I nodded. “I started out with another Little Brother, but he took off pretty quickly. I actually met Lawson while I was half looking for Trey, half about to take off right after him.”
“Good thing you met the kid when you did.”
“It is,” I agreed, then smirked. “It doesn’t hurt that he has a fucking hot mother.”
His jaw went slack. “Only you would use this as an opportunity to hook up with the poor kid’s mother.”
“I didn’t hook up with her. I let her take me to dinner to get to know me better.”
“You let her take you to dinner?” He repeated my question. “Jesus fucking Christ, Declan.”
“What?” I put my arms out with my palms turned upward. “I tried paying, but she wouldn’t let me. I told her I’d get the check next time.”
“Next time?” He frowned. “Please tell me you’re not actually thinking about starting a relationship with this woman, taking her to dinner and playing house daddy to her son for the next three months.”
“No.” It came out as a harsh denial. “I have no intention of starting a relationship with anyone. All that I meant was that we were probably going to have dinner again sometime while I was her son’s Big Brother.”
“You’re not planning on fucking her?” Incredulity dripped from his tone.
“I’m not planning it necessarily, but if it happens, I sure as hell wouldn’t say no.” My dick stirred just thinking about fucking her, of being inside that sexy little body of hers. I’d bet her puss—
“That’s not a good idea, bro.” Finley yanked me right out of what would have been a very uncomfortable position if he’d given me another thirty seconds to think about it.
“Why not?” I cocked my head. “I’m not saying I’m going to hit on her or anything, but if one thing leads to another, I’d be down with it.”
His brows pulled together in concern as he released a heavy sigh. “Just be careful, Declan. There’s more at stake here than just some girl’s feelings getting hurt if you hit it and quit it. Lawson could be hurt too. Badly.”
Biting my tongue as his words sank in, I realized that he might be right. Raeanne was hot, and I’d enjoyed being around her, but Lawson didn’t deserve to be caught in the crossfire.
From what little I’d heard, the guy had never known his father. He didn’t seem to have a single male figure in his life, and having listened to him talking during the day we spent together, he seemed to think adult males were pieces of shit.
I didn’t want him to think I was a piece of shit, too. I didn’t really know why I cared. I only knew that I did.
Chapter 12
Raeanne
“These are gorgeous,” Tessa said as she pored over the photos I’d taken for her fashion editor last week. “This feature is going to be stunning. We’re all going to convert to wearing those undies and walk around in nothing else all day.”
“Trust me, no one wants to see my butt in nothing else,” I joked. Peering across her desk to catch a glimpse of which photo she was referring to, I was reminded of my failed dinner with Amber and her boyfriend. “Did you ever get your laptop fixed?”
She huffed out a deep breath but nodded. “I missed a bunch of deadlines, but I think I’ve been forgiven. I’m so sorry I couldn’t go pick Lawson up from the program that day. Everything was just going to hell in a handbasket at that exact time.”
“It’s really okay. It turned out that you saved me from some very painful dinner conversation.” I shuddered when I thought back to it, quickly filling Tessa in on what had happened. “The guy was a real douchebag. A typical rich jerk with more money than brains and more bravado than integrity. I’m willing to put up with a lot to make a name for myself, but being represented by a guy like that is not one of those things.”
Her eyes lifted from the magazine to meet mine, sympathy pooling in their depths. “I’m sorry you had to go through that. I know what those kinds of people remind you of, so I’m glad if I gave you the opportunity to get away early. I’ll keep sending you to as many shoots as I can. You’ll get there eventually without the help of self-entitled assholes.”
“Amen to that, sister.” I smiled, kissing the three fingers on my right hand and holding them out to her.
With a small shake of her head, she laughed. “I didn’t know we’d started a girl-power gang, but if I was going to be in one with anyone, it would be with you.”
“Thank you.” I sat back in her visitor’s chair, getting comfortable as I crossed my legs with one knee over the other. “All jokes, gangs, and self-entitled assholes aside, what did you want to talk to me about?”
She closed the magazine and pushed it a few inches away from her, digging a small notebook out from underneath a pile of paper. “I wanted to check in with you for our next couple of shoots. I have you lined up for a few more in the coming weeks, and then I’m working on scoring an interview that will be another shoot for you if I can get it.”
“Sounds good.” I nodded. “Just let me know when you need me so I know if I need to see if Lawson can attend the program on the days I need to work.”
“How is that going for him, by the way? Did he enjoy his first day? Have you met his brother?”
“It’s going really well. He loved his first day actually.” I paused, trying to think how to phrase the next part. Then again, this was Tessa I was talking to. “I met his Big Brother, and he’s so hot. But he’s also nice, and Lawson seems to have taken a liking to him.”
Tessa smiled, and her eyebrows lifted slightly. “So hot, huh? Tell me more.”
“That would be the part of the sentence you would get hung up on.” I grinned, twirling a lock of my hair around my finger and watching as it unwound itself. “But yes, so hot. Like lava-level hot.”
“Melt your panties level hot?” she asked with a knowing gleam entering her eyes.
