* * *
Piper nodded and swallowed hard against her sandpaper-dry throat. If she was going to tell him, it was likely now or never. Even now, as dawn was just beginning to streak across the sky, she was losing her nerve, the daylight taking them out of that time of night where it seemed logical to share secrets, and more into the brightness that demanded they stay hidden.
“About earlier...”
Judah interrupted before she could even really begin. “Let’s talk about that inside, okay? I want to know you’re safe and preferably curled under a warm blanket with a hot chocolate before we talk about anything heavy or serious.”
She should have been insulted, maybe, that it sounded like he wanted to coddle her, but Piper hadn’t been treated that way much in her life, and to be completely honest, it sounded nice. Still, something inside told her to keep it lighthearted, so she teased him. “Can you imagine me trying to give my statement at the police station under a blanket and sipping a hot chocolate?” She grinned, the smile feeling watery underneath her frayed nerves. Tonight had been exhausting.
Judah didn’t smile.
Piper felt exposed, like he’d seen too much already, and even though there was no way he could know about her past, it seemed like he knew that truly it was no joking matter. None of tonight was. She’d been terrified, almost hurt, thrown deep back into a panic attack the way she hadn’t experienced in years.
Why was her first response to joke about it? A residual coping mechanism, she would guess, similar to her too-bright disposition.
She opened the door of the car and walked with Judah to the front door of the house. Adriana opened it.
“Piper, I’m so glad you’re here.” Levi’s wife sounded genuine, her voice full of concern.
“Are you sure I’m not imposing? I mean, you guys got married what, like two days ago?”
Adriana laughed. “For one thing, you know it’s been weeks. You were there at the wedding. For another, that has nothing to do with the fact that you’re in danger. What on earth is going on? Come in.” She grabbed Piper’s hand and pulled her inside. Judah followed.
“Thanks for letting us come over.” He nodded at his brother, who had walked into the entryway only moments later. They shut the door and locked it.
“Can I get you something to drink? Hot chocolate, coffee, apple cider? Come in the kitchen—we can all sit down in there.”
Piper was too tired to argue, so she followed, but the idea of rehashing what had happened with a group was almost too much. She felt her expression shift and schooled it immediately.
“If you’ll just show me where you keep everything, I can make it. I know you guys must be tired, and you don’t have to stay awake,” Judah said.
She glanced over at him. She knew he hadn’t been reading her mind, but he somehow apparently knew she wasn’t up for talking.
Adriana glanced from Judah to Piper, and raised her eyebrows slightly. “Right. Yes, we should get back to sleep. If you don’t mind, Judah, Levi will show you where we keep the hot chocolate. I think you’ve been here enough to know how to work the coffee. I’ll show Piper where she’s going to sleep.”
Piper might not know Adriana very well outside of SAR work, but she knew her well enough to recognize the universal girl code for “we need to talk, away from the men.” Still, she followed her down the hall to a cozy bedroom.
“What’s going on, Piper?”
Piper sighed. “I don’t know... Someone is after me, and—”
“That’s not what I mean.” Adriana cut her off, holding up her hand as though she could stop the answer that hadn’t been the one she was looking for. “What is going on between you and my brother-in-law?”
Piper blinked. “Judah?”
“Yes. That’s my only brother-in-law, and the only man out there who looks at you like that.”
How did he look at her? She wanted to know now, but didn’t quite have the energy to ask, and the entire conversation felt too much like it had the potential to take an entirely middle-school-ish turn.
“I don’t know,” she answered truthfully.
Adriana studied her, like Piper’s eyes might hold an answer that Piper didn’t know herself.
“He’s not a man who treats relationships casually,” Adriana said, as though Piper hadn’t been able to piece that together from their start-stop-what-was-happening relationship.
“I know.”
Adriana nodded. “I’ve bothered you enough for tonight. I know you’re exhausted. You can stay here as long as you need to.”
“I appreciate that,” Piper said, blinking tears out of her eyes. She didn’t even know why she was crying.
“You’re going to be okay. I saw the way he looks at you, Piper, and you may not know what is going on, and frankly, he may not, either. But there is no way that Judah is going to let anything happen to you.”
It calmed something in Piper’s spirit to hear it, even though she already knew it was true. He cared about her. Too much? Was that why he kept pulling back?
“Everything okay in here?” Judah stuck his head in and the bedroom shrunk inside. The proximity to him was distracting.
“I was just showing Piper the room.” Adriana stepped out. “Good night, you two. I hope you sleep some, Piper.”
And with that Adriana was gone.
“Hot chocolate is ready,” Judah said, his voice lower than usual, probably from exhaustion.
“Thank you,” she said, and when he’d stepped out of the room, followed him into the hallway.
Judah had put the hot chocolate on a side table next to a couch in the living room. Piper sat down on one end, expecting him to sit on the other.
Instead he sat beside her. “How are you doing, really?” he asked, as though she could think or remember the answer to anything at all when he was sitting this close, almost touching but not quite, and yes, now that Adriana had mentioned it, he was looking at her like...
