“No! No, Quinn.” Whatever apology they were about to make, I shut down quick. “I care about you guys. I know each one of you and know you deserve better than the life you’ve been born into.” Here come the tears. “You’ve come to mean a lot to me. To me … you’re like brothers—my brothers—I trust you all and know none of you would ever hurt me.”
I shake my head. “What makes me think any of this will sink in? You’ve had a thousand chances.” I shrug. “You all want to hate each other? Go ahead. You can throw the blame around for everything else, but this right here …” I stir my finger in the air. “It’s all on you. You guys have the chance to be brothers—for some of you, these might be the only brothers you’ll ever get—and you’re trashing it. Breaks my fucking heart!”
I’m out.
I storm out of the room.
Stupid, hard-headed boys. They’ll do what they want, no matter what. I can’t force them to see sense and reason!
I need to get out of here. I march out the front door into the summer sun.
Douchebags! Liam included.
I wipe my eyes, wondering why there has to be so much hate. You’d think they, of all people, would understand and try to do it better.
“They obviously don’t care. Why should I?”
Once I reach the park on the corner, I sit on a swing and draw in the dirt with my toes.
There are a few families here, moms and dads with little kids having a picnic; some older kids playing Frisbee; a couple making out by the large oak tree … and then there’s me, wondering about life. How much of it is random? Maybe simple and not-so-simple events that just happen. Without reason.
Like a rock that gets dislodged from its place because it rains or an animal walked over it. While it rolls down the hill, it smacks into other stones; maybe it chips or breaks in half; maybe a piece of it falls on the road, where a car passes and its tire kicks it up further, so it ends up on the side of a creek. Just random acts that moved it along.
Does destiny or fate really exist? Is someone bigger than all of us controlling our lives? Or at least watching over us? It doesn’t always seem that way. I know I prayed to the angel, and Liam came into my life. But I also prayed to the angel that my mom would love me, and that didn’t happen.
But maybe the watcher isn’t always benevolent? And maybe each one of us has our own choices to factor in?
Maybe it’s not all God or the Universe or angels … or random selection or chance … maybe we should stop being so concerned with what or who and just try to live like good people and help each other.
And maybe I’m an idiot who just daydreams too much.
By the time I get back to North House, it’s completely quiet. Cade is sitting at his desk with his door open.
“Glad you’re back,” he says to me.
“Where are the guys?”
“Half are in the attic and the other half are in the garage. By the time evening rolls around, I’m sure they’ll have both places clean and organized,” he tells me then looks back to his computer screen.
“Too bad about the water park,” I lament, thinking of Cade’s promise that if we’d earned enough points today he’d take us tomorrow.
“I know. Maybe next week,” he says, sounding as disappointed as I feel. “At least you’ll get the chance to finish the three books you’re reading.”
I laugh, pleasantly surprised he knows that.
I start to walk away when he says, “Quinn, make sure you go through the kitchen, the boys have something for you in there.”
Can’t think what that would be. I wonder if it’s some code for the fact that I get to do the laundry or something.
I push through the swinging door into the kitchen. The room is gleamingly clean and spotless, and there on the table is a huge bouquet of wildflowers with a note.
Sorry, Quinn. We’re going to try to stop acting like assholes. Even if it’s just for you.
They all signed it.
Chapter Thirteen
2015
Liam
Breakfast is full of chaos and insanity. I feel like I’m on the outside looking in—watching Quinn, watching my brothers—all of us sitting here together. It’s too ethereal, and I can’t make it make sense. I keep trying to believe it’s reality, but it’s fucking with my head.
“Don’t like the food?” I ask Quinn, who’s raking pieces of cut pancake around her plate with her fork.
“The food’s great,” she responds thoughtfully.
“JOSHY-DADDY!”
We all hear Charlie’s sweet voice sing out through the restaurant as she and Josh’s fiancée Sophie walk towards our table.
Josh stands up and Charlie runs and leaps into his arms. After they hug, Josh grabs a couple extra chairs from nearby.
“I didn’t think you two were going to make it!” He taps Charlie on the nose and kisses Sophie.
“I didn’t either,” Sophie says tiredly, “but I’m all caught up.”
Sophie is not only Josh’s fiancée, she’s also his personal masseuse on his MMA training team. She recently implemented a massage program for the kids at North House with two other massage therapists and tries to work with them as much as she can when she’s in town.
“UNCLE LIAM!” Charlie falls like she has no bones from Josh’s lap to mine, where I scoop her into my arms for a hug.
“Hey, Charlie-bear! What’s the word, hummingbird?” I ask.
She giggles. “Pancakes!” she cries then grabs a piece of pancake from my plate and puts it in her mouth as fast as she can.
“Hey! Where did it go?” I look baffled.
“Disappeared!” she mumbles with the half chewed pancake in her mouth.
“Sophie, this is Quinn,” Josh introduces. “Quinn, Sophie.
“Hi.” Sophie and Quinn shake hands over me and Charlie, smiling at each other.
“Nice to meet you,” Sophie says.
“Same here.”
Everyone sits and eats and talks as the excitement starts back up.
