by Diana Nixon
Breathing and thinking straight was still hard to accomplish. I got into my car and closed my eyes, trying to calm down. Only nothing on earth was capable of helping me now.
Nothing of what I had been through in my life seemed to be as important as what I was facing now. Not even losing Rachel, because back then, I didn't know she would die. Unlike now, that I knew Eden's time with us was limited and I could do nothing to change it. I couldn't scream or cry, though both were the only things I wanted to do now.
I was crushed with a new pain, stronger than ever and so much more terrifying. There was no medicine to cure it, only a miracle that I had so little hope for.
Memories started to flood my mind. Moment by moment that I was so lucky to share with her. Beginning the morning we first met and to the kiss that still burned on my lips like fire that no amount of water was able to stifle. With her, I had everything I ever needed.
But right now, she was like sand running through my fingers. I was losing her, helpless to stop the wind from blowing the sand away. A hole of emptiness grew in my heart, swallowing every happy smile she ever gave me, every single word she ever said and every single breath she ever took.
What was I supposed to do? How was I supposed to break the wall of misery surrounding me? It was stronger than me. There was no power in the world to break it and set me free.
And then, I knew it – what to do to shut the pain down.
I will live. I will love her. Like her family did.
And pretend this day never happened at all.
***
Eden
"He's so into you," Ian said, driving me back home.
"Who are you talking about?"
"Your boss."
"Don't be ridiculous. He simply gave me a lift."
But Ian ignored my words, proceeding thinking aloud. "And you are SOOO into him."
"Oh, please."
"Only blind won't see how your face lights up when he looks at you. And how his eyes glow when you smile at him."
I looked out of the window, hoping my brother would stop saying nonsense and give me a break.
"He said he likes you."
"What? You were talking about me behind my back?"
"What else would you expect us to talk about?"
"The weather?"
"Boring."
I paused for a moment, getting curious about the rest of their conversation. "What else did he say?"
Ian chuckled. "I thought you didn’t care."
"If you talked about me, I do care, okay?"
"I promised him to keep my mouth shut."
"Seriously? I'm your sister, remember?"
"Yes. This is why I'll pretend I didn't hear anything of what he said. But if he decides to ask you for a date, give it a try."
"A date? Ian, I'm working for him."
"It didn't stop him from falling for you. So a date is the next logical step."
"I don't want to talk about it anymore."
"As you wish. Shall we talk about your birthday instead? What presents would you like to receive?"
It was easy. "My life before the surgery. But I doubt you can buy it in a store."
"Your new life is so much more eventful. Don't you think so?"
I made a face and Ian laughed. "How about a new phone? Yours is about to die."
"Fine, go for it."
"What present would you like to receive from your boss?"
"None. He doesn't know about my birthday."
"I'll make a note to send him a message."
"Don’t you dare do it! Do you hear me?"
His smile widened. He raised the volume of the radio making it louder and stared at the road. That was my brother for you – if he decided to do something, something stupid included, no one and nothing could stop him from doing it. "Tell mom I'll come to help her in the shop on Friday. Ariel is going to Arizona to visit Blake's parents and I'll have the day off."
"Will do. As well as text Mr. Bowen about your birthday."
"Do whatever you want."
"That’s what I always do, sis."
CHAPTER 13
Blake
Before Eden, my world was irreparably ruined. My feelings were frozen, like a river in winter. But if you put your ear to the ice and listen carefully, you will hear the life going on under the cold surface. You will hear the force and the stream of everything that you thought was never to be revealed again. And I, just like the river, was still alive, despite how lifeless my soul felt.
It took her no longer than a couple of days to make me addicted to her. She didn't know I was watching her, all the time she thought I was avoiding her. She couldn't see me, but I played a spy, unable to stay away from her. I didn't want her to think I was a fucking stalker, obsessed with her. But there wasn't a day that I didn't let myself enjoy at least a few short moments of watching her.
She was a relief to my empty soul. Her laughter filled my heart with a new rhyme, and my eyes – with the light I never expected to see in my reflection in the mirror again. The longer she stayed with us, the less I wanted her to leave. She seemed to be a perfect fit for everything that my house and my heart lost some time back. I knew something was happening with me. It breathed a new life into my body, making me wake up from a dream I had been seeing since I lost the woman I thought I would love for the rest of my life. Then again, she never loved me back to feel what it was really like - to love her and be loved by her, to be one with her.
I had been living for my former feelings for her, afraid to lose what she made me feel.
Until…
I felt something completely different.
It was new to me. Everything I felt for Eden was new to me. Joy and pain fought inside me. One was scared to let my memories of Rachel go, when the other one was all for a new sensation that ran up my spine every time I saw Eden.
Falling in love with her was so easy; confessing I was in love with her was the hardest part. The invisible walls of defense I'd built around my heart turned out to be not so strong at all. Or maybe she possessed the power to break them that I didn't know anything about. But one thing I knew for sure – when her eyes were locked on mine I was the happiest man in the world. My heart fluttered in my chest and there was nothing more significant than this silent moment with her, when even breathing felt needless, because she was the air that filled my lungs and gave me life.
