Match Me If You Can

by Tiana Smith

“You say you’re in this relationship, but it doesn’t feel like it.” His brows were furrowed, his voice low. “Whenever we’re in public, you act so distant. I can’t tell what you’re thinking. I mean, I practically serenaded you at a soccer game, for crying out loud, and you haven’t even told anyone we’re a couple.” He shook his head. “Are you sure this is what you want? I’m giving it my all, but you…”

  I stepped out of the car, but Vince didn’t back up, so we were pressed next to each other in the small space between the open door and the car. If he needed some kind of public declaration, then I’d do it when we were around our classmates, but I needed to at least make things better now. He was so right. I’d been acting without thinking.

  I put my hands on his chest. How lucky was I to have a completely honest and open boyfriend, even when I kept everything from him? Of course, even now, there was a traitorous corner of my brain that whispered of someone else I knew with strong chest muscles, and I let out a shaky breath.

  But then my eyes connected with Vince’s again, and I saw the hurt there. Stretching up on my tiptoes, I softly kissed him. He reciprocated hesitantly at first, before shifting our bodies so we pushed up against the side of the car. When he deepened the kiss, I felt a thrill race from my fingers to my toes.

  I was doing the right thing. Vince’s kiss convinced me of that. He was suffering right now, but I was going to find a way to make everything better. Vince was all in, and it was time for me to get off the fence. I mean, look at how quickly Logan had moved on to Elena. He obviously wasn’t boyfriend potential.

  I kissed Vince and let myself enjoy it. He really was a good kisser. I thought of all the reasons I’d matched us together in the first place, and this time, I pushed the regret to the back of my mind. I locked it away and vowed not to let it in again. I told myself I could be happy in this relationship.

  After all the lies I’d told myself that week, it wasn’t hard to add another to the list.

  seventeen

  Somehow Vince convinced me to go on a double date on Thursday night.

  With Elena and Logan.

  I wasn’t sure how it happened, but I was guessing it had something to do with Vince’s blue puppy-dog eyes and how I felt guilty about everything. Vince could have asked me to shave my head and I probably would have said yes. I’d written another article about soccer last night after our date, and watching YouTube clips of his games only made me like him more. He was so dedicated and focused—willing to put in the work and make sacrifices. It was a spark of hope. Because it meant our relationship was brimming with possibilities.

  Still. This double date was not good. And how had he convinced Elena?

  Maybe he’d blackmailed her. Or maybe Robyn was right, and Elena really did like Vince. It would certainly explain some of her hostility toward me, even if she did claim there was nothing between them.

  I worried about it the entire way to the mini-golf place and nonstop while we played the first few holes. I couldn’t help but wonder if there was something going on between them.

  That thought made my head hurt, so instead I focused on hitting the ball into the hole. Mini-golf was not my forte. I was at least eight strokes behind everyone else—a fact that Logan seemed to get immense satisfaction from.

  “You’re not perfect at everything, then. That’s good to know,” he said into my ear.

  The way his breath tickled my neck sent shivers down my arms as I tried to hit the stupid ball. All night he’d gone back to his regular taunting, taking pictures he claimed were for the yearbook, when really he was probably planning to blackmail us with them when this date was over.

  My ball went wide, bouncing off the wall and sliding down the fake grass until it finally stopped a good two feet from the hole.

  “That’s okay, babe; you’ll get it next time.”

  Vince didn’t seem to notice how his comment irked everyone in our group, me most of all, Elena for who knew what reason, and Logan because Vince was now standing right in front of his shot. Vince moved, Logan took his turn, and then Elena came to the front of the hole.

  She looked back at Logan, who was now leaning casually against the fake towering boulders, his arms crossed against his chest. Her gaze ping-ponged to Vince, who was standing next to me, one arm now around my waist. She rested her weight on her golf club, cocking her hip to the side.

  “You,” she said, pointing to Logan. He stepped away from the boulder, coming to her side with eyebrows raised.

  “Yes?”

  “You asked me to homecoming.”

  “Yes.” Logan seemed confused by this line of questioning. As was I. Especially when Elena whipped around to face me.

