A satisfied sort of smirk appeared on Wayde’s lips. “He was also here because the court sent him to us. Did you know that?”
“Yes. He mentioned seeing me in court.” My lips curled in distaste as I remembered my encounter with the dude-bro. “What about him?”
“He’s behind bars.” The satisfaction in Wayde’s expression grew, but there was also an undercurrent of anger and frustration bubbling right below the surface. “It serves him right for what he did and for blowing his chances here with us.”
“I agree.” I didn’t know what he had done to land here, but I didn’t really care. Just like me, he’d been sent here because he’d committed a crime. He skipped out on the one shot he had at avoiding prison.
It wasn’t my fault, and it wasn’t like I’d done the same thing, so I still didn’t understand why Wayde was talking to me about this. A faint voice in the back of my mind reminded me that I had come really close to doing the same thing, but I ignored it.
Yes, I’d considered walking out, but I hadn’t. All that felt like it had happened a lifetime ago anyway, not mere weeks ago. “I’m sorry, but why did you call me into your office to discuss Connor?”
“Because you’re just like him,” he spat, then sucked in a deep breath that did nothing to curb the sudden lashes of anger he was dishing out with his tongue. “Kids count on their Big Brothers, and the entire program is put at risk when filth like you is allowed in. Consider this your final warning, Declan. I’m not playing around. You step one foot out of line, and I will report you. You can join Connor Lake in a six-by-nine cell for the rest of your days for all I care.”
I lifted my hands in surrender, splaying my fingers open and showing him my palms. “Calm down, buddy. I haven’t stepped a foot out of line, and I’m not going to. I realize that our little brothers count on us. I like my little brother. I’m not going to bail on him. Connor and I might have ended up here because of similar circumstances, but I am not like him.”
My tone grew hard on the last sentence, but Wayde didn’t react. He stared at me for a long minute without saying anything. Then his muscles relaxed, and he rolled his chair forward against his desk.
“I’m very happy to hear that, but you better mean it. These are good kids, and they don’t deserve to be fucked around with by criminals who only care about escaping the consequences of their actions and not about the damage they can cause to their little brothers from lack of committal.”
He waved his fingers at me, dismissing me as his gaze dropped to one of the stacks of paper in front of him. My fists clenched at my sides, and my body felt like it was buzzing with the need to defend myself against these bullshit accusations.
Rising to my feet as calmly as I could, I injected a hint of steel into my tone that I knew wouldn’t be missed. “I’m not fucking around with my little brother, and I do care about him. Despite the way I found myself a part of this program, you can’t say that I haven’t committed to it. I will serve out my time here, and when I leave, I will personally ensure that no damage is caused to Lawson as a result. But consider this my final warning to you, Wayde. I will not take this shit from you again.”
His cheeks were paler when he looked me in the eyes again, and I knew my message had been delivered. So pissed off that I had to fight the urge to put my fist through the cheap dry-walling that formed his office, I strode out and slammed the door shut behind me.
Wayde’s office was near the front entrance of the hall, and as I marched out, I saw Lawson coming in. A rush of disappointment flowed through me that Wayde’s tactics meant that I’d missed the opportunity to say hi to Raeanne when she dropped him off, but I pushed everything else down and trained my focus on Lawson.
“Hey, how’s it going?” I called, taking long strides to close the distance between us.
Lawson grinned when he saw me. “Declan! I’m so good. How are you?”
“Same.” I smiled and raised my fist for a bump when I stopped in front of him. He was a natural at it now, not even glancing down at our hands anymore when our knuckles brushed together. “You know, people add all kinds of things to a fist bump. Twists, explosions, taps. Want to add something to ours?”
Excitement crept into his expression as he nodded, his eyes bright. “Can we?”
“Of course.” I jerked my head at the tables set up around the hall with the urns on them. I’d gotten used to drinking the sludge these people called coffee while here. “Should we get something warm to drink and go practice outside?”
“Sure. I think I want tea today.”
I arched a brow at him. “I thought you didn’t like tea. You’ve always asked for cocoa. You told me tea was for British people and old ladies that one time.”
He laughed, and I felt a smile tugging on my own lips at the sound. Now that Lawson was here, I put everything else behind me. I wouldn’t let Wayde’s prejudices spoil my time with my little brother.
“I said that, but today, I feel like tea.”
“Then today, we’ll have tea.” I led him over to the beverage station and fixed our cups before heading outside.
It was a cold but clear day, and we found a bench under an evergreen oak tree with dappled rays of sunshine coming through the younger leaves that remained. Lawson blew on his tea but didn’t take a sip before he put one knee up on the bench and faced me.
“What are we going to add?”
I shrugged, setting my drink down on the ground and bringing my hands up to demonstrate. “It depends on us. This is an explosion.”
I bumped my fists together before pulling them apart fast and opening my fingers.
Lawson laughed. “I like that. What else have you got?”
Wagging my eyebrows at him, I smirked and showed him a series of other moves I’d seen people do. They ranged from boring, to macho, to totally over the top.
