The sun set, but the full moon and the hearth fire gave me light enough to weave, so I continued. The tapestry grew, the skyline of the city clear now, even engulfed in flame.
Flame that would never consume me, if last night’s dream was true, though the city itself would perish. And now, knowing my daughter lived, I no longer wished to be devoured by such a fire.
“You’re still awake?” The door shut, but Theseus did not come to stand behind me as he often did, nor did he kiss me in greeting.
I glanced back to see him seated on the edge of the bed. He dropped his head into his hands, his shoulders bowed under an unseen weight. I abandoned the yarn in my hands. The pinched look around his eyes disturbed me. An evening spent drinking wine with Pirithous should not have upset him so.
“Did Pirithous outdrink you?”
Theseus snorted and rubbed his forehead. “If it were only that, I would sleep easily.”
“Then what?” I knelt between his knees, that I might see his expression more clearly.
His fingers traced the line of my jaw from my earlobe to my chin. I closed my eyes, leaning into his touch. When Theseus pulled me up from the floor and into his arms, I did not resist. For too long I had refused him, unwilling to love him, insisting that I was not yet recovered. Now more than ever, I missed my husband’s love.
He drew me into his lap and hid his face against my neck. I stroked his hair, determined not to show my frustration, though my cheeks had flushed hot with anticipation.
He sighed into my hair. “I don’t know how I will ever leave you.”
My blood ran cold.
“Why?” I asked, barely able to speak the word.
“Securing Pirithous his bride will require a journey,” he said.
“Let me come, then. Bring me with you. I promise I will not slow your travel. I’m a good rider. Castor and Pollux saw to that.”
He lifted his head, and the brief hope that he would grant me such a concession turned to ice in my stomach.
“A journey to the house of Hades, Helen,” he said quietly. “And that is no place to bring a wife, even if she is the daughter of Zeus.”
My forehead furrowed. But when I opened my mouth to ask, he pressed a finger to my lips.
“A trip to Hades’s realm is not without risks, I know. But I cannot turn my back on Pirithous in this after everything he has done for us, even if I had not sworn myself to it with that foolish oath—and I do not think for a moment he did not know what he was about, then, asking me for my oath upon the Styx. He would have me show him the way to the gates of the Underworld, but that is only the beginning, the easiest piece of this quest. He means to steal Persephone, and for that he will need the help of another demigod.”
I pulled his hand away, searching his face. “You can’t be serious. Even if you find the gates, Pirithous cannot take the wife of a god!”
“I know the way. As a youth I passed the gates and destroyed the monsters set before them. As for what Pirithous can or cannot do . . .” Theseus shrugged. “He claims Persephone has called to him in his dreams, begging him to free her.”
“His dreams!” I launched myself from his arms and turned away, hugging myself.
“It is the same proof you offered, Helen, when you begged me to take you from Sparta. The same proof you acted upon, in seeking Poseidon’s favors. Am I to trust you, and not him?”
I shook my head, ignoring the reproof. He could not mean it. He could not do it! How long would Pirithous drag Theseus through the Underworld, and how far? Too far. Even if they succeeded, and I did not see how they would steal a goddess without being caught, Theseus would still be lost to me. For months, possibly for years.
“Is Pirithous’s bride more important than the world? You said he would not have left me to Menelaus, before. He must see reason now. He must know what it will mean. You would give me up to Menelaus, and then this strange prince, if you go.”
“I will leave you well guarded in Demophon’s keeping. And surely if Menelaus knew you were here, he would have come already to take you.”
I could not bring myself to look at him, for fear he would see the tears I fought. A moment’s peace and joy, shattered already. “If you leave, they will find me, and then the city will burn. I’ve seen it, Theseus. In the dream, you are lost, and I am trapped by a foreign prince.”
“Shh.” Theseus caught me, pulling me into his arms. “Helen, you will be safe. I swear it. You have no need to worry over this old fear. You are Meryet, now, queen of Athens. You have not had a nightmare in more than a year!”
I shoved at his chest to free myself. My eyes burned with tears. “The dream came last night!”
He stumbled back, though I was not sure if it was because I pushed him, or the shock of my words. “Last night?”
“I did not want to worry you. I thought perhaps it was only my own fears. Too much time spent at the loom.”
Theseus dropped back to the bed and stared at the hearth fire. “Then you do not know for certain.”
“This is a fool’s errand, Theseus! I know that much, without a doubt.”
Yes, we owed our marriage to Pirithous, but now he asked too much, trapping Theseus within a cage of honor and oaths. I would never forgive him for this. Theseus had already suffered. We had both already suffered more than our share. How could Pirithous in one moment bring me so much hope, and in the next strip it from us? A true son of Zeus!
“The gods will not forgive it,” I said. “Even if you succeed, they might take me from you out of spite. You know Hades will not let this go unpunished, and the gods have little love for you already and even less for me. Athena cannot protect you in Hades’s own house!”
He dragged his fingers through his hair as if he would rip it from his scalp. The silence choked me, filled as it was with his determination. His gaze shifted over my shoulder, and his face grew even more lined. I did not have to look to know what he saw.
