The silence in the car enveloped us and I watched the town disappear.
“I think you nailed the reunion.” Chase broke the silence a while later.
“Actually, I think you nailed it. Thank you. I couldn’t have done it without you.”
“And unlike in the movies, we didn’t get busted or caught in our lie.”
“Thank goodness. That would have been ugly.” I smiled. “It will be tough announcing our break-up. I think Marissa will take it hard.”
“Marissa? I’m going to take it hard,” he teased. “I like her. She’s a nice girl. What’s her story?”
“She has elderly parents and somehow she’s been lumped with the job of caring for them despite having loads of siblings.”
“Last man standing?”
“Exactly. I’m definitely going to keep up with her, and with the kids up there, I’ll be visiting a bit.”
“I guess you will. How do you feel about that?”
“Honestly, I don’t know. I’m glad my mom is sober, but I’m not sure I trust her. I’m kind of bummed the kids chose her over me, even though I get it, and as for visiting regularly… well, honestly, I don’t have a clue.”
“You’ve had a lot to deal with. For what it’s worth, I do think your mom and Kevin are genuine in their sobriety. I think the kids will be well loved and well cared for.”
“I know. Of course, we’re all dancing around the fact that their mother abandoned them. There have to be effects from that.”
“Maybe she’ll be back soon.”
“I wish I knew where she was at least. Maybe that would help. I’ve sent her texts and emails, letting her know where the kids are, with no reply.”
“You have to have some faith.” His hand came to rest on my thigh. “It will all turn out in the end. At least, I hope it does.”
“Maybe.”
We drove on in silence, the farms giving way to towns, and we were getting closer to home. Well, not my home; Chase’s home. I wasn’t even sure where home was anymore.
“So, about us…” Chase said.
“Thanks for everything you’ve done for me. I really appreciate it, and I have to say I really misjudged you, Manhattan. You have indeed been a prince.”
“I’m no prince.” He shook his head. “But it has been my pleasure spending these last few weeks with you.”
“Yeah, me, too.”
“I’m going to miss you, Lucy.”
I didn’t want to cry, but I had a feeling I might. Holding it together wasn’t too difficult until someone started being nice. Then all bets were off.
Chase had been nothing but nice to me the entire time I’d known him. That was the kicker; he might have been my fake fiancé, but all those things he’d done were real, and I was going to miss that kindness. And then man who had delivered it.
“I’m going to miss you too, Chase.”
He lifted my hand to his mouth and kissed the back of it. That was another thing I was going to miss, kissing Chase.
“You’re aware I really like you, right?”
I nodded.
“If I was going to date anyone, it would be you, but I’m just not that guy, Lucy. I’m not the commitment guy.”
“I know.” I didn’t understand why, but I understood he believed it was so.
“I don’t want to lose you though?” he asked.
“I’m just not a casual kind of a girl.”
“And that’s the conundrum, isn’t it? I’m nothing but casual.”
“I’m not going to argue with you, Chase, because you know what you want, or don’t, as the case may be, but I think you have the makings of an excellent boyfriend for someone someday.”
“That’s the thing, Lucy, appearances can be deceiving.”
They sure could.
I spent the day at Chase’s place. We had coffee with CeCe and filled her in on the reunion and how it had panned out.
“It’s a really pretty town. And they have a good quality small-town paper. I’m thinking of investing in it.”
“With Mike?” This was the first I’d heard of it.
“Yeah. He’s a good guy. Without an investor, they’ll go under. The town will lose its paper and Mike will need to move away. I think I’d make an excellent silent partner.”
“Silent? I think that might be the challenge.” I laughed at the idea. Even though he thought he wasn’t, Chase was a guy who got involved.
“Well, semi-silent,” he ran his hand through his hair..
Yeah, he was definitely a good guy. I didn’t want Mike to have to move, especially not as I had a feeling he and Marissa were meant to be together, even if neither of them had managed to figure it out yet.
Chase and I walked to the pub where we’d had our first date. I would miss walking with his arm around me. We stopped outside and he leaned in for a toe-curling, heart-stopping, unbelievably good kiss. I melted against him and sighed.
“I guess I really wanted one last kiss. I wish there was a way we could work this out.”
“Me too.”
And I stood on my tip toes and kissed him back because if we were having a last kiss I wanted it to be memorable.
I peeled myself away only because we were blocking the door and someone needed to get past. We went inside and it took my eyes a while to adjust from the bright light outside to the dim interior. I took a corner table away from the bar while he ordered drinks. It was deserted on this memorable Monday. No one there to witness my heart breaking.
“Full-circle,” I said, toasting him with a glass of cider.
“I wish it was a straight line and not a circle. I wish I could be the guy you think I am, Lucy.”
“I think you are that guy.”
“You don’t understand.”
“Probably because you haven’t done much of a job explaining it. In truth, I barely know anything about you beyond the superficial. You know the nitty-gritty of my life, every sordid detail, and I know next to nothing about you.”
