More laughter and whistles. Hale claps Jude on the back.
“Lila… Well, Lila’s something else.” Angel shakes his head and smiles at me. I feel the warmth of his gaze, and the gazes of everyone else in the room. “From the very beginning, it was pretty clear she wasn’t about to take any shit from anybody. If anyone could put Jude in his place, it was her. She was, and still is, a spitfire who knows her own mind. She can stand up to anyone, no matter how tough they think they are. She doesn’t take shit from anybody. That’s why she’s a perfect match for our boy here.”
Shouts of Damn right and That’s our girl! drown Angel out for a few seconds. Patiently, he takes a swig from the bottle of beer he’s holding and waits to continue. When the shouts have quieted down, he raises the bottle again.
“So today, we’re gathered to celebrate what I think all of us have been expecting for some time now. Jude and Lila’s engagement. It’s been a long time coming, but I never doubted it would get here. Jude, you done good. Lila, you’ve been a part of the Lords of Carnage family for a long time, but I wanna welcome you to our family as well. Okay, y’all, please lift your drinks and help me toast the happy couple!”
Jude takes my hand and turns toward me as the Lords and their families lift their glasses and bottles in unison and shout, “To Jude and Lila!” He leans forward as they break out in cheers and applause, and kisses me until the cheers turn to hoots and wolf whistles. By the time he pulls away, I’m beet red, flushed and dizzy.
“Gotta give them what they want, right?” he murmurs in my ear.
“Is that the only reason you just kissed me?” I murmur back.
“No. I kissed you because it’s the only thing I can do in front of a crowd that has kids in it.”
As the cheers die down, Beast and Brooke come toward us with smiles on their faces. Well, Brooke is smiling. Beast is doing that one-sided smirk thing he does that’s the closest he ever gets to an actual smile.
“‘Bout time you two made it official,” Beast grunts.
“She’s been officially my old lady for a while now,” Jude corrects him. “I’m just puttin’ a ring on it, is all.”
“And what a ring it is,” Brooke says approvingly. “Lila says you surprised her with it. I never knew you had such good taste, Jude.”
“Well, I had a little help. Jewel went with me. She put the fear of God in me, told me if I screwed it up I’d jinx the wedding and shit.”
“That’s not true,” I say. “Nothing would jinx the wedding. I would have been happy with a simple gold wedding band. Or hell, a ring made out of a washer.”
Still, as I hold up my hand to gaze at my engagement ring, I can’t help but feel the little shiver of excitement that has hit me every time I look at it since Jude proposed. It’s a single round cut diamond with a halo of smaller diamonds around it. It’s elegant and classy, and somehow it makes me feel like a princess, no matter what else I’m wearing.
I didn’t even know I wanted to feel like a princess. But I guess it’s feeling like Jude’s princess that I love.
“Lila,” Brooke continues, “I just want to tell you how proud we both are of you, and how happy we are for you and Jude.” She looks up at her husband adoringly. “I know what it’s like to need a strong man who isn’t afraid of a strong woman. It’s not always easy to find the right one when you don’t want to play shrinking violet to protect the male ego. We’re so glad you found each other.”
Beast huffs. “More like, we’re glad you finally pulled your heads out of your asses and noticed each other.”
“Oh, we noticed each other.” Jude slides his hand from mine and puts his arm around me, pulling me close. “How could Lila not have noticed me? I was the finest specimen of manhood she knew. She was just pretending not to crush on me all those years.”
I roll my eyes. “Whatever.”
“It’s true,” Jude protests. “Well, and maybe I was just waiting for her to grow up so I wouldn’t be a perv.”
The four of us stand there laughing, and I bask in the warmth of being part of a family. Beast and Brooke feel even more like parents to me now than they did two years ago when I showed up at the clubhouse, terrified for my life and with nowhere else to turn. I still have moments of guilt that in a lot of ways, I feel closer to Brooke than I ever did to my mom. As I listen to the others talk about wedding plans and potential places for a honeymoon, my left hand reflexively goes to my right and starts to finger the other ring I wear: my mother’s engagement ring, to remind me of her — the good and the bad, and what could have been if her life had been less hard.
“Hey, you two.” Gunner’s voice breaks into my thoughts. He and his wife Alix stroll up, with Ghost, Jenna, and Mariana in tow. Noah’s not with them, since he’s off at college. Alix gives me a hug and a congratulations.
“Hell of a party,” Gunner remarks. “The gang’s all here.”
