by Jenika Snow
Toby nodded. “Yeah, even after everything my dad put her through, she doesn’t know any other life without him in it.”
“You think she’ll be okay?” Ace asked.
Toby shrugged. “I don’t know honestly, but I hope so. She’s a strong woman at heart, just needs to find herself after all of this.” They stood there in silence, neither able to say anything because the tension in the room was so thick. No doubt Ace was thinking about all the shit from the past right now, too. “Listen, let’s go out tonight, get drunk, and not worry about all this bullshit.”
Ace grinned. “Best thing I’ve heard all day.”
****
They’d been at the bar for the last few hours, and Toby was good and drunk. Even though they’d been talking about random shit, staying away from the more sensitive subject such as their asshole, drunken and abusive fathers, there was still the heavy weight of that hanging over them.
“Although I know what your old man did to you, I am sorry about his death.”
Toby nodded, picked up his shot, and tossed it back. “Yeah, well shit happens. I’m sorry about your old man, too. If I had known I would have been there for you, Ace.”
Ace clapped him on the back. “I know, but honestly, a pretty big part of me feels like my dad’s death is on my hands.” The forlorn look on Ace’s face told Toby that this wasn’t something to get into right now.
He lifted his hand for the bartender to bring them another round. When fresh shots were in front of them he thought about all the shit his dad had done to him and his mom. There wasn’t any sadness in him over his dad’s death. In fact, he felt pissed, so full of rage as the abuse from all those years came back to the forefront of his mind. Before he could finish his drink someone from behind him slammed into his back, tipping over the shot glass. The alcohol spilled along the counter, and his rage grew. He had wanted that damn shot, and the intoxicated state he was in right now, the memories surfacing through his head, and the images of what had been taken away from him and his mom for so long made this beast inside of him rise. He turned his head and saw some asshole glaring at him.
“Watch it,” the asshole said, and tried to push between him and Ace to get the bartender.
“Are you fucking kidding me?” Toby asked, not hiding his anger. The guy looked at him, his drunken state pretty damn clear, but his attitude and lack of common courtesy making Toby want to beat his ass.
“This is a bar, a place to get drinks, not sit there and stare at the wall, like you and your friend have been doing for the last hour.”
Toby curled his hand into a fist on the counter, and before he could stop himself he turned and slammed his fist into the other man’s face. This surge of satisfaction filled Toby when the prick fell back and grunted out in pain. He was out of his seat and hauling the guy off the ground. “You fucked with the wrong guy on the wrong day, asshole.” Toby hit the prick again, and once more. The guy started swinging, cursing out foul insults and trying to get the upper hand. But Toby knew how to fight, knew how to handle himself because of the life he had led.
The guy got a hit in, but it wasn’t optimum in positioning and skimmed Toby’s cheek. Toby threw a left hook, and then a right uppercut. The other guy fell back on his ass once more, and it was clear the fight was draining from him fast. People were moving out of the way, and Toby knew that this fight would be shut down pretty fast by the owner of the bar.
“Get up, motherfucker,” Toby gritted out.
The other guy finally pulled his sorry ass off the ground, and turned his head to spit out a mouthful of blood. He suddenly charged toward Toby like he’d gotten a second wind, or thought he could possibly win. He swung left, and then right, but he was no match for the built-up anger Toby had inside of him. He swung out once more, but Toby clocked him in the face, knocking him back on his ass.
“We need to get out of here, man. The owner called the cops,” Ace said and pulled him toward the front doors. The guy was out cold on the floor, and Toby spit on him. Yeah, maybe not the way to spend this evening, but fuck it all to hell.
Twenty minutes later and Toby stumbled away from the taxi, walked up the porch steps, and braced a hand on the banister. The cab behind him skidded out of the neighborhood, and Toby grabbed his keys from his pocket, realized he wasn’t back home in Silver Springs, and cursed. For shits and giggles he tried the handle, surprised that it was unlocked, and stepped inside. The living room of his mom’s place was dark, cold even. Before he had left with Ace he had made sure his mom had been okay. She had all but pushed him out of the house, telling him to spend time with Ace. And that was what he had done, for the last five hours, and until he couldn’t even see straight. His cell vibrated when he stepped inside and shut the door. Fishing out his cell from his pocket he saw the screen, recognized Ace’s number that he had given him earlier in the evening, and answered.
