'How charming,' smiled Maud. 'I trust you had a good journey?'
'It was uneventful,' said the Migraani. And in more conversational tones, 'Lady Lambent, please accept my sincere apologies for our lateness . . .'
'We were having trouble with the engine of our ship,' interjected the Tuuntu. 'A trivial matter but requiring our attention.'
'Oh dear,' said Daphne sympathetically. 'Daddy's car is always breaking down too. Is it all right now?'
'Perfectly, thank you,' said the Tuuntu, bowing again. 'The noble lady honours us with her concern. I fall.'
'There was nothing wrong with our engine,' said the Migraani. 'I was altering my frock.'
'Exactly,' agreed the Tuuntu, never ceasing to smile. 'The Migraani's frock.'
There was an embarrassed silence.
'Shall we go in?' said Maud, brightly.
Mere foreigners the Venusians might be, but Lady Lambent knew her duty, and no effort had been spared in the matter of hospitality. Given the short notice, it was not possible to repeat the splendid banquet of the previous night, but it was still a very passable meal, with the same heavy silver reflecting the same glittering chandeliers and every available servant dancing attendance upon them. Even the beef was, despite her misgivings, delicious.
It was perhaps inevitable that conversation should be slow at first – there were some rather awkward longueurs during the soup – but once the wine was poured, things began to improve. Soon the ladies were happily discussing the latest fashions, while the men turned instinctively to the diplomatically inoffensive topic of field sports. This was an opportunity for Freddy to recapitulate some of his more amusing anecdotes on the subject of hunting with hounds, the others chuckling encouragingly and adding their own comments from time to time. The Tuuntu at first listened with polite attention, but having discovered that the quarry in question was not only quite small but also harmless to its pursuers, he rather rudely cut in and began to regale them with a lengthy account of stalking the krit. This, he explained, was the Venusian royal beast, an immense and terrifying amphibian, renowned for its ferocity when cornered. Many a noble hunter had met an honourable death between its jaws, and on the occasion described he had nearly fallen victim himself. Indeed, but for the brave intervention of his doughty and highborn colleagues – one of them no less a personage than a second cousin to the Queen – he would not be here to tell the tale.
Sitting between Daphne and Maud, Wilfred had little opportunity to engage the visitors directly and had largely to content himself with listening. Normally he would have felt himself in heaven to be so close to his love, but tonight he shamefully neglected her, enthralled as he was by these beings from another world. He was particularly fascinated by the Migraani, whom he quickly labelled "enigmatic." Though she would enter into a conversation readily enough when called upon to do so, she seldom initiated one, seeming to prefer quiet observation of her fellow diners, and in particular, he noticed, Daphne. With her strong features and fine figure she was undoubtedly handsome and must surely once have been beautiful, but she had lost the full flesh of youth without acquiring that of middle age, and her alabaster skin was stretched so tightly over her bones that one could see the shape of her skull. There was, he thought, something about her that suggested long suffering, bravely borne, though he was prepared to concede that this might be romantic invention on his part. She was certainly very different from her garrulous companion, who seemed determined to dominate the proceedings, even when he knew nothing of the subject under discussion. How, Wilfred wondered, did such a boastful and foppish young man come to rise so high in the service of his Queen? Influence, no doubt, or nepotism. His very existence seemed to say far more about Venusian society than what little of consequence had been revealed to them so far.
'You should tell the Tuuntu about your elephant, Mr Carstairs,' whispered Daphne, leaning towards him.
'What? Lord no, I don't think so. It hardly compares with this krit thing, does it? Besides, there were no princes in our party, and no-one got eaten.'
Daphne giggled — she had the most engaging giggle. 'Even so, you should. We have to keep our ends up, you know.'
Glancing across the table, Wilfred caught the Migraani gazing at them with her usual intensity and wondered if she had overheard. She seemed about to make some remark but fortunately the conversation had moved on, lighting, as it was sure eventually to do, on the subject of the weather.
'Do you mean to tell me you've never seen snow?' exclaimed Freddy. 'What a shame you didn't come last winter; we could have gone tobogganing.'
