by Soraya Lane
Alex looked at William’s parents. He didn’t see pity there. Instead he saw understanding.
Lisa reached for his hand beneath the table. He was relieved to feel her touch, but he knew he was strong enough to continue. He knew Lisa accepted him for who he was, understood that now, but being here meant a lot to him. It was the final missing piece of the puzzle to allow him to move on and stop looking back to his past.
“Do you have any other family?”
He shook his head at Sally’s question.
“I went into foster care, then I joined the army as soon as I was of age.”
Lisa couldn’t believe he’d opened up like that.
The connection he had with Lilly was very real, and hearing his story, the full version of it, made her realize why.
Alex knew pain and loss more than anyone.
All of her own life she had felt so loved, so nurtured. As a married woman she had again known love, of a different kind, and then with Lilly she’d known she’d never be alone again.
But Alex—he was trying to start over, to put past demons behind him, and she wanted so badly to be there for him.
Lilly burst into the room then. The smile lighting her face was infectious.
“Hello, darling.” Sally smiled at her granddaughter.
Lisa held her breath. The expression on her daughter’s face had taken her by surprise.
Lilly looked at Alex. He moved his head, only just, but Lisa didn’t miss it. Lilly smiled up at him.
“May I have dessert, Grandma?”
Lisa suppressed a squeal of delight. Sally had tears in her eyes, but—bless her soul—she just got up as if nothing was out of the ordinary.
“How does ice cream with chocolate sauce sound?” Sally asked.
Lilly giggled and sidled up to her, before winking at Alex.
Sally stopped as she passed Alex and let her hand rest on his shoulder. “Thank you, Alex. You’ve done her the world of good.”
Alex smiled back.
He had brought light back into their lives like only William had done in the past. He had filled Lisa’s world with hope for the future, had helped Lilly to find her voice again, and brought comfort to William’s parents. Sharing stories. Telling them how highly their son had been respected by his men.
“Lisa, do you mind if I steal Alex away for a single malt Scotch?” George asked.
She emerged from her daydream and nodded. William had always joined his father for a Scotch after dinner, so it was nice that Alex could share in that for one night.
“I’ll join the girls in the kitchen,” she said.
She rounded the corner and found her mother-in-law and daughter curled in front of the fire in the lounge. She stopped to listen to them talk.
It was like Lilly had never lost her voice.
The therapist had said this might happen. That one day she could just start talking again to everyone around her.
She’d seen the look Alex had given her daughter, though. Seen Lilly looking to him for guidance. Whatever he’d said, whatever they’d talked about earlier, it had obviously worked.
There was nothing about this situation that seemed entirely comfortable to Alex.
He didn’t think he’d ever pass the buck on the guilt that still kept him awake at night sometimes, but at least this family had found comfort in his being here.
“Son, it doesn’t take a genius to figure out you’re troubled,” George said.
Alex took the just-warm Scotch thrown over a handful of ice. He raised his glass, a brief advance in the air, as George did the same. It tore a fiery path down his throat that didn’t disappear until it reached his stomach.
“Lisa and Lilly are the only family we have,” the other man went on.
Alex understood how protective George must feel over them, but he’d made peace with Lisa, been accepted, and that was what he had to hold true to.
“I’m sorry that I couldn’t help bring your son back alive. As God is my witness, I’d have traded places with him in an instant. But if Lisa wants me here I’m not going to turn my back on her,” he said.
George sat back in his chair. “I’m not here to lecture you, Alex. You’ve brought happiness with you that some of us thought was lost forever. I want to thank you.”
Alex sipped at his drink. He didn’t know what to say.
“If you want to be in Lisa’s life, in Lilly’s life, we say welcome to the family.”
Alex’s palm was filled with George’s. With the hand of William’s father. He’d thought it would seem wrong, would fly in the face of the guilt that had tormented him these past few months, but it didn’t.
Warmth spread through his fingers, and it didn’t stop there. It traveled up his arm. Shook his shoulders. Hit him in the head.
For the first time since the night his parents had died Alex felt a burning ball form in his throat. Tears bristled behind his eyes.
He couldn’t have answered if he’d wanted to.
Not without letting another grown man see him cry.
“I’d like to hear some stories when you’re ready. Hear more about William. About what you went through over there.”
Alex jumped to his feet, glass snatched firmly between his fingers. He swallowed the lump and turned his head at an angle.
He couldn’t see anything out the window except blackness. Nothingness. It suited him just fine.
Tears stung his skin as they hit. He sniffed. Hard. Then wiped at his face. He swilled the last of his Scotch, then slung it back.
It burnt, but not as badly as his tears.
Alex wiped at his face once more and forced them back.
He felt lighter. The guilt that had sucked him dry was now turning to liquid and hydrating him once more. He was powerless to stop feeling as if everything had been lifted from his chest, the pressure finally gone.
“William took a bullet for me, George. I’ll forever be grateful for that.”
