I didn’t want to be gossiped about any more than Antonio did, so I agreed to not say another word about it until we were in the privacy of his home. I turned my attention out the window, once more thinking about what it would have been like if I had decided to stay here. This time, I was almost glad that I had not, that I would not. I was going to get through this with Antonio, and he was going to work it out with me, I was sure.
There was something about the way he was acting that gave me hope he was going to come through for me, and I felt that I was going to get the support that I needed for our child. I wasn’t asking for anything for myself, and I wanted him to be clear about that—the only thing that I was going to ask of him was to provide for his child.
Even though the baby wasn’t yet born, I knew that I wanted nothing but the best for them. I wanted them to grow up in a home in which they didn’t have to wonder if they were going to have clothes for school. I wanted them to know what it was like to have the childhood that I myself had never been blessed with, I wanted them to know what it was like to be happy in their life, regardless of what else was going on.
All these thoughts were swirling around in my mind as the cab pulled up the winding road toward Antonio’s house. And yet, as I recognized the pad, I couldn’t help but feel a twinge of happiness. Although there were many things that I had wanted to forget about my trip to Italy, spending the night with Antonio in that house was not one of them.
I took in a deep breath, filling my lungs with the rich scent of the sea. There were some things in life that I knew I would always remember, no matter where life took me. The car pulled into the driveway and Antonio was quick to pay, though I could see that the driver was disappointed that he wasn’t able to get more information about the situation from either one of us.
I hesitated a moment, trying to decide if it really was the best choice to go into Antonio’s house with him. I didn’t want to be caught up in an international scandal, but at the same time, I could see in his eyes how desperately he wanted to talk to me and, putting everything from the past few weeks to one side, I wanted to give him that courtesy.
“Will you come inside? Just for a few minutes. You are free to leave any time you want, but there are a few things I would like to discuss with you before you go, especially if this is the last time I am going to see you.” He had concern in his eyes as he spoke, and after a moment of hesitation, I gave him a curt nod.
I did know that it was the right thing to do, if not for me, then for my unborn baby. This man was the father of my child, and I was going to have to work something out with him, no matter what level of care that happened to be. International scandal or not, I was in this for the long run and there was no going back now.
He reached out and took my hand, gently leading me through the gate and onto the walkway. I had brief flashbacks of what it had been like before, but I was quick to push those out of my mind. The last thing I wanted to think about was before. That was then, and things were different now.
We were here to discuss business, pure and simple.
And that would be the end of things.
Chapter 22
Sasha
“I’m sorry for how things turned out at your wedding,” I said as soon as we were inside. Antonio turned to me and shook his head vigorously, clearly doing his best to show me that it wasn’t a big deal.
“You saved me,” he said at last, and I looked at him with wide eyes.
“What do you mean?” I asked, and he closed the door behind us. Walking me into the living room, he sat down on the couch and motioned for me to join him, looking into my eyes as he spoke.
“I didn’t want to marry her, and I didn’t want to marry Sophia, either. All I cared about these past few months was getting that crown. I forgot to think, I forgot to care, I forgot to love.” He paused and I looked at him in surprise.
There were a few moments of silence, and I tentatively put my hand on his knee, unsure of what to say or do at that moment. I wanted to show him that I was there for him, but with the emotions that were swirling around in my heart, I was lost for words.
At last, he continued, and I listened as he rambled. “Sasha, ever since that day when I met you on the beach, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you. You are the most incredible woman I have ever met, and I am proud to say that I got to befriend you. I’m so sorry for the things that I have done, from hurting you that night to ignoring your messages.” He paused and looked at me, and I nodded, waiting for him to go on.
“I know that it’s been hard for you, and I can’t imagine what you must think of me now that you know that I ignored you after all this time. I shouldn’t have done that, and I certainly don’t deserve any of your well-wishes. You are amazing, and you deserve someone who is going to treat you properly.” He choked up and looked away, and I shook my head.
“Listen to me, Antonio! I never once held this against you. Yes, there are things that happened that I wish had been different, and there are things that I would change or take back if I could, but you have to understand that I’ve made my own decisions in this matter, just as you have. There is nothing that you’ve done here that I haven’t allowed to take place—even down to the night when you hurt my feelings.” I laughed softly as I said this, but I could see that he didn’t find it humorous.
“I am really sorry for that. I really am. I can’t believe that I could have been so selfish to allow myself to do such a thing with you, then to let you leave as though you were nothing more than a girl I brought home from a bar. You are one of the most important people in my life, Sasha. You have shown me what it means to be passionate about life—to have something that you love doing, and to do it with all the enthusiasm in the world.” He smiled, and I looked at him with wide eyes.
“What are you talking about?” I asked with a giggle. I had never heard anyone say such things about me, and I was amazed. I hadn’t ever thought of myself that way before. I had done what I liked to do because I liked to do it, not because I was trying to put on a show for someone else. In fact, the thought that someone else might be impressed by what I was doing had never crossed my mind.
