by Jenika Snow
I don’t know how long I held her, seconds, minutes, Hell, maybe I’d been standing there for hours. She was the one who pulled back, but I didn’t want to let her go. I looked down at her, at the tears tracking down her cheeks. I reached out and brushed them away, wanting to bring that wetness to my mouth and memorize it, take it into me.
“You’re really here,” she whispered again and I couldn’t help but smile.
“I’m really here.” And then I pulled her in for another hug, wanting to just kiss her senseless, but also knowing that I needed to take this slow. I needed to work up to that, tell her how I felt, that I was so madly in love with her I could barely breathe.
I needed to do a lot of things, but I had all the time in the world.
Cora
I laughed at something Xavier said, still not believing he was sitting just across from me. If I wanted to I could have reached out and stroked my finger along his stubble-covered cheek, reveling in the fact that he was actually here in person.
It seemed like a lifetime since I’d seen him, since I’d talked to him in person. The letters we sent back and forth had been a lifeline for me. But they didn’t compare to actually seeing Xavier in person, to taking in the masculine, woodsy scent of him, to hearing his deep voice.
“I still can’t believe you’re sitting across from me, in the flesh.” I felt my face heat after saying that last part, mainly because I wanted to see Xavier in the flesh, more than in the innocent manner I’d just mentioned. I couldn’t count the number of times I’d thought about him lying in my bed all those years ago, his big body pressed against mine, his hand dwarfing mine as he held it.
Even now I could remember the feel of him running his finger along the back of my hand as he whispered that everything would be okay, that he’d protect me, always keep me safe. And he had. He had done that and so much more.
“I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere again.” He said that with such determination I felt it in my very marrow.
I ducked my head and pieces of hair fell along my face, partially obscuring my view of him. We sat in the bakery, half-eaten donuts in front of us, and cups of coffee billowing with steam. I could hear Carly helping a customer and Meghan, one of our employees, brewing an espresso.
“Let me take you out tonight,” he said and I glanced up, seeing him smiling at me. “Let me take you to dinner, a movie. I don’t care what it is. Let me just spend some time with you, where it’s just the two of us.”
My heart started thundering, and butterflies moved in my belly. I opened my mouth, the words right on my tongue, admitting that I loved him, was in love with him, right there at the tip. But I closed my mouth, knowing this wasn’t the right time. Maybe tonight, though. Maybe when we are alone, just the two of us, I can finally admit how I feel.
Surely this was fate giving me a nudge. Xavier had just shown up, the surprise of a lifetime. And I had just been thinking about wanting to tell him, wishing I had all those years ago, that I was in love with him. If this wasn’t a big flashing neon sign from the very heavens demanding that I be honest and open with him, I didn’t know what else it was.
“I’d like that,” I finally said. Xavier grinned even wider, his straight white teeth flashing, his happiness over my answer clear. I tucked my hands in my lap, under the table where he couldn’t see. They were shaking, my nerves over what I was going to do tonight taking over. But I had to do this, no matter how it ended up, no matter what he said.
I just hoped this didn’t ruin our friendship, put this wedge of awkwardness between us. Because I needed Xavier in my life like I needed to breathe.
Chapter 3
Xavier
I pulled my truck up to the site where Mayson Construction was currently working and cut the engine, staring at the half-erected building in front of me. I searched for Asher.
When I saw him and his brothers off to the side I pulled the keys out of the ignition and climbed out of the truck, slamming the door behind me and walking toward them. I could hear their deep voices the closer I got, the table set up between them housing a set of blueprints.
I didn’t make my presence known because I wanted to surprise them. Hell, seemed like I’d surprised everybody since coming back. Even when I’d gone and seen my mom, the look on her face had made me feel slightly guilty for not letting her know I was coming. But it was also that expression they gave me that made me feel happy that I could show up on her doorstep, alive and in one piece, and able to give her a hug and tell her I loved her.
I stood behind Asher and watched as Cash and Trevor glanced up, their eyes widening slightly, their lips twitching as they forced their smiles back. Asher was complaining about something insignificant, his deep voice booming.
“Still bitching about shit, I see,” I said and grinned even though he still had his back toward me. I saw the way his body stiffened, and then he slowly turned and faced me. His eyes narrowed as he looked me up and down.
“Well, shit,” he said and grinned before pulling me in for a hug and slapping my back with his hand. He backed away and pulled the baseball cap off his head, running his hands through his short hair. “Damn, dude. Where the hell did you come from?” He was still grinning as Cash and Trevor walked up and stood beside him. I gave the other brothers a hug, feeling like I was right at home with these boys.
“Just came in.”
“Why didn’t you tell me you were coming back home?” Asher leaned back on the table, his biceps flexing as he held himself up.
“I didn’t tell anybody I was showing up. Figured shocking the hell out of people would be a good ‘I’m home’ reaction.”
Cash and Trevor chuckled, and Asher just shook his head and smiled. “You always did like to start shit like that.”
