by Amy Brent
“He gets jealous a lot. Every time another guy looks at me. Or God forbid one of my coworkers gives me a hug.” She sighed and shook her head, then took a sip of her Coke. “And he's very demanding. And not at all generous.”
“Oh.” I looked down, fiddling with the rim of my cup. It was octagonal, and the ridges around the outside felt nice when I rubbed my fingers along them.
“Do you have a boyfriend?” Maria asked. “Or...or a girlfriend?”
I shook my head. “Not really. I mean, there was this guy I was...I mean...a guy I talked to online for awhile. But we don't talk much anymore.”
“Well, that's a shame,” she said. “You're a beautiful girl. I'm sure you'll find someone.”
My face felt warm. “Really?”
“Yes, of course. There's someone out there for everyone.”
“No,” I said. “I mean, do you really think I'm beautiful?”
She smiled and reached over to pat my knee. “You're a stunning young woman, Casey. Any man, or woman, would be glad to have you.”
She started to pull her hand away, but I put my hand on hers, holding it there. She looked up at me and our eyes met.
I blushed and looked away, letting go of her hand. I saw her out of the corner of my eye, watching me, a thoughtful look on her face. I started to tremble. I felt like an idiot. She was old enough to be my mother, and I already knew she didn't like girls. But I couldn't help wanting to touch her.
“Casey,” she said, touching my knee again. “It's okay.”
I looked over at her. “It is?”
“I can tell that you're lonely.” She smiled at me. “There's nothing wrong with craving human contact.”
My face reddened more. Was that all she thought it was? I wanted more than human contact, more than friendship. I wanted to know what it was like to kiss another woman. To touch her. To feel her breasts, caress her thighs, to taste her in the most forbidden way. Maria couldn't have understood that that was what I wanted.
She set her half-finished glass down on the coffee table and got up. “I really should get going,” she said.
I set down my glass and stood up, fiddling with my hands. “Already?” I asked. “I mean, we could hang out for awhile. I have Netflix, and...” I looked around the apartment, trying to think of what else I could offer her as entertainment. Aside from what I really wanted, anyway.
She glanced at the door, then back at me. “Well, I don't know. My boyfriend gets mad when I'm out late...”
“So he's the boss of you?” I asked.
She frowned and I immediately regretted my words. “I...I didn't mean it like that,” I said.
“No,” she said. “You're right. I'm tired of him being so controlling. I'm a grown woman, for chrissakes. I can stay out if I want to.”
I grinned and we sat back down, only this time I sat next to Maria on the futon. We chatted for a little while about school, about her job as a teacher, and about my crappy job as a cashier at McDonald's. A few hours passed before I even realized it. The next thing I knew, the door opened and my roommate walked in, carrying a bag of groceries.
“Oh, hi there,” he said, studying me and Maria on the futon. “So sorry, didn't mean to interrupt anything! I'll put these away and get right out of your hair.”
Maria and I stood up. I adjusted my skirt, feeling almost as embarrassed as I would have if Brian had walked in on us fooling around. “Maria, this is my roommate, Brian. Brian, this is...my teacher.”
“Oh really?” he asked, looking Maria over. He offered his hand to her. “Well, it's certainly a pleasure. I know Casey has been raving about the program at your school. We keep talking about what she's going to do once she gets her diploma and can get into the university.”
“She's an extremely gifted student,” Maria said. She smiled at Brian, and if she thought anything was wrong with his age, she didn't say anything. Most people would have disapproved of an eighteen-year-old girl living with a forty-year-old gay man. But I didn't care what anyone thought. Brian was sweet, he helped me out a lot, and I didn't have to worry about him trying to take advantage of me. Not that I would have minded if he did. He was pretty hot, and if he'd gone for girls, he could have had me the day I moved in.
