“I bet she did,” I replied, reaching up to help him down. “She had good reason for it, too.”
A sob behind me alerted me to the fact that Raeanne had caught up. “Lawson, oh honey. I’m so sorry.”
She sank to her knees on the ground, dead leaves crunching beneath her, but she didn’t seem to care about getting dirty. When I set Lawson down, he went over to hug her, but I noticed it wasn’t as warm as his hugs usually were. “Sorry you were worried, Mommy. I just needed to think.”
Her arms wrapped around him, and she held him tightly for a few minutes before finally letting him go. “I know. I’m sorry. I should have explained better.”
I cleared my throat, speaking up in the quiet now that Raeanne’s sobs weren’t filling the air anymore. “I think I’m the one who owes you both an explanation.”
“Can we go inside?” Lawson asked, bringing his hands up to rub his arms. “I was just about to come down anyway. It’s too cold out here now.”
“Sure, baby,” Raeanne said, taking his hand as she led him inside. It was like she had to touch him just to reassure herself that he really was there.
I didn’t miss that she hadn’t replied when I said I owed them an explanation, but I followed them inside anyway. If anyone was going to get flak from Lawson about him being pulled out of the program, I deserved for it to be me.
If Raeanne asked me to leave, I would respect her wishes. But until then, I was operating on the assumption that she was going to let me explain. To Lawson, anyway.
She flicked the kettle on when we walked into the kitchen, pulling three mugs out of the cabinet above it. It was a small victory, but the third mug meant that just maybe I was going to get a chance here.
Provided that I started talking before she changed her mind. Right. Moment of truth. Literally.
Going to sit at the counter with Lawson, I addressed him first. “You shouldn’t be upset with your mom, buddy. It’s my fault that she decided not to let you go to the program anymore, and it’s my fault that we can’t see each other outside of it either.”
Lawson frowned. “Why?”
“I lied,” I said simply, looking him right in the eyes. “Before I met you and your mommy, I was out late one night with my friend, Finley. He and I got a little silly, and long story short, I got into big trouble for it.”
“What kind of trouble?” he asked.
I glanced at Raeanne, only continuing once she nodded her assent to what she knew I had to tell him. “I got arrested for throwing a rock through the window of a police car.”
Lawson’s eyes widened, but Raeanne surprised me yet again when I heard a snort of laughter coming from her. She smothered it fast, clearly not wanting Lawson to see.
“Let me guess?” she asked. “This was really late at night, and you were coming from a bar?”
I nodded, doing my best to keep my expression grim. Because yes, I had been arrested. Yes, what I had done was wrong. But fuck, it was hilarious too. “Finley said something about the NFL and then made this pathetic attempt at a throw. I was being an idiot and tried to upstage him. Needless to say, it didn’t work out in my favor.”
“So what did you lie about?” Lawson asked, confusion swimming in those usually bright eyes that I loved so damn much.
“A lot of stuff,” I admitted. “Before I got to know you and your mom, I wasn’t a very nice person. I didn’t care very much about others, and I wasn’t always honest. When your mom asked me why I was in the program, I didn’t feel like telling her the truth. I didn’t think it was important. After that, I kind of painted myself into a corner, and before I could be honest with her, your mom found out the truth.”
“So she was angry with you about lying?”
“Yes.” I looked over to where she hadn’t bothered to brew the tea, listening too intently to my attempt to make Lawson understand. “It was wrong of me, and by the time I realized that I should have told the truth, I was too scared I would lose you when I did.”
She sucked in a sharp breath, but I didn’t want to read anything into it. I wasn’t done yet. “The truth is that you and your mommy have come to mean everything to me, and I knew how angry she would be. I couldn’t risk taking the chance of losing you because I can’t imagine my life without you guys in it.”
“So you were never going to tell me the truth?” she asked sharply.
My head fell forward, hanging slightly. “I was. Today, actually. I was going to beg or grovel or offer to do anything as long as you didn’t leave me.”
“Can you give us a minute, Lawson?” Raeanne asked.
Lawson sighed but gave me a hug and left the room. But not before he whispered into my ear, “I forgive you for lying.”
I squeezed him back, fighting to keep from crying or smiling or breaking out into a stupid little victory dance. Walking over to stand in front of Raeanne instead, I took her hands in mine while I talked and looked into those beautiful eyes—hopefully not for the last time.
“I know you’re mad and you have every right to be, but I love you,” I said.
She gasped but didn’t release my hands. It might have been my imagination, but I could have sworn I even felt her fingers tightening on mine for a second there.
Encouraged by the fact that she was still listening and hadn’t booted me out of the house yet, I pushed on. “I love Lawson, too. I don’t know when it happened exactly, but I fell head over fucking heels for both of you. I’ve never loved anyone the way I love you, and it made me stupid. It turned me into a coward because the thought of losing you broke my heart. All I wanted to do was prove to you who I really am before I told you the truth. I never meant to hurt you, but I know that I did.”
“You really did,” she whispered, her eyes darting between mine. “I need some time to think about this, Declan.”