  “And you say he really does like me.”

  I looked across at Logan, who shrugged, like he had no more idea what this was all about than I did.

  “Yes,” I said. Talking with Elena this whole night had been like scraping nails along a chalkboard. Unfortunately, she and Vince seemed like a package deal, so even if I hadn’t been wanting to patch things up between us, I’d have to learn to play nice. Still, monosyllabic words were about all I could muster. Maybe, with enough time, I could remember the fun side of Elena, the side I missed more than anything, but right now I could barely even smile.

  “Okay.” Elena was nodding to herself. She looked again at Vince, her expression unreadable. Then she turned to face Logan directly. “Then prove it.”

  His eyebrows scrunched together as he thought about her words. “H-how?”

  Then Elena, true to her unpredictable nature, did the one thing I’d never expected her to do.

  Elena kissed Logan.

  It was silent all around us—except for the screaming going on in my head.

  I didn’t like this.

  Not. One. Bit.

  Fire coursed through my veins, every nerve ending in my body shouting for me to take Elena by her shoulders and do something. I wasn’t sure what. Punch her? Gouge her eyes out? Compose awful poetry, rhyming her name with really despicable synonyms? I wanted to do all those things and then some. Not because of all the horrible things Elena had done to me, but because she was kissing Logan. I wanted to force Elena and Logan apart and shove her into the mini-golf pond to my left. The water smelled about as awful as I felt. She’d probably contract some deadly disease, and it’d serve her right. The putrid, green water might even do permanent damage to her hair. Her hair that she was always so proud of. I wanted to set fire to that hair.

  I wanted to eat all the ice cream in the world. I wanted to cry big, fat, ugly tears.

  But I didn’t. Instead I stood there, frozen. We all did, each of us waiting for the kiss to end. Vince still clutched my waist. Logan hadn’t moved, apparently too surprised to act in any way.

  I was surprised myself. At my own reaction. I never would have suspected the jealousy to take over as completely as it had. Sure, I knew Logan had gotten under my skin. I knew he affected me and I liked him. But still? Even after committing myself to Vince, I couldn’t get my heart to agree with my head. I’d thought that eventually Vince would replace Logan and I could merrily go on my way. I hadn’t thought Logan would claim that part of my heart only to never give it back. I never thought a pros-and-cons list could lie.

  I tried to imagine my reaction if Vince had been the one Elena kissed.

  Nothing.

  I literally felt nothing. If Elena kissed Vince, I didn’t think I’d care. And that thought turned my world on its axis. Because I did care that she was kissing Logan. I cared a whole lot. This was the straw that broke my back, and I couldn’t shoulder the weight.

  She finally ended the kiss, relaxing back onto her heels.

  Logan looked at me. Elena looked at Vince. I looked at Logan. Vince looked at Elena. It was like one of those slow-motion videos. I could almost imagine the view panning out, then zooming in on each of our faces as we waited for someone to speak first.

  “Well, uh…” Logan brought his hand to the back of his n
eck. “I certainly wasn’t expecting that.”

  That made two of us. Three if you counted Vince, because I was pretty sure he was just as shocked, given the fact that his grip on my waist had tightened to an uncomfortable level.

  I was so, so incredibly stupid. I’d been fighting a losing battle all along, so desperate for … what? Validation? A picture-perfect homecoming date that I could brag about ten years from now? What did any of that matter?

  Plotting out my future didn’t matter if I wasn’t happy in it. What use were plans A, B, and C if each of them were equally awful? And worst of all, I had dragged everyone else down with me. Stupid Mia. Poor, blind, stupid Mia. I’d tried pretending my feelings for Logan were superficial, but it wasn’t until I saw him kissing someone else that I was finally able to admit they weren’t going away anytime soon. No matter how much I tried to put someone else in his place.

  “That was interesting,” Elena said, crossing her arms.

  It was? What did that mean?

  “Maybe I’ll write about this in my next gossip article,” Elena said. I swallowed. That sounded foreboding. I needed to change the subject. Fast.