Hearing the news announced by the doctor today was like a splash of ice water that took away the magic of the dream I'd been living in since the very first time I saw her.
Everything lost its sense. Again, I found myself locked in a prison of my helplessness. There was nothing I could do to change the scenario her fate had written for her.
But there was one thing I knew I would do next time I saw her again…
I came back home when it was almost nine in the evening. There was not a sound to break the silence of the house. I took off my coat and shoes and went upstairs. I saw the light coming from under the door of Eden's bedroom. I didn't hesitate even for a second before I knocked on the door.
"Come in, Ari! I know you are still awake."
I opened the door and saw her standing at the vanity table. She was wearing a black shirt that left so little to the imagination. It covered a part of her hip, but was still too short to hide her completely.
"Hey," I said, still standing at the door. I knew coming closer wouldn't be any good for my sanity. Considering how badly I wanted her shirt to be off her.
"Blake!" She dropped the hairbrush and stood behind the chair.
"I've already seen everything I wanted to see and even more," I said with a smile on my face.
"So? You are my boss, remember? You are not supposed to see me like this."
"But I'm a man as well, and I'm certainly enjoying the view."
She rolled her eyes, but I could see a barely visible smile playing on her lips.
"Do you need anything?" She asked.
It was easy. "I needed to
see you..."
"Ok. Now that you've seen me, is there anything I can do for you?"
"Actually… yes." I stretched out one hand and said, "Come with me."
She hesitated. "Do I have a right to put on my jeans?"
"You won't need them."
She seemed to be reconsidering the idea of going with me.
I chuckled. "It's not like I'm going to use the absence of your jeans against you."
"Why doesn't that sound convincing?"
I laughed even harder.
Maybe because I WAS going to use it against her.
"I never thought you were a coward, Miss Shelton."
Now that was a very clever move.
She stood up straight and walked around the chair. "I've never been a coward, Mr. Bowen."
With a smile on my face, I stepped closer and took her hand in mine. "Good to know that."
As we stepped out of her room, she stopped and said, "Hope no one will see me like this."
"Don't worry, Ariel is asleep."
"How do you know that? I think I heard footsteps in her room."
"She never falls asleep without turning the bedside lamp off. And there's no light there." I pointed beneath Ariel's bedroom door. "Besides, you said you've never been a coward. So what if someone sees you walking around the house dressed in nothing but a shirt?"
"I don't want anyone to think less of me. Or worse – believe I'm doing this to attract your attention."
I chuckled, dying to tell her it was not needed, because she did have my full attention, and no one and nothing could change it.
We walked down the hall and stopped at my bedroom.
"Why are we here?" She asked, watching me with suspicion in her big brown eyes.
"There's something I need your help with…" I opened the door and pulled her into the darkness of the room.
She knew we were not there for small talk. She could hear it in my voice. She could feel it with every fiber of her body, as well as I could feel the excitement coming from her.
"Come closer," I said in a whisper. We could barely see each other, but I was still holding her hand in mine and I was not letting it go.
"Blake…" She shook her head, probably trying to spill a whole ton of reasons why she shouldn’t be here with me.
But none of them would stop me from kissing her. Not tonight.
I took the last needed step to stand closer to her, put my palm at the back of her neck and pulled her lips to mine.
God, I missed them so much. But most of all, I missed feeling her in my arms, so close, yet not enough.
In that closeness, we were one, like two birds finally settled in a nest.
The smell of her skin was both intoxicating and relaxing, making me want to kiss every small part of her, including those most forbidden spots.
She moaned softly into my mouth and there was nothing sweeter than the sound of her surrender.
Her hands went around my waist and she pulled me closer, if that was even possible. The kiss was mind-blowing. Slow and seductive, and there was no place for more hesitation. Both she and I were enjoying it, as if there was nothing standing between us anymore.
There was something unique about our kiss. I had never felt it before, with any other woman I kissed. And I kissed a lot of them.
It was the very moment I knew I loved her down to my soul, so much I felt lightheaded, lost in the oblivion of her beauty, her smell and everything she made my heart feel for her.
It was amazing. Like there was a bridge between her and me and no one but us knew how to find it to be in each other's arms again.
In this small world of ours, we were free, we were happy.
"Stay with me tonight," I breathed into her soft lips.
"I thought you said you weren’t going to use the absence of my jeans against me."
I smiled. "I lied."
"I knew it. But… I can’t stay, Blake."
"Why?"
She stayed quiet.
"We are grown up enough to do whatever we want."
"I know. But are you sure this is what you want?"
"Damn it, Eden, I've never wanted anything more than I want you, now."
"Why?"
"Why what?"
"Why now?"
I caressed her cheek with my palm and kissed her gently. "What's wrong with now?"