Alex closed his eyes as memories played back through his mind. For the first time in a long while he wanted to talk about the friend he’d lost. About how much those wartime friendships had meant to him, and how he’d never give up those memories even if he could. It was time.
Lisa pulled the covers tight up to her chin and tried to shut her mind off.
Tonight had gone better than she’d thought it would. Much better.
Sally and George’s blessing meant a lot to her, but it went deeper than that. The change in Lilly was extraordinary. Exciting. But it worried her. The therapist’s words kept echoing in her head. What if Alex did leave and she became worse than before? The thought sent a crawl of dread through her body. They’d only agreed on a few weeks. But now he had said he’d stay longer.
Something in Alex had changed tonight too. And it wasn’t just meeting William’s parents that had affected him. She didn’t know what. Couldn’t pinpoint what it was. But there was a change deep in his soul even more than the difference she’d seen in him after they’d visited the grave.
It wasn’t that she only wanted him around for Lilly’s sake. Far from it. What she wanted was a chance to make a relationship work with him. A chance to see if they could be together, without William or anything else hanging above them and ruining it before they even started. Without second-guessing themselves.
But it wasn’t going to happen. She wouldn’t be surprised to wake up in the morning and find him gone.
And it wouldn’t just be Lilly hurting if he upped and left. Lisa cared for him. Deeply.
She didn’t let her thoughts go any further. Couldn’t. Because if she did she’d start wondering if she was in love with him again.
Lisa heard a noise. A creak. She sat bolt upright in bed. Her back so straight it could have snapped.
There was someone in the house.
She crept with stealth from her bed and grabbed the baseball bat tucked in the wardrobe. She glanced out the window. Alex still had his light on. He was awake. She could call to him for help if
she needed to.
Lisa moved on tiptoes out into the hall. Her ears strained in the stark silence. The noise below cut a just audible snap through the air.
She moved quietly down the stairs, conscious of the treads to avoid from years of not wanting to wake Lilly when she was young.
A shadow loomed.
“Lisa?”
Her heart fell in a liquid heap to the floor.
“Alex!” She dropped the bat, relieved beyond all measure. “What are you doing in here?”
He didn’t answer her.
She could just make him out in the half-light. He had pajama bottoms on. They were slung low, the drawstring tied in a knot.
He walked toward her. His big frame purposeful, determined. Angry?
“Alex?”
He didn’t stop. But he did act.
His hand cupped behind her head. His palm filled with her hair. She heard the gasp as it fell from her mouth, but she was powerless to stop it.
Alex’s lips found hers before she could even catch her breath. He took her mouth, crushed it into his own, and pulled her hard against his chest.
Her hands found his shoulders, his back, clawed at him to get her body closer to his.
“Alex…” She whispered his name against his skin as he pulled away.
He took one hand from her head and tucked it under her chin. Made her eyes meet his. The other hand was pressed into her lower back, keeping her immobile, forcing her to stay still.
But she didn’t need any chains. There was no way her body would move even if her mind told it to. “I’m sorry.”
She opened her mouth to answer, but he pressed his index finger across it to silence her.
“I’m sorry, Lisa. I know now there’s nothing I could have done to stop William saving me.”
She nodded. His fingers still fell like a clamp across her mouth. He had finally stopped blaming himself. Had released himself. That was the change she’d noticed. His battle with himself over taking this huge step forward was finally done.
“Can we start over?” he asked.
She shook her head.
Confusion made his face crease and gave her the chance to escape him. Just.
“I don’t want to start over.”
He frowned. His eyes lost the glow they had been casting. His hand fell from her back.
She reached for it and put it in place again. Pulled him against her and let her mouth hover back over his.
“I don’t want to start over, Alex. I like you just the way you are.”
A smile spread across his face, but she didn’t wait to receive it. She caught his bottom lip between both of hers and kissed him, her skin skimming his. She wrapped her arms around him, feeling his muscles, loving the masculinity of his big frame.
Alex scooped her up into his arms, and only then did she let her lips fall from his. She tucked her head against his chest and let herself be carried upstairs to the bedroom.
She had loved William. Wholeheartedly. As much as a wife could love her husband. And now she felt a different but just as powerful surge of love deep within her for Alex. Like her heart had been refilled and she had been given the chance to love all over again. Given the privilege to bask in the glow of another man’s feelings toward her without having to give up loving her husband.
Alex looked down at her. He stopped halfway up the stairs.
He kissed her nose, her mouth, then her eyelids as they fluttered shut.
“I love you, Lisa. I love you. I love you.”
She tucked tight in against him as he started to walk back up the stairs.
“I love you too,” she whispered.
From the thudding of his heart against her ear she could tell he’d heard her.
Lisa woke to light heating her face. She let her eyes pop open, then threw her hand over her eyes. Had she forgotten to close the curtains last night?
She sat up. Last night.
She didn’t need to look beside her to know she was in bed alone. There was no weight causing a sag in the mattress. No one’s arm had been slung across her when she’d woken. She was alone.
Nausea beat like a drum in her stomach. She reached for her nightdress, discarded on the floor, and wriggled into it before standing. She forced herself to walk to the window.
