by Diana Nixon
His eyes met mine again. I had no idea what was happening in that smart head of his, but one thing I knew for sure.
"Just say it Mr. Bowen – you want me out. Am I right?"
He inhaled sharply. "All I'm saying is that the girl might get upset if you decide that working here is not what you really want to do for a living."
Mia was right after all – selfish was a perfect word to describe him.
"Do you think it's bad that Ariel likes spending time with me? Would you prefer someone she hates to be around her?"
"It's not what I meant to say."
"But you fired ten of her babysitters, remember? She didn't like any of them, so it wasn't a big deal. But Ari and I… We have a connection."
"You don't have any connection with Ariel!" He stood up and slammed his palms against the table.
Not that it scared me. I wasn't going to let him be an ass with me.
"How would you know that?" I stood up too. "You didn't even care talking to her. Two weeks have passed since I started working here, and you never once asked Ariel if she liked me enough to let me stay."
"How dare you…" The look in his eyes was dreadful, but I couldn't care less. The never known before bravery made me push it a little harder.
"Do you know anything about what she likes? Her favorite books? Her favorite colors? Do you have any idea how many times per day she says she would like to spend more time with you? Do you…"
He wouldn't let me finish the sentence. "An hour, Miss Shelton. You've got one hour to pack your things and get the hell out of here."
"What?"
"You heard me – you are fired!"
"All right. Who's gonna tell Ariel I'm leaving? You?"
"She'll be fine." He started to walk away.
"Selfish pig," I muttered angrily.
"What did you just call me?"
I smirked. "Sounds like something you've heard a lot, right?"
I turned around not a bit scared to face his anger. But what I saw turned out to be so much worse.
In three steps, he covered the distance between us and I found myself trapped in between the wood of the table behind me and his chest, firmly pressed to mine; his fingers wrapped around my elbows.
"Who are you to talk to me like this?" He hissed.
"I could ask you the same question, Mr. Bowen. You don't know anything about me, except for the fact that you see me as a threat to your priceless reputation of an exemplary uncle that might go down the drain way too fast. Unless you stop being a pig and get out of your lair to pay more attention to the things happening in this house. And you know what? I'm not going anywhere, at least not until Ariel wants me to leave. Because I don't care if you feel less needed now that I am here to take care of her. I will stay and keep doing my job, because it makes her happy. Isn't it the only thing that you should be worried about?"
All the time that I was trying to reason with the selfish idiot, his eyes were fastened on mine. His breathing quickened and I could feel his chest rise and fall against mine. If he breathed fire into my face, it wouldn't surprise me at all. The dragon in him was getting real.
Anger grew in my belly with every heartbeat. I don't know why I suddenly felt like I was about to lose something very important. But I wasn't going to let him take it away from me.
He slowly released my elbows and took a step back. Shutting his eyes, he took a deep breath and said almost in a whisper, "You are right. Ariel's happiness is the only thing that matters." Then he looked at me again, adding, "This is why you need to leave as soon as possible."
My heart broke into a million tiny pieces. Was he being serious right now?
I watched him leave, feeling the urge to run after him and beg him to let me stay, or better - hit him with something heavy so he could finally see why I couldn't leave. Ariel needed me and I… I needed her.
"Mr…"
"Let him go." Reggie stopped me, catching me by the hand.
"Did you hear what he said?"
She nodded. "But you will stay." Giving me a glass of water, she added, "Go to Ariel. I'll talk to him."
"He won't listen to you."
"Oh, trust me, he will. Don't worry, girl. I know how to make this stubborn guy change his mind."
The rest of the morning left much to be desired. I spent a good hour pacing the dining room, waiting for someone to come and tell me I could stay and stop worrying about losing my job. But neither Reggie, nor my boss blessed me with their attention.
That's why when Ariel entered the room, I was all nerves.
"Morning, Eden!" She ran up to give me a hug. She always did that in the mornings.
"Morning, sweetie. Did you sleep well?"
"Not really." Her face suddenly fell and she sat in a nearby chair. "I had been dreaming about mom."
"Oh… Was it a good dream?"
"I don't know. I saw her crying."
"Did she talk to you?"
"No. She didn't see me. It was as if I was watching her from the sidelines. She was sitting in a chair, holding a picture in her hands; tears were running down her cheeks. I came closer and looked at the picture that she was holding." She paused and looked me in the eye. "You were in that picture."
"Me?"
"Weird, right?"
"Indeed…"
It wasn't the first time that Ariel put her mom and me in one sentence, or like today – in one dream. I wondered if she was doing it intentionally, as if she wanted to replace the absence of her mom with my presence in her life.
Mr. Bowen's words came to my head. What if he was right and Ariel indeed was getting attached to me? Would it be hard for her to let me go when it was time to say goodbye?
But Reggie stayed with Mr. Bowen all his life. No one told her to leave when he grew up and didn't need a babysitter anymore.
I could stay with Ariel, not permanently like now, but I could keep seeing her, even after she was old enough to braid her hair without anyone's help and fairytales were not her favorite books to read anymore.