The loom and the citadel in its threads, set aflame.
“Persephone can be found in the Underworld only during the winter months,” he said at last. “There are two months still before solstice. If you dream again, perhaps more will be made clear, and Pirithous might be persuaded.”
Two months.
Two months until I lost everything.
CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
The nightmare came again.
Menelaus himself breaks down the door, his sword drawn and murder in his eyes. He grabs me, twisting my arm behind my back to pin me against the wall.
“Tell me why I should let you live,” he growls in my ear. His body presses against my back, trembling with his rage.
I close my eyes, my face forced against the cool plaster wall. “Kill me, then. Better if you had done that than taken me as your wife.”
He twists my arm harder, making me cry out. “You think that if you beg me to kill you, I’ll show you pity?”
My shoulder feels as though it will pop free from its joint, and I choke on a sob.
“Do you think I did not hear the rumors of Meryet? Menestheus told me it was you! Theseus’s wife! And where is that great hero to save you, now? I’m sure you didn’t hear of his death while you were locked away inside these walls, sheltered and safe while men die for your love.”
Tears fill my eyes, streaming down my cheeks. I cannot ask about Theseus without enraging Menelaus further. Nothing I say now will help me.
“Or maybe you did hear of it, and that’s why you beg me to kill you now. So you can return to your lover in the Underworld. Your noble hero. Do you know how he died?”
When I do not answer, he twists my arm again, and I can no longer hold back the sob in my throat. Theseus. My love. My hero. My chest feels as though it will burst with sorrow.
“He was so crippled, he could not even walk without aid.” Menelaus sneers. “Your famous
husband slipped and fell off a cliff, and Poseidon let him drown in the sea. The gods did not even let him die with honor after his betrayal.”
“No.” My voice cracks on the word. The image of the man I loved so weakened is too much. Dead now. Drowned. I have nothing left.
“Menestheus made sure of it. He could not risk Theseus returning to Athens, after all, while he was absent, waging this war. Just as I could not risk Castor and Pollux taking Sparta after you had gone.”
My brothers. My brothers, too. “I don’t believe you.”
Menelaus laughs. “What else could keep them from fighting for you, Helen, if not their deaths?”
My body shook with grief even as the hand holding my arm fell away. Another touched my shoulder, gentle and kind.
“Helen,” a different voice called. “You’re dreaming.”
Theseus. My living, breathing Theseus. I opened my eyes and stared into his.
He sighed with relief and caressed my cheek, wiping the tears away with his fingers. “I did not think you would ever wake.”
“You can’t go.”
“Shh.” He gathered me into his arms, tucking my head beneath his chin.
I hid my face against his chest. “Please, Theseus. You cannot go. I’ll never see you again. And Pollux! He’ll kill Pollux and Castor!”
“Shh,” he said again, kissing the top of my head. “Put it from your mind. The morning will be soon enough to discuss it. Rest, now.”
“Menestheus.” But my eyes were already heavy, and the words were difficult to find. I grasped for them, desperate to warn him of his own death, if nothing else. “You’ll slip . . .”
When I woke again, Theseus was already gone.
I sought out Pirithous that morning, and it did not improve my mood to find him flirting with a kitchen maid. The girl on his knee rose at once when she saw me, and Pirithous grinned.
“My lady.” His gaze swept over me, and his smile widened. “I’m honored.”
My eyes narrowed, and though I had not made it my business to interfere with the running of Aethra’s kitchens, my glance at the other women sent them from the room faster than any order I might have spoken.
Pirithous chuckled. “You make a fine queen, my lady.”
I slapped him across the face so hard, my hand stung. He had me by the wrist before I had even thought to step back, rising from his seat in the same fluid motion.
“Once, and deservedly, I might accept violence from your hand, Helen.” He towered over me, and his jerk on my arm nearly lifted me off my feet. “But it is not my habit to ignore such an offense a second time.”
I raised my chin. “You’ve earned it this time, too, coming here with such a favor in mind. To think I welcomed you as a friend!”
“I am owed!” He released me, and I fell into the counter, the stone bruising my ribs. “You would not even be here if not for me and the help I gave you both. Now you take offense when I ask for repayment of that debt?”
“To steal the wife of a god, Pirithous, yes! You know how much the gods have already hurt him. He spends more time on his knees than he does on his feet!”
“All the more reason!”
“More reason for what? For him to castigate himself further? You cannot think you will succeed in this. Even if you reach the Underworld, do you really think Hades will let you leave alive? You said yourself men like you are not meant to marry goddesses, but to serve them!”
“And so I do. Persephone calls me and I answer. Just as the gods called you to leave Sparta. Just as Poseidon called Theseus to Crete! I have helped him more times than I can count, and now I ask one favor in return. One! Theseus knows the way better than any mortal, and he has already fought against these demons and won.”
“In his youth!”
Pirithous stepped forward, crowding me against the counter. “Theseus is my only chance at this. Without him, I will fail before I begin.”