“That’s what you get when your brother-in-law is the MC prez,” Jude jokes. “We get all the perks.”
“Don’t I know it,” Gunner mock-grumbles.
“Oh! Before I forget,” says Alix, “Eden wanted to make sure I told you congratulations from her. I talked to her last night and told her about the party.”
“Aww, that’s sweet,” I reply. “How is she doing?”
“Okay. She says she might come up with Bryson at Christmas for a few days. I hope she will. I miss her.”
I give Alix a sympathetic look. I know it’s been hard on her having her sister leave Tanner Springs. I know she secretly hopes Eden will come back to town someday. But for now, she knows that the memories here are too painful.
“Speaking of traveling, when do you two leave for Seattle?” Alix asks me.
“Tomorrow afternoon,” I tell her. Jude and I are flying out to see my dad and celebrate our engagement with him, since he couldn’t make the trip out here. “In fact, Mariana here is cat-sitting for us while we’re gone.”
“She’s so excited,” Jenna interjects, looking down at her daughter. “You know how much she loves Spike.”
Mariana agrees. “I’ve been telling Luna and Sirius that their mama is coming to visit us for a week,” she tells me. Mariana took two of Spike’s litter when she had her babies — in spite of Ghost’s protest that they didn’t have room for two more pets. Now, with Luna and Sirius, plus their Saint Bernard Rhino and their terrier mix Chucky, they’re well on their way to a menagerie. This suits Mariana, who wants to be a vet someday, just fine.
As the party goes on, pretty much everyone here comes over to congratulate Jude and me. Young and old, everyone is here. One notable exception is Jude and Jewel’s mother. She’s a widow now; Jude’s dad died of cancer a little over a year ago. She has a small apartment in a senior living place not far from Jewel and Angel’s place. Jude barely sees her, except in passing.
After Jude and I finally got together, we had to work through the fight that almost split us apart: the sudden re-emergence of our parents in our lives, and how we were going to deal with them. Both he and I had a lot of experience with having our parents fail us. And when we finally cooled down enough to talk it through, I realized there was a reason he was so mad I was willing to let my absent father back into my life.
“I got hurt so many times by my folks, growing up,” he told me one night, as we lay laced together in bed after an epic session of lovemaking. “I didn’t want you to get hurt by your dad. I wanted you to protect yourself. Hell, I wanted to protect you. And I was mad as hell that you didn’t see things the same way.”
“You wanted me to reject my father, the same way you rejected your parents,” I guessed.
Jude’s temper flared momentarily. “It ain’t like that,” he gritted out, then softened. “Well, hell, maybe it is. Maybe I felt like you were thinking I needed to let my folks in, the same way you let your dad in.”
“It’s not the same thing, though,” I murmured, sinking back against his chest. “My mom sucked when I was growing up. Hell, I felt
terrible about liking Brooke more than I liked her. But… it was what it was, you know? I couldn’t change her. I think in a weird way, she did the best she could. So I just let her be. And then when my dad came around, I had no expectations at all. So I figured any relationship was better than no relationship at all, which is what I had. I met him too late for him to be around to kiss my boo-boos. But we had a clean slate to start from. You had a lifetime of your parents treating you badly. Of them being not what you wanted, or what you needed. That’s what you see today when you look at them.” I looked up at him. “Try seeing them just for what they are. And then ask yourself if you can accept and forgive them for that. If not…” I shrugged. “Okay. That’s okay.”
We haven’t really talked about it since. But I know Jude is at peace with his decision to keep his parents — and now his mother — mostly out of our lives. And with that peace, he has been able to accept that Jewel has made different choices.
We did go to his dad’s funeral, for Jewel’s sake. And on the rare occasions that we run into his mom, Jude is cordial. And that’s enough.
In the days after Jude and the Lords rescued me from Pecher, I realized I was wrong when I was hanging from that hook, ready to be savaged and killed. I wasn’t in exactly the same place I’d found myself at the beginning of the whole nightmare. Back then, the thing I was most afraid of in life was showing vulnerability. I was afraid any display of weakness — of letting it show that I craved connection to other people — would be used against me. I wanted to be in control of my own life. Self-reliant. Never weak. If you never needed anyone else, I reasoned — if you never expected anything of anyone else — you could never really be betrayed.
The girl who collapsed inside the Lords of Carnage clubhouse calling out for help was so desperate she had to break her own credo. She needed aid badly enough that she felt she had no choice. The girl who arrived that day could never have accepted a long-absent father back into her own life. That girl could not have trusted anyone else to have her back.