Her silent response said it all. She knew why I wanted her to stay.
"You've spoken to my doctor, haven't you?"
Oh, she just had to bring up that talk.
I sighed. "How did you know?"
"I'm not blind, Blake. I saw your face, I knew something was wrong with you. And the way you looked at me gave it all away."
"But you didn't say anything."
"There was nothing to say. And we both know why."
"I don't care about what the doctor said, Eden. You will live."
"How long?"
"As long as you want to."
"What if I wanna live forever? Can you make that happen?"
"Forever? Won't you get bored of living that long with me?"
She swallowed. "With you?"
"Yes. Unless you think I'm not a good enough man to spend your life with."
"Blake… It's not about you or me."
"It's about time, I know. But miracles happen, don't they?"
"Who would have thought you still believe in miracles, after everything you've been through."
"You are my miracle, Eden. You've made me believe magic is not a myth. And now I know what I want."
"And what is it?"
"I want to give you a life that is not controlled by time. A life you could enjoy without being afraid of losing it too soon."
Her tears glistened in the moonlight, and I knew I was saying the right things. She needed to hear them, as well as she needed to believe she, just like any other person in the world, had a right to be happy, despite everything. She deserved to love and be loved and cherished, to be admired and feel herself safe with me. She needed to know there were people who cared about her, who loved her enough not to let her down, ever. And who would do anything to free her from her fears. Like she freed me when I thought no one and nothing was capable of doing it.
"All right…" She said after what felt like forever. "I'll stay with you tonight. But…"
"I'll try to behave."
She smiled through her tears. "Hardly believable. But I'll pretend I bought it."
"I'll make sure you love my bed so much, you will want to spend every single night in it."
I stepped back and pulled her with me, until we fell on the bed and laughed, like kids who knew they were not allowed to ruin the made bed but still went for it.
"This is crazy," she said, lying on her side.
I watched her with all the love that I felt for her. I couldn't get enough of being with her.
I wrapped one arm around her waist and she willingly moved closer and into my embrace.
"Crazy is my second name," I said, kissing her hair.
She giggled. "Tell me something I don't know."
I was about to tell her I love you because that was something she'd never heard from me before. Then I thought it might be too soon and changed my mind. It still felt like I needed to try harder to gain her trust and make her believe in herself and in us.
"I shall leave before Ariel comes to kiss me good-morning. I don't want her to see me leaving your room, almost naked."
"Almost is the keyword here. I wouldn't mind you walking around my room with nothing but my eyes to touch your body."
Even without seeing her face, I knew she was smiling at that morning.
"For that, you will need to do something more than tricking me into coming here.”
"Noted. Now how about we try to get some sleep?" I asked, knowing neither she nor I was ready to call it a day.
"Sure. But first… I'd like to get a good-night kiss." She moved her head so that now our lips were on the same level.
"Are y
ou sure about that?" I asked with a challenge in my voice.
"Positive."
"All right then… Remember you asked for it."
Next second, I was on top of her, pinning her to the bed with my body; her hands above her head.
She laughed. "You are fast, Mr. Bowen."
"There are many more talents I'd like to demonstrate, Miss Shelton."
"Can't wait to see them all," followed her teasing response.
After that, everything happened faster than I imagined. My shirt was on the floor, followed by my pants and socks, with her black shirt on top of a pile of my clothes.
There was nothing but lingerie to cover her body, and boxers to cover mine.
"This night is going to be the longest in your life," I said.
"Oh, really?"
"Yeah, considering my plans for you are endless."
Our lips united again: the velvet of hers against the demand of mine. Pure elations filled my veins, splashing all over my body like a volcano out of control.
I knew this sweetest game was just a small part of what I wanted to do that night, but for now, it was enough. And it certainly was so much more important than what I'd been sharing with all those women I hoped would take Rachel out of my system.
With Eden, everything was real. I didn't have to imagine her being mine, suffer because she was in love with someone else, or hate myself for being unable to resist her.
With her, I was free. Free to love and maybe, just maybe…be loved in return, one day.
Our lips moved in a seductive dance, and she was kissing me back passionately. It was the most breathtaking kiss ever - deeper and more substantial than all the universes ever existed. Her fingers ran up and down my spine, drawing patterns unseen. Her body trembled beneath mine, asking for more, and giving hope for something we would no doubt share in the near future.
But not tonight.
Because tonight it was all about being together. Just she and I, falling asleep with the imprints of our lips on each other's skin.
We melted in that moment of unity, still too breakable to be revealed to anyone but us, but strong enough to make us one.
***
Eden
Sneaking out of Blake's room at five in the morning was real torture. First, because I was scared to miss the sound of the alarm clock that I made him time to go off at the damn crack of dawn. And second, because Reggie was wide awake, cleaning the floor in the hall. I had to wait for almost fifteen minutes to make sure the way to my room was free and no one would see me leaving Blake's bedroom.