Furiously Happy

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Furiously Happy Page 27

by Jenny Lawson


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  Contents

  Title Page

  Copyright Notice

  Dedication

  Advance Praise

  Epigraph

  A Series of Unfortunate Disclaimers

  Note from the Author

  Furiously Happy. Dangerously Sad.

  I’ve Found a Kindred Soul and He Has a Very Healthy Coat

  My Phone Is More Fun to Hang Out with Than Me

  I Have a Sleep Disorder and It’s Probably Going to Kill Me or Someone Else

  How Many Carbs Are in a Foot?

  Pretend You’re Good at It

  George Washington’s Dildo

  I’m Not Psychotic. I Just Need to Get in Front of You in Line.

  Why Would I Want to Do More When I’m Already Doing So Well at Nothing?

  What I Say to My Shrink vs. What I Mean

  LOOK AT THIS GIRAFFE

  The Fear

  Skinterventions and Bangtox

  It’s Like Your Pants Are Bragging at Me

  Nice Bass

  It’s Hard to Tell Which of Us Is Mentally Ill

  I Left My Heart in San Francisco. (But Replace “San Francisco” with “Near the Lemur House” and Replace “Heart” with a Sad Question Mark.)

  Stock Up on Snow Globes. The Zombie Apocalypse Is Coming.

  Appendix: An Interview with the Author

  I’m Turning into a Zombie One Organ at a Time

  Cats Are Selfish Yawners and They’re Totally Getting Away with It

  Koalas Are Full of Chlamydia

  Voodoo Vagina

  The World Needs to Go on a Diet. Literally.

  Crazy Like a Reverse Fox

  An Essay on Parsley, Wasabi, Cream Cheese, and Soup

  And Then I Got Three Dead Cats in the Mail

  Things I May Have Accidentally Said During Uncomfortable Silences

  My Skeleton Is Potaterrific

  It’s Called “Catouflage”

  We’re Better Than Galileo. Because He’s Dead.

  Things My Father Taught Me

  I’m Going to Die. Eventually.

  And This Is Why I Prefer to Cut My Own Hair

  It’s All in How You Look at It (The Book of Nelda)

  Well at Least Your Nipples Are Covered

  Death by Swans Is Not as Glamorous as You’d Expect

  The Big Quiz

  Cat Lamination

  That Baby Was Delicious

  These Cookies Know Nothing of My Work

  It Might Be Easier. But It Wouldn’t Be Better.

  Epilogue: Deep in the Trenches

  Notes

  Acknowledgments

  About the Author

  Also by Jenny Lawson

  Copyright

  FURIOUSLY HAPPY. Copyright © 2015 by Jenny Lawson. All rights reserved. For information, address Flatiron Books, 175 Fifth Avenue, New York, N.Y. 10010.

  www.flatironbooks.com

  Cover design by Philip Pascuzzo

  Cover photography by Maile Wilson

  Cover confetti © Silviya Skachkova/Shutterstock

  All photos courtesy of the author unless otherwise indicated.

  The Library of Congress has cataloged the print edition as follows:

  Lawson, Jenny, 1979–

  Furiously happy: a funny book about horrible things / Jenny Lawson.

  pages cm

  ISBN 978-1-250-07700-4 (hardcover)

  ISBN 978-1-250-07701-1 (e-book)

  1. Lawson, Jenny, 1979– 2. Journalists—United States—Biography. 3. Humorists, American—21st century—Biography. 4. Mental illness—Humor. I. Title.

  PN4874.L285A3 2015

  070.92—dc23

  2015022196

  e-ISBN 9781250077011

  Our e-books may be purchased in bulk for promotional, educational, or business use. Please contact the Macmillan Corporate and Premium Sales Department at (800) 221-7945, extension 5442, or by e-mail at [email protected].

  First Edition: September 2015

 

 

 


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