Brian put the groceries away, then said, “Well, all right Miss Maria, it was nice meeting you. But I'll leave you two alone now.” He gave me a suggestive wink, then went into his bedroom and shut the door. I was grateful for the privacy. There'd been a few times since I'd moved in that Brian had brought dates back to the apartment, and I'd hidden awkwardly in the living room while he took the guy back to his bedroom. I'd overheard things. The walls were thin.
I stood there next to Maria, not sure what to do or say at this point. We stood close enough that our hands brushed against each other. I reached for her hand, intertwining my fingers with hers.
She looked at me. I met her gaze, trembling.
“Casey?” she asked.
I licked my lips. “Yes?”
She was quiet for a long moment. I tried to figure out what she might be thinking. Did she realize how attracted I was to her? My eyes traced along the curve of her cheek, along her neck, and down to her chest. She was dressed professionally, in a white blouse with a black blazer, but the blouse showed just a bit of cleavage. I wondered what she would look like naked. I'd never seen a naked woman before. Well, not unless you counted porn.
She stood there, silent, studying my expression. I thought she looked curious. Like she was weighing the possibilities. I wondered if she'd ever kissed a girl before. Somehow, I knew she hadn't.
I found my moment of bravery and I leaned in, touching my lips to hers. She gasped and pulled back, her eyes going wide. I looked into her eyes for a moment, then leaned in again. This time she didn't pull away. Our lips pressed together for a long moment. I trembled, unsure what else to do. I didn't know how to kiss. I'd never kissed anyone.
She pulled back, slightly breathless. Our eyes met again. “Casey...”
I licked my lips and stepped closer. “Yes.”
“We shouldn't.”
I nodded. My eyes strayed down to Maria's full lips. I wanted to taste them again.
I kissed her again, and this time she responded. Her lips moved against mine and she sucked lightly on my lower lip. It sent shivers through my whole body. I wrapped my arms around her neck and swooned against her. I let her guide me through the kiss until I learned how to move my lips in time with hers. I felt her tongue brush against my lower lip. Then her teeth grazed me. I pulled back, giggling. She laughed and put her hands around my waist.
“We shouldn't be doing this,” she said. She leaned her forehead against mine and closed her eyes. “You're my student. And I have a boyfriend.”
“He's not here.”
She opened her eyes. I smiled.
Then we were kissing again, and the taste of her kept getting better and better. We sat down on the futon together and she leaned back, pulling me on top of her. I didn't know what to do, so I simply laid my body down over hers and pressed myself against her. My knee slid between her legs. Her legs spread open and I pressed my thigh against her crotch, grinding against her. She moaned, her hands slipping into my violet hair. I reached down and pulled open her blazer, my movements becoming bolder with each passing moment. I touched her breasts, slow, hesitant. I squeezed them firmly in my hands, then let my fingers explore her curves, savoring the touch of her.
“Oh my...Casey...” She threw her head back, whimpering in pleasure. “No one has ever touched me like that before.”
I slipped one hand under her blouse. “Have you ever...with a woman?”
She looked up at me and shook her head. “Never.”
“Me neither.”
That made me feel better. Like I was special. She was the first person I'd ever touched, male or female. And while I knew she'd been with men before, being her first woman made me unique.
I grew bolder, pushing her blouse up. Her bra was blac
k and lacy. I caught glimpses of her nipples through the sheer fabric.
She grabbed my wrists to stop me. “Casey.”
I looked into her eyes. “Do you want me to stop?”
She hesitated, then shook her head. She let go of my wrists. I slid my hands over her breasts, savoring the feeling of her skin and the lacy texture of her bra. I leaned down and rubbed my face between her breasts. She moaned and slid her fingers into my hair, holding me against her chest. I nuzzled against her, lost in the new sensations of a woman's touch. I could have laid there for hours, feeling her soft skin and her lacy bra rubbing against my face and my cheeks.
She pushed me back for just a moment so she could sit up. She slipped off her blazer and her shirt, then unhooked her bra and let her breasts free. Then she laid back down and guided my mouth to her nipple. I took it between my teeth and nibbled on it, bringing forth a deep gasp from her lips. I suckled on her breast, then moved to the other to give it the same attention.