She was caught up in his eyes, maybe in the moment, too. That was the only explanation she had for the fact that she leaned into him, breath coming quicker now, heart pounding.
Judah’s gaze lowered to her lips, and she stared at him, watched as his long lashes lowered and his eyes closed. Piper’s fluttered shut just before Judah finally brushed her lips with his. His kiss was soft, gentle. It gave but didn’t take, didn’t ask for anything. It felt more like love than anything she’d ever experienced before.
He pulled away and she opened her eyes.
She would not apologize for that kiss. And if he did, she didn’t know what she would do. Cry, probably, because she was still so overwhelmed and this had added another depth to her emotions.
But he didn’t apologize. Instead he leaned in and kissed her again.
The first had been amazing, but it was barely a whisper compared to the second. The second was deeper, his lips exploring hers. Still gentle, still not demanding, but with more passion than she’d expected Judah would let himself feel.
She lost herself in him. Everything about tonight, her past experiences, faded into the shadow of her memory and all that was left was right now. Judah. This kiss.
Piper never wanted to stop.
She shifted in her seat, moving to face him, her arms wrapping around his neck. He was still kissing her, and Piper felt like everything his embrace was saying was what she’d wanted to hear.
Yes, they could have another chance. Yes, he still had feelings for her. Yes, this might be a man who wouldn’t leave her heart in broken pieces.
He broke the kiss and Piper fought to catch her breath, blinking her eyes open slowly.
Judah was breathless, too; she could see it in the way his solid chest moved up and down. His eyes looked dazed, like maybe he hadn’t meant for that to happen but he wasn’t sorry, either.
Her life was in chaos right no
w. It wasn’t the time to start a new relationship, but maybe this wasn’t a new one. Maybe it was the restarting of an old one.
Maybe everything would be okay after all.
* * *
Judah wished he could pull together a semi-coherent thought, but all he could get his mind to land on right now was the fact that he’d kissed Piper. And with a passion that he didn’t remember experiencing with any woman. Ever. This had been a soul-deep kind of kiss, and Judah was pretty sure it had made promises to both of them that neither of them could keep.
Because, really, even if he decided he wanted to try relationships, try to be the man that Piper needed, he could offer no guarantees of happily-ever-after. Things happened, people changed, and no matter how much sunny, wedding-day promises were meant to be kept, you couldn’t force another person to keep them.
Judah wanted guarantees.
So what did he say now? Piper was looking up at him, eyes wide, and he was calling himself every kind of fool for taking advantage of her vulnerability, but also for waiting so long to kiss her.
“We don’t have to talk about it, Judah,” she said, her voice soft.
He looked at her, waited for her to continue. Did she mean that they didn’t have to talk about the kiss tonight? Or didn’t have to talk about earlier, the reason she’d shut down after the attack?
She leaned against him, laid her head down on his shoulder, and he felt himself relax. Her proximity was intoxicating, but Judah didn’t want to move away, didn’t want to worry right now. For one second he just wanted to be the man who lived in the moment.
“About earlier...” Piper trailed off. “I wanted to tell you about why I acted that way.” She lifted her head off his shoulders, looked into his eyes. “If you want to hear it?”
“I do.” He’d sit and listen to any story she wanted to tell him, just to listen to her soft voice. But also, he wanted to know her more, to know her better. And he had a feeling this part of her story mattered.
She took a deep breath. “I was seventeen when I met Drew Jefferson. He gave me more attention than I’d ever felt in my life. My parents were good parents. It wasn’t their fault, but they were busy and Drew acted like I was his whole world.” Her voice lowered. “And maybe I was, for a while? All I know is eventually he wanted to be my whole world. And not in a romantic way. I mean, we were...romantically involved. But he got possessive, and he started telling me not to spend time with my friends anymore, not to wear certain colors if he didn’t like them, things like that.” She cleared her throat, took a deep breath. Judah wanted to say she didn’t have to tell him, or that she could take a break if she needed to, but she seemed determined to get the story out in one breath almost. And he didn’t want to stop her if that wasn’t what she wanted.
But Judah had heard stories like this one before, and he didn’t like where it was going.
Piper shook her head. “I thought... I don’t know what I thought, but I didn’t recognize it as abuse, not even after he started hitting me. Anyway, tonight reminded me of it. It was that same awful, helpless feeling and I don’t ever want to feel that way again, but I did tonight. Panicking like that doesn’t happen often. It’s been ages.” She drew in a deep breath. “I’m sort of embarrassed you saw it, but I wanted you to know.”
“I’m glad you told me,” he said, and he was. “I wish you hadn’t been through that.” The things he’d like to do to that man... But it wasn’t his job to get revenge.
Piper yawned.
“You ready to try to get some more sleep?” Judah asked.
“I’d like to try, I guess.” She shivered. “Unless you think anyone is going to attack us here?”
“I highly doubt it. And if it makes you feel safer, I doubt my brother is going to sleep for the rest of the night.”
As if on cue, the floor creaked and Levi stepped from the hallway into the living room.
