by L. M. Reign
“We are. Dash and Milo will be there, keeping their eyes open.”
“You should talk to him,” she tells me. I ignore her statement, not wasting my time thinking about him today. It’s the same stuff.
He’s sorry.
He misses you.
He knows he fucked up.
“Call me when you’ve got the prints,” I tell Dash, making my way to the door.
“Mila?” He calls after me. I turn, facing him.
“Yes?”
“Bí cúramach.” Be careful.
I stare at the man that’s been in my life long enough to become my brother. Someone I’ve always relied on, depended on, and trust with my life. The one that’s always faithful and loyal to our team, our cause, our people and give him a soft smile.
“Am i gcónaí.” Always am.
_____________________
Driving around this old town led me down a road that holds many secrets, but she never tells the stores trapped within the blacktop.
This road and I know each other very well from all the angry, sad, and tearful tire treads I’ve left on her over the years in my haste to get away.
I edge the car into a slow crawl, coasting down the narrow lane. The neatly trimmed grassy knolls on each side, riddled with marble pillars and plaques marking spots as the final resting place for many.
The marble bench that dad insisted on gleams in the distance, a beautiful siren welcoming me home after so long. Pulling my car against the curb, I park and wait until the slow rumble dies before stepping out.
They say the path to hell is paved with good intentions. Not this one. This path is well worn, well kept, and paved from the worst.
The closer I get to the large marble stone, the worse the weight begins to bear on my chest. The scent of magnolias cling to the air as I circle the slab, coming to stand before it. A fresh bouquet of flowers sit at its feet and I smile.
Dad.
Squatting, I trace the engraved epitaph, taking my time over each groove until I’ve traced them all.
Rose Eilis Rogers
June 8, 1976 - April 3, 2015
And I will sleep in peace until you come to me
Beloved wife, mother, daughter, sister and friend.
“Hi mama,” I croaked, my throat closing in on me as the tears I’ve kept at bay fall freely. Gravity pulls me down and I go willingly. Sitting cross legged beside her, wiping my nose on my sleeve. A small laugh escapes as I debate how much of a snotty mess I look.
“I miss you. So much. Milo and dad are fighting again since dad announced his plans to marry Brooke next year. I think you’d like her. She makes him happy.
Milo’s struggling to accept it. I think it’s because of Stella. He doesn’t understand why you’d bring someone willingly into this life. If you can, work a little bit of magic on him? He needs to be loved. He’s worthy of feeling that again.
As for me... I’m fine. Cole’s back. Don’t get too excited, though,” I chuckle softly, remembering how mom wanted Cole and I to work out.
“He still doesn’t know. We aren’t together. I’m not sure we can work things out. He’s... a biker. Doesn’t really understand this life.
But sometimes, I’m tired of being alone. I crave that human connection that transcends beyond this. That kind of connection you and dad had. I want that, mama. I want that so bad. I just don’t think Cole will be the one to give it to me. And, oddly enough, I’ve come to terms with that. I prepared myself this time.”
It’s not long until my legs start to numb from the chill and the position. Standing, I move to sit on the bench and freeze when I see the new engraving.
Every day, every place, every thought is connected to you, beautiful child.
Like sand dancing in the sunlight, you drifted into our lives with the promises of what could be, giving your mother a glimpse of a beautiful future.
We never held you in our arms, but you’re in our hearts forever.
I sat on the bench and wept. Wept for my mother who should be here. Wept for the child that I never gave a chance. Wept for the love I’ve lost and the loneliness that’s become my life.
The vibrations from my phone force me to collect myself. Unlocking the screen, I see two new messages from Cole. I delete those without reading them and focus on the one I’ve been waiting for.
D: 10 sets are done. Mock test is ready.
I take five more minutes to get myself in check and place a kiss on her headstone before I head out.
_____________________
It takes two more hours to test the prints before I’m satisfied with the end results. We had to mix and match between the two batches, determining which prints were the best.
“This is it,” Milo muttered, closing the trunk on our equipment. He turned to me and I sense he wanted to say something but was holding back.
He shoved one hand in his pocket, the other going to his chin. I could hear the bristliness of his day-old stubble as he scraped his palm across his jaw.
“Spit it out, loser. You were never good at not saying what was on your mind. Don’t start now.”
“Please,” his tone sounds pleading. Clearing his throat, he continues, “be careful. You’re my mirror. My witness and my partner in crime. You’re the only one who can pull me back from my own shit. Be safe. Kick ass. And come back home. Okay?”
His words hit me in the gut, his fear palpable. I understood his meaning. Loud and clear.
If I get caught... I will die.
Instead of letting my brother worry about me, I tease him. “Do you need me to smack your ass and call you “Princess”? ‘Cause you’re acting like a little bitch.”
He lets out a gruff chuckle before pulling me into a hug. “Mo Chuisle. Is breá liom tú.” My pulse. I love you.
“Is breá liom tú,” I tell him softly before taking his hand and kissing it. “See you?”
He places a chaste kiss on mine. “Soon.”
