by Andrea Ring
“I know your heart, and I know Nilaruna,” he says. “She forgives you.”
“That is a gift,” I say. “What about you?”
“I forgive you, too.”
I run to him. Maja holds me tight.
I laugh. “This is too good to be real,” I say. “I don’t deserve this.”
“Neither do I,” he says. “All we can do is endeavor to be worthy of it.”
“I cannot wait for the wedding,” I say. “Do you think I will get to meet her?”
“If that is your wish.”
“Let’s be off, then. I do not want to show up to the wedding stinking of our travels.”
Maja chuckles. “Have you grown weary of the traveling?”
“Of course not,” I say. “It allowed us time to get to know one another. But yesterday was the best day of my life.”
Maja leans down and kisses me. “I could hurry us along, if you’d like.”
“What do you mean?”
“Do you trust me?” he holds out his hand.
I place my hand in his.
And suddenly we are standing in front of an inn on the top of a hill. I turn around, and the great palace in Indrapur shines in the morning sun just a league away, the ocean water sparkling and shimmering behind it.
I laugh.
“This inn is acceptable?” he asks. “I’d rather not be conspicuous in the palace proper.”
I push through the door and into the dining room. The tables are packed, and barmaids bustle about. I inquire about the innkeeper, and I am directed to the bar at the back.
A stick of an old man is pouring tea. “Do you have any rooms left, sir?”
“Only one,” he says. “And only because someone died in there last night. Wasn’t violent, mind you, she was just old, but I wouldn’t feel right not telling you.”
I look up at Maja, who has come to stand beside me. “One is perfect.”
L. LILI
My tongue is swollen to the size of a bull’s balls. That’s what Saphala would say.
I giggle out loud. Dear gods, the lack of food and water has taken my wits.
What else would Saphala do?
She’d probably spit in Parvati’s eye. But I don’t have enough spit left to spit.
She would curse Parvati’s name and curse her children and call down the wrath of the gods.
I tried that. Didn’t work.
She’d most likely seduce her. She’d beguile her to remove the chains, and as she writhed in pleasure, Saphala would throw those chains about her neck and strangle her.
Maybe I could do that.
I cannot strangle her, though — Parvati cannot die.
But I’d have more options if she removed my chains.
I’ve never seduced someone before. Shiva found me, and Shiva wooed me, and I just went along. By the time he pushed for physical love, my heart was so in love with him that it guided my every action. I had to do nothing but be myself.
I’ve seen Saphala at work. She is never herself. She is exactly whatever her victim needs her to be. That is how she seduces, by being a chameleon, always changing with the circumstance.
How exhausting.
But I have no other option. This is it, my last chance.
I will seduce Parvati as soon as she returns.
Or I will die trying.
LI. THE KING
I wake warm and relaxed and melancholy.
And then I remember.
Dear Silvia. Parvati finally arrived. You are in a better place.
Smooth arms are wrapped around me. I snuggle deeper into them and sigh.
“Are you awake, my king?” Saphala whispers. “How do you feel?”
I turn over and stare into her eyes. “Well. Thank you for being here.”
“It is my honor,” she says, kissing my nose. “I hope you got some rest.”
“Best sleep I’ve had in a while,” I say. “Silvia’s been sick for a long time. I never was able to really sleep while she suffered.”
Saphala nods.
And then a knock sounds on the door.
“My king, Kai would like to see you.”
I bolt up. This has the makings of a nightmare — yet again, at an emotionally crucial moment, I’m with another woman.
“Just a moment,” I call. “Go, Saphala. To your rooms. I will call on you later.”
She scrambles from the bed and gives me one last kiss before disappearing through the door.
I take a deep breath.
“He may enter.”
Kai strides in, a frown on his lips.
“Something wrong?”
“Nothing I wish to discuss now,” he says. “I have something much more urgent. You captured the thunder of dragons in the Fangs and sought to use them to fight the rebellion?”
Kai’s question catches me off guard, but I go to the window and survey the ocean. “Why is that a problem?”
“I have several answers to that question, but first, why didn’t you tell me?”
“There’s much I haven’t told you,” I say. “I wanted us to get through the wedding, and then I intended to update you and get you ready for your new role.”
“Intended? As in, your plans have changed?”
I turn back to him and take a seat in my favorite chair. “I still intend to update you, but my demise is not as imminent. We have more time than I thought we did. There’s no need to rush.”
“You know I don’t care how soon I take the crown,” he says. “My concern is that I’m fighting the rebellion with one hand tied behind my back if you refuse to tell me everything.”
“As I said, it was an oversight. We’ll remedy that after the wedding.”
Kai flings himself in the chair across from me. “I have dire news about the dragons.”
“Dire?”
“Tanaya and Anjali showed up last night,” he says. “They barely escaped, they’re both gravely injured. The dragons broke free. They leveled the camp. We don’t know who made it out alive.”
I close my eyes. “Will they survive?”
“They will,” he says. “But it was close.”
“Pragun must be beside himself,” I say. “How did this happen?”