Lawson was captivated, watching my every move with rapt attention. When I was done, he pursed his lips and moved them from side to side. His hands twitched, like he was replaying what I’d done in his mind.
“What do you think?” I asked. “Which one would you like to try?”
His eyes lit up when they met mine. “All of them.”
“You got it.” I chuckled and held up my hand. Then I walked him through everything I’d shown him. Once he decided he liked the explosion best, we practiced it a few more times.
“Have you read any books about the animal kingdom?” he asked me after as he picked up his tea and took a small sip. “I’ve been reading one. I never knew animals were so awesome or so complicated.”
“I used to read a lot of them as a kid.” Memories of days and nights spent marveling at a world which existed within our own, which we could observe but never fully be a part of, played in the back of my mind. “It used to be one of my favorite things to read about actually.”
“Really?” He sat up straighter, a visible thrum of excitement passing through his body as he bounced in his seat. “It’s one of my favorites now too.”
“Whenever I used to feel alone or upset, I would find a book about animals and how a particular species lives, take it to my tree, and just sit there reading until it got dark.”
His brow furrowed in curiosity. “Your tree?”
I nodded. “There was this huge, old tree in our backyard. I knew I could climb it, so I always went to that one. No one ever knew I was there. My parents looked for me for hours once before I came down.”
“Did you know they were looking for you?”
“Nope.” I smiled, but then I remembered how pissed off they’d been, and it faded from my lips. They’d sat me down and gave me lectures about responsibility for hours. It was really no wonder that those same lectures had no effect on me now. They’d gotten pretty watered down over the years.
“Weren’t they worried?” His frown deepened. “My mommy would have been so worried.”
I snorted, taking a sip of my own tea to filter my response before I gave it. As I started thinking about
it though, I wondered if he had a point.
Although they hadn’t said so at the time and they’d come off more as furious than worried, it wasn’t impossible that their extreme reaction had been born in worry as opposed to anger. It sure as shit hadn’t felt that way, so I’d never really considered the possibility.
“You know what? I think that maybe they were worried.”
Lawson nodded far too sagely for his age, but then again, he did most things in a way that was far too sage for his age. “I bet they were worried sick. Your mommy especially, but maybe your daddy too. I wouldn’t know if daddies get as worried as mommies do.”
Neither do I, kid. Neither do I. But again, if I really thought about it, he could have had another point. Urgh.
The turn this conversation had taken was hurting my damn head. “So, this book you’re reading. Tell me about it.”
Lawson became animated as he explained everything he had learned so far. The more he talked, the more I realized that the content and the voice of the author sounded familiar. “Is it called Encounters with the Wild by any chance?”
His eyes grew wide, admiration filling them as his bounced up and down. “Yes, it is. How did you know?”
“I’ve read it myself a time or two. Good book. Very factual and accurate.”
His gaze remained on mine, a contemplative look dimming some of the brightness in them. “You should own a library. I’m sure that if you did, it would be something really cool.”
My head jerked back in surprise, a bark of laughter coming out at the same time. “Me? As a librarian? I don’t know, buddy. I’m just not seeing it.”
“You would be really good at it,” he insisted. “Plus, what could be better than being surrounded by books all day?”
“Maybe you should consider it as a future career path,” I suggested. “Getting paid for working with books would be pretty cool.”
“Yeah, but libraries aren’t even all about books anymore, and I don’t know about the rest of the stuff. The librarian at the library where Mom and I go has to do so many other things that have nothing to do with the books.”
“The idea of contemporary libraries is a pretty cool one, though. Don’t you think?”
He shrugged his small shoulders. “I guess, but I’m also thinking I might want to do something with animals.”
“What about being an astronaut?” I asked, lifting a finger to point at the sky. “I thought you wanted to go exploring up there.”
“I did,” he said earnestly. “Maybe I still will, but Mom won’t like it if I go to space.”
“True,” I agreed. “Although I don’t know how much better she’ll feel about you working with wild animals.”
He laughed but nodded vigorously. “You’re right. Maybe I’ll just keep thinking.”
We lapsed into silence then, sipping our tea. Lawson broke the silence when his head turned toward mine again. “I like spending time with you. It’s fun. Thank you.”
My eyebrows lifted. I honestly didn’t know how to take that at first, but despite my doubts about being a role model, I felt like spending time with Lawson was good for me too. “I like spending time with you too, bud.”
In fact, he was becoming one of my favorite people. A seven-year-old. What are the chances of that happening to someone like me?
Evidently, the chances were a lot higher than I might once have thought. The weirdest thing of all was that I wasn’t even bothered by it.
God, what is happening to me?
Chapter 22
Raeanne
Arriving at the Big Brother center late in the afternoon after finishing a shoot with Tessa, I wrapped my coat around myself to ward off the icy wind coming in from the sea. January and February were always the coldest months, and we were fast approaching the time when we’d be faced with the worst of the winter’s wrath.
I was shivering when I stepped into the stark but somehow welcoming Big Brother hall. There were drawings and paintings done by children stuck to the walls, the furniture was well-loved and worn, and the scent of coffee and cocoa hung in the air.