But the girl who fought Pecher off for the second time had more. She had friends. She had family to fight with her. And maybe more important, she had people who would stick around afterwards. To help her celebrate a love that she never thought she could have: a man who gives her everything she needs. Including space. Freedom. A love that doesn’t smother, or take advantage. A love that gives without counting, without keeping score.
A love that will go the distance.
The day after our engagement party at the clubhouse, Brooke and Beast drive us to the airport. On the way, I get a text from Cherylynn, wishing us a good trip. “Take lots of pictures!” she says, and I assure her I will. I had to tell her a pretty sketchy version of the truth following the events at Super Girls, but she has never asked me for more details than I was able to give. I’ve come to consider her a close friend. Yet another reason to be grateful.
Later, as the plane lifts off for Seattle, I look over at Jude in the seat next to me. He’s holding my hand, and the diamond of the ring he gave me glints in the sunlight streaming through the window. He smiles at me and closes his eyes. I watch him as he falls asleep, and think again about the time I chose love over fear. And how I keep choosing it now, every day.
And how it was Jude, and the Lords of Carnage, who taught me how.
*****
Thank you so much for reading Jude and Lila’s story! Turn the page for some final thoughts from me!
Daphne Talks Out Her Ass About JUDE
Readers have been waiting for Jude’s story for a while — since he first appeared as a secondary character in Angel, book 7 of the Lords of Carnage series.
And yet at the same time, since I told them that Jude would be the final book in the series, they have told me that even though they couldn’t wait for his book to come out, they were also sad about it.
It’s funny how sometimes the push and pull of what we want can affect us in conflicting ways.
Ever since I realized who Jude would end up with (and I’ve known it for a while), I’ve been wrestling in my mind with exactly that tension. How sometimes we want something, but at the same time we resist it.
As an author, I’ve been impatiently waiting for Jude to grow up and take his place among the patched members of the Lords — and waiting for him to start his life with the woman he is destined to fall in love with. But at the same time, even as I welcomed the man he was becoming, I mourned the loss of the cocky kid he was.
Lila’s past is something she has tried to outrun. She tried as hard as she could to forget about it, as though it never happened. But as it turned out, fragments of her past had to come with her into the future, as much as she fought against that. Her story was about accepting the tension between past and future. The good and the bad of her life, together, made her who she is. And it turns out, who she is, is pretty kickass.
I hope you’ve all enjoyed coming on this Lords of Carnage journey with me. I know you’ve laughed and cried along with me and the characters in these books. And I know you hold them close in your hearts, just like I do. I think it’s safe to say that I learned a lot writing their stories. I hope you have, too.
And I hope you’ll come with me on the future journeys of my books. I’ll be returning to the Ironwood chapter of the Lords of Carnage MC next, for a third book in that series (and the heroine is someone you’ll recognize… hint hint!).
In the meantime, I’ll keep writing if you keep reading. Deal?
Love to all of you,
- Daphne
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ABOUT DAPHNE
Daphne Loveling is a small-town girl who moved to the big city as a young adult in search of adventure. She lives in the American Midwest with her fabulous husband and the two cats who own them.
Someday, she hopes to retire to a sandy beach and continue writing with sand between her toes.
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Books by Daphne Loveling
Motorcycle Club Romance
Rush: A Stone Kings Motorcycle Club Romance
; Crash: A Stone Kings Motorcycle Club Romance
Ride: A Stone Kings Motorcycle Club Romance
Stand: A Stone Kings Motorcycle Club Romance
STONE KINGS MOTORCYCLE CLUB: The Complete Collection
GHOST: Lords of Carnage MC
HAWK: Lords of Carnage MC
BRICK: Lords of Carnage MC
GUNNER: Lords of Carnage MC
THORN: Lords of Carnage MC
BEAST: Lords of Carnage MC
ANGEL: Lords of Carnage MC
HALE: Lords of Carnage MC
BULLET: Lords of Carnage MC
FORGIVENESS: A Lords of Carnage MC Christmas
TANK: Lords of Carnage MC
STRIKER: Lords of Carnage MC
Iron Will: Lords of Carnage Ironwood MC
Iron Heart: Lords of Carnage Ironwood MC
Dirty Santa: A Holiday MC Romance
Los Perdidos MC
Fugitives MC
Throttle: A Stepbrother Romance
Sports Romance
Getting the Down
Snap Count
Zone Blitz
Players: The Springville Rockets Collection
Paranormal Romance
JUDE: Lords of Carnage MC Page 18