her abdomen.
Her legs went weak at the touch of Kate’s hands on her breasts. “I need… I want…”
After so many years together, no more words were necessary. Kate steered her down the hall, into their bedroom, and onto the bed, liberating both of them of their clothing as they went.
As Jay’s naked body rose in supplication, she had a brief glimpse in her mind’s eye of the candles burning in the dining room, and dinner ready on the table. Maybe they should… Then Kate shifted her weight. Dinner would keep.
Kate pulled Jay tighter against her shoulder and breathed in her scent. These moments afterward, the warmth of their bodies fully intertwined, their hearts beating together in perfect rhythmic harmony—these were the most peaceful, happy moments Kate ever had known. She stroked Jay’s hair and took another deep, contented breath. And then sniffed the air again.
“Sweetheart? Are you cooking something?”
“Hmm?” Jay stretched languorously.
“When I got home, were you making dinner, by chance? Why do I smell garlic?”
“Oh my God!” Jay disentangled herself, bolted straight up, and threw her legs over the bed.
“Something I said?” Kate gazed at her indulgently.
“Dinner. You said dinner. It’s on the table.” Jay gathered her scattered clothing and got dressed.
“Does this mean we don’t get a second round?” Kate waggled her eyebrows.
“After dinner.” Jay finished buttoning her shirt. “If it’s not too ruined to eat.”
Kate took her time getting out of bed. “Let me just say that if we never get to eat that meal, it will have been worth it.” She wrapped her arms around Jay and pulled her close. “I love you.”
“I love you too.” Jay swatted Kate on the butt. “Now could you please put something on so we can salvage what’s left of dinner?”
They walked into the dining room hand-in-hand. Kate surveyed the table, covered in an elegant red cloth. Jay had chosen the good silver and linen napkins that matched the tablecloth. Candles dripped melted wax onto their holders. Three covered dishes sat perfectly placed on the sideboard.
Tears pricked the inside of Kate’s eyelids. She cleared her throat. “You planned this for me?”
Jay squeezed her hand. “I did. I wanted to apologize to you—to explain what I figured out today.” The timbre of her voice deepened. “I wasn’t planning the seduction scene until afterward.”
“Too late for that.” Kate kissed the top of Jay’s head. “Although I’d prefer to think it was all in perfect time.”
“Tell that to the cold garlic-roasted chicken and mashed potatoes.” Jay went to the sideboard and lifted the serving lid off the chicken.
“I could be wrong, but I seem to remember that our state-of-the-art kitchen is equipped with a microwave.”
“Good thing.” Jay picked up a plate and handed it to Kate. “Fill your plate, but save room for dessert.”
“If you’re what’s for dessert, I’ve always got enough room.”
“Flattery will get you nowhere.”
“I don’t know, it’s gotten me pretty far up until now.”
“I’m not that easy,” Jay said.
“Tell me about it.” Kate filled her plate and headed for the kitchen. She microwaved her dinner and waited for Jay to do the same. Neither of them said a word until they were seated at the dining room table.
“This smells great.”
“Wait until you see how it tastes before you go complimenting the chef.”
“Did you make it with love?”
“I did.”
“Then I know it’s going to be fabulous.” Kate momentarily lost herself in Jay’s smile. It had been far too long since she’d last seen that light on her wife’s face.
“What are you thinking?”
“How beautiful you are when you smile.”
Jay blushed. “Yeah. About that.” She pushed a forkful of mashed potatoes around her plate. “I realized some things today. I don’t know why I didn’t see them before now.”
“I realized some things today too,” Kate said. She put her fork down.
“Me, first, please.”
Kate wanted to protest. She wanted to tell Jay what she’d figured out. Fear crept into her bones. She tried to push it away. It had been a very long time since she’d felt this unsure about where they stood. What if Jay had come to the conclusion that they needed some space from each other? Based on what, Kyle? Why would you think that? She just seduced you. She made you a fabulous, romantic dinner. Since when did you become this insecure?
“Kate?”
Since you completely missed the boat on what’s been going on for her.
“Kate!”