'Or built you a snowman,' added Maud, who now had the satisfied air of a successful hostess.
'Snow is not possible on Venus,' explained the Tuuntu. 'Our climate is uniformly hot, like your . . . what is the word? The middle part.'
'Tropics?' suggested Wilfred.
'Yes, it is a tropics. That is why we live upon the hills and mountains, where it is cooler. There you will find our great cities of stone and bronze. You would be amazed by them, for they are very beautiful.
'And below, in the valleys?' asked Charles.
'Below is only jungle and swamp; wild animals live there, and the thaalid of course.'
'Goodness, all these strange names!' exclaimed Daphne. 'My head is spinning with them.'
'The noble lady is too modest,' said the envoy, bowing to her. 'I am sure she would learn them in the shortest time.'
'What is a thaalid, Your Excellency?' asked Wilfred.
'A thaal,' corrected the Tuuntu. 'The suffix denotes the plural in Venusian. They are an intelligent sort of animal. If caught young enough or raised in captivity they can be trained as servants. They are not interesting.'
'An animal that is a servant!' enthused Maud. 'How very useful. One need not pay them and they would never complain or demand time off.'
'Or strike,' added Freddy, recalling recent events.
'On Venus, all boring and repetitive work is done by them,' said the Migraani. 'Humans do not labour; it is considered undignified.'
'What, never?' asked Freddy.
'Never.'
'But what about the lower classes?' frowned Charles. 'Surely such idleness breeds disorder?'
'There are no lower classes on Venus,' said the Tuuntu. 'You must understand that ours is a far more advanced society than your own; such things as human servants are in our forgotten past, if they ever existed.'
'What are they like, these thaalid?' asked Freddy. 'I'll bet they're not as pretty as Agnes here.'
The Tuuntu turned and gazed with sudden interest at Daphne's little maid, who immediately turned bright pink. 'No, they are not pretty at all,' he said. Adding gallantly, 'On Venus, this young woman would have servants of her own, and, I am sure, a coterie of admirers.'
'Sounds all right, eh, Agnes?' chuckled Freddy delightedly. 'A lady of leisure, surrounded by beaux!'
'Gentlemen please!' cried Maud. 'You'll turn the child's head.'
'Your Agnes is certainly prettier than a thaal,' agreed the Migraani, 'but she does not have twelve fingers. Our servants are tireless and wonderfully dextrous. The fabric of this dress was woven by them. Observe its fineness. What human could do that?'
'Twelve fingers eh?' said Freddy. 'And no doubt twelve toes as well.'
The men exchanged glances.
'Do you have any of these creatures on your ship, by any chance?' asked Charles.
'Yes, we have one. Why?'
'Then I believe you owe me an apology, darling,' said Daphne sweetly, and everyone laughed.
The Tuuntu looked from one to the other. 'I do not understand.'
'My fiancée received a visit from your servant, last night,' said Charles. 'I might as well confess that I didn't believe her at the time.'
'That is not possible,' said the Tuuntu.
'We both saw him, though only fleetingly in my case. Miss Lambent was quite shocked.'
'You cannot have done; it is impossible.'
'I as
sure you we did. There can be no mistake.'
The Tuuntu looked almost comically discomfitted. 'Then, I do not know what to say,' he spluttered. 'For such presumption he shall be punished, I promise you.'
'Oh no, goodness me, you mustn't do that. I should be mortified,' protested Daphne. 'He only came and knelt in front of me. I suppose it was rather charming. I was just a little frightened, that's all; it was so sudden and I didn't know what he was or where he'd come from.'
'He frightened the noble lady?' cried the Tuuntu, jumping to his feet. 'This is intolerable! He shall die by my own hand.'
'You really mustn't concern yourself, Your Excellency,' said Maud calmly. 'My daughter is quite recovered and there is no harm done.'
'No, really, it was nothing,' agreed Daphne. 'I'm simply relieved that I didn't imagine him. You mustn't kill him. That would be too awful.'
'Then he shall be spared,' said the Tuuntu. 'And my own life shall be forfeit.'
'No! I mean, good heavens, I don't want anyone punished. It was nothing, really!'