Had he gone?
She wished upon wishing that he hadn’t. But for what other reason would he have disappeared before she woke?
Lisa closed her eyes and felt for the windowframe. She held on to the timber, counted to three, then looked. She didn’t know what to expect, but she didn’t expect to see Alex.
She placed a hand on the window, the glass cooling her palm and calming her mind.
He was there. With Lilly.
They sat cross-legged on the lawn. They were talking. It looked serious.
Please. Please. Don’t be telling her that you’re going.
She forced herself away from the window and fumbled for her dressing gown in the wardrobe. She tugged it on and ran fast down the stairs. Her toe caught, but she fought the pain.
He couldn’t be leaving.
“Al…” His name died on her lips.
Lilly had run off to chase Boston. She had bare feet and her hair was sticking out around her head, fresh from bed.
“Is she okay?” she gasped.
“She’s fine.” He got up. A smile tickled the corners of his mouth.
Lisa’s own mouth went dry. He was smiling. That was a good thing, right? He walked toward her. She had a flashback to the night before. When he’d stalked her in the same way.
He caught her in his arms and tugged her forward. She resisted. Or tried to.
“Lilly…?”
“Is fine,” he said, dropping a kiss to her nose before moving down to her mouth.
Lisa wriggled in protest.
Alex sighed. “I was just telling her something. Something I wanted her to know first.”
Lisa tried to pull away from him again, but he held her tight. She was powerless. As good as an insect caught into a spider’s web.
“Don’t you want to know what I told her?” Alex asked.
She stopped wriggling.
He leaned back, his upper body giving her room but his lower body holding her in place.
She nodded. She wanted to know. Badly.
“You do?” he pressed.
“Yes.” She wished her voice wouldn’t give out on her in times of need. It sounded no better than a frog’s croak.
“I told her,” he said, brushing the hair from her cheek, “that I was going to ask her mommy to marry me. I had to check she was okay with that first, before I did it.”
Lisa stared at him. Marry her? So he wasn’t leaving?
“I thought you were going. That you were leaving. That you were telling her…”
Alex stopped her. Covered her mouth with his and kissed the words from her.
“Did you not hear what I told you last night?” he said, when he’d kissed her into stunned silence.
She stared at him. She remembered plenty about last night.
He caught her in his arms, lifting her from her feet and tucking him against her just like he had the night before. “I love you, Lisa.” He dropped a kiss on her forehead. “If you’ll have me, I want to stay. I’m not going to run. Not now. Not ever. You’ve taught me that. Made me realize I need to believe in family, in love, in myself again.”
She closed her eyes and burrowed into him. Smelt the tangy aftershave that had taunted her from day one. Touched the biceps that had called to her from the first time she’d seen him shirtless. Pulled at the base of his neck to steal a kiss from pillowy lips that had begged to be touching hers from the moment she’d started falling for him.
“So you want to marry me?” She breathed the words against his cheek.
“I thought I was the one who was supposed to ask the question?”
She laughed. A head thrown back, deep in the belly laugh.
“Well, hurry up and ask m
e so I can say yes,” she teased.
He didn’t put her down. Just kept her folded in his arms, holding her like he’d never let her go.
A little voice squeaked from behind them.
“Mommy?”
Lisa let Alex swing her around to her daughter. She couldn’t wipe the smile off her face if she’d tried.
“Did you say yes?”
Lisa didn’t say anything.
He hadn’t officially asked her, but of course she would say yes. How could she not? She loved Alex. As much as she’d loved Lilly’s father. So much.
Alex dropped to one knee. He took Lisa’s hand.
“I think it’s time to make this official. Lisa, will you please put me out of my misery and say you’ll marry me?”
“Yes, Mommy. Say yes!” Lilly squealed.
“Yes,” whispered Lisa.
Alex stood to wipe away her tears.
“I love you girls, you know?”
“We know,” chirped Lilly.
Yes, we know, thought Lisa. And we love you too.
Earlier this year—weeks ago, even—she’d thought her heart would never open to another human being. Hadn’t ever wanted it to.
But now she knew otherwise. She loved Alex now, and she’d loved William then—and still did. But her love for William was in the past: a loving, vivid memory to hold on to.
Alex was now.
Alex was her future.
EPILOGUE
ALEX ran his fingers over the emblem lying flat over his chest. The khaki shirt felt nice against his skin. Felt right.
Two months ago he’d been lost. A man without a path. Without a destiny.
Now he was happy. He had a future, and he no longer lay awake at night in a sweat with the world at play on his shoulders.
He tugged on his boots and grabbed the paper bag resting on the counter. He took a peek inside. And smiled. Neatly wrapped sandwiches, a token piece of fruit, and two big slices of cake.
It didn’t matter how hard he tried to suppress it, the grin tugging at the corners of his mouth couldn’t be stopped.
Alex walked out onto the porch. The lake’s water shone in the early-morning light; the trees were waving shadows around the far perimeter. He stood there and looked.