I chuckled, not about to pretend that wasn’t true. “Your setup is nice,” I added and looked around at the construction site. I’d only been back for a day, but I’d heard good shit about the business and how the Maysons were running it. I was proud as hell of these guys.
“Yeah, things are coming along nicely.” Cash was the one to respond.
“Even Nico is helping and getting his hands dirty,” Trevor said and we all laughed.
“Listen, let’s get together, drink some beer, shoot the shit.” I looked between the three of them. It was good being home, seeing the guys I’d grown up around, that I considered family.
“You seen Cora yet?” Asher asked and I nodded.
“She’s doing good, man. She’s got that bakery flourishing.” I glanced over after Trevor spoke.
“Yeah, I’m proud as hell of her.” And I was, so damn proud.
“Got plans tonight?” Asher asked and I felt my heart race at the thought.
“Yeah, I actually do.” I found myself grinning and saw the expression on their faces. They were curious as to why I was juiced up, no doubt. But I wasn’t going to tell them I was going to propose to her tonight. That was something personal between her and me, and I didn’t want to say anything until she heard it from me first. “I’m actually hanging out with Cora tonight.”
Asher nodded slowly, his expression letting me know he might know something more was up than I was letting on. But he didn’t pry, which I was grateful for. I didn’t want to lie to the guys, but I also didn’t want to say anything just yet.
“You got work set up?” Trevor asked, changing the subject.
I lifted my hand and rubbed the back of my neck, the sun beating down on it. “I was actually wondering if you guys have any open positions.”
“For real?” Cash asked and I nodded.
“Dude, you’re always welcome at Mayson Construction. You know that,” Asher said and pulled me in for another hug.
“We’re family, man.” Trevor was the one to respond now.
“Listen, let’s get together tomorrow if you’ve got some free time and we can talk about a job, and about whatever. It’s been too long, man.”
“Sounds good, brother. Thanks, guys.”
I stayed there for another ten minutes as we caught up briefly, but then the guys had to get back to work.
As I headed toward my truck I thought about tonight, about how I had to get my shit in order, how I had to make this perfect. But the truth was just being with Cora was perfection. I just hoped that proposing to her didn’t drive us apart.
Chapter 4
Cora
I was nervous, so nervous that I was afraid I was going to burn the spaghetti. I snorted at that thought. If I burnt pasta in a pot of boiling water there was something seriously wrong with me.
Yeah, Xavier is in my head, and I’m all twisted up about what will happen tonight.
I grabbed a ladle and stirred the noodles, watching as the water bubbled, foam rising to the top. I had invited Xavier over for dinner at my place tonight, thinking it was more personal and intimate than going into town. But the truth was it didn’t matter where we were or what we did. I just enjoyed being with him.
I was nervous, scared shitless, in fact, but I had to do this for my own sanity and wellbeing. I had to know where we stood and that wasn’t going to happen unless I was honest. So I kept telling myself there was no time like the present, and no matter what happened, this was the right call.
Xavier
Tonight was the night. I was going to propose to Cora, not giving a shit that I’d just come into town. I’d probably shock the hell out of her, but I had to do this. Too much time had passed already. I needed to tell her, to show her that she was my life. All those years away, all that time apart, only made me want her more. It made my love for her grow to this consuming level.
I pulled into Cora’s apartment parking lot and cut the engine, my hands curled around the steering wheel, the image of how tonight would go playing through my head. After I suggested dinner or a movie, she’d been the one to say to come to her house so she could cook me a meal. If she only knew exactly how much I fucking loved that idea she might think I was insane.
The very thought of her preparing food for me, taking care of me the way that I wanted to do to her, clenched tightly at my heart. I was possessive and territorial of Cora, always had been, and always would be. Even when we were younger guys tended to stay away from her simply because of the fact I was always around. It probably didn’t help that I mean mugged the fuck out of them every single time, threatening them that if they touched her I’d break their bones.
But I had to make sure she was safe.
With her shitty family life I wanted to wrap her up and take her away, never letting anything come close to her, to hurt her. She was mine and mine alone, and tonight I would let her know. Tonight I would show her with my words and actions that we were meant to be together.
We always had been.
I placed my hand in my jacket pocket and felt the velvet of the ring box. My heart was racing, my palms sweating. I was breathing hard and fast, my nerves so worked up, strung so tight I felt like I was going to lose it. I’d never been this off kilter before, not even in the midst of war overseas. This was a different kind of battle I was going to have to fight.
I reached over to the passenger side seat and picked up the bouquet of roses and bottle of wine I’d picked up before heading over. The two dozen roses didn’t hold a flame to Cora’s beauty, but I didn’t want to come here empty-handed. I wanted to give her something that would surely make her smile. And the wine, well, that was mainly for my nerves.
I got out of the truck and walked up the steps to get to her apartment building. I found her name on the panel and pressed her button. A soft buzz came through and a second later I heard the click of the door opening. I walked inside and headed upstairs to her apartment.
