by Soraya Lane
He felt her sit up straighter.
“What’s in here?”
“Some letters, a photo of Lilly, and his old tags.”
“He asked you to give these to me?” she pressed.
Alex nodded.
“Have you read them?” she asked, her fingers already clasped around the cluster of papers inside.
“No, ma’am.”
She slipped them back into the bag and leaned forward to place it on the table.
“My husband trusted you to come here, to visit me, and I don’t even know your name,” she said lightly.
Alex stood.
“Alex Dane,” he said, arms hanging awkwardly at his sides.
“Alex,” she repeated.
The smile she gave him made him want to run. Even more so than earlier, when she’d opened the door. This woman was supposed to be grieving—unhappy, miserable, even. Not kind and smiling. Not ponytail-swishingly beautiful.
He had been prepared for sadness and she’d thrown him.
“Thank you for the tea, but I’d better get on my way,” he announced abruptly.
“Oh, no, you don’t,” she said.
He grimaced as she grabbed a hold of his wrist, but didn’t let himself resist.
“You’re staying for dinner and I won’t take no for an answer.”
He let himself be frog-marched toward the front door and fought not to pull away from her.
He should never have come.
A set of blue eyes peeking out from beneath a blonde fringe watched him from the end of the hallway. The smell of baking filled his nostrils. A framed photo of William smiled down at him from the wall.
He was in another man’s house. With another man’s wife and another man’s child. He had stepped into someone else’s life and it wasn’t right.
But, even though he knew it was wrong, he felt strangely like he’d arrived home.
Not that he should know what a home felt like.
Lisa filled the kettle and set it to boil. Despite his odd behavior, she felt at ease with Alex in her home. It wasn’t like she had a lack of visitors—ever since she’d heard the news of William’s passing she’d had family and friends constantly dropping by. Not to mention her sister, acting as if she was a child needing tender care. It seemed she always had an excuse to drop past.
And she’d had plenty of soldiers visit. Just not for a while now.
She glanced over at Alex. He was sitting only a few feet from her, yet he could have been on the other side of the State. There was a closed expression on his face, and she was certain he was unaware of it. From what she’d read about returned soldiers there were many who never recovered from what they’d seen at war. Others just needed time, though, and she hoped this was the case with Alex. She could feel that he needed help.
Part of her was just plain curious about him. The other more demanding side of her wanted to interrogate him about William’s death, and about what it was that troubled him. She guessed she had some time to ask questions, but how much could she ask him over one afternoon and dinner?
“Do you take sugar?”
She watched as he looked up at her, his gaze still uncertain.
“One sugar. Thank you.”
She spooned coffee granules into each cup, added sugar, then poured the now boiled water. Lisa could feel him watching her, but she didn’t mind. There was something oddly comforting about knowing that he’d been with William at the end.
She cleared her throat before turning around and passing him his coffee. She noticed that his eyes danced over her body, but she had the feeling he wasn’t checking her out. It was more as if he was making an assessment of her, looking for something.
“I don’t have a handgun on me, if that’s what you’re worried about.” She laughed at herself, but he didn’t even crack a smile. Instead his face turned a burnished red. She felt an unfamiliar flutter herself. Maybe she’d been out of the game for so long she didn’t even know when a man was checking her out! It felt weird. Not uncomfortable, but not exactly something she was ready for. Although now she’d obviously made him uncomfortable. “I’m sorry, Alex. I was joking.”
He looked away. “I’m just confused, that’s all.”
She raised an eyebrow in question.
Alex sighed and clasped the hot mug.
“William mentioned you were expecting another baby.”
Uh-huh. The penny dropped. She almost felt disappointed that Alex hadn’t been sizing her up, but then she guessed it wasn’t really appropriate for a widow to get excited about another man anyway. It was just that she hadn’t seen her husband for such a long time, and it had been months since his passing, and she…wanted to feel like a woman again. Not just a widow, or a mother, or a wife. Like a woman.
It didn’t mean she didn’t love her husband. She did. She had. So much. She blinked the confusion away and smiled reassuringly at Alex, knowing how uncomfortable he must be, saying something like that. It wasn’t like she owed him an explanation, but the guy had traveled from heaven only knew where to visit her, to fulfill some dying wish of William’s, and she didn’t mind sharing. Not if it gave him some peace of mind before he left and went back to his own family.
“I fell pregnant when William was home on leave. I had an inkling and took an early test the day before he left.”
Alex was still blushing. She guessed he wasn’t used to talking pregnancy and babies with another man’s wife. But he’d asked.
“I lost the baby during my first trimester, but I couldn’t quite figure out how to tell William. He was so excited that we were finally having a second child, and he was unsure about being away again. I didn’t want to let him down. But then he died, so he never knew.” Lisa paused. “If I hadn’t lost the baby it would have been born a couple of months ago.”
She took a sip of coffee and then gazed into the liquid black depths of it. It was still hard talking about William, knowing he wasn’t ever going to be coming back, but she was dealing with it. She felt like the deepest grieving was over, but sometimes it was still hard. Sometimes the sadness was…trying.