“I can give you time. Just don’t write me off yet okay? I promise you that I will do everything in my power to make it up to you for as long as you’ll let me.” Grudgingly letting go of her hands, I bent forward and dropped soft kisses on each of her eyelids before pressing one last kiss to her forehead. “I love you. I’m going to text you my address if you want to come see my house sometime. You’re welcome whenever. I really hope I see you there.”
Chapter 38
Raeanne
“Go see him,” Tessa urged after spending the morning listening to me repeat everything Declan had told Lawson and me the night before. “If you want to know if he was telling the truth this time, go ask him.”
“What if he lies again?” I fidgeted with the strap on my satchel, bouncing it up and down on my knees in my seat in Tessa’s office. “I can’t take it if he lies to me again, and what about the fact that he’s Declan freaking Hobbs? Of those Hobbs? His family is way richer than Adam’s. They’re assholes.”
“And he’s told you time and time again that he’s not like his family and he doesn’t fit in with them,” she pointed out. “Besides, maybe you should just give them a chance. I spoke to his mother this morning. He told her everything yesterday, and she said that they would love to meet you. She also said it’s time for second chances all around and that things were going to change.”
“Why would she tell you that?”
Tessa's eyes sparkled. “Declan told her that you were my best friend. I think she was trying to butter me up so I would put in a good word with you.”
“It worked, didn’t it?” I smirked, shaking my head at my friend. “You really think they’re capable of change?”
“I think just because they have money doesn’t mean they’re anything like Adam’s family. You’ll never know if you don’t give them a chance, and more than that, Declan isn’t them. I kind of understand his reasoning because you would have kicked him to the curb if he’d told you about his arrest and his family from the get-go.”
“And in the months that followed from the get-go?”
She shrugged, her eyes boring into mine. “I think you got to know who he really is, and I t
hink I would have been too scared to come clean to you too. The kind of disdain you have for people that he happens to have been born a part of isn’t something that’s easy to face. I also think that he wanted you to know him for who he really was without the money first so that your view of him wouldn’t be tainted just because of the size of his bank account.”
“You might be right.” It had taken me doing introspection the whole damn night while tossing and turning in my bed to be able to utter those words.
The fact was that I’d been very vocal with Declan about how much I hated rich people and why. I hadn’t really given him a chance to defend himself, even if I hadn’t known it would be himself he would be defending. Everything I’d learned and liked and even loved about him was still there, even if he did have money.
The thought sat uncomfortably with me, but it didn’t make it any less true. He had never outrightly claimed to be poor, either. And he’d taken me to that super fancy hotel on the beach.
I’d checked the prices last night, and I really should have realized that night that he had more money than I thought he did. “I think I’m going to go talk to him now.”
“You go girl,” Tessa cheered, lifting her hand for a high five. “I’ll go and pick Lawson up from school later, and he’s staying with me tonight. No arguments will be entertained or accepted.”
“Thank you,” I murmured, rounding her desk to give her a hug before putting on my big girl panties and going to see Declan.
True to his word, he’d texted me his address. He’d also told me that the house was new and another testament to how much he’d changed. Apparently, he’d been living in a guest house on his parents’ property all this time, and that was why he hadn’t wanted me to come over before.
I’d rolled my eyes at that message because of course he had and of course he wouldn’t have wanted me over there. That house had made all my hackles rise when I saw it, and it would’ve clued me in immediately.
I also wondered if it wasn’t time for me to let go of my longtime anger and all the presumptions and prejudices that had been born as a result of it. Declan hadn’t been anything like what I had expected the rich playboy from that photoshoot to be, and Tessa was right. We had gotten to know him over the last few months.
Sighing as I parked outside his house, a modest but modern single-family home in one of the nicer suburbs in town, I decided that for the sake of giving him a real chance to explain, I would try my very best not to let my preconceived notions of who I thought he was supposed to be cloud my judgment of the man I had come to know.
“Did you mean what you said when you told me that you loved me?” I asked when he opened his front door looking more gorgeous than ever before. He wore jeans that hung low on his hips, his muscular forearms on display as his long sleeves were pushed up to his elbows.
His feet were bare, but so was the expression in those forest green eyes as they held mine. “Yes. I did. I’ll say it again if you want me to?”
“I do.”
He smiled, grabbing my hand and tugging me into his house before letting the door swing shut behind us. Then he caught my face between his palms and fixed his gaze to mine. “I love you, Raeanne Zeller. I know that I was an absolute asshole and that I should never have lied to you, but the best that I can do is to promise you that I will never lie to you again. Trust me when I say that nothing I’ve ever said has been more true than these words. I. Love. You.”
Tears jumped to my eyes because I did trust him when he said that. I shouldn’t have, given that I’d learned he had lied to me about so many things that were so important to me just a couple of days ago. But I couldn’t help it.
“I do trust you,” I said, and it was true. Fine, he’d lied. I couldn’t deny that it had hurt, but I also had to admit that it wasn’t the end of the world.
Despite how he had come to join the program, he really had made a difference in Lawson’s life. He’d been there every time he was supposed to be and had put in extra time with him—not court mandated.