Once I was in front of her door I just stood there, my heart beating fast, my nerves trying to take me down. The ring box in my pocket felt like a lead weight. And then I brought my knuckles down on the wood, the sound echoing in the small hallway, seeming more amplified. I could hear it thundering, this loud booming in my chest, filling my ears. The hand not holding the wine and chocolate was starting to sweat, and I rubbed it on my jeans, curling my fingers against the denim.
And then I heard the lock disengage. My heart stopped beating the moment the door opened and I saw her on the other side.
This was it. Tonight would either make or break us.
Chapter 5
Xavier
We’d finished dinner an hour ago and were currently on the couch, a movie playing. It was something romantic, not what I would have chosen, but for Cora this was all her call. She held the reins, called the shots. She was the woman that could make me walk through fire if it meant she’d smile for me.
I glanced over at her, the couch not that big, but she seemed so far away. Without thinking, because I wanted her close to me, wanted her pressed right up against me, I reached out and took her hand in mine. I pulled her toward me gently, and she looked surprised at first, but gave me the warmest, sweetest smile after. When she was pressed right against me I wrapped my arm around her shoulder, just keeping her close.
It felt so damn good, so right and perfect.
This was perfect, right. It was everything I’d even imagined, and I hadn’t even proposed yet. I was just sitting with my girl watching a movie, but it was utter perfection.
The movie was more background noise for me as I thought about what to say, how I’d proceed. I wanted to tell her how I felt, what she meant to me. I wanted to explain that even though this might be the craziest fucking thing both of us could experience, all it had taken was one look at her to know she was supposed to be in my life.
She was always meant to be mine.
No time like the present, right?
“Cora?” I said her name softly, my throat feeling so thick all of a sudden. I shifted on the couch and saw out of the corner of my eye that she was looking over at me. I looked at her then, staring into her eyes, feeling my heart jump into my throat. “It’s been a long time…” The rest of what I was going to say stalled in my mouth, on the tip of my tongue.
“It has,” she said with this sadness in her voice. “But you’re back now.” She smiled and it lit up the whole fucking room.
“When I was overseas there wasn’t a day that went by, for all eight of these years, that I didn’t think about you, worry about if you were okay.” I reached out and cupped her cheek, her skin so smooth, so warm. I wanted to kiss her then, but I refrained, wanting to get these words out first. “It’s always been us against the world, hasn’t it?” I murmured. She nodded slowly, and I could see she was straightening beside me, her body becoming a little tense. Maybe she knew where this was going. “You were always in my heart. You always have been and always will be.”
A few moments of silence passed, but it wasn’t uncomfortable.
“I feel the same way, Xavier,” she said, her voice soft. I stroked my thumb across her cheek, marveling at how perfect she was. It was time I was honest.
“It’s only ever been you,” I whispered, being honest about this for the first time in my life.
I love you. You’re my everything.
“I love you.” I inhaled slowly, knowing what I was about to say might break this. “I’m in love with you.” Her eyes widened and I heard her sharp inhalation. She didn’t respond for long seconds, and as I listened to the clock ticking down the time in the background, I knew that no matter what, I was glad I’d finally admitted how I felt.
And then, catching me totally off guard, she leaned forward and kissed me. Her lips were soft, warm, and the scent of her had me groaning. The kiss was soft, very intimate, and as much as I wanted to pull her onto my lap and deepen the kiss, I held my position and let her lead.
It started off soft, almost tentative. Just our mouths pressed together, her warm, sweet breath moving along my lips, the slightest bit of pressure letting me know this was real.
God, this is real. This is so fucking real.
But just as I groaned, about to snap and take control, she pulled away. I wa
nted to bring her back to my mouth, to devour her lips, plunge my tongue inside the sweet, hot depths of her and never let go. I wanted to be lost in Cora, so fucking lost that I would never find my way back.
She placed her hand on my cheek and I leaned into her touch, closing my eyes, just letting myself absorb the feeling of her touching me. I couldn’t help myself then. I wrapped my arms around her waist and hauled her on top of me, her legs on either side of my waist, her chest pressed to mine. She gasped, her mouth so close to mine I wanted to kiss her until she was breathless.
I didn’t want to be a bastard, not with her, not ever, but there was this rawness in me that wanted out. I might never have been with a woman sexually before, never wanted one if it wasn’t Cora, but I knew what I wanted to do to her, with her, and fuck, was it dirty.
“There were times I didn’t know if I’d see you again, if I’d ever be able to look into your blue eyes, hold you, tell you how much you mean to me.” Her voice was thick, her emotions clear.
I rested my forehead against hers, closed my eyes for a long second, and struggled with my own feelings, with this moment. “That would never have happened. I couldn’t stay away from you.” I pulled back slightly. “Those eight years were the hardest I’ve ever gone through.” I cupped her cheek, her skin so warm under my palm.
“Xavier,” she whispered and closed her eyes. “You’re really here,” she said almost to herself.
“I’m here and I’m not going anywhere. I love you.” Her body felt good on mine. A shuddering breath left me. For long moments we just stared at each other, neither speaking, hell, not even breathing. The heat between us was tangible, the chemistry intense and honest. I didn’t want to leave this moment. Ever.