“Sorry. Time kind of gets away from you when you’re away,” he said.
Lisa nodded.
“Were you right in not telling him what had happened to the baby?” he asked.
Alex’s question surprised her. He wasn’t accusing her. Nor offering an opinion. It seemed he was just asking it the way he saw it.
“Yeah, I think so.” Her voice sounded weak even to her own ears. “I’m glad he died thinking that I was going to have a baby to love. That Lilly would have a brother or sister.”
She hadn’t talked about her miscarriage to anyone, really. Not even her mother. It felt good to get it out, especially to someone who wouldn’t make a fuss or make the pain of it come back to her.
Alex didn’t respond. He’d wanted to know but she guessed he hadn’t banked on hearing that.
“I’m sorry. I mean, I’m just…”
“Not sure what to say?” she finished for him, trying to put him at ease.
“Yeah.”
She nodded. Her usual response would be to touch, to reach for the person she was talking to. But she stopped herself. Alex wasn’t her usual company, and she needed to give him space.
“Would you like something to eat?”
He shook his head. “No, don’t go to any trouble.”
Lisa rolled her eyes at him, getting used to his short answers and lack of expression. “I write cookbooks for a living. Believe me when I say that fixing you something to eat is not going to put me in a tailspin.”
She placed her hands on the bench and caught a smile on Alex’s face. Not a big smile, just a gentle curling of his lips at each corner and a dance of something she hadn’t seen in his eyes earlier. A lightness that had been missing before.
“You’ll have to battle it out with Lilly, though. That girl eats like a horse,” she said wryly.
Alex chuckled. A deep, sexy baritone kind of
a chuckle that finally made Lisa feel like they were having an adult, woman-to-man kind of conversation.
“I’m hungry, but I don’t think she’ll be much competition.”
They grinned at one another and Lisa hollered for her daughter.
“Lilly! Time for a snack.”
A cacophony of feet on timber echoed down the hallway. She watched as first Lilly appeared, then Boston, his tongue hanging out the side of his mouth. They were inseparable, those two. Best friends.
She placed a glass of milk on the counter to keep her daughter busy while she dished out the goodies.
“Would you like to say hello to our guest?”
Lisa knew it was highly unlikely, but the therapist had said to act like everything was normal. To ignore her not talking and just behave as usual—as if she was still speaking to people besides her mother and the dog.
Lilly shook her head, but she wasn’t as shy as she’d been. She climbed up onto the third stool, leaving the one in the middle empty, her eyes wide and fixed on Alex.
“This is Alex,” Lisa told her. “He was a friend of Daddy’s.”
That made Lilly look harder at him. Her big eyes searched his face intently.
Lilly smiled and gave him a little wave.
“Hi,” he said.
Lisa was more shocked at hearing Alex talk, albeit monosyllabically, than if Lilly had spoken! “Alex is a soldier,” she explained.
Lisa glanced at Alex and saw how uncomfortable he looked at being so thoroughly inspected by a child. Back straight, pupils dilated, body tense. She guessed if you weren’t used to the curiosity of a child it might come as a surprise. Did he not have a family?
She left them both looking at one another and opened up the pantry. Lilly would guzzle that milk in no time and start wriggling for something to eat. Everything was neatly stacked before her—jars and containers filled with all sorts of goodies. She made Lilly eat plenty of fruit and vegetables at other times, but a mid-afternoon snack was their one daily indulgence and she loved it. Lisa reached for her homemade brownies and iced lemon cake, putting the containers within reach and placing an array of each on a big square white plate.
“I hope you have a sweet tooth, Alex. This will have to do for the meantime.”
He still looked like a nocturnal animal caught within the web of a bright light, but she ignored it.
“Are you planning on staying in the area?” She pushed a plate of baking toward him.
“Ah…depends on what the fishing is like. I hear it’s pretty good,” he said awkwardly.
“You’re a fisherman, then?”
She watched as he finished his mouthful, Adam’s apple bobbing up and down.
“I just like to look out at a lake and fish. You know—take time out. It’s more about the sitting and thinking than serious fishing,” he acknowledged.
Oh, she knew. It was exactly why they’d bought this house in the first place. Was he camping out alone? After being away on tour she’d have expected he’d want to be with his family. With friends.
Lisa moved away to locate some napkins and stopped for a heartbeat to look out the big kitchen window. The water seemed to lull her, made her feel like anything was possible as she briefly stared into its depths. She’d never really liked fishing, but she loved to think, to just sit and stare at the water. When she’d heard the dreadful news that her husband had died, that was exactly what she’d done. For hours every day.
Lilly tugged at her arm. She hadn’t even seen her slip off the stool. Lisa bent down so Lilly could cup her hand around her ear.
“Tell him we have lots of fish to catch.”
She smiled and nodded at her daughter.
“Tell him,” Lilly insisted.
The little girl hopped back on her stool and smiled at Alex. He looked confused.
“Lilly wants me to tell you we have lots of fish here.”
“Fish?”