“Casey, you're amazing,” she whispered. “My boyfriend never gives me such attention.”
“How could he not?” I leaned back and took her breasts in my hands, tracing my thumbs along their undersides. I pinched her nipples and watched them harden, loving every moment of this new, exciting exploration.
“He usually just wants to put it in and get it done.” She sighed.
I smiled. Maybe, I thought, this is why it was different with girls. We both had the same needs. We could take our time and enjoy each other.
I wanted to be touched the same way I was touching her. I sat up, straddling her, and pulled off my shirt. I took her hands in mine and guided them to my breasts. Her touch was hesitant at first, but soon she was exploring my body, tracing her fingers along my skin. She dragged her nails lightly across my sides. I trembled. My back arched. I'd never felt anything like this before.
I leaned down and planted a trail of kisses along Maria's neck, down her breasts, and across her stomach. I moved lower, tugging down her skirt. She gasped and sat up, looking down the hall towards Brian's bedroom.
“What about your roommate?”
I twisted around and looked down the hall. “He should give us enough time.” I'd certainly kept out of his way enough times.
Just to be sure, I got up and pulled the privacy screen across the room. It cut the living room off from the kitchen and the hall, well, mostly anyway. I turned back to Maria and pushed down my skirt and panties. I stood there facing her, naked except for my socks. I'd never been naked, in person, in front of someone before. Only on a webcam, and that hadn't been anywhere near the same thing.
I walked over to her and knelt by the side of the futon. I pulled off her skirt and her panties, then buried my face between her legs.
She threw her head back and moaned. I knew this was another thing that her boyfriend must never have done.
I tried to do to her all the things I knew would feel good on my own body. I explored her with my lips, my tongue, my teeth, and my fingers. She whispered to me, telling me what she wanted, what she needed, what felt the best.
When she climaxed, I knelt there, grinning up at her. She laid on the futon, panting, her fingers running through my hair.
“Did I do a good job?” I asked, worried for a moment.
“Dear lord, yes.” She smiled at me and slid down to her knees to kiss me. We melted into each other's arms, then she lowered me onto the floor and showed me that she could touch a woman just as good as I could.
As the night wore on and we settled into cuddling together and basking in the aftermath of our passion, Brian opened his bedroom door and called out, “Are you ladies decent? I wanted to make dinner.”
I pulled a sheet up over the both of us and called back, “Yeah, you can come out. As long as you cook for us too!”
“You've got yourself a deal, Missy.” Brian came out and headed right for the kitchen, then started cooking up some stir fry chicken. Maria and I got dressed behind the privacy screen. Her face was bright red and she kept glancing towards Brian as if expecting him to peek at her. I knew he wouldn't. He'd told me once that he had only been with a woman one time in his entire life, and it had been because he'd wanted a son. He'd said he'd had to put a towel down over her breasts in order to get the deed done, and he'd been extremely grateful that he'd managed to get her pregnant on the first try.
We had to move my laptop off the card table in order to make room to eat. We sat together, the three of us, making small talk and pretending that Brian hadn't almost walked in on Maria and I in the throes of passion. Maria and Brian actually got along really well, trading stories about their families, their jobs, and life in general.
Eventually Maria's phone rang. She picked it up and stared at the screen. “Damn,” she whispered.
“Who is it?” I asked, thinking I already knew the answer.
“My boyfriend.”
Brian looked to me, his eyes wide, and silently mouthed, Boyfriend?
I just shook my head at him. I couldn't get into that explanation right then. Especially since I wasn't sure what was even going in between Maria and I.
Maria got up and stepped into the hall to answer the phone. She kept her voice down, though I could tell from her body language that she was arguing with her boyfriend. She made angry gestures with her hands, and her posture was hunched over.
