by David McGhee
Chapter 14: Fucking Cindy and getting way wasted
Two of Malcolm's fears had come true that morning. First off he had gone down to Civic Center Park and scored two dime backs of heroin (and a dime of coke) and walked the way toward the pharmacy ten or so blocks away where he could get a needle for just twenty five cents. He was through most of the bad withdrawal symptoms but the craving had become unbearable when he had awoken at five am that morning. After seven am came and passed he got up, made himself some breakfast, and headed out to quench his thirst for opiates.
He did not have his works with him seeing as they were confiscated by that bastard undercover guy, but he was resourceful. Josh went to a coffee shop near the pharmacy and paid fifty cents for a cup of hot water. Once he obtained that he went outside in search of a cigarette but which could be used as a filter. That was the easiest part.
Once he got everything he needed he walked a few blocks up Colfax and into the Burger King that was to the right going east. He didn't even ask if he could use the restroom seeing as they most likely didn't care and got a lot of non paying strangers visiting the latrine all day long.
Josh locked himself in the stall and placed the cup of hot water on the floor. He fished out the balloons from his pocket and put one of the heroin baggies back in. He placed them on his lap and went to work opening the heroin. He put the excess layers in the toilet for later flushing and then opened the coke balloon. He kept them on his pants and reached down to get the hot water. He opened up the needle wrapper and put that in the toilet also.
Josh sighed... Was he really doing this again after he had promised himself not to? He hated himself but he trekked on anyways. Josh took the lid off of the cup and drew up some of the hot water into the needle, about sixty mgs of it. He then placed the cup back on the floor but kept the lid on his lap. He put the heroin in the cup lid first and squirted the hot water over it. It immediately started to form tendrils of dark brown in the water and he took out the plunger from the needle and began to stir. The main problem about doing it this way was that it took forever for it to melt. You can also melt it in cold water but that took even MORE time!
Josh finally got it all dissolved and then put the contents of the white plastic strip of coke into the mix. Melting coke in water only took a few seconds, especially if it's mostly pure. It did and he put the plunger back into the syringe. He took out the cigarette filter and tore it open and took out a small piece of its tar stained cotton. He balled it up and placed it in the mix in the cup lid. Josh put the needle tip on the cotton and drew up.
He wasn't sure if he was wearing a belt but he could always just take off his hoodie and use the tie string and use it as a tourniquet. He put the now empty lid back onto the cup of scolding water and checked to see if he had remembered to put on a belt that morning. To his surprise he was wearing one. One with that was black with white hearts running down it. He then wanted to smack himself because he wasted precious concern about something he was wearing the day before.
No matter...
Josh took off his belt and fastened it around his left arm. A nice big hand vein popped out immediately and he drove the needle into it. When he pulled back nothing came up, so he dug a little deeper and to the right until blood spurted up into the syringe. Then he pressed down on the plunger.
The thing about doing heroin and coke is, you felt the effects of both simultaneously. The first feeling you got was from the heroin itself. The locking up and then release that your body felt. The immense head rush of it. Then not even half a second later your jaw goes numb and you mind draws a blank. Josh felt this all about a second or two after injecting. He became instantly scared that he was going to pass out in the bathroom but that turned out to be unfounded.
The needle stuck to his left hand like a parasite. Josh waited about a minute to take it out because the effect was so damn good that he did not want to fuck it all up by moving any. He bit his tongue a few times and marveled at the feeling of numbness in his mouth. Smiling, he took the needle out and took the lid back off of the cup. He drew up some hot water which mixed with the residual blood and squirted it out into the toilet beneath him.
Josh sat for a few minutes more, enjoying the buzz he was getting. His jaw was still numb and he licked the top part of his mouth and felt shocks of pleasure run throughout his head.
He didn't know if he should keep the needle or not. He at that moment had decided not to use again for a while, but out of habit he put the needle cap back on the syringe and stuffed it into his pocket. The remnants of the water cup went into the toilet with all the plastic wrapping. The cotton was also saved because of habit.