Lilly nodded while licking at her fingers, devouring what was left of the brownie. Then she reached, slowly, for Alex’s hand. She gave it a tap and jumped down.
Alex looked from Lilly to her.
“I…ah…think she wants you to go with her. To the lake.”
Lisa held her breath as Lilly stood, looking expectantly up at Alex. If she didn’t know better, she’d have thought his hands were shaking. He didn’t move, his eyes flitting between her and her daughter, but then slowly he shifted his feet and drew himself up to his full height. He towered above Lilly. Like a bear beside a bird.
“Okay,” he said uncertainly.
Lilly reached for his hand and tugged him along, and all Alex could do was obey. He looked like a placid cattle beast being led off to slaughter, but Lisa wasn’t going to step in and save him.
It was the first time Lilly had interacted with a stranger in a long while. Lisa didn’t care how uncomfortable their guest was. This was a major turning point. Lilly hadn’t spoken to him, but she’d definitely wanted to communicate.
There was no way she was going to intervene. She couldn’t.
Lisa nodded at Boston to go with them, then held her breath. Alex was either going to bolt at the first chance or respond to Lilly, and for both their sakes she hoped it was the latter.
He was a stranger, so she knew how odd it was, but deep down she hoped he would stay for dinner. So they could talk about William. About the war. She felt a bond with him, knowing that he’d probably spent more time with William than she had in the past couple of years. It was an opportunity she didn’t want to miss.
Besides, although she’d never admitted it to her family, she was kind of lonely. At nights, mainly. She always had been, but at least she’d known one day it would be a house she would share full-time with William. That one day in the future she would have him home every night for dinner.
Lisa put down her coffee with a shaky hand and decided to change her mind and follow them after all. It wasn’t that she didn’t trust this Alex with her daughter, she just wanted to make sure it wasn’t too much for Lilly. Or for Alex.
Right now she was Lilly’s chief interpreter. And besides, she was curious to see how this unlikely pair were going to get along down by the lake.
CHAPTER TWO
“HAS Lilly always been quiet?”
Alex glanced at Lisa as they turned back toward the house. They’d been walking along the river, back and forth, Alex throwing a stick out into the water, Lilly clapping her hands and wrestling it back from Boston the moment he retrieved it.
It wasn’t like he’d asked Lilly much when they were alone—he didn’t even know what to say to a child—but she seemed very quiet for a little girl.
“She’s been virtually mute with everyone but me since William died.”
Alex nodded thoughtfully. “How old is she?”
“Six.”
He’d wanted to know whether the little girl was able to speak or not, but he didn’t want to talk about it. He knew what it was like to have a rough time as a kid, and it wasn’t a place he wanted to go back to, even in talking about someone else. When he’d joined the army he’d tried to leave all those memories, those thoughts from his past behind.
“She’s having a good day today, though. I thought she’d be too shy to be around you but she’s not at all,” Lisa said.
Alex liked that the girl wasn’t afraid of him, but he didn’t want to get involved. Didn’t want to bond with anyone. Not even the dog.
“Boston seems pretty protective of her,” he commented.
That made Lisa laugh. He wanted to jump back, to walk away from her. It all seemed too real, too normal, to just be talking like this after so long thinking, wondering how he was going to cope seeing her, and now to hear her laugh like that…
“That dog is her best friend. I don’t know what we would have done without him. Worth his weight in gold,” she told him.
They kept walking. Alex didn’t know what to say. Part of him wanted to get in the car and drive—anywhere, fast, just to get
away—but the other part of him, the part he didn’t want to give in to, wanted to stay. To be part of this little family for a few hours, to see what William had lost, to know what his friend had sacrificed to let him live.
“Come on, Lil, let’s go back inside.”
She came running when her mother called, but Alex knew deep down that her being so quiet wasn’t right. He hadn’t exactly had much experience with children, but he knew that she should be squealing when the dog shook water on her, yelling back to her mother when she called. Instead she smiled quietly, not obviously sad or grieving, but obviously mourning her father in her own silent way.
He wished he didn’t know what she was going through, but he did.
The army had been his only family for years. It had been the source of all his friendships, the place where he had a home, his support.
So he knew exactly how alone a person could feel.
Lisa rummaged in the fridge to find the ingredients she needed. It was going to be an early dinner. The only way she had been able to relieve Alex from being Lilly’s sidekick was to order them both inside because it was almost dinnertime. Now she had to rustle something up. Fast.
She thought about the times William had returned from duty. He’d always been ravenous for a home-cooked meal. Hadn’t often minded what it was, so long as it resembled comfort food. The type they missed out on over there in the desert.
“How long were you on tour this time, Alex?” she queried.
He was back sitting on the bar stool, casually flicking through one of her older cookbooks. He looked up. She could see a steely glint in his eye. Got the feeling it was a back-off-and-don’t-talk-about-the-war kind of look emerging.
“Months. I kind of lost count,” he finally admitted.
She didn’t believe it for a second. Her husband had always known exactly how many days he’d spent away each time. Had probably been able to work out the hours he’d been away from home after each tour if he’d had a mind to.