by Sarra Cannon
“What’s going on?”
“He’s slurring his words, lately,” she says. “You haven’t noticed it?”
I shake my head. “Have you mentioned it to the doctor?”
“I don’t know if Dad’s mentioned it or not,” she says. “But I’ll probably mention it today if he doesn’t bring it up. He’s having more trouble with lifting things, too, like he’s getting weaker. I was really hoping this was going to be something simple, but now that the neurologist is involved and nothing showed up on the MRI or the other tests, I’m clueless as to what’s going on.”
I kiss her forehead and run my hand across her back. “Do you want me to come with you?”
She shakes her head. “No, we shouldn’t be there too long,” she says. “They’re doing some kind of nerve conduction study today, but they said it will take less than an hour. We should be home by lunchtime.”
“Okay, but call me if you need anything,” I say. “Since we’ve got the day off, I was thinking about going over to Greg’s beach house tonight if you want to come. Hopefully it will be more low key than whatever they had going on last night.”
“I’ll see how he’s feeling and whether he has anything planned for tonight,” she says “But if I can’t go, you should definitely go hang out with your friends. I’m sure they miss you.”
She stands and pulls on her clothes from last night. I lay back on the pillows and watch, enjoying the view. I could definitely get used to having her spend the night more often. Once things are more settled with her dad’s health and he’s feeling back to his old self again, maybe we could even talk about getting a place together.
Or fixing up my grandfather’s cabin and moving out there for a while.
I smile, realizing that the thought of moving in with a girlfriend would have probably scared the crap out of me a year ago, but now it feels like the most natural thing in the world. I want this to work between us.
“What are you grinning about?” she asks, leaning over to kiss my cheek.
“Just watching you,” I say. “You really are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever known.”
She hides her face, but I can tell she’s smiling.
“Call me when you guys get back this afternoon,” I say. “If y’all are up for it, I’ll take you both out to lunch at Brantley’s.”
“Sounds perfect,” she says. She kisses me and heads for the door. She pauses before she leaves the room, and looks at me with a smile on her face. “I love you.”
“I love you, too,” I say.
She giggles and practically waltzes out of the room. A few seconds later, I hear her footsteps on the stairs.
I roll over, happy, and let sleep wash over me. All morning I dream of music and slow dances with a beautiful girl, her long dark hair falling down her back like waves of pure silk.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Daddy’s appointment with the neurologist is just more of the same. No new answers. No treatments. Just more questions.
“What else can we do?” I ask the new doctor.
This new guy doesn’t exactly have the greatest bedside manner, and so far, he’s been less than forthcoming about what he thinks we might be dealing with.
“More tests,” he says. “The nerve conduction study has ruled out a few muscular diseases, but there are a few more tests I’d like to run before I can make a diagnosis.”
I sigh, but Daddy takes my hand and I hold my tongue.
“When can I come back in?”
“Let’s set up an appointment next week on Monday,” he says. “Does that work for your schedule?”
“I’ll be here,” Daddy says. “Thanks, Dr. Walsh.”
He stands and shakes the doctor’s hand.
“Why don’t you go get that appointment set?” I say. “I’ll be out in just a second.”
Daddy narrows his eyes at me, but heads out to see the receptionist.
“Dr. Walsh, I’m not sure if you noticed it today or if my father has said anything to you, but I’ve noticed another symptom that has me concerned,” I say, my hands trembling slightly.
“What have you noticed?” he asks.
“His speech is slightly slurred sometimes,” I say. “It might not be terribly noticeable to people who don’t know him as well, but it’s like he’s got a lazy tongue sometimes. He hasn’t mentioned it to me, but I’ve noticed it off and on lately. Is that related, you think?”
A look of concern crosses the doctor’s features, and it makes my stomach tighten. I get the feeling he knows more than he’s told us, and for some reason, that scares me to death.
“I think it’s related, yes,” he says. “Again, I have a few more tests I’d like to run before I make an official diagnosis.”
“But you think you know what’s going on, don’t you?” I ask, holding my breath.
“I understand how difficult this must be, Ms. Warner, but I’m hoping I’ll have more answers for you soon,” he says, ushering me toward the door.
I want to scream. If he knows what’s wrong with my father, why the hell isn’t he telling me? Why isn’t he getting started on some kind of treatment that will make him better? The longer we wait to diagnose this, the worse it’s going to get before he gets better.
I don’t like having to put my trust in strangers, and I definitely don’t like it when things are so far out of my control.
“Dr. Walsh, if you suspect something, I’d rather know about it sooner than later,” I say. “We need to be starting some kind of treatment for whatever this is.”
The doctor nods as if this is an argument he’s heard a thousand times. As if my worry bores him.
“I’ll see you and your father next week,” he says.
I take a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Thanks,” I mumble.
Daddy is waiting for me by the receptionist’s desk, his coat thrown over his arm. “Now, are you planning to tell me what that was all about? Or have you become the parent in this relationship?”
