by Diana Nixon
DIANA NIXON
Copyright © 2020 by Diana Nixon
All rights reserved
No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any form or by any means electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording or by any information storage and retrieval systems, without prior written permission of the author except where permitted by law.
The characters and events portrayed in this book are fictitious. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author.
Edited by: Laura Hernandez
Cover design by: Amina Black
ILLUSIVE
(Summary)
Hearts don't beat forever. And neither did mine.
The day I woke up with a donor's heart beating in my chest, everything changed.
I felt like I wasn't myself anymore, more like I was forced to live the life of someone else.
Even my dreams – they were not mine. I closed my eyes and saw the places and people I never knew. I woke up with the feeling of déjà vu and didn't know if that was just a game of my imagination or I was losing my mind.
Getting a new job at the Bowen's complicated all of the above. They were strangers to me, but somehow, I felt like I knew them my whole life…
"I thought I knew love, but I was wrong. Before you, it was just an illusion…"
PROLOGUE
Rachel
"You found her…" I looked at the picture in my hands and swallowed hard.
My little sister, my sweet angel… Lost almost twenty years ago. She had changed of course, but I would recognize her from a million faces. It was her – the girl I failed to take care about. My biggest loss and the pain that never left my heart, not even in my sleep.
"She's beautiful, isn't she?" Said Mia, my best friend and partner in my every crime.
"She looks so much like mom." Tears of pure happiness pooled my eyes. "My little Eden, my paradise. Where is she now?"
Mia stayed quiet.
I looked at her and frowned, wiping tears from my cheeks. "What is it? Is she okay?"
My friend didn't rush with the response. She took a seat across from me and nodded slowly. "She is. As okay as she can be, considering the circumstances…"
"What do you mean?"
Mia wasn't one of those people who thought twice about her every word. At times, I wondered if her straightforwardness was her secret weapon in winning every single court battle that she was involved in. She and I owned Johnson & Perry: Attorneys at Law, which is why we spent a lot more time in the courtroom than at home.
Mia knew my story, as well as how much time I spent trying to find my sister. And judging by her worried expression, the news she had for me was not even close to being good.
"Eden…she…isn't feeling well," she said, carefully choosing her every word.
My heart sank. "What happened to her?" I asked, silently praying for Mia's next words not to be as dreadful as what I could see in her eyes. I swear, I had never seen her like that before.
"I don't know the details, but she's in the hospital now."
"What hospital? I need to see her." I stood up, took my bag and started frantically packing everything that came to my hand: my phone, sunglasses, wallet and a notebook – though I would hardly need it in the hospital.
"Wait." Mia stood up too. She went across my desk and took the bag from my hands. "You need to know something very important first."
"You are scaring me. What's going on?"
"The thing is… Eden needs surgery."
"Oh, God… What kind of surgery?"
"A heart transplant."
Shock hit me. I gasped for air and sat down on my chair. Every small part of me went on pause, while my brain was trying to catch up with the piece of information I got from Mia. My feet didn't feel the ground under my chair. It was as if I was sinking through it, losing my touch with reality.
Mia rubbed my shoulders gently. "It's not as bad as it sounds." She sounded like she didn't believe her own words.
"Are you kidding me? People who need a heart transplant are almost de…" Damn it, I couldn't make myself say the word. My mind refused to think straight.
I put my hands on the desk and hid my face in them; my head spun like crazy.
"Her doctor said they would do their best to prolong her time as long as possible."
She was running out of time… But why? Why was my fate so cruel to me? I lost her once, but twice was just too much for one lifetime.
"How much time does she have?" It was the only thing that mattered now.
"The doctor said… A couple of weeks. Maybe a month."
"A month?" I haven't seen my sister for twenty years, and now I only got a month to spend with her. "I need to see her. And I want to talk to her doctor. I'm sure we can find a way to help her."
Without saying another word, I grabbed my bag and rushed out of the office, with Mia running after me.
"We'll take my car," she said, pulling me to the opposite side of the parking lot. "You can't drive now."
"How did you find her?" I asked, after I got into her car and fastened the seatbelt. For years, I'd been hiring private detectives to find the girl that I hoped was still alive and okay. But they found nothing.
"She has changed her last name. She's Eden Shelton now. It's her adoptive parents' name. But I wouldn't have been able to find her if it were not for her medallion – the one that your mom gave you and Eden when you were kids."
I reached for a silver chain on my neck. I had been wearing it for as long as I could remember. A half-heart shaped medallion was one of the few things that were left from my childhood. Everything else burned in a fire that took away the lives of our parents, forever ago.
Mia spoke again, "I didn't want to tell you anything until I was sure it was her. I asked the doctors to do the DNA and the results proved the girl I found was Eden."
"Have you talked to her?"
"I wasn't allowed to. Only her family has access to her hospital room. But…"
"What?"
Mia gave me another full of worry look. "She's unconscious, Rachel. The doctors had to put her under a medically induced coma."