Sometimes if the cotton was big enough it would have some left over stuff in it that you could soak and take just a tiny bit out as a result. This is what they call a rinse. Josh had the extra heroin balloon and would use the same cotton to draw it up later, thus strengthening his future rinse.
Josh finally got up and picked the empty cup off of the ground. He opened the stall and threw away the container into the trash bin by the sink.
Malcolm had gotten worried enough to go looking for Josh at the park. He waited there for almost two hours until he got the idea that if Josh had wanted to go there, then he would of as soon as he had left the house. He did not know where Cindy lived so he couldn't check up on him there.
The thought of him fucking Cindy made his cold blood boil. He knew he could never consensually have him but a little part of him held out for such a possibility. Malcolm had a vague idea that Josh would be nonnegotiable on the subject. This made him sadder than he'd like to admit. He was the first guy in a while that had held his interest as he did. It was just depressing to think about it.
He wished he was like one of those vampires you read in some of Bram Stoker's stories where the said vampire had neither empathy nor emotion for his subject. All that would count was the bottom line, blood. But instead he still had his heart intact and was subject to all of the emotions of a hopeless romantic. Everything fell apart for him when it concerned the person he cared about. He wanted to believe that Josh would keep the promise that he would never touch that heroin shit again, not that he denied the validity of such an addiction, he just didn't like seeing people he liked to be dependent on something that caused you to lie, cheat, and steal, thus ruining any such idealistic thing like leading an honest life.
Malcolm sighed and went over to a tree where there was some shade. He had long since lost the ability to sweat but just like the night, the shade offered some coolness in the bright sun. It was cold out today but he felt things could always get colder. He didn't so much as sweat during the summer as he did condensate, like a cold glass of iced water in a hot room.
He lay down beneath the tree and watched the dealers sell to the junkies and the families that were either unobservant or ignorant to all that was going on around them, walking around and playing in the grassy areas. Malcolm closed his eyes and tried to imagine something better for him. Maybe a nice man, girl, goat, anything that would take his mind off of Josh and his damn fucked up way of living. Why was he so smitten with someone who probably would never change nor ever bring himself to be with another man? It hurt his head thinking about it.
Malcolm thought about the kittens and in particular, Fido. He liked that little guy but the other ones were getting on his nerves. Why hasn't he been able to give them away yet? He had been putting in ads in the Westword and The Denver Post every week but to no avail. He had had some contenders but he deemed them too unstable to take care of the kitty cats. Although he was growing tired of the responsibility for having to take care of five of them so he had decided that the next person to offer to take one he would accept. After all, they couldn't be any worse than the shelter (which murdered them after thirty days).
A dirty looking young man passed by him while he was lying on the grass and asked him for any spare change. Malcolm just nodded and kept looking up at the tree above him.
"Come on man, do you have any or not?" The unwashed young man asked.
"I in fact do." Malcolm sighed. "But you'd have to blow me for it." The young man shook his head and walked away in disgust. This made Malcolm smile.
Cindy should be home, Josh thought. It was Thursday and she normally didn't work mornings anyhow, or in fact worked most Thursdays. So he went up to her apartment door on the corner of Broadway and Milton. The 0 bus took him about two blocks from her. He had wanted to call first but thought better of it, instead wanting to surprise her instead by his presence.
He felt his pocket for his needle and balloon and sighed in relief. Then he knocked on the door a few times with half the strength he could muster in so which she could hear him if she was in her bedroom.
"Just a second!" The familiar voice called from behind the door. Josh straightened his shirt and smiled in anticipation. After about a minute he heard her footsteps grow closer and the door opened. She looked out dumbly at him for a moment before crossing her arms and frowning.
"Where have you been?" She asked.
"Um..." Josh was not hoping for this kind of reaction. "I was in the hospital."
"Uh huh. Why didn't you call me?"
"My phone was dead. I didn't have my charger. And one of my roommates died and the other kicked me out."
Cindy's arms came uncrossed. "Oh my God... Which one died?"
"Bill." Josh said without emotion.