“Everything okay?” he asked, and Piper wondered if it was her imagination or if he was raising his eyebrows, maybe wondering why the two of them were still awake.
And snuggled together on the couch.
“I was just heading to bed.” Piper stood up and glanced back at Judah. His smile was soft, his eyes full of caring, to the degree that she had to look away. Could she let herself be loved without wondering if what had gone wrong last time would happen again?
At the urging of her counselor, she’d finally dated a couple of times since Drew. Not seriously, but enough to remind herself that not all men needed to be looked upon with suspicion. Judah was the first guy she felt like she might be in danger of losing her heart to.
“Sleep well,” he said, and she smiled, then walked to her room. She sat down on the bed and took deep breaths to try to calm herself down even more. After a few minutes, though, she decided she needed a glass of water. She eased the door back open and walked into the living area, then the kitchen.
Levi was in the kitchen, eating an apple.
“Sorry, I just needed some water. Where do you keep your glasses?”
He motioned to a cabinet near the sink and Piper filled a glass from the sink, then took a long gulp. For some reason she felt weird with Levi now. He was someone she’d worked with before, but not someone she knew well. And she’d been kissing his brother on his living room couch about ten minutes ago, which didn’t do anything positive to lower the anxiety factor when talking to him.
“Thanks.” She nodded once in his direction and took a step toward her room.
“Wait.”
Piper turned back around.
“Are you and my brother... Are you guys dating?”
She shook her head. “No. We almost did once, but he didn’t want to date me. So we aren’t. No.” It was a much longer explanation than had been necessary, which probably made her words less believable. She wasn’t lying. They weren’t dating. But were they involved emotionally to a degree?
She didn’t know, but she’d rather not talk about it.
“Listen, he’s a special guy, my brother, and I just don’t want to see him get hurt.”
Piper frowned. “Why would I hurt him?”
“Obviously you wouldn’t on purpose. I like you, Piper. Adriana likes you. It’s nothing against you—it’s just that Judah doesn’t casually date. He’s serious, and I’m afraid if this is just a distraction for you that you’re going to end up hurting him.”
A distraction?
“I know we don’t know each other that well, Levi, but I’ll tell you right now you’re out of line to say any of that. I have no intention of hurting your brother. But he’s an adult and he can date or not date or kiss anyone he wants to.”
Levi’s eyebrows rose. Yeah, she shouldn’t have mentioned kissing. But it was late, really early in the morning, actually, and her filter didn’t always work that well when she was exhausted.
“I’m glad you care about him, but he needs to make his own life decisions. Thanks again for the water and for letting me stay. Good night.” She hurried back to her room before he could say anything else. They’d have to talk again. The police department and search and rescue cooperated too often for her to be on awkward terms with anyone, but Piper just couldn’t take any more now.
She’d been so blissfully tired, ready to get some sleep even after all that had happened, but now she lay in the bed, covers pulled up to her chin. Her shoulders were tense and her body was exhausted, but her mind wouldn’t stop working.
Was Judah too serious for her? Was she being inconsiderate to him somehow, to...to think of falling in love with him?
Piper knew Levi’s concern was brotherly and that he just didn’t want to see Judah get hurt. But Piper didn’t, either.
Did life offer those kinds of guarantees, though? Wouldn’t it be worse for her to worry so much about getting hurt or hurting him that she refused to see where this could go? Piper thought so.
That was how she tried to live life now, making sure she didn’t have regrets.
Maybe Judah disagreed.
Maybe they should have talked about that kiss after all.
Her thoughts in a storm of uncertainty, Piper closed her eyes and finally fell asleep.
NINE
Judah was back at his brother’s house within hours. He’d tried to sleep at his home but had lain awake for the remaining few hours of the night, formulating a plan instead.
The feelings growing in his heart toward Piper told him to keep her away from the case entirely, but logic reminded him that wasn’t necessarily the way to keep her safest. Instead, what he’d come up with would put her right in the thick of the investigation. If he was right, then letting Piper get involved was the right thing to do, and maybe the best way to keep her safe.
“You’re here early,” Levi commented when he eased the door open for him.
“You’re awake already? I was going to just let myself in with my key.”
Levi laughed. “Seriously?” His face turned serious. “Judah, about this thing...”
“What thing?” Judah stepped inside the house.
“Piper.”
“She’s not a thing. She’s a person.”
“I mean the thing you have going with her.”
“There’s no thing, Levi. Say what you mean. Do you have any coffee ready?” Judah felt his shoulders tense. He and Levi had just started getting along better, after years of his brother feeling like he somehow didn’t measure up. Levi had never said that to him, but Judah had finally pieced it together from the way Levi had always acted—like he had something to prove. He didn’t do that now, since he had met Adriana.
“Coffee’s in the pot,” Levi said. Judah walked in that direction, found himself a mug and started pouring, not sure he wanted Levi to continue but pretty sure his brother was going to. Levi wasn’t one to hold back, and he was a bit of a talker.
“I’m worried about you. You never fall for women the way it looks like you’re falling for her.”
Alaskan Mountain Attack Page 8