“Do it yourself.”
Rafe smiled grimly. He had been expecting that one.
His dark gaze dropped to the brass door handle. He was tempted to use his power to open it but she would only fear him more if he did that. He placed her clothes down on the doormat.
“Have it your way.” Rafe stepped away from the door. “Just tell me one thing.”
“What?”
He frowned at the door, his heart aching over the thought that she didn’t trust him and that he would never see her again. If he finished this mission, their time together was over. Maybe it was better that way. Maybe it would hurt like Hell and he would spend eternity with a hole in his chest where his heart used to be.
“Did they get the bastard that did that to you?” The venom in his tone surprised him. He had tried to keep his fury out of his voice, his lust for vengeance and desire to track down the vampire to tear him to pieces, but the force of the emotion was too strong to contain.
Silence.
“Yes.”
Rafe smiled a thin-lipped smirk of satisfaction. He only hoped they had butchered the vampire for it.
The smile fell from his face.
What right did he have to hope such a thing?
Shannon was right. He was a monster. He was no better than the vampire who had hurt her. He had attacked people and fed off their struggle and fear. He had killed them without a moment’s regret. He had no right to wish vengeance on another vampire who had done the same.
No. He had atoned for his sins against mankind. He protected them now and had saved more lives than he had ever taken. Maybe he had been a monster once, but he had changed. He was a man now, or as close to one as he could be, and he needed her to see that.
But she never would.
He turned on his heel and walked down the porch steps. When he reached the path, he swept his long black coat back and jammed his hands into his jeans pockets. He tilted his head back and looked up at the starlit expanse of winter sky.
He wished she would.
He wanted to be a man for her.
Her man.
Yellow light streamed out of her house, throwing his shadow out long until it reached the bottom of the garden path in front of him.
He halted and waited. She had only opened the door to retrieve her clothes. He told that to himself over and over, filling the expectant silence, dampening the anticipation swirling inside him.
“Rafe?” Her voice was soft, his name spoken with trepidation. He kept his back to her, giving her time to find her courage and to say whatever it was that she needed to. Her steps on the porch were loud in the silence of his mind. She wasn’t barefoot. “I... I don’t think you’re a monster.”
Rafe closed his eyes and dipped his chin, breathing slowly to steady himself. Warmth chased through him, easing away his anger and the chill that had settled in his heart.
The light disappeared, leaving him in darkness again, and he sighed at the soft click of the door. It was a start, he supposed, but not quite what he had wanted. Perhaps he could come back later, after completing the mission, and try to speak with her again. He looked over his shoulder at the house and frowned.
Shannon stood on the porch, wearing her black coat. She walked down the three steps and stopped at the bottom of them. The moon shone on her hair and Rafe fancied the golden glow was the halo she deserved for being able to look at him after what had happened to her.
“We have a demon to hunt, right?” Her voice shook but she managed to hold his gaze, and even tilted her chin up.
He loved it when she put on her best poker face. It could fool humans and some demons, but not him, and not because he was a vampire. He could see in her eyes even from where he was standing that she was nervous about coming out with him again, worried that he would try to make her talk. He wouldn’t push her. He would do what he had always done with her. He would wait for her to talk to him. When she was ready, she would tell him why she had joined the agency and what had happened to the vampire who had attacked her.
“Get moving then.” Rafe turned back and walked down to the pavement lining the quiet road. He waited there for her to catch up. When she reached him, he started down the street, heading towards the town centre.
Christmas lights and decorations illuminated their path. Festive music drifted out of houses and distant laughter rose above it. Rafe kept his hands in his pockets and glanced at Shannon. She tied her hair up, twisting it in an elaborate but messy knot at the back of her head, and then checked her pockets and muttered something about being missing a stake.
Rafe reached into his coat and pulled out one of the two he kept there and offered it to her. She looked at it and then up at him.
“Thanks,” Shannon said and placed her hand over the stake. Her fingers brushed his, warm and teasing, and he savoured the brief contact between them, even though it only left him wanting more. She slipped the stake into the back pocket of her dark jeans.
The silence was oppressive.
Rafe took to humming along with whatever Christmas song was playing in each house they passed. It seemed he remembered about that aspect of the season too, although he couldn’t recall their names.
“Last night... when I said about not celebrating Christmas.”
Rafe made sure that he didn’t make any sharp movements that would distract her. He kept pace with her, still humming softly so she wouldn’t feel as though he was suddenly paying too much attention to her. He didn’t want her to bolt again.