“I come from a long line of men who don’t make great partners. Enough women have suffered. I’m breaking the chain. I told you that at the start Lucy. Up in the turret, that first weekend I told you and you told me you wouldn’t try and change me.”
He had me there. He definitely did tell me.
“You could still break the cycle by being a decent guy. You could break it by trusting me and letting me in.”
“Yeah, but if I’m not a decent guy, that might break you in the end. It’s because I’ve gotten to know you that I can’t do it.”
Too late. I was already broken by him wanting to walk away.
When we got back to his house, I went outside to take in the view with a cup of coffee and watched the sun setting over the harbor, wondering if this would be the last time I’d ever be here. I couldn’t see us being friends going forward. I mean, we would no doubt see each other at Piper and Aaron’s place and maybe at parties, but we wouldn’t be hanging out one-on-one.
I sat on a chair and pulled my knees up. The blanket I’d brought out was now covering my knees. I held onto my mug and tried to take mental pictures of this time and place. Chase had done more for me in the two weeks since I’d met him than just about anyone I’d ever known. He’d been kind and generous, but mostly he’d shown me my life and myself through his eyes.
I didn’t know how to thank him for that. I didn’t want to say good-bye, but I had to. I was too attached to him. I really liked him. I was picturing a future with him.
Chase wasn’t ready for that even though there was an attraction between us.
He came out and sat at the chair beside mine. I sensed his arrival before he sat down.
“Hey, you.” He smiled that gorgeous smile I was going to miss.
“It’s beautiful out here.”
“And your presence does nothing to diminish the view.”
“How very gallant,” I said.
“That’s me.”
“It is, you know. You’ve certainly trea
ted me like a princess, and I was actually sitting here thinking about that and how I didn’t know how to repay you.”
He waggled his eyebrows. “I have some rather ungallant suggestions.”
“I bet you do.” I couldn’t help but laugh. “I should get going.” I stood and shrugged off my blanket as he reached for my hand. One last touch.
“I wish you wouldn’t go yet.”
“It’s time for this princess to leave the castle.”
“It’s not a castle. I told you, there aren’t any dragons in there.”
“Maybe not, but I think you have a demon or two to slay.”
“So this is it, huh? The marriage is off?”
“It looks like it. Who would have thought?”
He didn’t let go of my hand as we walked around the house to the front drive.
“I wish…” he said.
“How about we agree to leave it like this? No wishing, no what-ifing, no if-onlys…” I really didn’t want to meet his gaze and I really didn’t want to prolong this. I needed to get in my car and drive away from the greatest guy I had ever met, and I needed to do it without crying.
“Okay, you’re the boss.” He pulled me in for one last hug.
He smelled amazing and felt so good. Another moment I wanted to capture in a bottle. He kissed my forehead then released me.
“Thanks for everything, Chase.”
“You’re welcome. You’re the best fiancée I’ve ever had.”
“Likewise.”
He opened the door for me and I climbed in.
“I’ll call you.”
Please don’t, I thought. But I just nodded.
When I drove out of the driveway, he was still standing there, his hands shoved deep into his pockets the way he did when he was thinking hard about something.
I let myself cry all the way back to town. It’s not every day I drove away from a prince.
Chapter 20
I sat in my favorite booth at O’Shaunnessy’s and tried to get my life back to normal. The problem was, I didn’t feel like the girl I had been a couple of weeks earlier even existed. And this new girl, well, she had no idea what normal even looked like.
I sipped a beer and watched the game absentmindedly. I didn’t even know the score, but I hadn’t wanted to sit alone at home.
Cherie slid into the booth across from me.
“So, look at you.” She flagged down a beer. “You survived the homecoming”
“I did. And it was actually nice in the end. Weird, but nice.”
“You showed that Patty, I hope.”
I regaled her with the tales of life in my small town, painfully aware of Chase’s name appearing in pretty much every anecdote.
“So Chase was the ideal fake fiancé, wasn’t he?”
“Yep, you were right. He was a big help, and having him there made it so much easier.”
“So what now?”
“Now, I return to reality.”
“No, I mean between you two.”
“Nothing.” I took a long sip of my beer. “He was doing me a favor and the favor is done. End of story.”
“That’s not the end of the story. I saw the way you two looked at each other. I know how much he’s helped you, and I sat here listened to you wax poetic about him for fifteen minutes. This story is only half done.”
“There is chemistry and I was wrong about him. He’s a decent guy… and, boy, can he kiss.”
“So?”
“So, that’s not enough in this case. He doesn’t do relationships and being home showed me that I want one. I want to be a part of something beyond Pied Piper’s Pies. He’s a great guy but we don’t want the same things.”
“That’s ridiculous.” She shook her head at me.
“It is what it is.”
“You two are a pair of idiots.”
I didn’t disagree, but I couldn’t change the other idiot’s mind. Only he could.
That week seemed to be never-ending. I took extra shifts to make up for my absence. I manned the food trucks two nights running when Frank called in with the flu, so after too many fifteen-hour days, I collapsed in to bed. I had hoped that being bone-tired would be what I needed to help me sleep. Maybe if I was too tired to think about Chase, I wouldn’t.