“I’m serious. If you knew how much time I’d spent drinking my troubles away, or at least trying to, you would know that it’s incredibly difficult for me to admit this. I’m supposed to be the heir to the throne, and I’ve wasted the opportunity. You’re someone who’s lived in normal circumstances, and you live with more passion than I ever thought possible.” He smiled, and I wanted to blush.
I looked away, trying to find the words, but none came. It was clear he was waiting for me to say something, and I smiled as I gave his knee a light squeeze.
“What do you want to do now?” I asked at last, trying to turn the situation from me to him. I knew that he enjoyed talking about himself, and I hoped if I were to turn the situation back on him, he would take the bait. It worked, but I had to admit that I didn’t think he was going to say what came out of his mouth next, and once again he completely caught me off-guard.
“Sasha, I’ve been wanting to make a change in my life for a long time, I have to admit, and you’re the person who’s inspired me to make that change. Now, I’m not saying that I’m going to run off with another girl. I’m asking you if you would be willing to give me a chance. You’re the most amazing woman in the world, and I want to have a fair shot with you. I know I don’t deserve it, but you’ve shown me that if I want to do things in life, I’m going to have to stop stalling, and start doing.” He smiled, and I shook my head.
There had been so much to tell each other, so many things to say, it was difficult to sit still and let him speak without interrupting him. There were so many questions floating around in my mind, but I didn’t know what to ask. I wanted to know if he was serious, and I wanted to know if he would be willing to give up the throne for me. Of course, I would be more than happy to see if he was the one—he was the father of my child, after all, but at the same time, I w
asn’t going to ask him to sign up for a life full of misery.
“Do you realize what a normal life even is?” I asked suddenly.
“I’m sorry?” he said as he looked at me, and I sighed.
“Antonio, I have spent many nights struggling. Yes, I have reached a point in my life where I am able to do things now that I never thought I would be able to do before. I have been able to travel, I have been able to see the world, but you know, it wasn’t always like this.” I felt my voice catch in my throat, and I looked away.
“I know,” he said quietly, and I looked at him with surprise in my eyes.
“No, you don’t. You’ve spent your life doing whatever you want with whoever you want. You’ve said so yourself! There’s never been a time in your life when you had to figure out anything on your own, not even getting the throne! You were told that you had to find a wife, so what have you done? You’ve gone and found two fiancées in two months!” I could feel the passion in my voice as I spoke, and he looked at me dejectedly.
I didn’t want to hurt him, but I could feel all the tension coming to the surface. On the plane, I had thought long and hard about the things that I wanted to say to him, and now that I was sitting on his couch with his full attention, I saw that I had my chance.
“Do you know what it’s like to be sitting in your cold apartment and not know where your next meal is coming from? Do you know what it’s like to have to work three jobs in order to put food on the table and keep the roof over your head? Do you know what it’s like to be faced with rejection after rejection, all because you aren’t as good as the next person?” I was rambling, and I could see in his eyes that he felt bad.
He knew that he had never experienced any of those things, and he wasn’t going to pretend that he had. To my surprise, he agreed with everything I said, and once I had finished, he told me how he really felt.
“I haven’t done any of those things, Sasha, but I would be willing to do them with you. I wouldn’t mind if we were going to live off of beans and rice for the rest of our lives. I wouldn’t care if I had to work my fingers to the bone so you could stay home and take care of the children. I wouldn’t care if we didn’t own anything but the clothes on our backs. If I had you, I would be willing to do it all.” He smiled at me, though there was a tension behind his smile, and I looked at him anxiously.
“Do you know what you’re saying?” I asked at last, an incredulous tone in my voice. He looked at me solemnly, and I could see that he was serious. Sure, he hadn’t done any of those things, and I wondered how well he would be able to stand up under the pressure of them if it ever got to that point, but I could see something else in his eyes, too.
There was a resolve in them that I had never seen before. It was as though he had finally removed a veil of privilege and he was willing to face any hardship that came his way. Though part of me wanted to keep ranting and raving, I could see that my words had left a deep impression.
“Sasha, you may not have heard this before, and I certainly know that you’ve never heard it from me, but I want to be real with you. I want to enjoy life with you. I want to go through all the little things—the happy things and the sad things. I want to go through the hardship and come out on the other side, and I want to be able to hold you and tell you that everything is going to be all right.” He paused, and I could feel my heart beginning to melt.
“I want to have so much with you. I want to show you that I am able to be the man that you need me to be. I thought that I was going to be the king of a nation, but I don’t know if I would have managed as the king of even a single house. I want to prove to you that I will do anything for you. I want you to know that you can depend on me, and that I will be there for you no matter what.” He spoke with passion and enthusiasm in his voice, and I tried to break in several times while he was speaking, but he wouldn’t let me.