I smile and lean into him as we walk out the door and into the windy morning air. I was so distracted this morning, I forgot to bring my jacket.
I shiver and Daddy places his coat across my shoulders.
I take his arm and walk with him to the car. “You’ll always be my daddy, but I think it’s okay if I take care of you every now and then, too,” I say. “That’s the way it’s always been, right?”
“You got it, Jojo,” he says. “It’s always been you and me.”
And for a little while, as we drive back to our house, I’m glad there’s no diagnosis yet. There’s a part of me that knows when the news finally comes, it may be worse than either of us have suspected.
I could see it in the eyes of that doctor today.
It may be windy outside, but there is a dangerous storm brewing in my life right now, and I feel as if everything is about to start spinning out of my control.
Daddy turns up the radio, and I realize it’s Colton’s song playing. I told him about it earlier while we were waiting in the office, and he smiles at me now, singing at the top of his lungs.
I join in, letting fear take a backseat so that I can be fully present in this moment, right here, right now. Because despite how much my childish heart wants to believe that daddy’s are immortal and will be around forever, I know that no matter how intensely you love someone, there are some things love simply cannot do.
Chapter Thirty
“You sure you’re feeling okay?” I ask.
“Will you please stop hovering over me like I’m your patient?” Dad asks with a smile. “Go, have fun with your boyfriend. I promise I’ll be fine.”
“First of all, who told you he was my boyfriend?” I say. “Second of all, I’m not hovering. I’m just worried about you.”
“You’re worry-hovering,” he says. “And come on, Jo, I’m not blind. Anyone can see plain as day how the two of you feel about each other. You should go out and have a good time together. Besides, I may have a date of my own th
is evening.”
My jaw drops open. I’m not sure I heard him right. “With who?”
He shrugs and carries his plate to the kitchen.
I follow close behind. “No way, you’re not going to drop a bomb like that on me and just walk away,” I say, playfully slapping him on the shoulder. “Speak up. Who are you going out with?”
Dad turns and leans his back against the sink. “If you promise to get out of my hair for a little while this evening, I might just tell you.”
I cross my arms. Two can play at this game. “If you don’t tell me, I might have to stick around all night just to see who shows up.”
He laughs. “You are such a little stinker.”
“I learned from the best,” I say. “Tell me.”
“Kelly said she wanted to stop by to check on me is all. So I suggested we could rent a movie and pop some popcorn while she was checking on me,” he says. “She agreed.”
My hand goes to my mouth, because I know it’s hanging open again. “Are you serious? That’s great news,” I say. I throw my arms around him. “I thought I saw a little spark between the two of you last time we ran into her. I have to say, I never did understand what happened between the two of you all those years ago. I thought you were perfect for each other.”
My father’s face falls just a little and he turns back around to rinse off our plates and stick them in the dishwasher.
I watch him carefully, trying not to hover or offer to help. He’s dropped a few dishes lately, so we switched to using plastic ones for now, but I know he wants to do it himself.
“Don’t go getting ahead of yourself, Josephine,” he says. “I asked her to come watch a movie. Nothing serious. Just two friends catching up after a long time.”
“Right. Because you have no feelings for her whatsoever.”
“I didn’t say that, either.”
“I knew it.” I come up behind him and hug him tight. “I’m so happy for you, Daddy.”
When he finishes with the dishes, I can see he’s smiling from ear to ear. “I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little bit excited.”
“You little devil. You probably faked that fall last month just to go in and see her,” I say with a wink. “Pretty dramatic just to get a girl to go out with you, if you ask me.”
He laughs. “Yep, you got me. It was all an act, so see? Nothing to worry about,” he says, kissing my cheek. “So you might as well go out with that boy you swear is not your boyfriend and have a good time hanging out just as friends.”
I bite my lower lip and study him. He does seem to be feeling good tonight. I’ve been nervous to leave him alone too long after he fell, but he hasn’t had another accident like that since.
“Stop staring at me like I’m some kind of invalid,” he says. “I’m fine. Good as new.”
“If you say so,” I mumble.
“You can’t stay home with me for the rest of your life,” he says. “You finally have an opportunity to go out and spend some time with a guy you like without having to take people’s drink orders while you’re doing it. Go out. Meet some new people. When else are you going to have the chance to hang out with a famous country band?”
“Are you sure?” I ask. There’s no doubt I want to spend a night out with Colton and get to know his friends, but going to a party where there are going to be lots of people? It’s not exactly my comfort zone. I may work in a busy bar every night, but I’ve got a counter between me and everyone else. A safety net. My hands are sweaty just thinking about a house full of people I don’t know.
“I’m more than sure. I’m insisting on it,” he says. He squeezes my hand. “You’ve been cooped up in this house your whole life. It’s time to put yourself out there and make new friends. A girl your age—”
“Shouldn’t sit at home alone with her old man. I know.” He’s only been telling me this every weekend for the past five years or so.
“If you know, then prove it. Humor me for once,” he says. “Call Colton and tell him you’ll go. I promise you’ll have a great time.”