My cheeks heated, and Tessa chuckled when she noticed, but I did my best to play it off. “My panties stayed firmly on, thank you very much.”
“Lava melts panties, dear.” She pursed her lips and waved her finger at me, a playful, stern expression on her face. “If he is as hot as you said he was, they’d have melted right off.”
They might not have melted, but they’d been plenty damp whenever I let myself think about him for too long. Tessa didn’t need to know that, though. “It doesn’t really matter because nothing is going to happen between us. He’s good with Lawson. That’s all that matters.”
“True.” She tilted her head, folding her arms loosely across her chest. “But there’s nothing wrong with noticing a good-looking man. I’ve just never heard you mention it before.”
“That’s because I haven’t noticed one worth mentioning in forever.” Men really weren’t anywhere near my priority list. Well, no grown men anyway. My little man was the top of my priority list, and he was the only one I cared about.
Tessa seemed to know where my mind had gone because her eyes softened. “I get that Lawson is the most important person in your life, but you’re more than just a mom, you know? You’re a woman too, and young single women notice good-looking men. There’s nothing wrong with that.”
“I know.” But I sighed anyway. “I just haven’t noticed anyone in a long time. Lawson’s Big Brother is not the place to start.”
“Hey, if he’s what gets your engine running, then there’s nothing you can do about it. Hell, him being good with Lawson might even be a part of what attracts you to him.” She shrugged. “The point is that you need to get back to being Raeanne every once in a while and not just being mommy all the time.”
“I’ll take that under advisement.” I smiled. “But that’s not going to happen today. For today, I’m just going to be glad I took your last advice and enrolled him in the program.”
“I’m happy to hear that he’s got a good Big Brother. He needed a male figure in his life. If this guy is as nice as you say he is, I’m sure this is going to be great for him.”
“I th
ink it will be.” If only I could convince myself to stop thinking about Declan as lava-level hot, that would be great for me.
Thoughts about the guy had been driving me to distraction. Tessa was right about one thing: he did get my engine running. An engine I’d been convinced was a dead, rusting heap never to turn over again was suddenly purring and raring to go.
I couldn’t help that he’d been the one to awaken the beast. There was no button to shut off my attraction to him, but there was a button I could push when I was alone in the dark of night, and no one would ever have to know who I thought about when I pushed it.
At this point, an orgasm was probably the only thing that would take the edge off. Too bad I hadn’t had one in so long that I couldn’t even really remember if I ever had or how I’d gotten myself there.
Could be a fun thing to try to figure out again, though. It was probably time to get reacquainted, or properly acquainted for the first time, with my body.
I’d only just been starting to figure things out when I’d started dating Adam. He’d been my first and my only, unfortunately. A horny teenage boy was the only real experience I had. If the thought wasn’t so damn depressing, it would have been funny as hell.
Yep. Probably never have had a real orgasm, considering. Teenage boys didn’t exactly have track records of being any good at anything sexual, except perhaps jerking off. Rumor had it they were pro-level at that and garbage at everything else.
Mentally squaring my shoulders and giving myself a high five, I resolved to take matters into my own hands later. If thinking about Declan somehow helped me get there, so be it. No one would ever have to know. It would be my dirty little secret, and it was already bringing a small smile to my lips.
Tessa noticed, frowning at me from where she’d been in the process of typing something into her computer. “Me saying I was going to email you our schedule for the next few weeks has never made you smile before.”
“I’m just excited, is all.” Lying to my best friend wasn’t something I did lightly, but there was no way I was admitting to what I’d resolved to do later. Besides, I was excited. It simply wasn’t only because of the photo shoots. “I’d be happy to help you with anything else if you need me, even it’s not on that schedule. You can let me know anytime. Now that Lawson’s in the program, I’m a bit more flexible.”
She flashed me a brilliant smile. “I know. See how much of a win-win-win situation this is for all of us? I get you more often, Lawson gets a male influence, and you get a face to picture when you masturbate.”
My jaw nearly dropped, and my cheeks flooded with so much heat that they were now lava-level hot. Had she heard my thoughts? Had I said something out loud?
Tessa just gave me a knowing smirk. “Girl, my longest dry spell was eight months. You’re going on almost eight years. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure it out.”
Deciding not to prolong this horribly uncomfortable conversation by arguing, I stood up from my seat. “Whatever. Call me if you need me for anything else. I’d be more than willing to help.”
“Will do. I should hear back about that interview I mentioned earlier within the next couple of days. It’s a feature article on one of the richest families in South Carolina. I’ve made my pitch to them. Now I’m waiting for their decision.”
“Keep me in the loop,” I said and then walked my flaming cheeks out of her office. What made me all the more embarrassed was that she was right. It would be his face I pictured later. But maybe that was nothing to be embarrassed about, as long as he never found out. Ever.
Now that would be mortifying.
Chapter 13
Declan
“Hey, little man. What’s up?” I held up my fist for Lawson to bump it, smiling when I saw how excited he was about it. It was day two that we were going to hang out at the Big Brother hall, and I had actually found myself looking forward to it a little.
