by Jason Starr
“What’s wrong, Daddy?” Jonah asked.
I felt light-headed and dizzy. Someone passed in front of me, momentarily blocking my vision, and the woman in the dress was gone. I glanced in every direction, but it was like she’d disappeared.
I decided that my mind had been playing tricks—it wasn’t her; I’d just confused her with someone else. I didn’t give it much more thought and we enjoyed the rest of our vacation.
Back in Manhattan, it was a new school year, and for the first time in a long time, things felt normal. Jonah had made new friends in school and joined a soccer league. I took him to the soccer games, cheering him on.
On the night of the Halloween Boo Bash at the gym in Jonah’s school, I hung out with the other parents. Rebecca, a recently divorced mom around my age, came over to chat. She’d been friendly with me before, always saying hi and smiling. Tonight was different. I could tell she was getting flirty, by the way she was making eye contact with me and how she touched my arm a couple of times.
“Hey, we should get coffee sometime,” she said.
Just to get away, I pretended I was getting a call on my cell.
“Sorry, have to take this,” I said, and went outside.
I didn’t want to be rude, but I didn’t want to lead her on either. I guess I should’ve been interested—she was pretty and smart and fun to talk to. It had been about a year since Maria had disappeared, and I felt more together emotionally, but I just didn’t have any desire to date, or to get into a relationship. For the first time in a long time, I was liking my life again, and I didn’t feel the need to make any big changes.
Later, back at our apartment, I helped Jonah with his usual nightly routine—homework, then washing up and getting ready for bed. Before sleep, he showed me some silly YouTube videos a friend at school had shared with him.
“G’night, kiddo,” I said, then turned off the light and shut the door to his room.
“’Night, Daddy.”
Now it was time for my nightly routine.
In my bedroom, I locked the door and got naked. Then I logged onto Discreet Hookups with my user name, FUGITIVE.RED, and my password, SOPHIE.
Yes, I needed an outlet, and this felt safer than trying to have an actual relationship.
I scrolled through the dozens of women I’d sexted with over the past several months, trying to decide who I was in the mood for tonight. SoSexxxy69 was online. She claimed she had a husband who traveled a lot and ignored her. Maybe it was all a lie, but I guess that was part of the thrill.
SoSexxxy69: Hey, how’re you tonight, baby?
I felt like I’d taken a first sip of alcohol after a long, hard day.
FUGITIVE.RED: Ready to party!
SoSexxxy69: Awesome!Let’s do it!
We chatted for a while, exchanging our raunchiest fantasies.
Then it hit me. It made so much sense; I didn’t know how I hadn’t realized it soon.
FUGITIVE.RED: It’s you, isn’t it?
Long pause. Maybe I’d been wrong, just getting paranoid as usual.
SoSexxxy69: Who?
FUGITIVE.RED: You know who.
SoSexxxy69: I don’t know what you’re talking about
FUGITIVE.RED: I know it’s you okay? You can be honest with me I won’t turn you in, I promise! I just want to know you’re alive and safe
I realized I could’ve been wrong about all of this. SoSexxxy69 could have been a lonely, married woman.
After a few minutes passed, I tried to send, Are you there? but my message didn’t go through.
Instead I got: SoSexxxy69 DOESN’T EXIST.
She must have deleted the account.
“Damn it,” I said.
It had been her—I was sure of it. I could tell by how she’d made me feel. Only she could’ve brought out that kind of intensity.
I pictured her on a tropical island, lounging by the ocean, sipping a cocktail, laughing her ass off, proud of herself for duping me again.
I guess I should’ve been angry; instead, I laughed with her.
It felt great to have my wife back.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
THANK YOU TO my agent dream team, Joel Gotler and Murray Weiss, for their many close reads and spot-on editorial input. My longtime overseas publishers, No Exit Press and Diogenes Verlag, have supported me throughout my entire career and were early champions of Fugitive Red. And thank you to the whole crew at Oceanview Publishing for bringing Fugitive Red to life in the U.S. and Canada.