While she was talking, Brian leaned over to me and whispered, “You okay over there, sweetie?”
I nodded. “Yeah,” I whispered. “I...I guess. I don't know.”
He patted my head. “Don't let yourself have any regrets, you hear? No matter what the deal is between her and her boyfriend, you're still you, and you're a great girl. Don't forget that.”
I nodded, but a tear welled in my eye nonetheless. I hadn't stopped to think about Maria's boyfriend, or how her relationship complicated what had just happened between her and I. I was scared that she wouldn't ever speak to me again. Or that she'd kick me out of her class.
Maria hung up the phone and walked back into the living room to grab her purse. “I have to go,” she said. “Thank you for dinner. And...” She looked at me, then went mute.
Brian wiped his mouth with a napkin, then stood up and said, “I've got to go freshen up.” He went into the bathroom and shut the door, leaving me and Maria standing there awkwardly.
I tugged at the hem of my skirt, unsure what to say. I'd never had sex with anyone before, and I wasn't sure what to do when the woman you'd just slept with had to run out the door to go back to her boyfriend. I somehow didn't think most people lost their virginity in quite this way.
“I have to go,” Maria said, her voice soft and tender. “But...I'll see you in class tomorrow?”
I nodded. Tears fell down my cheeks.
“Oh, Casey.” Maria took me into her arms and held my head against her shoulder. She stroked my hair and whispered soothing sounds. “Don't cry, sweetheart. You were amazing. I'm glad we did this.”
I nodded against her shoulder, unable to speak.
“There's just...there's complications,” she said. “Things I need to figure out.” She leaned back, taking hold of my shoulders and looking into my eyes. “You understand that, right? But we'll talk more about this later. Everything is going to be fine.”
I just nodded again, swallowing back my tears. She kissed me softly, then headed out. I sat down on the futon, buried my face in my hands, and let my tears flow.
Brian came out of the bathroom and sat beside me. He put an arm around my shoulders and held me close while I cried.
I almost didn't go into school the next day. Brian practically had to drag me out the door. I protested the entire time, telling him that I wasn't feeling well, that I needed to stay in bed. I even tried telling him there was no school today because of a holiday.
“You're just scared to go talk to your lover-girl,” he said as he led me down to the bus stop. “You can't go hiding from her. Go talk to her. Find out if she wants something more, or
if last night was just a good time. Either way, girl, don't let yourself regret it. Enjoy what you had, if nothing else.”
I sighed and lowered my head. Part of me knew he was right. But I'd never had an experience like this before, and it was more complicated than I could have ever imagined.
I took the bus to school, and all through the day I sat in each class on the verge of panic. I barely absorbed any of the lessons. My mind was on Maria, and on what she'd say to me when I got to English class in the afternoon. I tried to rehearse what I wanted to say to her, but my thoughts were a jumble. Nothing I could think of seemed adequate.
When I got to class, all she did was smile at me. Our eyes met, and a world of emotion passed between us in that moment. But the other students were there, and there was no way we could talk about us.
I spent most of the class rubbing my arm against a loose screw on my desk, just to distract myself and fend off a panic attack. When class finally ended, I stayed in my seat, waiting for the other students to leave. Maria sat behind her desk the entire time, her eyes on me. When the room emptied, she walked over to the door and shut it, then turned to face me.
I kept my head down. I picked at the eraser on my pencil with my thumbnail, trying to stop myself from shaking.
“Casey?”
I looked up at Maria. She was smiling.
“What's wrong, dear?” she asked.
I shrugged. “I guess I'm waiting for you to tell me that.”
She walked over to me and took my hands, guiding me to my feet. She wrapped her arms around me and held me close. “I don't think there's anything wrong at all,” she whispered into my ear.
I clung to her. “Really?”
“Really.”
“What about your boyfriend?”
“Well,” she said, “that's complicated, I guess. But regardless of what happens with him, I want you to know that what we shared was special to me. I've never done that with another woman before.”