  “Maybe we should move to the next hole?” I said. If we kept moving, maybe I could pretend like the last five minutes hadn’t happened. There was only one hole left and then I could go home, crawl beneath my covers, and bawl my eyes out. Earlier we’d discussed going out for dessert, but there was no way that was happening now. Every additional second was torture. Sitting in a mostly empty diner, quietly eating pie and pretending like I didn’t want the guy on the opposite side of the table, well, that didn’t seem like a good time to me.

  “Yes, one hole left,” Vince said, his voice strained.

  Maybe all of us were dying to get through this evening. Or maybe I was the only one. Either way, it was obvious my feelings for Logan weren’t dead. Not by a long shot.

  eighteen

  I needed to ask Robyn for advice. But I couldn’t work up the guts until Friday afternoon, when the weekend was staring me in the face with all its loneliness. It wasn’t like I was going to hang out with Elena, and Vince was out of town with away games all weekend. Logan was probably busy planning a candlelit dinner with my frenemy, so I finally broke down and asked Robyn if she was busy. An hour later I was waiting for her, pacing outside the coffee shop like I’d already had one too many cappuccinos.

  “Hey there, stranger,” a voice said behind me. I turned and Robyn slung an arm around me, leading me inside. Once there, she dropped her purse onto a booth seat, scooting in until she was leaning against the wall, and stuck her feet out in front of her.

  “Make yourself comfortable,” I said. Nope, my voice wasn’t shaking. Not. One. Bit.

  “How’s my bestie? The journalism competition? I feel like it’s been forever since we’ve chatted. How’s Vince?” She sounded so happy and oblivious to all the pain I’d been creating. I hated to burst her bubble.

  “He’s fine. I’m still behind the comics in the competition, and I can’t think of an original idea to save my life.” Yeah, like I didn’t have enough stress to go around. “How’s your matchmaking biz?”

  I held my breath while waiting for her answer, because that would determine my next move. Was she in a good mood? A bad one? If I told her I had feelings for Logan, would she hate me forever? Anxiety wormed its way into my stomach, flipping it around like a puppy’s chew toy. Telling Robyn might end badly. So very badly.

  My heartbeat could probably rival that of a hummingbird, and I couldn’t seem to take in a full breath. Everything else had crashed and burned—I couldn’t afford to lose Robyn, too. If I played my cards wrong, she might want nothing to do with me. I’d have to live out the rest of my high school life as a complete social outcast. I’d probably become a hermit who ate lunch in a bathroom stall.

  “It is what it is,” she said, picking up some sugar packets and starting to build a house with them.

  What did that mean? It was like she was being vague on purpose. Robyn knew me too well, though, which meant she probably already knew where this conversation was going.

  “What’d you think of Logan’s flash mob?” Robyn placed another packet carefully, not looking me in the eye. Yep, she was definitely leading this conversation somewhere. I’d never felt so out of touch with my best friend before. We hadn’t really talked since Logan asked Elena to homecoming. And the two minutes we’d gone dress shopping hadn’t counted. Lately I’d been focusing so much on my next article, and Robyn had mysterious journalism work, so we’d gone our separate ways the past few days. I sighed as I sat down, my knee hitting the table and causing Robyn’s sugar packet tower to fall. She scowled and began again.

  “It was … great?” Lie. But I was trying to feel her out, see where she stood.

  Robyn raised one eyebrow.

  “Yes. Very … educational.” Another lie. Why was it so hard to tell Robyn the truth? It was what I’d come here to do, but admitting I was wrong somehow tasted sour. Like saying everything I’d ever stood for was false. I put my head down on my arms, muffling my next confession. “Okay, it was torture. You happy?”

  “You mean you’ve learned your lesson?” She practically purred with satisfaction. I raised my head to give her a dirty look.

  “You don’t have to sound so happy about it.”

  “I’m not happy you’re upset. I’m simply glad you can see my side now. Logan’s side. Elena’s. Not just your own.”