"How?"
"Drunk driving. He ran right into a tree."
Cindy took a step back. "Oh man..." She motioned her hand toward her living room. "You wanna come in?"
Josh smiled. "Yes. That would be very awesome."
Malcolm had begun to walk back to his car when he got the call. Some guy named Roger (of Roger's Subs) asked if he could come over after his store closed and see the cats. This pleased Malcolm and he gave him directions to his place over the phone. They promised to meet each other at seven that night and he hung up. Malcolm hoped that a free sandwich would result from the deal. Maybe he could fake his way into convincing the guy that he was in possession of pure bred kittens. But what kind?
Damn... He thought.
Malcolm still had his cell phone in his hand when he decided to try and call Josh again. After three rings he gave up and switched it off. He had no other place to go so he wasn't too worried that he'd never come back.
That is...
What if he started staying with Cindy? The very thought made him jealous and angry.
He wasn't sure if she had slept with him out of pity or if she was genuinely horny. Either way wouldn't really cause him to think about it too much. He hadn't busted a nut in sometime now and it was a tremendous release. Josh and Cindy lay in bed side by side. Cindy's was on her side and her hand was softly massaging Josh's penis. After an almost meditative period of doing so she then slid her arm up towards Josh's flat stomach. He didn't have abs but he was a thick sort of skinny that she liked. Josh was on the verge of sleep when he sat up in bed and stretched his arms and yawned.
"I'm gonna go take a piss." He said as he lifted the sheets off of him and got up to go to the bathroom. Cindy watched as his flat ass walked away from her and into the bathroom adjoining her room. She wondered about the danger of her getting pregnant or worse, some sort of disease from Josh since they'd not used a condom during sex. The sperm between her legs had dried into a viscous sticky syrup and she could feel under her that he'd gotten some on the bed. She would have to clean that up before she went to bed that night.
She went into her drawer to see if she had any morning after pills left, she didn't. As she stood by the night stand and the drawers she felt a chill come over her. She knew that he had used that day because of how his eyes looked. She knew that even if he had overdosed he would not of stayed in the hospital for three days, Denver Health usually kicked out the person as soon as they are narcanned. Something else was up. She had an idea that he may of finally gotten arrested but she was too glad to see him and see that he was safe to bring up the question.
Josh flushed the toilet and exited the bathroom without washing his hands.
"You didn't wash up?" Cindy asked, mildly disgusted at her boyfriend.
Josh smiled. "I shot my load into you and you are worried that I didn't wash my hands after touching this?" He waved down toward his pubic region and laughed. Cindy sighed and went into the bathroom herself to wash up. She knew that douching had no effect in preventing pregnancy or disease but she wanted to get that sticky white residual out of her private area.
Josh went to the bed and lay down on his back. Frowning with his hands behind his head he thought about how lucky he was to have both a place to stay and that he still had someone to fuck. He massaged his cock a little then sniffed the hand. It smelled vaguely of raw tuna. It was a metallic / sweet sort of sent that every straight man loved to smell after sex. It reminded him of the act and he felt himself getting hard again.
Cindy flushed out her vagina in the bathtub and wiped the area with one of the loose towels she had hanging up on the shower curtain. Not really minding the stain it left on it she carried it over to the hamper and threw it in. She looked into the mirror and felt terribly depressed. Was this where their relationship was going? If she ever did have a kid with him would he be a good dad? Did she even want a kid right now? She had to go down to planned parenthood and get more pills. Although realistically she knew that she had just had her period and shouldn't be ovulating she was still under the pretense that one would never know when the stork would come.
She walked out of the bathroom and saw Josh lying naked on her bed above the blanket. His erection standing up in the air he motioned for her to come back to bed.
"I think once is enough." She said as she picked her clothes off the floor. Josh let out a deep grunt and put his hands to his eyes.
"Come on... I haven't been with you in a while now. Couldn't we just get together one more time?" He asked, almost whining.
"Don't beg me for sex Josh." She said. "Besides it was stupid of me to sleep with you without a condom in the first place."