“I’ve only had bits and pieces from Tanaya, as she’s not up for conversation, but it seems the dragons were never under our control. They went along to see if they could learn something about humans, but when they’d had enough, they decided to go. And I haven’t told Pragun yet. I wanted to talk to you first.”
“The men were certain of their hold on the dragons,” I say. “You’re sure?”
Kai nods.
“Call for Pragun,” I say. “And some breakfast. You can help me talk to him.”
Kai stands. “No. You can break the news yourself. I’m expecting a visit from Maja.”
“You think that’s wise?” I ask.
“Much wiser than trying to control a thunder of dragons.”
***
Damn the gods. How the hell did this happen?
Pragun was sure this would be the thing that kept the rebels at bay. He had such confidence in Tanaya. Gods, if something serious has happened to his girls, he’ll never forgive himself.
I send a servant to fetch him and call on Shiva.
“Not now!” he says, only his head appearing before me. “I’m busy.”
“Wait! I need to know what happened with the dragons.”
“Later,” he says impatiently. “I need to find my wife.”
“She was here earlier,” I say. “She finally took Silvia.”
Shiva’s face softens. “I heard. I’m sorry, Jagir.”
“Thanks. Can’t you just tell me how many we lost? I need to notify the families.”
“Lost? What are talking about?”
“The dragons!” I bellow. “They took out my camp!”
“Took it out? You mean, many possibly died?”
“That’s exactly what I mean!”
“That’s where she is
, the little minx,” Shiva says. “I must go.”
“No, wait! Shiva!”
But Shiva is suddenly gone.
My best source of information is an unfocused, dithering idiot.
I sigh. Now I get to deal with Pragun, with virtually no facts to present.
Talk about a shitty start to the day.
LII. NILARUNA
I ask Zara to clean up Saphala’s rooms for me. I need a private place to work on Tanaya’s burns.
Faaris calls on us just as I’ve finished helping Tanaya get dressed.
“Manoj told me what happened,” he says, folding Tanaya into his arms. “I wish I had been there.”
“Easy,” Tanaya says, pulling away. “I’m still sore. And what do you think you could have done, Faaris? Slain the dragons?”
“I’d have given it a good go,” he says, grinning. “How’s Anj?”
“Still sleeping,” she says.
“I was hoping you could watch over her today,” I say. “Kai and I have some business to take care of with Tanaya, and we’d feel better if Anjali weren’t alone.”
“Of course,” Faaris says. “At your service.”
Tanaya pats his cheek. “I should have fallen in love with you.”
Faaris smiles. “We’d have slit each others’ throats during sex, fighting to see who got to be on top. Not a bad way to go, though.”
We laugh, and Kai comes in.
“How’s Anjali?” he asks.
“The same,” Tanaya says, “though she’ll be ecstatic to hear you asked.”
Kai ducks his head.
“Zara’s readying everything,” I say. “Shall we go? Faaris has agreed to stay.”
“Excellent,” Kai says, shaking his hand. “Let’s go.”
***
Kai is a competent assistant, and Tanaya a stoic patient. I try to give her herbs for the pain, but she refuses to take them.
“As long as I feel pain, I know I’m alive,” she says.
“If you change your mind—”
“I won’t.”
An hour into my work, Tanaya’s body begins to shake. What started out as clammy skin turns to skin coated in thick beads of sweat.
“Tanaya,” I say, wiping her brow, “this is madness. I won’t continue unless you take the herbs.”
She reluctantly opens her mouth, and I place a few leaves on her tongue. The shakes eventually subside, but the sweating does not.
When it comes time to use the knife, I direct Kai to place a stick between her teeth.
I slice off the dead flesh at the top of her breast. I try my best to contour the cut and to make it as clean as possible.
Tanaya whimpers. I do my best to ignore her.
Her nipple is the hardest part. I went through this. I know how many nerve endings are there.
Kai sits on her legs, facing away from us.
“I’ll be quick,” I say. “Try not to move.”
As the knife bites deep, Tanaya bucks. Her body bows up, and a guttural moan vibrates her entire body. I bite my lip and will myself to finish.
Tanaya sobs silently as I stitch her wounds and dress them. I remove the stick and wipe the drool that has leaked from her mouth. She tries to curl into a ball, but her body won’t let her.
“I know,” I say, smoothing her hair. “I know. Would you feel better if your mother or sister were here?”
“No,” she moans. “No. But Kai, please go. Please.”
I nod at him. He goes.
I hold a cup of water to her lips. “Just a sip. To wet your tongue.”
She falls back, exhausted.
I clean up what I can, and then I fall asleep beside her.
***
Shouting wakes me.
“Where is she, damn it!”
“Manoj, keep it down,” Kai is saying. “She’s recovering. You need to give her some time.”
“I’m going out of my mind, Kai!” Manoj says. “She slept all night. What is she recovering from?”
“Just an injury,” Kai says. “She’ll be fine tomorrow. You can see her then.”
“An injury? What injury? She didn’t say anything. Is it serious?”
“I can’t…tell you,” Kai says. “I promised I wouldn’t tell you.”