  Logan’s side—that was easy. Elena’s? That was a whole lot harder. All I knew was that every time I faced her, I was in foreign territory. Our conversations were pinched and I was unsure of my own footing, stumbling around as I tried to regain some sense of normalcy. But if she was being genuine, if she really felt like all this was my fault and I’d orchestrated Logan liking her.… well, that would be pretty awful. I could give her that much. How would I react if I thought my friend had done that to me? Especially if I thought she’d stolen the guy I liked only to throw it in my face?

  “I get it,” I said. “Messing with people’s hearts is a serious business. I already feel terrible. You don’t have to make it worse.”

  Robyn set the remaining sugar packets aside.

  “So you’re finally willing to admit you were wrong?”

  “About so many things.”

  “Repeat after me,” she said. “I, Mia, hereby proclaim that Robyn is always right. And she is the most beautiful, most talented, most supremely perfect person ever.”

  I slugged her in the arm, and she pretended to be hurt. She took a deep breath and looked me in the eye.

  “So what are you going to do about it?”

  My shoulders slumped. “I have no idea. Help me.”

  She pursed her lips. “You’re the one who got yourself into this mess. You have to get yourself out of it.”

  “Please, I’m begging you. Tell me what I should do. Nothing makes sense. Vince and I aren’t working, Logan is chasing after Elena, and I’m pretty sure all this stress is giving me acne.” I pointed to my forehead for emphasis.

  “Well, we can’t have that, now can we?” She cracked a smile, and I knew I was forgiven. “All right, I’ll give you my advice. But you have to promise you won’t hurt my business any more than you already have. I’m behind almost a whole month in saving for my car. I tried telling people that my contract only guarantees one date and that sometimes things don’t work out, but that doesn’t make them more likely to entrust me with their love lives. Whatever you do, leave my business out of it, and make sure people know you’re acting on your own.”

  I nodded, and Robyn stuck out her hand for me to shake.

  “Deal.”

  “Okay, first step: Forget about Vince. Entirely.” She pointed a finger at me, like a warning. “Sorry, Mia, I know you’re worried about homecoming, and I hate to be the one to break it to you, but this perfect idea you have in your head just isn’t going to happen. You wanted honesty, right?”

  It was swe
et she’d try to spare my feelings, but it wasn’t anything I hadn’t already admitted to myself.

  “Yeah, yeah, I get it. He’s out of my league, anyway.” I was tired of making it work when it so obviously wasn’t. The part I hated most was that it was my fault for pushing an agenda that no one agreed with. Now, apparently, not even me. Could I be more awful?

  “As your best friend, I hate to disagree with you, but I’m going to have to in this case. I know you, Mia. You’re smart and talented, and sure, you sometimes make a fool of yourself, but your heart is in the right place. You care about your friends, and you always try to do the right thing. If Vince can’t see all that, then that’s his loss and you’re the one who’s out of his league.”

  I smiled. “I’d hug you if you weren’t across the table.”

  One half of her mouth quirked up in a grin.

  “Okay, so you need to set Vince free. That’s step one. Step two: You need to get comfortable with the idea that Vince and Elena are totally meant to be together. I know you aren’t exactly supportive of that idea, but it’s going to happen, so you have to get on board.”

  “Done.”

  She looked skeptical.

  “No, really,” I said. “I should have seen all the signs earlier. It certainly explains … things. Like Elena’s reaction when she learned I’d blown off Vince to go to the Pier with Logan. Or how Vince acted around Elena at the bowling alley while I hid in the bathroom. And his strange insistence that I forgive her for the article she wrote. Or the fact that she was the first person he confided in when he worried that I’d kissed Logan in the janitor’s closet, leading her to write that piece. This whole time, he’s been more interested in her than me, and I was just too caught up to see it.” I paused. “That doesn’t mean I’ve totally forgiven Elena, but that’s not Vince’s fault.”

  Robyn nodded. “Good.”

  “But why would he submit an application to you if he already had feelings for Elena?” I asked. “That’s the part I don’t get.”

  Robyn leaned back and played with a sugar packet. “Elena submitted an application, too. The day before Vince. My guess is that Vince found out and hurried to get his in.”