“I’m surprised you can even dial my number, man,” Toby slurred and lowered his voice.
Ace started chuckling. “Just wanted to make sure you got home okay, and that you aren’t feeling any pain from that fight,” Ace said in an equally slurred voice. “I knew you were just as fucked up as I was, and you were in a bad spot at the end.”
Yeah, he was, but the fight had gotten some of his anger out. “I’m good, man, and I’m glad you’re home safely, too.” Toby moved through the house on unsteady legs, knocked his shin into the coffee table, cursed, and stopped. He continued to move through the house, up the stairs, and stopped at his mother’s bedroom. The door was slightly open, and he saw her sound asleep in the center of the bed. She wasn’t crying, and for that he was thankful, but he hoped that she allowed herself to heal healthy, because moaning over a man that had beaten her on more than one occasion was not something she should put her energy into.
He headed into his bedroom, shut the door, and closed his eyes as the room spun. “You still there?” he asked Ace when there was nothing but silence.
“Yeah, thought I was going to fucking upchuck those shots.”
Toby chuckled.
“Okay, I’m going to head off the phone, because my bed is looking pretty damn good right now.”
“We’ll talk soon, Ace. I have a feeling I’m going to be here for a while with my mom, wrapping up all of my old man’s affairs, and making sure everything is straight before I head back.”
They said their goodbyes, and Toby moved over to his duffle on the floor. He grabbed the bottle of whiskey from it. He had stashed it there during the wake hours, feeling shitty and knowing he’d need it later. Yeah, he was pretty drunk as it was, but what he wanted was oblivion.
Sitting on the edge of the bed he undid his zipper, pulled out his cock, and closed his eyes. The image that slammed into his head was Shoshanna, of her long dark hair, the way she had been so giving, so primed and ready for him. He wanted her for more than one night. He wanted her as his, and for a man like him, one that was used to getting pussy at random and on tap, to want only her was a big fucking deal. He was a sick bastard for jerking off to the image of her, the scent of her hair that was ingrained in his head, and the memory of her sweet, lush body under his.
He gripped his cock, slid his palm up and down the length, and thought about Shoshanna. She was the only thing that could get his mind off of the past, off of the things that had happened even though she wasn’t here. Even in Silver Springs Toby couldn’t escape his nightmares. He played it off well enough even though he was on his own and had a life outside of all of that. He tilted his head back and let his thoughts be consumed by Shoshanna. It had only been a week and she’d already ensnared him. One night with her had shifted something inside of him, and he couldn’t even think straight. God, what the hell was wrong with him wanting something, someone so much better than he was?
He brought the bottle of whiskey to his lips and took a long, hearty pull before setting the bottle down. His life was all sorts of fucked up, and he wanted desperately to be good, but it didn’t matter wha
t he did, because deep down he was bad inside, ruined beyond comprehension. In the darkness he could almost imagine he wasn’t alone jacking off. Almost. Toby pictured Shoshanna with him, touching him. It was her hand that moved up and down his dick. He was a sick fuck that had to stoop to this, but it was all he had and so he would take it. Lying back on the bed, he let the images that had been haunting him for what seemed like forever play through his head. Her pussy was tight, hot and wet, and had gripped his cock to the point he couldn’t breathe. He could see her here with him, running her hands over his chest, pulling him closer as she whispered how much she wanted him.
He pumped his hand over his cock faster, and it felt good, God, did it feel good. But it was just empty pleasure. He was close to coming and gripped his erection with an iron fist. Grunting as he ran his palm over the crown of his cock, he smeared the pre-cum that leaked out of the slit and worked himself quicker, harder, and brought his orgasm to the surface faster. A low groan left him as his balls drew up tight. His cum spewed out and covered his hand. He didn’t bother standing right away to clean himself up. This was not the direction he wanted to go, but knowing his luck the one thing that consumed him probably would never be his.