"But you got to admit that it feels better when we do it that way." He paused for a moment. "Besides, don't you have those contraceptive pills? Couldn't you take one if you are so worried?"
"Yes..." she lied "I suppose I could."
Josh turned on his side facing her and patted the bed before him. His wood was going limp and the foreskin contracted over his tip. For some reason Cindy had always liked uncut guys and it did make her a little bit in the mood again, but she stuck to her guns.
She put on her panties and then tight blue jeans. "Do you want me to take you back to wherever you are staying?"
Josh frowned and let out a long sigh. "Couldn't I stay with you?"
She thought about his drug use and shook her head.
Josh sat up in bed, his erection completely gone now. He got up and picked up his boxers from the floor. "You can take me to Boulder and Platte. I'm staying with this guy there."
"Is he nice?" She asked, putting on her white see through bra. He nodded but did not look in her direction. In the time it took her to put back on her shirt Josh had fully dressed with the exception of his black socks and white Vans skater shoes.
Then Josh remembered that he was supposed to go to the probation office that morning. "Fuck..." he uttered.
Cindy walked over to where he stood, coming up to his shoulders she felt small and it took her a second to get over it. "What?" She said.
"Nothing." Josh had the discharge paperwork at Malcolm's place. He'd left it by the futon where he'd slept the night before. It made him almost physically sick at the thought that he might get into trouble again. He slouched his shoulders and bent down to put on his socks. Then he went for his shoes at the foot of the doorway.
"Are you sure you're OK?" She asked, finding herself growing concerned over his sudden change in mood.
"Fine." Josh put on his shoes and left her room. Cindy wondered w
hether or not her refusal of sex had put him in this mood. She almost wanted to go to him and make love one more time but her rational mind told her to make a statement and stick to it. No one will respect you if you change your mind so much...
Malcolm sat on the futon reading Josh's discharge paperwork. According to it he had (in not so many words) received a minor head injury. Josh didn't even have a bruise and had told him that it was that "fucking" clonadine. Malcolm had never taken any such medication so he could not relate to someone who had fainted. He assumed it would be sort of like going into a mini coma.
Malcolm wished he could go into a coma. Be away from eternal life even for a day... Sleep was the closest thing he came to death.
Coma... Latin for "the little death".
Malcolm sighed and put the paperwork back onto the floor. He had decided what he'd do if Josh comes home with pinned eyes. It wouldn't be pretty either. He would make him understand that he was ruining his life and Malcolm would be the one to change it. Even if it meant hurting him in the process, he would thank him later.
Just like all those people out in the city at night... He was a good man for doing what he did for them. Their quality of life would prove insufferable throughout their lives and he was the sweet angel of mercy. Even Malcolm doubted this now. Couldn't people change?
No... People would try but deep down they would always be the same. He remembered a self help guy on TV about addicts that they'd always be tempted, they'd always be in recovery. This made Malcolm want to cry when thinking about Josh.
The boy he could never have... Well, at least consensually. But he'd never force himself upon him.
Right?
No... He wouldn't. He was too good of a person to do something like that. Plus whenever he had sex with boys he always ripped something. He didn't want Josh to be in any sort of pain, nor did he want to get blood on any of his sheets. It was a double whammy of a decision.
Malcolm got up to put in a movie. He plundered through his Blu Rays and finally settled on the Dark Knight. It was one of his favorite movies because it was just so dark. Christopher Nolan had taken a campy old concept and had given it some guts. He thought that Heath Ledger was just all around amazing as the Joker. A character that could have been silly he made into a true monstrous psychopath. Of course he was still funny but you almost felt like a jerk for laughing at his jokes, which normally included killing someone.
Was Malcolm a psychopath? He rarely thought about the people he killed. The last person he felt even a tiny twinge of guilt for taking away was that officer’s son. But to be honest, that cop was a dick and kids take after their parents. In fact if you looked at it in a certain light you could just think that it was a good thing to not let a tiny jerk turn into a big jerk.
That's justification enough...