“It was me. I’d pissed him off, and he needed a break.” Shiloh sighed.
“What are you talking about?” Cheyenne asked.
“I told him in a voicemail that he’d have to choose Jolie or me. I left it in a note on the kitchen table before y’all got me drunk that night after James’ was arrested.”
Coming further into the room, I watched Cheyenne’s lips purse. “They have an extremely weird relationship. When Max and James were younger, they had another friend, Briggs, who’d died. Everyone used to call them the Three Musketeers. One night, while on his way home from a party, Briggs was hit by a drunk driver, and killed. That drunk driver was Jolie’s father. James hated how the school treated Jolie, and he befriended her. I’d always thought that Max felt the same until recently. Max doesn’t like her at all either. He says she’s manipulative, and uses James any way she can.”
“I can definitely see that. The only times I’ve seen her are when she’s needed something from him.” Shiloh concurred.
Feeling that it was time to set their illusions straight, I came into the room and stopped behind the back of one of the couch. I placed my arms down on the back and leaned in to take the pressure off my leg.
“Let me tell you girls something about Jolie. I don’t love her, nor have I ever loved her. I feel bad for how she was treated after Briggs’ death, and I try to help her out any way I can. I am aware of how she tries to manipulate me to get what she wants. However, when I look at Jolie, I see a stray beaten dog who hasn’t been treated nicely in a long fucking time. She’s manipulative because she doesn’t know any other way to be. If she’s not that way, she’s treated like a stray dog again. I have never been, nor will ever be, in love with her. I’m in love with you, Shiloh. There’s a large difference between the way I am with her, and the way I am with you.” My eyes were on Shiloh as I said the last few statements, and I watched as her eyes lit with happiness.
“James...” Shiloh started to say before I interrupted her.
“As for you,” I said turning my gaze to Cheyenne. “I am your older brother. I have four years on you. I am thirty-one damn years old. I do not need you interfering with my love life. You could’ve cost me something great. Something that meant the world to me. How easy is it to find someone that fits well in your life when you have a kid to think about? To add on to the fact that you brought one of my greatest friends into it is even worse. I’ve trusted Sam’s judgment for many years. If I wouldn’t have, I’d have been dead. I think next time you need to think about the consequences of your actions before implementing those actions. You put a strain on a relationship that was nearly twelve years in the making. I’ve always trusted him to be straight with me, and it really hurt to know that he didn’t approve of me and Shiloh being together. It’s killed me the last month not to be around her, but I only did so out of respect of the man I trust most in the world.”
The sound of Janie’s bus stopping outside of the house stopped me from any further explanation, so I hobbled to the door and opened it with a wide smile on my face. I waved to Mrs. Kowalsky who was watering her petunias. Again.
I forced myself not to limp so I didn’t alarm Janie, and I waited with my arms crossed against my chest for her to notice I was home. It didn’t take long.
She’d just gotten to the bottom step of the school bus when she spotted me standing next to her bike. “Daddy!” She shrieked and launched herself off the bus and sprinted across the yard. Only she didn’t come to me, she veered off at the last possible second and shrieked, “Shiloh!”
I could only laugh. I was happy she liked Shiloh because she was going to be seeing a lot of her. Shiloh started to head inside with Janie wrapped up in her arms when we heard the distinct sound of pipes pulling on to our street. Shiloh froze, as did I, as we watched Silas pull into our driveway and shut off the bike.
When he stood up, you could tell he was hurt by the grimace of pain on his face as he swung his leg over the bike. His face was a shadow of pain as he took the painful steps toward us.
I knew it was bad just by the grim expression on his face. Something was seriously wrong.
“I need you to call Sam over here now. I’ve already called Sebastian. He’ll be here in less than an hour. Got any beer?” Silas asked.
“What is he doing here?” Cheyenne snarled.
“Daddy, are you okay?” Shiloh asked as she inched closer to him.