Josh and Sophie are so obviously in love, and it makes my heart swell to think of Quinn actually sitting beside me, but when I look over at her, I can tell that something’s going on behind her beautiful eyes, like she’s lost in thought.
That’s when reality starts to cave in.
There is no guarantee for her and me. We made no promises or commitments. Sex, reminiscing and breakfast don’t erase the past pain and regret or create a shiny new future. The meal will end. Soon, the plates will be cleared, and Talon will pick up the check and everyone will go home.
Where will we go?
One minute at a time, Liam. I force myself to calm my mind and lace my fingers between hers underneath the table. She leans her head on my shoulder. That’s all I need to fill my emotional hot air balloon and go soaring again.
“You sure you want to do this now?” I ask her as I’m fitting the key into the door to The House of Ink and Steel.
“I’m positive. It’ll help me get my mind off tomorrow,” Quinn says.
Tomorrow. That’s something I haven’t wanted to think about … at all.
She means her mother’s funeral.
I mean the future—her future, my future—our together future.
She still has school in Georgia … but she’s already said she was thinking about moving back. I can’t bring it up. I can’t speak about it at all. What if she decides against it? What if she decides the memories are too painful here?
I lead her into my alcove, where she gets comfortable on the table as I begin preparing ink.
She wants me to color the tattoo I made for her so many years ago—the two mountain bluebirds flying free from the cage.
Could I move to Georgia? Realistically?
Leave the brothers and Cade and the kids? That would be like removing my kidney. Could I live without my kidney?
“Is it going to hurt as bad as it did the first time?” she teases from behind her lashes.
I smile. “No. I’ve develop
ed a steady hand since then. Are you going to whine like you did the first time?”
“Probably.”
Not being with Quinn is like living without my heart—been there, done that. It hurts like death.
I start up the needle. “Remember not to squirm. Save that for me for later.”
The needle touches her skin, and in moments, the birds come to life.
“You know, after I saw you kiss Adrienne goodbye, I thought she was your girlfriend?” Quinn doesn’t say it like a statement, she asks it like a question, as if she’s still not sure what to believe.
“So you think I’d cheat on my girlfriend with you?” I cock an eyebrow playfully.
“Oh my God, is she your girlfriend?” she asks, panicking.
“Would I be a real asshole if I said I wouldn’t care?”
“LIAM!”
“QUINN!” I mock her tone.
She goes quiet for a moment then confesses, “I’d cheat for you.”
“Yeah, me too. But to put your mind at ease, no, Adrienne is not my girlfriend. Her girlfriend would be pretty pissed if we ever started dating.”
“Her girlfriend?” she emphasizes. “Suddenly I feel much better.”
I laugh then say, “I have no girlfriend. And although I’ve gone out, nothing could ever be serious. I figured I’d be a bachelor forever.”
You took my heart with you. How I know is because for the first time in ten years, I can feel it beating again.
If I had to choose between my heart and my kidney, my heart would win every time.
I want to ask what her plans are. What’s she going to do now? Now that she knows I still love her? Now that she’s admitted to still loving me.
“I’m going to freshen up these lines—it’s faded some,” I tell her.
“Okay.”
I wait a moment before asking, “Would you like me to come with you tomorrow?”
“You would do that?”
“Of course I would.”
“Thank you. I might be able to handle it better if you’re there with me,” she says.
“Quinn?”
“Yeah?”
“Why do you want to go?” I ask. “I don’t mean to be disrespectful, I just …”
“Don’t … worry about it. It’s a valid question.” She explains, “I don’t have an answer for that, except that maybe it gives me the chance to say goodbye. Maybe it gives me closure. Maybe watching her being dropped into the earth will be healing. She’s dead, so she’s not pretending I don’t exist anymore. She can’t hurt me anymore. It’s final. I don’t know, maybe it’s stupid.”
“It’s not stupid. It’s human.”
“Speaking of human—MY GOD, THAT HURTS!”
“Sorry,” I say with a laugh. “I’m in the tight spaces of the tree leaves. It’s looking beautiful though.”
“I’m sure it is.”
I think of what could be our next step. “Quinn?”
“Yes?”
“If you want to, we could stop by North House and pick up some of your clothes, if you’d like to stay the night again … with me?” I hold my breath.
She’s quiet for a moment. “I’d like that very much.”
Breathing again—with a huge-ass, fucking-goofy grin on my face.
“Quinn?”
“Yes, Liam?”
“Seeing your tits crushed against my tattoo table is turning me on.”
“Good,” she replies. “When you’re done, we’ll have to do something about that.”
I sigh contentedly. Absolutely everything I wanted to hear.
“Quinn?”
“I’m right next to you. Why do you keep saying my name?”
I think about that for only a second. “Because I have ten years of not saying it to make up for.”
“Oh, Liam …”
I finish the tat, set the needle on the table and gently kiss above the tender area of her shoulder, above the tattoo. “Ready to see it?”
She nods and together we go to the mirror—I hold up the large portable one so she can see behind her.
“It’s perfect, Liam! It’s absolutely perfect!!”