“Why on earth…what sort of injury would she need to keep secret? And from me!”
“The kind that would get you worked up. Nili is with her. She’s being taken care of.”
“I’m not leaving until you tell me where she is!”
I sit up and look down at Tanaya. She’s wide-awake and listening right along with me.
“I can’t see him,” she whispers.
“This could be the moment,” I say. “You wonder if he really loves you, if he can love you while you play with animals and run around the forest and speak like a drunken sailor. This is it, Tanaya. If he loves you, he will stand by you.”
“I’m not afraid that he won’t love me,” she says. “I’m afraid that he really does. And that this will change everything.”
“True love doesn’t change because of a wound. True love heals. Your scars are but proof a life well lived.”
“And if he runs?”
“I will beat him over the head with your stick.”
Tanaya smiles. “Don’t make me laugh. I’ll pop the stitches.”
“Shall I get him? If you don’t see him, he’ll stand in the hall for the rest of the night shouting.”
“If he runs, I get Kai.”
I laugh. “I’ll take that bet.”
LIII. TANAYA
He’s going to run. I know it.
But better to know now than to harbor hope for us and have him run away on our wedding night.
Nili props me up with some pillows and combs my hair and gives me some mint to chew. I’m damp and sticky and bloody and a monstrosity, but at least I’ll have fresh breath for when we start yelling at one another.
She exits the room, and I try to calm my breathing.
“Nili!” Manoj says, and I hear running footsteps. “Is she in there?”
“She’s exhausted and in pain, Manoj,” she says. “She’s not up to visitors, but she wants to see you.”
“What happened? I didn’t know she was hurt.”
“She’ll tell you, but it’s serious. She’s still very ill. Have a care with her.”
The door opens and closes.
Manoj steps over to the bed and stares down at me.
He falls to his knees beside me. “Why didn’t you tell me?” he whispers.
“I’m less than a woman now,” I say. “I didn’t want to see you look at me like I’m broken.”
“Why do you always have to be so strong?” he asks. “Why won’t you let me take the burden for once?”
“I’d let you take this one if I could. Believe me.”
Manoj climbs to his feet and goes to the window.
“I get it,” I say. “This isn’t what you signed up for or what you want. Not that I thought anything would ever happen between us again, but I…even as a friend…I get it.”
“Faaris told me once that the pain of a burn was the greatest pain he’d ever felt,” he says, still looking at the bay.
“I’d agree with that,” I say.
“You were out there, all alone, trying to care for Anjali, all alone, and you were feeling that pain.”
“Don’t lecture me about escorts and what’s proper,” I say. “I’m too tired to listen.”
“I didn’t even know you were gone. We haven’t spoken much lately.”
“I’m too tired for this,” I say again. “You can go, Manoj. Go back to your duties and let me sleep.”
“No.”
“I can’t do this.”
Manoj strides over to me and kneels. He takes my hand.
“The last thing I want to do is lecture you,” he says. “I’m feeling guilty. I wasn’t there. I didn’t know. I probably hurt you when I gave you that hug.”
“What?”
“You’re amazing,” he says. “The most amazing woman I’ve ever known. You rescued your sister and escaped the dragons’ wrath, and you survived…oh gods, you survived parts of your body being cut off, and I wasn’t here! Tanaya, it will haunt me for the rest of my life. If I had but held my tongue and whispered how much I loved you, I could have at least held your hand.”
He bows his head and gets to one knee.
“Tanaya, I love you. I vow to you that I can be the man you need me to be. That’s my only goal, to be worthy of you. Please. Say you’ll marry me.”
“What?”
“Marry me.”
I turn my head away from him and cling tighter to his hand. “What of my scars?” I ask. “What of my…breasts?”
“I’ve always been more of a leg man,” he says.
A joke? I whip my head back to him. “You’re an ass man,” I say. “You’re just too polite to say so.”
Manoj leans in close. “You know me so well.”
He kisses me.
Something about this kiss is different than all the rest we’ve shared. I finally feel…accepted.
“Yes, Manoj Mitra,” I say against his lips. “You can be my husband.”
LIV. PRINCE KAI
Nili comes into my room and walks straight into my arms.
“You were incredible,” I whisper into the top of her head. Then she begins to shake.
The shakes turn into sobs.
“It made me remember,” she says. “Every bite of the blade, every tear of the skin…I haven’t…thought about it in so long…and I felt it again, right along with her.”
“It’s over,” I say. “You’ll never feel that again. It’s over.”
She holds me tighter. “No. It’s not. I’ll have to do it again. It won’t be over for moons.”
“We can find another healer, Nili. It doesn’t have to be you.”
Nili steps back and swipes at her eyes. “I want to do it. I have to do it. I just…I’m sorry. It sounds like I’m complaining, and I’m not. I just needed you to hold me.”
I pull her back against me. “You’re so strong,” I say. “I’m glad you can take comfort from me.”
She looks up at me and smiles. “That doesn’t sound adequate. You’re my rock. You give me the strength to do these things. I would be less of a person without you.”