“Not now, baby. I need to sit down or I’ll fall down. Show me where, ‘cause once I sit I won’t be getting back up again.” He said with strain evident in his voice.
“You can lay down on the couch. Daddy sleeps there all the time. Sometimes he lets me color on him while he does.” Janie supplied.
“That sounds perfect, Caroline. I appreciate it.” Silas said as he walked stiffly to the couch.
“Nobody calls me Caroline. I only get called Caroline when I’m in trouble.” Janie snapped.
The distaste for the name was beyond anything I’ve ever known a kid to show for something like a name. Normally it’s reserved for broccoli, or scorpions. Not a name though.
“Yes, I know. I just don’t understand why you’re going by Janie when your name is Caroline Jeanine. Caroline is a good strong name.” Silas winced as he sat down carefully.
“Cause my daddy wanted to call me Janie, that’s why.” Janie said stubbornly, but still gave him a pillow to prop up on so he would be more comfortable.
“My apologies, Janie.” Silas whispered solemnly.
“Can someone tell me why the hell he’s in our house? Better yet, someone get him the hell out.” Cheyenne fumed in the corner of the room with her arms crossed across her chest.
Silas gave Cheyenne a long thorough look before coming to some sort of decision. “My boy picked a good woman. What would you do for him, Cheyenne? Would you fight for him? Kill for him? Leave him? Let him go if that’s what he wanted?” Silas volleyed the questions at her one after the other, and with each question, Cheyenne’s ire became more confusion than not.
“If that’s what it took. I’d do absolutely anything.” She agreed.
“That’s what I thought. Maybe you and my boy need to take a step back and think of it from my side of things. Do you not think I had reasons for doing the things I did? Do you think it was easy to do anything to my boy? Kids are supposed to have what Janie here has; not what my babies had. I did my best though, and I think I’ve finally met my match.” He was whispering gruffly by the time he finished. Pain was etched on his face, but this time, it wasn’t because of physical pain, but emotional.
The sound of Sam’s Suburban pulled up outside, and I saw on Cheyenne’s face that she was torn. She didn’t want to hurt Sam, but she knew what Silas had to say might potentially change his whole outlook on his childhood, and maybe even his entire life. Just like I did as soon as Sebastian told us a little of it the other morning. Only, not once in the past few weeks had I told Sam what I’d learned, and I didn’t know how the outcome would turn out by the end of this meeting.
One thing was for sure, and that was that lives would most assuredly be irrevocably changed.
***
Sam sat on the recliner. His head was in his hands, and he looked fucking defeated.
It was hard to see.
Sam has always been bigger than life to me. When I was a green-nosed, hot-shot sniper all of twenty two, Max and I were selected to join a covert-ops team. We’d thought we were bad asses, and Sam was the first one to prove us wrong. He pushed us so hard that we wanted to quit, but only the knowing smile on Sam’s face that showed he knew we wouldn’t cut it kept us going.
It was only later that we found out Sam had the upmost respect for us. He’d told us that he’d never seen two people work harder to become someone that was needed. He’d told us that he was proud of us, would always trust us at his back, and would be honored if we’d protect his for him as well.
Never in my ten years of knowing the man had I seen him quite so def
eated. Even when we’d been in impossible situations and staring down the gun of a M-14 did he look like this.
“Tell me one more time.” Sam demanded of his father.
“I don’t know what’s going to change in between the third time and the fourth, Samuel Cash.” Silas rasped.
“Please...” Sam left the request hanging, and he was rewarded when Silas continued. A-fucking-gain.
“The summer I met your mother was my first infiltration into a MC that was known for chain-raping women, filming it, and then selling the videos. They also had a lucrative stable, as well as some coke running on the side. The first time I saw your mother was the day that they normally did the grabs. She’d been in the cross hares of one of my ‘brothers’ when I claimed her. I didn’t know what else to do. Goddamn mission and all that shit didn’t care about a few casualties. They were looking at the bigger picture. So, I did what I had to do, only they wanted to film me taking her the first time as my initiation into the club. That was my test. I passed with flying colors.” He snarled.