Chapter Eight
Ace stared at himself in the mirror after his shower. He had a towel around his hips, his hair was wet, and water dripped down his chest. The bathroom door to the hotel room he was staying in was partially opened, and the light from the bathroom spilled into the bedroom. He saw the woman he’d just fucked passed out in the center of the mattress, the sheets pooling around her ass, and her face turned in the opposite direction. It was empty pleasure when he was with these random and nameless females. They were to pass the time because all he had in his life was work. With his piece of shit father dead, his mother having passed away when he was just a kid, and the only female company he had these one-night stands, he was a lonely boy. But he liked it that way, because no way would a woman want a scarred, damaged fucker like him.
He looked down at his chest, saw the scars from his dad’s belt buckle litter his side, and when he turned around and looked at his back he saw the scars that crisscrossed his flesh. He’d gotten so many tattoos over the years, trying to hide them, cover up his shame and abuse, but all it did was seem to amplify them. Lifting his arm and staring at his forearm, he ran a hand over his scars that lined his skin. They were in the shape of circles¸ thick shaped circles from his father’s cigars that had memories washing through him. Since he’d grown into the man he was he’d worked out, striving to try to keep his mind off of his memories, and was now strong and big, able to defend himself. He’d never be anyone’s punching bag, and never allow anyone to hurt him again. Maybe that was why he fought on occasion, searched out men to hit and beat, to take a punch and leave him bruised and battered. He needed that pain sometimes, needed that body to hit and fight back to ease the agony he had inside. It was a never-ending battle inside of him, one that was consuming at times, painful and angering. He had a lot of pain and rage inside, emotions that needed out or they would kill him.
Ace dropped the towel and put on his boxers and his shirt. He headed out of the bathroom, shut the light off so darkness washed through the room, and went to lie beside the woman. Fuck, he didn’t even know her name, or if he did he didn’t remember it. But it didn’t matter, because this was the only time he’d spend with her, then it was on to his next fight, his next random sexual encounter, and trying to block out everything else. He felt disgusted with himself, hated himself every day. Looking in the mirror showed the reflection of a man that was strong and powerful on the outside, but inside was battered and broken. Hell, the one woman in his life that gave a shit about him, that really cared for him, saw him as a friend, a destroyed friend. He loved Lauren, had for years, but she was too fucking good for him, and so he’d pushed his emotions for her as far back as he could and didn’t allow the pure thought of her to be tainted by everything he was. Closing his eyes and scrubbing a hand over his face, he breathed out and focused on the pain he felt. It was safer that way, smarter to let it consume him when he lay here in the dark and his hopes crept up.
****
Toby stared at the way his mother shuffled around in her house shoes, her robe hanging off one of her shoulders, and her hair in a messy black and grey bun.
“Honey, you ready for some more coffee?”
He set down his cup and shook his head even though her back was to him. “I’m good, thanks, Mom.”
It was already two weeks after his father had died, and they were still going through his financial paperwork. Although his mom didn’t show her sadness in front of him anymore, there were times he heard her softly crying in her room at night. He wanted to go to her and say that he was here, he wasn’t going anywhere, and that he hated that she hurt so badly. She turned around and smiled, the dark circles under her eyes telling him of her sleepless nights. “I am so glad you’re here, and so happy you were able to see Ace again.”
He had seen Ace a couple of more times before he had to head back to Ohio for his work, but they wouldn’t lose contact this time. He thought of Ace as a brother, even still after all these years. “Mom, come here and sit down.”
His mother moved toward him, pulled out the chair in front of him, and when she was in the seat, he reached out and took her hand.
“You look so serious, Toby.” His mother smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes, and Toby knew that his mom had to know what he was going to say. It wasn’t like they hadn’t spoken about the abuse dealt by his father after the fact, but his mom had been blinded by the fact she was in this toxic relationship.