I tried to imagine leaving this house, and my heart hurt again. Not from the physical pain, but from the emotions the thoughts made it feel.
I didn't want to leave. I wasn't lying when I told Mr. Bowen about the connection with his Goddaughter. I did feel it, deep and clear.
"Listen," I said. "I don't think the dream you've had was a bad dream. Mothers always worry about their kids. Maybe your mom simply wanted to tell you that she's worried about you too. But the picture that you saw told you that you have me now and I will take care of you."
"Do you think your real mom is worried about you too?" It was the least expected question to hear that morning.
"I don't know."
"It's so sad that you can't remember anything about her, not even her face."
A few days ago, while playing in the backyard, Ariel started asking questions about my family. She said she was lucky to have a mom she would remember her whole life. I wish I could say the same thing about my mom. But I was lucky enough to have another mom who made everything about my life so much better.
Was Ariel ever going to have someone to love her as if she were her own daughter? Maybe. If Mr. Bowen ever got married, and…
Something inside me protested against finishing that mental note. Not that I was jealous of the woman he might want to propose to. But I couldn’t imagine Ariel calling her 'mom'. Why? I had no idea…
"What would you like to have for breakfast?" I asked, hoping today wouldn't be the last day that Ari and I were gonna spend together.
"I want…" She put one little finger to her cheek and thought for a moment. "Toast with apple jam and a cup of hot chocolate."
I smiled. "Consider it done."
Together we went to the kitchen and Ariel helped me find everything we needed to make her breakfast.
"Where's Reggie?" She asked. "Isn't she supposed to be here to make sure I finish the meal to the last crumb?"
"She's talking to your Godfather."
"He said…"
"Just look who's up so early!" Reggie walked into the kitchen and kissed Ariel on both cheeks.
In a trembling voice, the girl said, "Tell me she'll stay with us." She looked at Reggie with her eyes full of glistening tears.
"Of course, Eden's gonna stay with us! Why would you think differently?"
"She said Blake stayed at home to talk to you about something."
"Oh, that's nothing. He and I needed to discuss a few things about your birthday. Do you remember it's in less than two weeks?"
"Of course, I do! What presents am I getting this year?"
"Anything you wish."
"Like anything anything?"
Reggie and I smiled. "Anything anything," she said, nodding. "Blake said you could invite friends if you want."
"Cool! I'll call Eddie and Carol then. I'm sure they'll be happy to get invitations." Excited, she ran out of the kitchen to find the phone and call her friends.
I turned to Reggie. "Is he pissed?"
She knew I was referring to Mr. Bowen.
"He'll survive." She patted my back gently. "I told you, I know how to get through to his stone-cold heart."
"He probably thinks I'm the bitch of the earth. He'll never talk to me again."
The corners of her mouth moved up into a smile. "He will. One day."
One day – were the keywords here. I didn't expect that 'one day' to happen soon. At least not until he forgives me for being so rude with him. I didn't have any right to tell him he was a bad Godfather for Ariel. After all, he loved her and I'm sure, deep down inside he knew everything about the mistakes he was making.
"Is he still here? I'd like to apologize."
"He just left for work. I think it's for the best. You two need some time to stay away from each other and cool off."
"How much does it usually take him to 'cool off'?" Not that I meant it to sound like sarcasm but Reggie, obviously, heard it that way.
She laughed quietly and said, "Depends on the size of the drama."
"What drama?" Ariel asked, being back with us.
"Nothing important," I replied. "Have you talked to your friends?"
"Yep. Both will be here on November 21st."
"Good. Now we need to think about the cake," Reggie said.
We started talking about Ariel's birthday and I almost forgot about the unpleasant conversation with my boss. Though the feeling that he wasn't going to let it go so easily still bothered me. Despite Reggie's attempts to assure me that Mr. Bowen didn't mind me staying in his house anymore, I knew there was something he wouldn't tell anyone, not even her. And the something was the real reason for his sudden desire to get rid of me as soon as possible.
The rest of the day turned out to be much better than I expected. Ariel asked me to help her sew new dresses for her favorite doll, so I pretended I knew how to sew and the two of us worked on the designs for the new Barbie gowns. Obviously, sewing was not my forte, but I tried my best not to disappoint Ari. She wanted to show the doll to Carol, so I had no right to fail.
After we were done sewing, I volunteered to help Reggie with the terrace flowers. Some needed to be watered, others – to be cut.
She looked a bit worried, so I thought gardening would be a great distraction for both of us.
"It's gonna be her first birthday without Rachel…"
I cut off one of the rose flowers and put it into a vase to make a bouquet for Ariel. "Poor girl. I can't imagine being her now."
"But you were the same age when you were adopted, even though you don't remember it."
Reggie's words were a surprise. "How do you know that?" I didn't remember telling her about any of it.
She shrugged. "I guess Mia mentioned it."
I gave Reggie a thoughtful look. At times, I felt like she knew a lot more about me than was mentioned in my job application form.