'As the noble lady wishes,' said the Tuuntu, reluctantly resuming his seat. 'From henceforth I am your slave. I kneel and lick your feet. My tongue shall feel their softness, which is like brrynth.'
'Goodness!' said Daphne, a hand to her breast.
After a few minutes, in which nothing could be heard but the scraping of plates, it was the Migraani who came to the rescue. 'This Burgundy is very pleasant, Lady Lambent. I dearly love a fine wine.'
'It is rather splendid, isn't it?' agreed Maud, eagerly, 'Our butler is an excellent cellarman. I can discover the vintage for you if you are interested; you might like to take some home with you.'
'That would be wonderful. Thank you. Isn't that kind of Her Ladyship, Tuuntu?'
'Thank you, I grovel,' said the Tuuntu, still looking thoroughly ill at ease. It was clear that he felt some terrible breach of protocol had occurred, though the Migraani seemed remarkably unconcerned.
'We cannot grow grapes ourselves, you see,' she explained. 'Our climate is too moist.'
'I agree your wine is excellent,' said the Tuuntu, rather sourly. 'But we can grow many other wonderful things. Fruits that would amaze and delight you. The graafo and taanal and the rare and elusive pijtaal which I gave the noble lady. What has become of it?'
'I asked Cook to prepare it as a tart,' said Maud. 'It will be along shortly.'
'You will be astounded, I promise you,' said the Tuuntu. 'It is like nothing you can imagine.'
This man is a study, thought Wilfred. One moment he is threatening to kill himself and the next he is bragging about Venusian horticulture. At the same time it occurred to him that the meal had almost ended and although they had learned some interesting things about their sister-planet they had gained not the least insight into the reason for the Venusians' visit. It seemed that this had occurred to his uncle also, for he now said something which Wilfred – who was, after all, a civil servant – would never have dared.
'You must tell me if I'm speaking out of turn, Your Excellency,' said Freddy. 'But I can't help wondering how you learned your excellent English. 'Are we to assume that you are regular visitors to our planet?'
The Tuuntu hesitated for a moment. 'We have neither of us been here before,' he said. 'The Court language is English. Everyone of consequence speaks it.'
'The Venusian Court speaks English!' blurted Wilfred, quite unable to stop himself. 'How on earth did that come about?'
But it was clear from the Tuuntu's expression that he felt he had said too much. With uncharacteristic humility he turned for help, first to the Migraani, who this time only raised a sardonic eyebrow, and then, almost pleadingly, to his host. The Professor, who had said nothing whatever during the meal, appeared to be deep in some bitter reverie, but with all eyes now upon him he at last looked up.
'Er, I'm sorry,' he said. 'Have I missed something?' But at that moment there was some activity at the door and Masters stepped forward carrying a very large dish.
'Ah, the pudding,' said Maud, with evident relief.
'Why, what a wonderful idea!' declared the Migraani, as a space was cleared for it. 'I should never have thought of preparing it in such a manner.'
'Then how, may I ask, is it done?'
'Usually it is eaten raw. Most people are too eager to get it into their mouths to bother with cooking it.'
'The noble lady must taste it first,' instructed the Tuuntu, smiling benignly at Daphne. 'Now you will know a true pleasure of Venus.'
'Of course,' said Maud. 'Masters, a nice big slice for Miss Daphne.'
As soon as the crust was breached, a wondrous smell arose, quite impossible to describe but setting all mouths watering. Everyone gazed expectantly at Daphne as Masters placed the neatly cut slice on her plate. Everyone, that is, but the Professor who had returned to his doleful musings and might as well have been on Venus himself for all the difference it would have made.
'Mmm, this is delicious,' said Daphne, having diffidently tried a corner. 'It's . . . goodness, what a strange feeling it engenders! It's really quite . . . singular. Masters, I should like some more please.'
Chapter 5
With a sharp crack of wood on wood, Charles put his red ball neatly through the twelfth hoop. Freddy's blue lay just beyond and he roqueted that as well before knocking it into a thoroughly awkward position near the starting stake.
'Prendergast, you're a rotter,' declared Freddy. 'I haven't a chance now. Wilfred, see what you can do to stop this fellow, will you? He's wiping the floor with us.'