_____________________
“Let’s do this,” Ness’ jovial voice filters through my ears as I make my way to the building. “Halls are clear. You remember the way?”
I confirm and enter quietly, following the same modus operandi as before. Stick to the shadows and improvise. I head down the hall to summon the elevator before hiding in a room off to the side. The print worked perfectly.
“Clear,” Ness confirmed the emptiness of the elevator.
Stepping inside, I was relieved that there were only two floors. Selecting ‘LL’, I steel myself for what awaited me on the other side.
“When you get down there, find the nearest camera - if there is one - and clip the box to it. I’ll tap into the feed for that floor from there. Be careful. You’re going in blind.”
The elevator jolts to a stop and I cling to the side, drawing my weapon. The ding was so loud that I flinched, anticipating trouble.
“That elevator is so fucking loud,” Ness whispered. I almost laugh because I’ve been where she is, on pins and needles when you’re blind to what your partner sees.
Slowly, I peel myself from the wall, coming to face a dimly lit hallway.
A lone light flickers on and off, illuminating a set of five doors. Two on either side and the last one at the end of the hallway.
I step out and stay in front of the elevator until it closes, shrouding me in darkness as I search for a camera. The blinking red light to my left catches my attention and I slowly move under it, remaining in darkness as I pull out the small component grabber Ness gave me earlier.
“Check in number one,” Ness echoed, following protocol of checking in after ten minutes of no communication from me.
“Clear,” I whisper as I clip the transmitter box between the small prongs. Peeling the protective layer off the sticky putty, I stick it underneath the camera.
“Transmitter box is in place,” I tell her, shoving the small grabber in my back pocket.
It feels like an eternity until Ness says the magic words.
“Looped in. Let�
��s roll. Why the fuck does that place look like an asylum?”
“I don’t know what I was expecting, but it wasn’t this.”
“Be advised, there’s a lot of foot action happening upstairs.”
Slowly walking down the hall, I peek into the rooms through the small windows but am met with darkness behind the opaque glass. Muted shuffling comes from somewhere. Freezing, I strain my ears to hear it again, unsure if the noise was real.
“Do you hear something?”
I wave my hand violently behind me like Ness is there. Using the universal sign for SHUT THE FUCK UP! when I hear it again. It's so faint, I almost miss it.
“There are no cameras in those rooms, so I can’t tell you what you’ll be walking into. Be ready.”
Drawing my gun again, I make my way to the door beside the room that the sound came from. Sliding inside, I carefully shut close it behind me.
I’ve frequented rooms like this enough to know what it was. This is a holding room for interrogations. Looking around, I find a switch, apprehensively flipping it to reveal the two-way mirror. Bringing me face-to-face with the man I’ve been looking for this whole time.
Kieran Bastian.
He stands there, right in front of me, facing the mirror while brushing his hair. What was once sleek black is now streaked with a smattering of gray. His face is riddled with several tiny craters from a punishment long ago. His eyes, once familiar, are now hard and cold. Unforgiving and merciless. The mean looking scar trailing from his left eye down to his lip makes me smile.
Mama always was a ruthless fighter.
Tears spring to my eyes while I stare at the scar from her last fight. The one where she was taken from us.
Surveying the room, I note that in place of the interrogation table was an unmade cot. A small toilet was off to the side complete with a sink. An iota of pleasure rushes through me, knowing that he’s been like this. Like a prisoner under the watch of the very people he’s chosen to protect him.
Rot. You fucking bastard.
“Check in number two.”
“Clear,” I say in a shaky voice.
“Did you fi-”
I don’t let her finish as I choke, “Yes.”
“Fuck. Is he in there with you?”
“Other room. Two-way mirror.”
“I’m letting the guys know. There’s movement coming your way. You’ll have a thirty second window to get to the elevators. Stay in the shadows.”
I don’t respond. Instead, I stand there fighting the overwhelming urge to ignore my orders, and tear into that room to end this once and for all.
The opportunity to end all the pain and suffering we’ve endured from the injustice dealt by this man was right there for the taking. The punishment for the insubordination would surely be worth it.
In the end, I chose to walk away. Frustrated and overwhelmed by the onslaught of emotions that I wasn’t prepared to feel after seeing him, had me retreating.
My only solace was the knowledge of what I’d be able to do to him once we had him.
_____________________
Cole
Once we finished setting up the platform that the hospital provided for the Winter Bash, all I wanted was a beer and solitude.
And Mila.
Taking a few steps away from everyone, I pull out my phone. Unconsciously navigating to her number, and just staring at it on the screen like it’ll wondrously fix everything.
It’s hard for her to face the past and I still don’t know why. But it’s hard for me to navigate the emotional confusion when I don’t know what happened after I left.
I’ve tried so hard to distance myself from that guy - that fucking kid - but I proved that I hadn’t changed. That I’d willingly hurt her even though this time, it was pure jealousy that drove me to treat her like a pariah.
I want so bad to remind myself that I’m not like that anymore, but I’m not sure at this point. I do know that I’m not leaving this time.