We make love again—there on the tattoo table and again after we get back to the house—and I realize it’s the first time my house truly feels like home.
*****
When the early morning light peeks through the windows, I reach over to get closer to Quinn, but she’s not in the bed.
Bathroom, I think.
But soon, I have to go, and she’s not in there.
I throw on a pair of shorts and walk downstairs.
Bailey’s lying next to the front door.
“Quinn?” I call and make my way to the kitchen.
No answer. No Quinn.
Maybe she went for a walk? She woke once last night from a bad dream and cuddled in next to me.
I check my phone. No messages.
I check the counters and end tables. No notes.
It’s only two hours before the funeral. I consciously decide I’m not going to freak out and jump in the shower.
An hour and a half later—after several calls and texts—I have no idea where she is. I also have no idea which funeral home the service is at.
I’m not sure what to think. Did she decide she didn’t want me to go with her, so she just up and left with no goodbye or explanation? Doesn’t seem like Quinn.
Did I fuck up and scare her off? Could have to do with that cheesy line about saying her name.
No, we had some pretty great sex after that.
When my phone rings, I snatch it up.
It’s Cade.
“Hey,” I answer, “I got something going on here.”
“Here too. Do you know where Quinn is?” he asks. “Someone’s here trying to find her.”
“I woke up and she wasn’t here. I was supposed to go to the funeral with her, but now I’m just about going out of my mind. You know what? I’ll be right there—maybe she’ll show up there.” And although it sounds like he was about to say something else, I hang up and rush over.
Who’s looking for her?
Friends of her mother? Or other family relations?
Where the hell could she be? The funeral is starting.
I park in front of The Core and rush in. I take double strides to Cade’s office and push open the door.
“Excuse me,” I blurt out, when I see a guy sitting in the office chair opposite Cade.
“It’s fine.” Cade stands up. When he does, the other guy stands too.
I notice he’s in a suit—not too many people come to The Core dressed up. This must be the person who’s looking for Quinn.
“Liam, this is James. Quinn’s fiancé.”
Chapter Fourteen
2015
Liam
My mouth goes dry, and I feel like I’ve just blacked out, but I’m still standing.
James reaches his hand out to shake mine, and like a robot—a very deranged robot who has the sudden urge to throw this man I’ve never met before across the room and then kill him—I shake his.
“James wanted to attend the funeral with Quinn but couldn’t get out of work in time to get here, but as you can see … he made it after all,” Cade explains with an expression of concern—as if he knows I’m going to blow.
“I haven’t been able to get ahold of her for the last few days,” the fiancé says. “She was supposed to be staying at a motel in the city, but when I called them, they told me she never checked in.”
“I explained to James that she was staying with Debra and me,” Cade says slowly.
My veins feel like they’re on fire. My brain feels like it’s melting, and I want to crawl out of my skin. This can’t be right.
“Fiancé?” I reiterate.
“Yes, that’s what I said.” Cade nods.
“I feel terrible for not having been able to make it here for her earlier. I thought I’d surprise her and come, but now I’m worried,” Asshat tells us.
&nb
sp; “Has anyone tried the funeral home?” I bite out.
I can’t look at him or I’m going to hit him. My fists are already clenching at my side.
“Yeah, I’ve called over there a few times now,” Cade says. “Reardon Funeral Home. The funeral has started, and the director says that no one with her name has checked in with him or signed the guest book, and no one that young is at the service.”
“And Debra hasn’t heard anything?” I try.
“No,” Cade answers.
Asshat shakes his head mournfully. “I shouldn’t have let her come out here alone.”
I’m a volcano ready to blow. I have to get the hell out of here. I can’t be in the same room with this asshole!
Freaking Quinn! Way to prepare me. Way to tell me!
What happened with all the girlfriend-boyfriend-cheating talk yesterday? Did she not think that would’ve been the best time to tell me that she was engaged to be married?
Oh! Maybe she was going to send me an invitation.
FUCK!
“I’ve got to go.” I turn to leave.
“Liam, I need a word with you out in the hall,” Cade tells me.
FUCK again! I do NOT want a word with Cade!
But he closes the door behind us and we walk down the hall.
“Listen to me—” he begins.
“No! No, I won’t. I can’t. Not this time, Cade,” I rage. “She lied to me. Bold faced, right-out fucking lied!”
“She didn’t tell you, I understand.”
“You don’t understand!” I cry. “I’ve just spent all weekend making love to her, and she has a fucking fiancé!”
“Liam—”
“I can’t do this again, Cade! I’m going to get shitfaced.”
Cade grabs me firmly by the shoulders. “Son, you need to listen to me.”
Son. He has my attention.
“I know you and Quinn like I know my own name. The two of you belong together—always have. She knows it too. I don’t know who this guy is, and it doesn’t matter.”
“Doesn’t matter? He’s her fiancé.”
“There is no ring on that woman’s finger. Do you understand me, son? She either took it off in hopes of seeing you or it’s not a true commitment. Either way, her heart is yours, Liam.”
Burn (Brothers of Ink and Steel #2) Page 21