It was a flurry of activity inside as the participants took cover from the wind. Some were engaged in indoor sports like fencing and even basketball off to one side. On the other side of the big hall were rows upon rows of low tables. A variety of games were set up on them, but I found Lawson and Declan at one by themselves.
It had been a little over a week since they’d last spent any time together here, but we had been seeing Declan regularly, even outside of the allocated times when they both attended the program. Their bond was strengthening, and the difference it made to Lawson was staggering.
They were playing chess and were so immersed in the game that neither of them noticed me at first. Slowing to a stop near them, I watched them together for a minute.
Lawson’s nose was scrunched up in concentration, his fingers hovering above the pieces on the board as he made his decision. Declan was watching what he was doing carefully, but I didn’t miss the fond smile that never left his lips.
As Lawson made his move, I let out a loud cheer. “Way to go, baby.”
Both of their heads snapped around to look at me, but Lawson didn’t jump up to come say hi like he usually did. He waved and gave me a wide, toothy grin. “Come look, Mommy. I’m going to win.”
“Oh yeah?” Declan arched an eyebrow, his fighting words not matching the expression he wore. “We’ll see about that.”
I spotted an empty plastic chair at the table next to them and dragged it over as their game resumed. A few moves later, Declan emerged as the winner.
Lawson offered him a handshake. “Well played, big brother.”
“You too.” He reset the board and looked at me. “Are you in a hurry, or can we play another match?”
“Only if you’ll play me this time.” I winked at Lawson, who laughed before he got up and switched seats with me.
Declan frowned at the interaction, but humor danced in the green depths of his eyes. “Challenge accepted, even if I feel like I’m missing something here.”
“Like what?” I lifted my shoulders in an innocent shrug, and Lawson stifled a giggle. “How about we make a bet?”
His eyes narrowed in suspicion as they darted between mine and Lawson’s. “What would you like to bet?”
I brought a finger to my temple and tapped it a few times while I pretended to think. The idea had come to me as soon as I saw them playing, but I let the suspense build a little as they waited to hear what I had in mind.
“How about if I win, you have to buy us dinner tonight?”
“Sure,” he agreed instantly, a shit-eating grin appearing on his face, “but I should warn you I’m rather good at this game.”
“So am I.” Way back when my parents still spoke to me and I actually had a relationship with them, my Dad and I used to play every Sunday. There had been a time when he’d briefly played competitively, and he’d taught me well.
But Declan didn’t need to know that just yet.
A wicked gleam entered his eyes that sent a shiver running through me. “If I win, I’ll let you know later what I want.”
The heat flashing in his gaze told me that whatever he wanted, he’d tell me later because he couldn’t tell me in front of Lawson. My body responded, my nipples tightening even as I nodded. “Ready to get started?”
“Born ready.” He smirked and swept out a graceful hand. “Ladies first.”
“You’re just going to give up your advantage?” I asked, eyeing the white pieces on his side of the board.
He shrugged, amusement stamped all over his expression. I let him have his moment. That amusement was going to turn into shock and awe soon enough.
“Okay then.” I smiled and made the first move.
Declan’s smirk remained plastered to his face for the first few minutes of the game, then slowly started fading when he realized that beating me might not be as easy as he’d initially thought it would be.
&nb
sp; His frown deepened as the game continued, while my grin grew wider and wider. With a triumphant shout after making my last moves, I threw my hands into the air. “Guess you’re buying us dinner then.”
Lawson let out a loud whoop and threw his arms around my neck, laughing at the surprised expression on his big brother’s face. “Mommy’s really good at this game.”
“I can see that. Thanks for the warning, buddy.” Blinking at the board before lifting rounded eyes to mine, Declan raised his hands and began to slow clap. “Well done, though I have to admit that taking you guys to dinner isn’t much of a hardship for having lost.”
“I never said you could come, only that if I won you had to buy us dinner tonight,” I teased, but Declan didn’t buy it for a minute.
Green eyes lighting up with amusement, he pushed his chair back and stood. “Nice try, but no. I’m buying us all dinner. Together. To be eaten at the same table in the same place. All you need to do is tell me what place that will be.”
“Oh, is that all?” I joked as I stood up too. Lawson came to stand next to me, and I looked down at him. “Where do you feel like going for dinner?”
“Spiro,” he said without an ounce of hesitation and excitement blooming in his gaze. “Please?”
“You got it.” I looked over to where Declan was waiting patiently at the other side of the table. “Well, you heard him. Spiro, it is.”
“I have no idea what or where that is, so lead the way.” He gestured toward the door and fell into step beside me when we started moving. “Where is this place?”
“Not far,” I said, intentionally vague. Knowing something he didn’t for once was fun, and it was bringing out my playful side. “I’ll tell you what. If you ask nicely, you can ride with me. Otherwise, you can follow us and see if you can keep up.”
“I’ll be able to keep up.” He rose to the challenge easily. “If I don’t, at least I know the place’s name. I have a GPS and I know how to use it.”
I snapped my fingers. “Damn. Oh well, I guess you’re going to be joining us then after all.”
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