“With him or not, you will fail.” I glared up at him. If I had not been so furious, the flash in his eyes would have terrified me, for there was no kindness left in his face. “Do you have any idea how many men will die for this, Pirithous? He will never forgive himself for what will come because he left with you, and in the end it will mean his death as well!”
“Theseus has already lived a longer life than most,” Pirithous said. “At least if he dies in this, he will have some kind of revenge for everything he has suffered at the hands of the gods.”
“Then we will never be free,” I shouted. “After everything he has done to give us that, you would waste it!”
“Love is never a waste.” His fist crashed into the table behind me, and I flinched at the crack of stone. “You should know that better than anyone!”
“You think a goddess will ever love you? Will ever live at your side? We are nothing to them, Pirithous. Nothing but dirt to grind beneath their heels. You know it as truth. You’ve witnessed it in everything Theseus has suffered. They deserve nothing from us, least of all our love!”
“Don’t you understand?” He grabbed me again, his fingers digging into my arm. “Your daughter did not have to die! If you had believed, if you had trusted, they would have let you keep her, to be raised to serve them. You brought this down on him, Helen. You did this, not the gods.”
He threw me away from him then, sending me into the wall. I slid down it, his words a knife in my stomach, poisoning my blood. I was too stunned even to weep. “But you said . . .”
“I lied,” he snarled. “Because Theseus deserved some happiness, after everything he had suffered. You are not the only one who lost a child in all this, and if you had only trusted him instead of going to Poseidon behind his back—” He snapped his mouth shut on the rest of what he would say, and turned away. “You had no right to punish him for doing his duty. Not then, and not now.”
And then he left me there, with his words spinning through my mind.
He had lied to me. He had lied, and the truth was so much worse.
Our daughter was dead because of me.
I returned to our rooms midday, only to find him sharing a private meal with Pirithous. Theseus saw me before I could withdraw, and he rose to welcome me.
“I had the last of the strawberries brought for you, in the hope that you would return to eat them,” he said, pouring me a glass of wine. “And Pirithous brought you oranges.”
“The least I could do,” Pirithous said, “considering that I must ask you to part with your husband.”
“Am I asked?” I sat down beside Theseus with ill grace. “I was under the impression you had made up your minds without me.”
Pirithous smiled, but his eyes were hard. His gaze shifted over my shoulder, and he frowned. “Is that your weaving, Helen?”
“Who else?” I turned my attention to the table. A cold haunch of boar sat on a platter, and Theseus deposited several slices on my plate.
“I had not realized you had been to Troy itself,” Pirithous said.
I glanced back at the loom. “Troy?”
“The golden towers are impossible to mistake. I’m surprised you did not recognize it, Theseus, as often as you trade with them.” Pirithous poured himself more wine. “Is that the city you see in your dreams?”
“Yes.” My mouth had gone dry.
Pirithous laughed and raised his cup in a toast. “If Agamemnon calls for war against Troy, he may count on me to fight. The sack of Priam’s city will bring glory and riches beyond even what Heracles has attained. To have my name included among those who won it would be as good as immortality, whatever the price.”
Theseus’s frown told me he did not share Pirithous’s enthusiasm. “The man who comes for you, Helen, he is a prince?”
I nodded.
“One of Priam’s sons, then,” Theseus said.
“He has a brother. Tall and grim, b
road across the shoulders. He leads the army.”
Theseus exchanged a glance with Pirithous. “Hector. Priam’s oldest son and Troy’s future king. But I would have thought the man had more sense than that.”
“He’s young enough yet to reach for glory over reason,” Pirithous said.
“But which of the sons would be foolish enough to steal another man’s wife?”
Pirithous shrugged. “Wasn’t there a prophecy? Something about a son of Priam bringing fire to Troy? But they had the child exposed as a babe. It is done with.”
Just as Theseus had exposed our own? I bit my tongue on the words. I would not pain Theseus further. Not when the blame was mine. Pirithous had not lied about that much.
“Besides,” Pirithous continued, “Helen cannot be stolen from Menelaus while she is not Menelaus’s wife. As long as she is in Athens, none of this matters.”
“And when you and Theseus leave, who will stop Menelaus from reclaiming me?”
“Demophon and Menestheus will see to your safety,” Theseus said.
Menestheus. I shivered at the name. “In my dream last night, Menelaus told me Menestheus had you pushed off a cliff to your death.”
Pirithous snorted. “I would give chests of gold to see the man attempt it. To think that anyone could topple Theseus with a push is absurd.”
Theseus searched my face, and I went on, though it hurt my heart to do so.
“He said you were crippled.” The words came out as a whisper. “You fell into the sea and drowned.”
Theseus touched my cheek. “I am born of the sea. Returning to it does not frighten me. I would simply swim to safety.”
“At least we know it will not be our journey to the house of Hades that kills you,” Pirithous said. “I find it a great reassurance to know you are pushed off a cliff to your doom.”
Theseus smiled. “There, you see? You’ve nothing to fear about my going with Pirithous. Your own dreams have said as much.”
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