Sadly, that didn’t work. It just meant that I was wide awake at night and exhausted during the day because my brain could not switch off. It was fully activated and every thought seemed to lead back to him.
Or the kids. I was calling them daily and they were fine. They’d started at their new school, and although that was a big transition, they genuinely seemed happy.
Mainly though, I thought about Chase.
Making a pie… Chase loved this flavor. Getting a coffee… Chase liked coffee. It was as if I was fifteen and obsessed. The difference was, at fifteen, I hadn’t been and it was insane.
Friday afternoon, I was alone in the pie kitchen when Aaron showed up. I assumed he was here to see Piper, but I’d assumed wrong.
“I saw Chase today.”
The mere mention of his name and I was on high alert, but I tried to play it cool. “Oh.”
“Yes, he looks like you do.”
“Like I do?”
“Like shit.”
“Thanks so much,” I couldn’t help but laugh. “Lucky you’re married, because that line won’t work on all the girls, Aaron.”
“Sorry. He’s a wreck. You’re a wreck. What’s the story?”
“What did he say the story was?” Why was everyone asking me? He was the one who was anti-relationship.
“He was pretty evasive.”
“Yeah well, you’re getting even less from me.”
“It makes no sense to me. You’re both clearly miserable. And you guys were great together.”
I liked Aaron. I didn’t know him well, but what I knew of him told me he was a genuine guy. Yet he was a romantic. He’d gotten his happily-ever-after and he now seemed to think it was possible for everyone.
“It is what it is.”
“That sounds like bull to me.” He shook his head. “I’ve known Chase a long time. He really likes you and you make him happy. He’s lonely and you made him less lonely. So why is he letting you walk away?”
“You’ll have to ask him.” I didn’t want to share any secrets and let’s face it the lack of secret sharing was a big part of the issue. “Maybe he likes being alone.”
“That’s bullshit, Lucy. The whole tortured-writer-guy-as-an-island thing is just a front for him.”
“You know him better than I do, but he’s made himself pretty clear to me. He doesn’t do relationships and doesn’t talk about his past. He wants everything light and casual.”
“So?”
“You can do casual for a little while, but if the guy doesn’t trust you, well, there’s no point.”
He dragged his hand through his hair. “His past is complicated.”
“Hello? Have you been watching my life these past couple of weeks? Alcoholic mother, wayward sister, minding three kids, crazy high school nemesis… You don’t think my life is complicated? I get that life is messy.”
Aaron smiled at me. An apologetic smile. “Sorry. You’re right. For what it’s worth, I don’t think you’re the issue here. Maybe you need to give him some time.”
“Fine, but I’m not waiting around forever. I’m finally ready to move on with my life and he will have to decide if he wants to be part of it or not.”
Later that night, the phone rang and it was Chase.
“Hey, Lucy. What are you doing?”
“Reading.”
“What?”
“A romance novel.”
“Any good?”
Were we really doing this? Discussing my reading material? “It’s not bad. Why did you call?”
“I missed you.”
I shut the book and let out a sigh. “Okay.”
“Okay? Don’t you miss me, at least a little?”
“Nope.” I w
as lying of course. I missed him like crazy, but he wasn’t getting the satisfaction of hearing it out loud from me.
“I think you miss me a little bit at least.”
“You may think what you like, Manhattan.” But before he hung up I whispered “Maybe a little bit.”
Chapter 21
Chase was trying to win me over. He sat in the pie kitchen while I worked. It was no longer research for the article. The article was done. He wanted me back in his life, but it was too hard for me. I couldn’t be just his friend . I needed more.
“So you wanted to know about my mom’s accident?” he asked me out of the blue.
“I want to know was something about you. Something beyond the slick façade. Something about the real Chase.”
“The not-so-real version is better.”
“Usually is.” I shrugged. “But you can’t connect with people if you don’t let them in.”
“I know. It’s a long story.”
“Not going anywhere.” I pointed to the many pies I still had to assemble and bake.
The difference between Chase and I was that my messy life was always on display. No hiding behind the castle walls for me. The world saw my struggles and either accepted them or preyed on them. I’d never had the luxury of hiding.
“So when my parents were still married, I bought a girlfriend home from college. I was a freshman and so was she, and her family was away for Thanksgiving. Her name was Saffron. The relationship was fine, no big deal, and then, a few weeks later, we broke up. Also not a big deal. I liked her, but it wasn’t destiny. She dumped me, for the record.”
“Good to know.” I had to wonder what was wrong with the woman but maybe college-Chase was less perfect than the grown-up version.
“Not long after that, my dad, who was a notorious philanderer, decided he wanted out of the marriage, and a very acrimonious divorce happened. It wasn’t too bad for me, but my younger brother, Malcolm, took it hard. Mal was always a bit of a loose cannon, and he ended up getting expelled from school, drinking, drugs, and the usual teen catastrophe.”
“He blamed your dad?”
“I think he blamed everyone. He was angry.”
Any Way You Dream It: An Upper Crust Novel - Book 2 (Upper Crust Series) Page 15