“Don’t make promises you can’t keep,” I say as I walk back to my bedroom.
I know he only pushes me because he cares about me and wants me to be happy, but he of all people should understand how hard it is for me to put myself out there. Change is difficult for me, and I’ve already stepped so far out of my comfort zone with Colton that I’m not sure how much more out there I am willing to go.
Of course, I should have thought of that before I let myself fall in love.
I fall across my bed with my arms out and sigh. I am hopeless. I really did try to protect my heart, but with Colton, I think I was a goner the second he walked into my bar. The heart simply wants what it wants, and fear never had a chance.
My cell phone rings, and I glance at the screen. My heart skips a beat at the sight of Colton’s name. Crap, what am I going to say to him? Should I go with him?
“Hey,” I say, my voice catching on the knot of nerves in my throat.
“Hey, yourself,” Colton says. “So what’s the verdict? You want to go?”
I take a deep breath. “Here’s the thing. I absolutely want to spend time with you. I want to meet your friends and be the model girlfriend, but I’m not super comfortable at parties,” I say. “I’m used to spending my nights at the bar or here at home with Dad. I feel like I’m going to be totally out of place there with a bunch of people I don’t know.”
“You know me,” he says, and I can hear the smile in his voice. “You’re not going to be out of place, Jo. I promise. And if you’re having a terrible time, we’ll leave. Deal?”
I’m nodding, but scared to say the words out loud. When did I become such a chicken-shit?
“Okay, deal,” I say finally. My heart is racing.
“Awesome. How much time do you need to get ready? Did you already eat dinner, or do you want to grab something before we head out?”
“I already ate,” I say. “We have some leftovers if you want to swing by here and eat first.”
“You know I can’t resist your cooking,” he says. “Be there in ten?”
“Sure. See you in a few.”
When I hang up, I’m out of breath like I’ve been running. Why does the thought of one simple party terrify me so much?
But I already know the answer to that. A simple party is what started that whole mess for me when I was just fifteen years old.
Logically I know this isn’t at all the same type of situation, and I’m twenty-two now for goodness sake. Colton is not just some one-night-stand who is going to toss me to the side once he’s done with me. He loves me.
Still, I’m nervous about going to a party where I hardly know anyone. What if they hate me? What if Colton thinks I’m boring and changes his mind about me?
None of these fears make sense, but that’s the thing about fear. It’s not exactly logical.
All I know is that I barely made it out alive last time I fell in love, and I’ve been so good at avoiding the possibility of that ever happening again. Now that I’ve opened myself up to someone again, I want to keep things as safe and comfortable as possible. I’m like a new kitten who’s been hiding under the bed, scared to come out for the longest time.
I may have finally stepped out into the open, but my claws are still stuck firmly to the carpet.
I sigh and sit up, staring at my closet. I guess there’s no time like the present to let go and trust that everything is somehow going to work out fine. Besides, Colton’s already on his way and my dad has a date coming over in an hour.
I change into my favorite pair of tight jeans and a simple red top. I pull my black leather jacket over it and slide into my black converse high-tops. It’s not all that different from my typical work outfit, but at least I’m wearing a little color instead of all black. That has to count for something, right?
I go to braid my hair, but decide to leave it down. I know that’s the way Colton likes it best. I brush a little bit of color
onto my cheeks and apply simple eyeliner and mascara. I’ve never been to a party with a famous country band, but if I’m going to step outside my comfort zone, I’m going to just be myself and hope that it’s enough.
The doorbell rings, and I hear my dad say Colton’s name.
I take a deep breath and chance one last look in the mirror.
What are you so afraid of?
I stick my tongue out at my own reflection and join the men I love most in this world, refusing to let my own fear hold me back any longer.
Chapter Thirty-One
Jo’s hair is down and flowing around her shoulders and down her back when she appears. No matter how much time I spend with her, her beauty always takes my breath away.
“I see you found the food,” she says with a laugh.
I have to search for my voice. “You look stunning,” I say, standing to put my plate away.
She ignores me, turning away to say goodnight to her dad. “Promise me you’ll call if you need anything or if you find you aren’t feeling well,” she says. She lifts onto her toes to kiss his cheek. “And I want you to text me when Kelly gets here, okay? Promise.”
Rob rolls his eyes and hooks his thumb toward her. “Do you see what she’s been putting me through?” he asks.
“She’s relentless,” I say.
“You got that right,” Rob says, like they are partners in crime. “I’ll text when Kelly arrives, I promise. Have fun you two.”
“Thanks, Daddy,” Jo says.
“Goodnight, Mr. Warner.”
“Oh, so it’s Rob when you’re working, but tonight it’s Mr. Warner?” he says, nodding. “This must be more serious than I thought.”
Jo groans and pulls the door closed, leaving the two of us alone on the front porch.
“Ignore him,” she says.
I laugh. “Well, I am taking his daughter out,” I say. “It’s his fatherly right to heckle.”