Kate started and focused on Jay. “Right. You go first.”
Jay covered Kate’s hand with her own, then withdrew it. “Wherever you just were? Please don’t go there.”
“Go where?” Kate knew she was stalling.
“I don’t know, sweetheart. Wherever you just went that had you looking as though your world was about to end.”
Kate frowned. Jay always had been able to read her with unerring accuracy. “Let’s finish eating first and then talk.”
“Fair enough.”
They finished the meal in silence, cleared the table, and did the dishes before adjourning to the den, where they sat on opposite ends of the sofa.
Jay tucked her feet under her. “What I wanted to tell you is that what’s been happening between us—the stress and strain—it’s all my fault.”
“It’s not—”
“Let me get this out, please. Then you can say whatever you want to say.”
“Okay.”
“When I chose to write this book, I knew it would be tough. I knew that I would have to relive many of the events around that time in order to properly tell the story.”
“The decision to write the book wasn’t only on you. We talked it over together, remember?”
“I remember. But I had the last word,” Jay said. “Anyway, what I miscalculated at the time wasn’t how hard it would be to revisit the events. It was what it would cost me to re-experience those emotions.”
Jay’s voice faltered and Kate resisted the urge to go to her.
“I—In order to make the characters relatable, in order to infuse realism into the narrative, I had to go back there and access all of those feelings I’d worked so hard to heal.”
Unable to do nothing, Kate got up, retrieved a bottle of water from the mini-refrigerator in the corner, and handed it to Jay before resuming her seat.
“Thank you.” Jay opened the bottle and took a swig. “So I tapped back into all of that terror, all the horror I felt, and all that I watched you endure, and Peter, and Barbara. And in the end, I nailed it. I channeled all of that pain, the suffering, the angst, and the anger into the novel. Which, of course, is what any good author must do.” Jay took another gulp of water.
“The problem is, I finished writing and sent the book off to Jeremy, but I never came back out of that darkness. I never re-closed those old wounds. I’ve been carrying them with me since I started writing, and I’ve been taking them out on you. And that”—Jay paused to compose herself—“that is completely unacceptable.”
Tears spilling over onto her cheeks, she looked at Kate. “I’m so, so sorry. I’ve been horrible and I had no right to be. I let everything about the
book overwhelm me and jeopardize the one thing in the world that matters most to me—our marriage, our relationship.”
Kate’s heart lurched. She opened her arms and beckoned to Jay, who slid over and folded herself into the embrace.
“Sweetheart, our marriage is rock solid. I love you more than anything in the world. I can’t imagine a present, or a future, without you in it.”
Kate took Jay’s hand and placed it in the center of her own chest. “My heart only ever beats for you. That was true thirty years ago, and it’s still true today. I am more in love with you than I’ve ever been, Jamison Parker.”
“Thank God.”
“Is it my turn yet?” Kate asked.
“Do you still need a turn?”
“I do.” Kate tipped Jay’s face up so that she could see into her eyes. “Maybe we both needed the day away to gain perspective. I came to the same conclusion that you did today—that something shifted when you started writing this book.”
Kate held up a hand. “Before you interrupt me, which I know you’re about to do, let me finish.” She kissed Jay on the forehead.
“When I finally got that worked out in my mind, I wanted to run right back home and beg your forgiveness.”
“Beg my forgiveness? What for? I was the one—”
Kate put her fingers over Jay’s mouth. “My turn.” She lifted her fingers away and kissed Jay. “I don’t know how I could’ve been so obtuse and insensitive that I didn’t see what writing the book was doing to you. How did I miss that?”
Kate shook her head. “I feel like a dolt. I’m sorry, sweetheart. I should have been there for you. Instead, I was oblivious to what you were going through. There’s no excuse for that.”
Jay sat up and faced her. “Stop beating yourself up. I could’ve said something at any time, but I didn’t. As I said, I didn’t understand it myself. So how could I expect you to get it? That’s not fair.”
“The good news is, we’ve both got it figured out now.”
“The next question is, what do we do about that?”
Kate rose and pulled Jay up with her. “I suggest we start with the dessert you promised me.”