My brain shuttered for a moment and the words died on my tongue. I felt like I lacked air. I couldn't believe my sister's condition was that bad. But most of all, I couldn't believe I was about to lose her one more time. Only this time – forever.
All this time I lived hoping she was all right. Maybe married and having a family that would replace the absence of love and care that she was supposed to get from me. Guilt wouldn't let me go. It was all my fault that Eden got lost. I was responsible for what happened to her, even though I had no idea what it was or where she had been, until today.
When Mia stopped the car and shut down the engine, I got scared to get out of it and face the nightmare that was worse than any of those I had been having for years, while looking for my lost sister.
"I'll go with you," she said, as if feeling my hesitation.
I took a deep breath, hoping I wouldn't faint even before I got to Eden's room.
"Does her family know anything about me?"
"I don't think so. According to the doctor's words, Eden has only one sibling, and it's a brother."
"A step-brother."
"Yes."
"At least she wasn't alone all these years. When was she adopted?"
"Shortly after the day at the market where you last saw her. She was hit by a car, but no serious injuries were found; except for her memory. She lost it and couldn't remember anything but her name. According to the police reports, no one came to take her home after she was declared missing. That's why she was sent to an orphanage headed by her future stepmother. She liked Eden a lot, and after some time, she decided to ado
pt her."
"Stupid laws. If it weren't for the confidential nature of adoption, I would have found her a long time ago. Wait, you said she lost her memory, right? Does it mean she never managed to remember anything about me or her parents?"
"If her memories were back, she would have asked someone to find you."
"Right."
We entered the hospital hall and went to the elevators. My heartbeat matched the sound of the clip-clopping of my heels – loud and fast.
"What if we meet her parents or her brother?" I asked. "Shall we tell them the truth about me?"
"Of course. Both you and Eden have the right to see each other. Especially now that she needs her closest people to be with her."
I swallowed the lump that formed in my throat. The situation felt a little surreal. I was both scared and excited to see my sister. The only problem was – it could be one of my last times to see her.
To my great relief, Eden was alone in the room and after showing the doctor my ID and the DNA results that I got from Mia, I was allowed to stay with her.
"I'll wait here," Mia said, patting my back slightly. She took my jacket and my bag and sat in a chair near the door. "You can do this, Rach." She smiled encouragingly.
I nodded slowly and with my trembling hand, I turned the doorknob and stepped into the half-dark room. One of the curtains was shut, that's why it felt like the room was lacking illumination.
My heart was beating fast, my legs refused to obey me. I stood still and watched the girl, lying on a bed with multiple screens around her, showing every small change in her state.
I had never been a coward, but right then and there, I felt as helpless and as desperate as ever. There was nothing I could do to help her out of the damn bed.
I took a grip of myself and came closer to the bed. Tears blinded my eyes, but I could still see the familiar features that I loved so much. Long, dark hair was tied into a braid. I cut off mine when I was nineteen, preferring to keep my hair short. Small nose and full lips that Eden and I inherited from our father – he used to be so handsome. And he loved us so much.
"Oh, Eden…" I took her motionless hand in mine and kissed it. Her skin felt cold and lifeless, but somehow, I knew she could feel me. "It's been so long, sis." Even with her eyes closed, I knew they were the reflections of mine – dark and eloquent. When we were kids, people always said we looked a lot alike, more like twins than sisters with almost a four-year age difference. Only now, I felt like we were lives apart – I was still living mine, and she was about to say farewell to hers.
What a cruel turn to the story, I thought to myself. "My sleeping beauty, I finally found you, but it’s too late… What do I do now? How am I gonna live without you? Until today, I lived for the day I would see you again. And now what?"
I caressed her cheek with the back of my palm and more tears ran down my face. "How am I supposed to say good-bye to you when I just found you? It is my fault, Eden. I failed to be the sister that you needed. I lost you. I let fate take you away from me. And now I'm facing what I deserved." A nervous laugh escaped my throat. "Payback is such a bitch, sis. If only I could have found you sooner…"
A knock at the door caught my attention.
"Yes?" I wiped my tears away and saw the doctor enter the room.
"May I have a word with you, Miss Perry?"
"Yes, sure. Can we talk here? I don't want to leave her alone." I looked at Eden again and smiled slightly. "Five minutes with her are not enough to cross out the years we spent apart."
"I understand." The doctor came closer to me. "I wanted to discuss something very important with you."
"What is it, Doctor? I'm sorry, what's your name again?"
"It's Hensley."
"I'll try to remember it. My mind's racing now."
"It is not surprising at all. You must have been shocked to see your sister like this." His eyes traveled to the bed behind me. "What I wanted to discuss with you is her chances to survive."
"From what I can see, they are minimal."
"Well, it depends on how soon we can find a heart donor for her. Before you ask, there's nothing we can do to make her heart function normally again. She has cardiomyopathy. It's a disease of the heart muscle that makes it harder for her heart to pump blood to the rest of her body. In your sister's case, we think it's inherited. Do you know if any of your parents ever suffered long-term blood pressure?"