“Let me tell you something, Sasha, and I am going to mean every word that I say. I have never lived life the way I wanted to. I have done everything I can to make life easier for me, but I don’t want to do that anymore. I want to live a life that I can be proud of. I want to make you proud.” He looked down at me with an expression I had never seen before.
I wanted to argue, and after a moment of thinking, I decided I was going to tell him that I was willing to give it a shot, but he was to understand that things were going to be hard. I wanted him to know that I couldn’t promise him that he would make it, and that I needed him to still be there at the end of the day when things were hard. All the words finally formed in my mind, and I was ready to say them.
But I never got to.
As soon as I opened my mouth to speak, he put his finger under my chin and lifted my lips to his, sending shockwaves through my entire body. Within seconds, I had forgotten all I was going to say to him and I was kissing him right back.
My mouth was hungry for his, and nothing could change that. I wanted to continue to kiss him and lose myself in the moment, when suddenly there was a knock at the door and we both jumped up off the couch. The butler was going to answer the door, but Antonio looked out through the shades.
“It’s my mother and father,” he said dully. I felt my heart skip a beat, and part of me wanted to leave immediately, but Antonio turned to me with a smile.
“I guess it’s time they learned the truth,” he said with a wink. I wanted to ask him what he meant, but at that moment, they walked in the door, and I was in the presence of the King and Queen.
Chapter 23
Antonio
“What is the meaning of this outrage?!” my father said as he pushed through the door.
I was intimidated, but I wasn’t going to back down. I squared my shoulders, and though I still showed my father respect, I wasn’t going to pretend like I was ashamed when I wasn’t.
“Two scandals in just two months! I told you if you were going to take the throne, you were going to have to rise to the occasion, and here you are, once again fodder for the tabloids!” He strode into the room and took a seat, not at all acknowledging Sasha’s presence.
“I know what you said, Father, and I respect that, but I think there’s something you ought to know: I never loved either of those women. I never wanted to marry them—I just wanted the throne and, as per your ultimatum, that was the only way I was going to get it.” I hesitated, and I could see that I angered him all the more. It wasn’t my intention, but I didn’t want him to think that I was afraid of committing, either.
“This is the last straw! I have tried to make it work with you, Antonio, you know that I have. There are so many things I wanted you to achieve, but you have thrown it all away. You are so strong and smart and capable. How dare you waste your talents in such a way? The throne is going to your brother, and that is the end of this discussion!” He put his hand in the air as he spoke and now brought it down hard. Sasha jumped, but I held my cool.
“You know what, Father? That is just fine with me. I respect your decision, and though I would love to have the throne myself, and know that I would be the best fit for it, I am not going to fight you on that. I am going to marry this woman, and I am going to stick with her no matter what. I know you would rather that I married someone royal, but as I said, I do not want to marry anyone with royal bloodlines. In fact, I don’t want to marry anyone but this woman!” I looked at Sasha with love in my eyes, and I could see that she was deeply moved by what I was saying.
“And what of this baby?” my mother asked, and I turned to her with a smile.
“Mother, Father, I am going to be a parent, and you are going to be grandparents. This is not a scandal, this is what happens when two people are in love, and it is something that I am proud of. I have spent most of my life looking to gain power, but I no longer care about that. Now, all I want is to have a family. I want to be with this woman, and I want to come home to her every night. I want to have children with her, and I want to stick with her through everything life throws our way.” I paused as I looked
from one of my parents to the other, and I could see that they were both taken aback by this new side of me.
“Those other women reduced me to nothing more than a shell. I don’t want to be that. I want to be my own man once again. I want to live with the passion that I once had, and this time, I want to pour it into something that is going to last. I’m done with the parties, and I am done with all the fun and games that didn’t lead to anything. I’m done with all the women that I once chased who I thought would make me happy. Mother, Father, I want you to look at this woman right here. She might not have royal blood in her, but you can bet that she is more of a queen than anyone I have met with real royalty.
“She has taught me what it means to live life, and I am going to do it. I am going to see what it means to fall in love with life. I want to have this with Sasha, and I think she’s going to allow me to. Now, if you are going to give the throne to Francis because of it, then I will support you. I want nothing but the best for this nation, and I am done fighting you for that. You both know best, and I know you are going to make the right decision.” I smiled at both of them, once again causing them to exchange glances.
But I wasn’t going to just stand around and wait for what they had to say. For the first time in my life, I was beginning to experience true passion. It wasn’t just a sexual, lustful passion. It was something deeper and more intense. I wanted to know this woman. I wanted to spend time with her. I wanted to learn everything about her, and then some. I wanted to make memories with her, and I wanted to be the one she thought of first in the morning and last at night.
There were so many things I wanted to do with this woman, and the fact that she was going to have my child only intensified my desire for her. For the first time in my life I didn’t care if that meant I was going to live a hard life. I didn’t care if I was going to have to go through difficult times, and I didn’t care if that meant that I might have to struggle for money.
Protect Me - A Steamy Bodyguard Romance (You Can't Resist a Bad Boy Book 5) Page 87