Sam’s fists went tight at his forehead, but he didn’t interrupt as he’d done the previous three times. Instead, he stayed seated. Oh, don’t get me wrong, he was pissed, but he wasn’t going to interrupt this time.
“That’s the day you were conceived. I kept your mother separate from the club. I fell in love with your mother, head over heels. However, the club didn’t do monogamy, and I wasn’t expected to either. Not wanting them to hurt my ‘citizen wife’ as they called her, I found Lettie. That’s where your brother and sister came in. I had an ‘ol lady, that was aware of what went down in the club to an extent, and then I had your mother, my real wife in the eyes of God and the government.”
Sebastian smothered an oath from the recliner beside Sam, but he still looked calm and collected. He’d heard the explanation before, but I’m sure he was still just as affected now as he was then.
“So then what?” Sam asked.
His voice was tight and controlled. No emotion was leaked from it whatsoever.
“I stayed in the CIA. They felt it’d be paramount for me to stay in the club. Make a name for myself. By the time you were three, I’d made so many enemies, and it wasn’t safe for me to leave The Agency, nor the club, which was well on the road to being completely legal. The club became my home. After routing out the shit, making the businesses legit, what was left became mine. By then your mother already hated me. She knew about the club. Knew she wasn’t welcome there, even though by that point it was safe for her if she’d been interested in becoming a part of it. Knew I had a woman on the side. Then there was my so called ‘second in command.’”
“Shovel.” Sam nodded.
“Yeah, after he fucked your eye up.” Silas shook his head.
The eye in question must’ve been when Sam was pushed by Silas’ second in command when he was just a young boy. The man had pushed him so hard that he’d fallen and cut his eye open on a motorcycle’s chrome wheels, barely missing his eye by a matter of millimeters.
“I was done following orders that were sent from The Agency. Those men were mine, and I’d do with them what I damn well pleased. The club was very important to me, but you more so. Shovel was the last boy left over that wanted everything to go back to the old ways. We weren’t making the same money, but it was also nothing to sneeze at either. He was pissed at everything I represented. It was the worst mistake of his life taking his anger out for me on you. Your mom left the last time, and I decided it was probably for the best that she stay gone. Maybe she’d get a better life without my fucked-up-ness leaking over onto her. Lettie didn’t last much longer either. I didn’t have to keep up appearances any longer, and she didn’t like the new me.” Silas told him, eyes closed.
“You still love her.” Sam stated the obvious.
“Burns everyday.” Silas answered simply.
“You beat her.” Sam accused.
Silas’ eyes snapped open and he was off the couch before anyone could even blink. The man was quick. Even hurt he had the speed of a striking snake. Sam stayed seated, but barely, when Silas’ crowded his space. Which was hard for Sam to do, but he managed it.
“Never,” Silas emphasized that with a pointed finger in Sam’s face. “Never, did I beat that woman.”
“She used to have bruises. Rope burns. Marks. Someone did something to her.” Sam hissed.
“I haven’t a clue what you’re talking about, son.” Silas said, shaking his head.
He didn’t either. The confusion on his face was evident. Either he didn’t do it, or he didn’t remember doing it.
“It only happened on the times you brought her back home after she ran with me. You’d punish her, and the next day she’d be fucked up again. Planning on the next time for us to leave.”
A small smile came over Silas’ face before he covered it with the blank mask.
“I don’t know that I need to get into logistics with you about your mother, but answer me this. Tell me it’s never crossed your mind to tie your woman to your bed. To spank her. To let her know she’s yours and nobody else’s? To let everybody else know, too. You may not have expressed it, but I bet it’s crossed your mind before, hasn’t it?”
I, for one, knew that feeling. It’d been growing a lot over the past few months, but ever since this afternoon with Shiloh, I had this raw need inside of me to make sure she knew she was mine. To make sure that everyone else knew it too. It was a burning need that I’d never experienced before.