“Mom, come live with me in Silver Springs. He’s not here anymore, and can’t hurt you for trying to go against him.”
She looked down, and the sound of her breathing filled the small kitchen. “This is my home, Toby.”
He didn’t speak for several minutes, trying to not be callous and shaking her so she saw that nothing held her here anymore. “You don’t have to be afraid anymore. He’s gone, and he won’t hurt you again.”
She shook her head and smiled sadly. “I know your father was cold and harsh, Toby, but he was my husband. This is my home, my life here now. I can’t leave, won’t. Your dad died here, was my provider—”
“He beat you and me daily. He was a bastard, a fucking asshole that was a drunk and needed to be put in his place a long time ago.” Toby’s anger grew, and although he regretted saying the words as soon as they left him because his mother’s eyes widened, he had meant every word.
“I won’t lie and say your dad didn’t have his faults, but I loved him, Toby.”
He shook his head and blew out an exasperated breath. His mother loved a man that was a worthless, abusive drunk. “So you aren’t coming back to Silver Springs with me?”
She patted his hand, smiled, and shook her head. “Will you stay a bit longer, help me finalize everything before you head back?”
He nodded. He had time off of work, as much as he needed to take, but staying here brought back a lot of memories. “Yeah, Mom. I’ll stay here for as long as you need me to.” His mother had been a slave to his father for far too long, and even in his grave Robert Mason still controlled shit.
****
“I just don’t understand how they could pass you up for that promotion,” her mother, Geraldine Clarke, said and picked up her dainty little fork. She poked at a piece of lettuce, put it in her mouth, and stared at Shoshanna. “I mean, you have a degree, are far more qualified than half the staff there—”
“Mom, please,” Shoshanna said and leaned back in her seat. She was having lunch with her mother and father, and although Shoshanna hated this at times, she did love her parents, even if her mom was on her case constantly.
“Geraldine, please let her eat and don’t hound her about work,” her dad said and grabbed his hamburger. Her father had always been a hardworking man, and when he’d made it big with his investments he still didn�
��t stop working from home. He had money now, but did everything himself, and wasn’t this snob that her mother had turned into over the years.
“I’m just saying, she could have gone to Birmingham University and gotten a degree that wouldn’t have landed her in the job that didn’t promote her.”
“Geraldine, please,” her father said with a stern, almost angry voice.
Her mother threw her hands up and leaned back, as if she were exasperated with the whole thing. “I just want the best for her, and with that worthless guy cheating on you and leaving you for some bimbo—”
“Mom, I don’t want to talk about any of that. In fact, I came to lunch in hopes that maybe, just maybe, you wouldn’t get on my case for once.” Anger and annoyance filled her. It had been two weeks since she’d been with Toby, and although she knew his father had died, and he must be going through so much right now, she wished she could see him again. Hell, she’d settle for talking to him. But even though she had always wanted him, and had felt this connection with him during that one night of pleasure, she wished that things would end up how she wanted, instead of how she knew it would be. Toby had so much to deal with now, and surely he wouldn’t have time for her now more than ever. “For once how about you remember where you came from?” Her anger rose as she stared at her mother, her wide blue eyes trained on Shoshanna, and her red lips pursed. Her mother stared at her as if she were stunned she had said anything in return. Her dad patted Shoshanna on the shoulder, a smile on his face.
“I understand you’re upset about the job and boyfriend—”
“Yes, I am, Mom, but still, I am done hearing about how you wish I would have chosen a different profession, and how you wished I would meet a guy that had money to take care of me like Dad does for you.”
Her father cleared his throat, probably uncomfortable that Shoshanna was speaking to her mother this way, but there was something inside of her that just couldn’t handle this right now. She had always been the quiet and timid person that let others call the shots. Shoshanna had been that geeky little schoolgirl that did her homework early, didn’t have a social life, and always kept her head down. But for some reason she was done with all of that, at least right now. Her annoyance was winning out, especially as she listened to her mother complain about the life she’d led.