"I don't know. Our parents died when I was nine. I hardly remember anything about their health problems."
"I see… As you already know, the only thing that can help your sister is a heart transplant."
"How fast can you find a donor?"
"It is not easy, Miss Perry. Transplant candidates are placed on the national transplant waiting list. But it doesn't work on a first-come, first-served basis. When a donor's heart becomes available, we need to check many things before we can start working with it."
"Who can be a heart donor?"
"Only an individual who is declared brain dead and on a ventilator."
I nodded and turned to look at my sister. "In other words, she may not survive waiting…"
Dr. Hensley sighed. "I'm so sorry, Miss. We are doing our best to prolong her life. But no one knows when a matching heart is gonna be available."
"Thank you, Doctor. For everything. At least I got a chance to see her one last time…" My voice trembled.
"If you need me, I'll be in my office."
I nodded absent-minded, and came to Eden again. "I wish I could give you my heart, sister…"
She couldn't comment on that, but I'm sure she would say I was out of my mind.
Still, I wanted to do something for her.
"I'll be right back," I whispered to Eden and kissed her cheek. In the hall, I told Mia the following, "I need you to go back to our office and prepare an organ donation agreement for me."
Her eyes widened. "You are not going to cut out your heart and give it to Eden, are you?"
"We both know it is not possible. As well as we both know that if anything happens to me, I’d like my heart to be tested for a match."
"Rachel, this is crazy. You are not going to die. Stop thinking about it! You are young and healthy and you've got a daughter, remember? Ariel needs you!"
"And I need my sister to be alive. Calm down, Mia. I'm not going to do anything stupid; I know I can't help her. Signing an agreement is all I can do to feel at least a little less helpless. Do you understand?"
Mia nodded. "I do. But you scared the shit out of me with your request!"
"Sorry, it was unintentional."
"Okay, I'll go to the office and bring the needed papers later today. Are you going to stay here?"
"Yes. Could you please call Mrs. Abbott and ask her to stay with Ariel tonight? I don't think I'll be able to leave the hospital any time soon. I wanna spend as much time with Eden as possible. Considering it is not much…"
"Oh, Rachel… I'm so sorry about your sister. Maybe I shouldn't have told you about her at all."
"No, you did the right thing by telling me the truth. I would never forgive you for stealing my only chance to see her again."
"Courage, Rach. Call me if you need anything." She gave me a hug and walked away.
I went back to Eden's room, feeling like nothing on earth. It was the second time in my life that I had no idea what to do next. The first one happened when I lost Eden at the market.
It was a beautiful July day and nothing promised troubles. We were running out of groceries. Lily, our grandma, gave us some cash so we could go to the market and buy food. It'd been just a few months since our parents died and Eden didn't want to stay at home, so I took her to the market with me. We bought fruits, meat and vegetables, and when we were about to leave, she asked me to buy her candy.
"You stay here and wait for me," I told her, leaving her and the bags at one of the benches. The store was close, and I could see Eden through its window.
But after I paid for the cand
ies, I turned to look at her again, and found nothing, but an upside-down bag of tomatoes.
"Eden!" I ran out of the store, with my heart racing in my chest. "Eden!" I was looking for my little sister, but she was nowhere around. "Have you seen a little girl with a blue hat?" I asked people about her, I begged them to help me find her. But in the end, I returned home alone…
Lily and I went to the police station, hoping they would help us find Eden. But years passed, and I still returned home with nothing but my vague memories of her.
"Miss?" Someone touched my shoulder.
I opened my eyes and frowned. "What time is it?"
"Almost five."
"Lord, I've been asleep for almost two hours." Only now did I look at the guy standing next to the chair where I had fallen asleep. He was around my age, with a bunch of blond hair, falling on his forehead, and big green eyes. "Who are you?" I asked.
"I could ask you the same question." He smiled slightly. "Have you entered the wrong room?"
"What?" I stood up and rubbed my eyes.
"This is my sister's room. You must have…"
"Your sister's room?" It took me a few moments to realize the guy was Eden's stepbrother. "Oh…"
"I'm Ian, by the way."
"Rachel."
"Rachel…" He pronounced my name as if tasting it. "So what are you doing here?" He gave me a curious look. Then he added, "I'm sorry, but if I didn't know better, I would have thought you were Eden's relative. You look so much alike."
I smiled too. "It's probably because I am her relative. Her sister to be exact."
"You what?" He looked genuinely surprised.
"It's a long story."
"Eden doesn't have any siblings, except for me of course."
"Wrong answer. As you can see, DNA is not needed to see the resemblance between us."
"Indeed… But, how is that possible that she never mentioned your existence?"
"As far as I know, she didn't remember anything, but her name."
"True." Ian gave me another curious look. "Wow… You haven't seen her for – how long… – twenty years?"