Before I know it, I’m hitting the buttons. The phone rings as I pace beneath the night sky.
It feels like forever. So much that when the ringing stops, I immediately launch into my improvised voicemail message. I was so distracted I didn’t realize that she answered until I heard her sniffling.
“Baby... I’m sorry,” I say, wanting to kick my ass for not having something better to give her. She deserves better. “You there?”
“Yeah.” Her voice is brittle, cracking open, letting devastation pour through. I could feel her tears wetting my face through the phone, and all I want to do is eviscerate my insides for causing her so much pain.
“I’m sorry.” I know I sound like a pussy and I never apologize, but I don’t give a fuck anymore. I’d do anything to have her here again.
She’s it for me.
I just need to fix this and get her to see it, too.
“Okay.”
That one word hits me like a punch to the gut. Ma always told us to be more afraid of a woman who isn’t showing her ass than one who is because that means she’s done.
Fuckin’. Done.
“Where are you?”
“Under the stars.” Rocky Point. “Don’t come h-here,” I hear the hiccup in her voice. “I need time alone, Cole.”
“I’m so fuckin’ sorry I did this to you, Mila. Baby, please let me fix it.”
“I-it’s not you. I need to go.”
There’s a shuffle on the end and it sounds like she’s wiping her eyes.
“Don’t go. What’s wrong? Talk to me.”
“I have to deal with my demons alone. That’s why I can’t do this right now. I’ll see you later,” she tells me, ending the call.
_____________________
Mila
I hang up the phone to dial another number when the name of the person I need most flashes across the screen.
“Need me?” His gruff voice, croaks.
He’s feeling it, too.
“Always,” I tell him quietly.
“I’ll be there.”
_____________________
Thirty minutes later, headlights blind me as he pulls up. Heavy boots crunch against the gravel, bringing him to sit beside me.
“Come here,” Milo wraps his arm around me. I lean my head on his shoulder while we gaze across the water at nothing in the darkness.
“He was right there,” I sniffle. “Right. Fucking. There.” I accentuated each word with a punch to my hand.
“I know.”
I feel the shudder in his breathing and refuse to meet his eyes. My brother is one of the strongest men in my life. Seeing him cry would break me more than this.
“We’ll get him.” He takes a deep breath. “I’m proud of you, though. You walked away. I don’t think I could’ve.”
“I almost didn’t,” I spoke honestly.
“Punishment would’ve been worth it,” he mumbled against my hair. I laugh a little.
“That’s exactly what I thought.”
His soft chuckle rumbled through his chest. “I knew you would’ve. Look,” he separates from me, getting my attention before continuing, “We’re going to get this bastard. And when we do, we’ll put all this behind us. Once this is over, we can move forward, celebrating her memory instead of living in anguish over it.”
I nod in agreement. Milo always could soothe the turmoil wreaking havoc on my soul.
“Speaking of memories, you know dad had a thing for the baby put on the bench?”
Shock flickers across his features before his lip curled into a small smile.
“I didn’t know, but I’m glad he did. You still haven’t told him?”
I shake my head, letting my shoulders drop. I’m emotionally and mentally exhausted from this entire job.
“He loves you, Mi. I hate to admit it, but he really does fucking love you. I hate the guy for what he did, and I doubt he and I will ever be the way we were, but you two? You deserve a chance at happiness. If he’s it, take it.”
&n
bsp; “I don’t know. I’m tired of being alone sometimes, but he doesn’t understand this life. And Asher told them I handed her off to the Italians.”
“What? That’s fucking stupid. We’ve made a few more runs for them, and no one’s mentioned anything about Asher. Dash and I thought she got tangled up with them through drugs.”
I change the subject, focusing on their first run. “Did Bodi ever talk to them about jumping you?”
“Said some shit about how they’d never do that.”
I scowled. “Fucking bastards. I know what I heard.”
“I trust you. They haven’t tried anything.” I heard his unspoken finale.
Yet. They haven’t tried anything yet.
“Back to the subject. Asher?”
“I don’t know. I don’t know how she ended up with them, but Cole believes her. Threw that shit back in my face like it had merit.”
“Motherfucker. Nevermind. I take back everything I just said. Fuck him. You deserve happiness with someone else.”
I can’t help the laughter that bubbles up in my throat at my brother’s rapid change of emotions.
“This is so fucked. I’m ready to be done with this.”
“Me too,” I agree. “Me too.”
“On a scale of this to the job in Dubai, which is worse?”
“Oh my God. Dubai. Dubai will always win.”
“I still can’t believe you did that.”
“The job was to neutralize the threat by any means necessary.” I defend my actions half-heartedly.
“You lit the guy on fire while strapped to his favorite chair. That’s some sick shit.”
“He kept moaning on about how he planned to die as a king. I made sure he did.”
“We’re so fucked up, aren’t we?”
“Yeah. We are.”
Silence settles over us as we continue to stare out over the water. Small ripples and gurgles are our only friends here.
“You know I want you to be happy, Mi. Wherever that takes you. I want you to be so fucking happy that your heart could just burst.”