I never thought losing my memory was a good thing. But now that I knew Ariel's story, a part of me was glad I couldn't remember anything about my parents. I would lose my mind knowing they died and I never got a chance to talk to them and tell them I was alive and well.
"Do you still hope to find your biological parents?"
"I have this strange feeling telling me I will never see them again. I don't know why, I just feel it." It was the truth that I had always been afraid to say out loud. "Because if they were still alive, I'm sure they would do their best to find me."
Reggie didn't comment on that. Instead, she said the following, "I'm glad you and Ariel became friends. She looks much happier now that you are here, with us."
I put aside the flowers that faded because the nights were getting colder and soon all of them would be gone. Until the next year, when Reggie would plant the new ones.
"Can I tell you something?" I started. "It might sound weird, but… Do you think Ariel liked me because I reminded her of her mom? Her pictures are all over the place. And I know that she had the same eye and hair color as I do."
Reggie's hand stopped half-way to the flower pot.
"It's true, isn't it? Do you think I look so much like her?"
Reggie's lips pressed together, as if she was trying to suppress her tears or something.
"I wouldn't say that," she responded after a short pause. "You have brown eyes and dark hair, like Rachel's. And that's all. But…"
"It was enough for Ari to see her mom in me," I finished the line for Reggie.
She nodded slowly in response. "I didn't tell you that, but the day after you arrived, she came to my room and asked if I saw it too - the resemblance that she noticed. I didn't know what to say, because she was right. The first thought that came to my mind when I saw you was – Dear Lord, they look so much alike. But later, after I spent more time with you, I realized that it was just a matter of time that I needed to see that you are a completely different person. And maybe if Rachel were still alive, we would never have seen her in you. It's just that we miss her so much, all of us."
"Including Mr. Bowen, right?" It was a very personal question, but I couldn't help it.
Reggie didn't deny my words. "They were close, very close."
"Were they…"
"No. But there was a time Blake thought they would be together."
She didn't give away the details, but now I knew why he wanted me out. And it had nothing to do with Ariel. It was all about me and me only. He, just like everyone else, saw his dead love in me.
Is that why Mia suggested giving me recommendations so I could get this job? How well did she know Rachel? Is that why she thought I would be a perfect babysitter for Ariel?
"Oh, God…" I sat on a bench and hid my face in my palms.
"What is it, Eden? Are you okay?"
"I'm fine. It's just… I thought maybe it was a mistake to come here after all."
"No, no. It was not a mistake, but a blessing." She came to sit down next to me. "Look at Ari – she's like a flower that started blossoming again. Isn't it a good enough reason to believe that hiring you was a great idea?"
Yeah, she was right. I saw it too - Ariel was happy to have me around. And I was happy to be around her. Then why did it feel like I was taking someone else's place in this house?
"Tomorrow is my day off," I said. "Do you mind if I leave for a couple of hours? I'd like to visit my family."
"As you said – it's your day off. You are free to do whatever you want. I'll take care of Ari. She and I have a lot to do before her birthday."
"Good. I don't want her to feel like I left her or something."
"Don't worry, Eden. She knows you need a break from us." She smiled. "Now, let's finish watering the flowers. There are other things I need to do around the house today."
"Do you need help?"
"No, thank you. Our maid, Mary will hel
p me. She took a few weeks off to visit her family in Florida, but she should be back today. I'll introduce you two a little later."
"Thank you, Reggie. For everything."
"There's nothing to thank me for, dear. If you need someone to talk to, don't hesitate to knock at my door. Unlike Blake, I like being around people." We smiled at each other and then got back to our work.
It seemed that after the talk we had, Reggie looked at me from a different point of view. She didn't mention the restriction to ask personal questions anymore, and I thought it was a good sign. It was good to know that I didn't need to think twice about my every word with her anymore.
Later that day, after I read a bedtime story to Ariel, I returned to my room and remembered I hadn't taken my medicines. So I went downstairs to get a glass of water.
When passing by Mr. Bowen's office, I heard the noise coming from the inside. It sounded like glass breaking against the marble floor. Instinctively, I opened the door and let myself in.
"Don't move!" I ran up to where he was standing, holding a broken glass in one hand and a half-empty bottle of whiskey in the other one. The drops of blood were falling to the floor, which was not pretty at all. The smell of blood hit my nostrils and I felt lightheaded.
"Where do you keep a first aid kit?" I tried not to look at his wound or the red drops on the floor. Blood always made me feel sick.
"Over there," he nodded to one of the drawers on my right.
On my shaking legs, I went to it and took the white box with a red cross sign on it.
Wordlessly, I opened the box and took out a bottle of antiseptic and finger tape. I returned to where Mr. Bowen was standing and carefully took away the pieces of glass that were clasped in his palm. Neither of us said a word, but I could feel the intensity of his gaze on me.
After I cleaned the wound and applied the tape, I said, "Do not touch the mess. I'll call Mary to clean it up."
His quiet 'thanks' was all I needed to raise my eyes and look at him.
He watched me silently and I wondered if he was thinking about Rachel now, probably comparing us. Frustrated, I turned to leave the room.