“Nothing much,” he replied as he knocked his knuckles against mine, watching our hands with rapt attention. I didn’t get what was so captivating about a fist bump, but Lawson seemed unable to look away.
“You okay, buddy?” I asked, suddenly concerned that he had a fever or something. I’d have put my hand against his forehead like Mom used to do for us, but I had no clue how to tell if someone was running a temperature or when they were just normal.
“I’m fine,” he said, his eyes suddenly darting up to mine as our hands fell back to our sides. Honesty swam around in the golden-aquamarine depths, tugging at something deep inside me. “I don’t like arts and crafts. I know we have to go to the arts and crafts room now, but can we talk instead?”
“Sure. Arts and crafts aren’t really my thing either.”
He perked up, little spine straightening out. “Awesome.”
We walked side by side into the hall and made a left to follow the signs to the room where we were supposed to be finger painting or some shit. The arts and crafts room was filled with men and their little brothers, some actually making stuff while others sat and talked quietly.
Lawson and I found a spot by the window, overlooking the playground outside and the pool that was covered for the winter. A part of me thought it was a pity that I wouldn’t be here come springtime. I imagined there was a lot of fun to be had for these kids in the safety of the yard.
“I read some more of that astronomy book,” Lawson said once we were seated cross-legged on the carpet. “There is so much more to the stars than I thought.”
“That’s often the case with so many things in life. There’s a lot more to most things than we think there is.” Whoa. Where the fuck had that come from?
Breaking out in spontaneous life lessons wasn’t really something I did, but there seemed to be something about this kid that brought it out in me. It was like I wanted to teach him stuff, to share things I’d learned, and to make sure that he got the most that he possibly could out of the limited time with me.
I didn’t know who would be assigned to him once I left, but I could make sure that in case it was some loser, his time with men wouldn’t be a complete bust. Not that only men could teach him life lessons. Not at all.
In fact, the kid had already learned more from his mother than any kid of mine ever had any hope to learn from me, but that wasn’t the point. He was here to get some insight from the male perspective, and that was what I was trying to bring to the table.
“Have you ever thought about being an astronaut?” he asked me, his nose scrunched up in a solemn expression.
“Honestly? I’ve never given it serious thought. I did want to be one when I was about your age but not much after that.”
He frowned. “Why not? I think I might want to become an astronaut when I grow up. There are so many planets and stars out there to see.”
Shit. I wanted to encourage the kid to follow his dreams, but I had a feeling Raeanne would be pretty pissed at me if I had any hand in anything that would take Lawson’s ass off this planet.
A week ago, I wouldn’t have thought that much about it. I would have just said “hell yes, go for it.” But seeing how fiercely protective his mother was of him and having been warned by Finley to be careful for Lawson’s sake, I paused for a moment to think.
“If you want to be an astronaut, that’s great. I think your mother would miss you, though. I think you would miss her too. There are lots of other careers to follow if you want to incorporate the stars and planets into whatever it is you end up doing. Teaching, for example. Or data analysis for any of the big companies making strides in space exploration right now.”
Resting his chin in his palm, he blew out a deep breath and shrugged. “Yeah, I guess so. Being an astronaut looks cool, though. I might still do it.”
“If anyone has what it takes to make the cut for that, it’s you,” I said, nearly doing a doubletake at myself when I realized I meant what I said. “But maybe keep your options open for now. There’s still a lot of stuff you haven’t explored yet.”
There was a sudden twinge of sadness in my chest that I wouldn’t be there to see it, but maybe we could keep in touch. Or I’d just look up his name on the Internet when I was sixty or so, check in on what the kid had achieved.
“What do you do for work?” he asked, eyes wide and curious.
Well, well, well. If it isn’t my favorite question. Raeanne had asked me this the other night too, but I guessed Lawson had tuned out of the boring, serious, grown-up conversation. “I don’t do much actually.”
There. I’d been totally honest with him, so why was that guilty feeling still stuck to my insides like it had been glued there with superglue?
Questions jumped into Lawson’s eyes, and I changed the subject so I wouldn’t have to answer him. I didn’t want the kid to look at me like I was some kind of bum. I was enjoying being important to someone, something different to the way my family had seen me my whole life.
“What grade are you in at school?” I asked, then nearly winced when I saw the pain that entered his eyes at the mention of school.
“Second,” he mumbled.
I reached out to poke him in the knee, frowning as I waited for him to look up at me again. “What’s wrong? Are you being bullied by those kids you mentioned the other day? The ones you said look at you like you’re a freak of nature.”
“No,” he said. But it was fast. Too fast. Then he shrugged, a quiet sigh escaping him. “People have to know you exist before you can get bullied. No one really remembers I exist once we’re out of the classroom. I don’t have many friends. Mostly, I just stay in the library by myself.”
My heart clenched as if it had been caught in a vise. There was such defeat in his tone that if I hadn’t known he was seven and had only just started with school, I’d have thought he’d learned to hide after years of torment at the hands of his classmates.
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