Wilfred wasn't listening. He was leaning on his mallet and dreamily watching the bees working among the lavender. He would have preferred to spend the afternoon polishing a sonnet he'd written but not wanting to appear unsporting had readily enough agreed to a game or two of croquet before tea. It was certainly very pleasant here in the sunshine, with Hathercombe's famous cedars casting lengthening shadows over the perfectly manicured lawn and the ivy-clad gables of the house rising nearby. It was the sort of quintessentially English scene he'd often dreamed of when in Africa. All that was needed to make it perfect was the presence of his love, but she, alas, was not at home. It had been deemed necessary to provide entertainment for the Migraani, and after some debate as to what to do with her, the consensus had been that Daphne should take her shopping. Charles had magnanimously offered the Hispano and soon after breakfast the two women had set off for Bournemouth. Meanwhile, the Tuuntu and the Professor remained closeted in the latter's study, not even emerging for lunch. The French window through which the Venusians' servant had so recently entered was only a few yards away and occasionally one could hear voices or see a shadowy figure pacing back and forth within.
'I say, wake up Carstairs,' complained Charles. 'It's your turn.'
'Sorry,' said Wilfred. 'Wool gathering, I'm afraid.'
'I'm finding it hard to concentrate myself,' said Freddy sympathetically. 'It seems scarcely credible that at this very moment our estimable host is engaged in secret negotiations with none other than an emissary of the Queen of Venus. It's as much as I can do to restrain myself from eavesdropping.'
'And what a thoroughly unpleasant little fashion-plate the man is,' snorted Charles. 'Were it not for his all-too-obvious interest in the ladies, I'd have put him down as some sort of filthy invert. As for taking his coat off during pudding — why, I could scarcely believe what I was seeing!'
'He's hard to admire, I grant you,' said Freddy, winking covertly at Wilfred, 'but standards in table manners do vary you know, even in our own world. Why, the starchiest of Americans will use his fork as a spoon without the least embarrassment, while your Arab breaks wind by way of compliment, your Indian eats with his fingers and your Polynesian eats his guests. If such offences against civilised behaviour can occur here on Earth, what might not a Venusian do?'
I cannot imagine. That was quite enough for me.'
'I regret to say, I can't remember much after the arrival of that extraordinary t
art,' said Wilfred. 'And what I can, I'd rather not.'
'My own experience exactly,' agreed Freddy. 'I will candidly admit to a voice like a nightingpig, yet my only firm recollection is of singing a particularly bawdy song from my army days, with everyone wholeheartedly joining in the chorus — even Maudy! I rather think I must have dreamt that last detail, don't you? Curiously, I awoke as fresh as a daisy, when one might have expected to suffer for one's sins.'
'It's quite outrageous that we weren't warned,' grumbled Charles. 'He might at least have waited until the ladies had retired before allowing us to make fools of ourselves. And in front of the servants too!'
'Yes, the latter was unfortunate, I'll grant you,' agreed Freddy. 'I suppose we must be thankful that none of that queer confection was left over for their supper, for who knows what effect it might have had on those of a weaker moral disposition?' He sighed and shook his head as Wilfred dismally failed to roquet Charles's black, even though the ball in question was scarcely a yard from his own. 'By golly Prendergast, as far as I can see we might as well admit defeat here and now.'
'I should have liked to give you a chance to even matters,' said Charles complacently, 'but here are the ladies, back again.'
'Why, what's this!' cried Freddy, turning to look at them. 'I thought for a moment I was seeing double.'
It appeared that the expedition had been a success, for the two women were now wearing identical and highly fashionable ensembles, complete with new hats and shoes. Such was the transformation in the Migraani that it would have been easy to believe she had just arrived from town, rather than having flown several million miles from a distant planet.
'Hullo darling,' said Daphne, giving Charles a peck on the cheek. 'What do you think of us? Will we do?'
'You are both impossibly lovely,' said Charles. 'Aren't they gentlemen?'
'They'd stop the traffic in Oxford Street,' agreed Freddy. 'How did you like Prendergast's flivver, Migraani?'
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