He had shown his dedication to Lawson every day for months, and I couldn’t just discount that. While he’d been texting me almost nonstop last night, he’d informed me that he’d already told Wayde he was planning on staying on as a volunteer to keep being there for Lawson. Also that no one, including the judge or the prosecutor, knew that he had put in so much extra time with Lawson.
I also couldn’t ignore the library project he finally told me about, how passionate he was about it, or what it would mean for the community. Whoever the guy had been who had gotten drunk at that bar with his friend, it sure wasn’t the man we’d come to know.
As for his having money, I’d come to realize that it didn’t change who he was. He didn’t flash it around, or at least, he hadn’t since we’d met him, and he wasn’t obnoxious about it.
His explanation made sense, and his mistake didn’t have to mean the end of us. I didn’t want it to mean the end of us.
I took a breath and held his eyes. “It doesn’t mean that I forgive you, but I do trust you. I love you too.”
Declan’s eyes lit up like he was a kid at Christmas who’d just received the best gift ever. “I know it’s going to take a lot of work for you to forgive me, but I promise I’ll put in all the effort if you’ll let me.”
“Only if you kiss me,” I whispered. It had only been a couple of days, but I’d missed him something awful. And now I could finally admit it to myself.
His answering smile was radiant, his thumbs sweeping over my cheekbones before he lowered his mouth to mine.
The kiss was sweet and soft at first. It reminded me that no matter what we had been through, that spark between us was still inside of me. It was like I was waking up and coming home at the same time.
The gravity of his lips was inescapable. My heart was pounding, and I was warm from head to toe. His lips were so soft, so tender. My legs shook as I pulled away and looked up into his eyes.
Declan wasn’t a man I would ever have thought I’d describe as vulnerable, but that was how he looked right now. Our kiss had delivered more than the touch of our lips once again, but this time, it had opened his heart and soul.
It was like this moment of total admiration passing between us. My heart stopped, and I knew that right now, I was the only thing that mattered to him in the entire world. Same as he was to me.
It was an incredible feeling, one that made me loop my arms around his neck and mash my chest up against his to get somehow closer to him. If there was a way I could have crawled into his body and camped out in his heart, I would have done it.
From the way he was looking at me, I was pretty sure he felt the same way. One big hand came up to cup my face, the other on my lower back to pull me in somehow closer. He smiled against my lips before planting light kisses on my mouth, my neck, and shoulders.
His hand slid up my back before it traveled back down to my ass. As he held me to him, he brought his mouth back to mine. He groaned low at the back of his throat, making me melt against him as our lips melded and our tongues rubbed together.
There was an urgency in this kiss that hadn’t been there just a few minutes ago. It quickly became a hot, wet kiss. Strong and invasive.
Neither of us was thinking about propriety or drool as we kissed and licked and nipped. What was happening between us was so intense that I hardly even noticed it. Our lips moved together, ravenous for each other.
My fingers spread through his hair, tugging the soft strands as his hands dipped below my ass and I wrapped my legs around his hips. He carried me to the wall until my back was pressed against it and used it as leverage to hold me up.
Rolling his hips against mine as he continued to devour my mouth, I moaned into the kiss when his hard length ground against my core. It felt like he was a tuning fork and I was a star, bright bursts of light exploding behind my lids as flashes of pleasure shot through me on each one of his thrusts.
Unable to resist any longer, I reached dow
n between us until I found his belt buckle. Through the haze in my mind, it took me a second to realize that there was no way I was going to be able to undo his belt in this position.
But I needed to touch him, and I needed it now. I dipped my fingers into his waistband and brushed the top of his erection. Declan broke our kiss when a soft growl ripped out of him. My skin came away wet, and I let out an actual whimper when I realized what that meant. He’s wet for me too.
“God, baby. I don’t want to let you go, but I also think we need a bed for this.” His voice came out harsh and ragged. “I really don’t want to fuck you up against a wall right now.”
Despite my aching body’s protests, I nodded. My clit was throbbing, practically vibrating with my racing pulse. My soaked panties were hot where they clung to my bare flesh.
But he was right. We needed a bed for this. “Maybe you should have thought about that before getting me up against this wall.”
His answering smirk was sweet and sexy all at the same time. “Hey, I’m not the one who raced ahead. You went for the pants first, remember?”
“I remember.” I rolled my eyes but ran my nose along the length of his before wiggling to get out of his grip.
He let me slide down his body, holding on to my hips to steady me when I landed on shaky legs. Once he was satisfied I wouldn’t collapse in a heap at his feet, he released my hips to take my hands and brought them slowly to his lips.
His eyes were smoldering when he planted the softest of kisses on the back of each one, not letting either of them go as he started walking backward and bringing me with him. Without breaking eye contact once, he guided us to the bed and sat down on the edge of the mattress.
Spreading his knees far enough apart for me to fit between them, he leaned forward to press a kiss below my belly button. Even though it was through the fabric of my dress, electricity zipped through me and sent a shiver racing down my spine.
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