Cheyenne snickered from the corner before she smothered it with her hand over her mouth. Her eyes were wide and filled with mirth. I just knew that if Ember were to have been here, they’d be going at it like little girls. Giggling and carrying on.
Sam’s eyebrows pinched together in thought, and then spread wide as realization dawned. “That’s...that’s just fucking sick.”
“Well, it was all consensual. I loved that woman with everything I possessed.”
“You could’ve shown it better.” Sam muttered.
“If I’d have shown you better...or her better... you’d be fucking dead. I gave up everything I loved so everyone could have a better home. I don’t know a single fucking one of my kids as I should. Have you ever tried treating someone you love with every single cell in your body, as if they meant nothing to you? To see the betrayal? To know that you’ll never know your goddamn grandchildren. It eats my guts every day to know I let you slip through my fingers. To know that the man you became, one I am proud of more than anything, wasn’t that way because of me. Not that the anonymity did your sister any good.”
The lasts words out of Silas’ mouth were muttered under his breath. Obviously he hadn’t meant for us to hear him, but we did.
“What do you mean?” Sam thundered.
Silas’ lips thinned, and he didn’t say anything.
“Was this the abduction James said something about? What happened?” Sam demanded.
“Quiet.” Silas hissed. The threat was more than evident, which was enough to snap Sam’s mouth shut with an audible snap.
Silence followed his command. So much of it that you could hear the movie playing in the family room. Shiloh and Janie talking about what they were doing for dinner. Obviously, that was enough to make Silas sure that Shiloh wouldn’t overhear what he was about to impart.
“I was sloppy. I loved that little girl more than anything. I made the mistake of taking her out for ice cream on her sixth birthday, and it cost that girl everything. I was jumped by a man that recognized me. How, I don’t know. I wasn’t wearing my cut. I was in a brand new truck. I didn’t even go to town. It was just a fucking fluke to have a member from a rival club at the Tobacco Junction across from the Dairy Queen. They knocked me out when I was getting the goddamn ice cream and she was playing on the playground. When I woke up, she was gone. I didn’t find her again for two more days. She wasn’t the same, and never has been since. From there, I just distanced myself, and never gave anyone any attention, to
o scared that something like that would happen again if I did.”
“That’s why she has nightmares and night terrors?” Sam asked brokenly.
“Yeah,” he said nodding his head. “She doesn’t remember much from those two days, and I thank God that she doesn’t. She wasn’t in good shape. No bones were broken, and she wasn’t violated, but I have a feeling that they tortured her in other ways. Although, I’ll never know for sure. There was no one left alive when I was done.”
Shiloh would’ve been Janie’s age when she was taken. Even thinking about the same thing happening to Janie made me understand where Silas was coming from. Since he couldn’t leave the life he’d made, he did the only thing he could. And that was cut the people he loved the most off from his life, at the expense of his own happiness.
Knowing that a change of topic was needed for now, I asked the question that had been on the tip of my tongue since he’d arrived. “How about you tell us what’s wrong with you, and why you’re here right now?”
“Amen.” Sebastian muttered.
The preliminaries needed to be covered for Sam and Cheyenne’s benefit. Otherwise, they wouldn’t have listened.
“Frozen, ‘Loh!” It was repeated twelve thousand times before I could hear the sounds of Frozen coming from the family room again. “Okay, okay. Fuck.” I heard Shiloh mutter under her breath.
She was with the kids. Although she wanted to hear about what was going on, someone needed to keep the kids occupied, and since she’d heard half the story before, not to mention being somewhat a part of Silas’ life, unlike Sam, she volunteered to go watch a movie with the kids while the grownups could talk.
Silas sighed. “This doesn’t leave this room. I’ve worked my entire fucking career to get this piece of shit, and I’m so close I can fucking taste it.”
Reaching into his vest pocket, he pulled out a folded up file folder. With careful precise movements, he started to extract each sheet, laying them down carefully and neatly so everyone could see.
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