“I used to love it.”
His dark gaze slid to her. She frowned at the pavement and heaved a sigh.
“Now you hate it,” he offered when she didn’t look as though she was going to continue.
She nodded.
“You do not have to talk about it.” He stopped on the street and she turned to face him. Tears sparkled on her lashes.
“No... I do need to. You were right, Rafe. We’ve worked together for two years, and... I know you better than I know most people at the agency... and they know about me... and you don’t. I don’t know why I never told you.”
“Yes, you do.” Rafe went to touch her cheek and then dropped his hand back to his side. She looked so small and afraid. He wanted to comfort her and tell her that he didn’t care that she hadn’t told him because she was willing to do so now, and that made up for everything. He tripped on the words, fearing they would push her away when she was so close to him, and he could almost reach out and touch her. She just needed to break through whatever barrier she had placed between them and she would finally be his. “And I understand why... a vampire hurt you and you don’t trust my kind because of it. You think I will hurt you too, but I won’t, Shannon. You know my history but you know me too, and do you honestly believe that I would do such a thing to you?”
Her gaze darted to his chest and then met his again, stronger this time, full of conviction and resolve. She shook her head. His breath left him in a sigh of relief. He believed her. It was all there in her eyes for him to read. She did trust him. She knew that he wouldn’t hurt her.
“He attacked you at Christmas, didn’t he?”
Shannon nodded and pain surfaced in her eyes but this time she didn’t look away. She held his gaze and he could feel the strength in her. She was facing whatever her fears were and she wasn’t going to bolt this time. Her fists clenched and she moved closer to him, until she was within easy reach. She had never placed herself within his grasp before. She had always been just beyond arm’s length, a distance at which she probably believed that she could escape him. If he wanted to capture her, he could easily do it, regardless of how near or far she was.
He appreciated the gesture though. It showed her faith in him better than anything she could have said.
“Just you?” he said and she did look away this time, staring distantly at the nearest house, her eyes fixed on the Santa and reindeer on the frosty lawn.
“My family first.” There was no tremble or emotion in
her voice. She frowned. “He butchered my little brother and my parents, and then he came after me. I screamed and screamed. Police came then. I remember the lights clearly. It was the day after Christmas and I spent until the end of January recovering in a hospital psychiatric ward, suffering nightmarish visions of my family’s deaths and someone attacking me.”
The vampire must have failed to correctly wipe her memory of the incident. Was Shannon only alive because the police had disturbed them? The vampire had killed her family, but not her. That thought had plagued him all day but now he knew what had happened it all made sense. The police had come and the vampire had rushed the job and fled to protect himself. He had probably thought she would die of blood loss before she remembered anything.
“Shannon,” Rafe whispered and reached out to her.
“Not yet,” she said and he paused with his hand almost touching her shoulder. “Wait...”
Rafe didn’t think he could wait. He wanted to wrap her in his arms and hold her close to him. He wanted to vow to always protect her and that he would never allow another vampire near her. He needed to keep her safe.
“The agency came to the hospital. When they told me why I was there, and that the nightmares I’d been having were fragments of my memories of that night, I couldn’t believe it. I thought I had gone crazy and deserved to be there. They explained everything and offered to train me and protect me, and said I could hunt the vampire who had hurt me and killed my family. I agreed. It took me seven years to find him. I was partnered with another man at the time, in New York. I killed him, Rafe, and it frightened me.”
“Why?” Rafe took a step closer to her, moving around her so he could see her face. Tears rolled down her cheeks and she turned her head and looked right into his eyes.
“Because I liked it.” She bit her lip and it trembled. “Does that make me a monster too?”
“No, Shannon.” He swept his hand over her hair and furrowed his eyebrows. “It makes you human. You avenged your family. That was why you felt the way you did. Because you knew they could rest in peace at last.”
“Hold me.”
Rafe nodded and opened his arms to her. She came to him, nestling close, her hands pressing into his chest. He wrapped his arms carefully around her and she turned her head, rested her cheek against his chest, and slid her arms around him beneath his coat. She sobbed and he tightened his grip on her, one hand against her side and the other on the nape of her neck.
He was glad that she had been the one to kill the vampire who had attacked her and murdered her family. She thought it made her a monster to have felt anything positive on completing her vengeance. Had she felt that way ever since she had killed him? Hadn’t she spoken to anyone about it? He breathed in her soft fragrance and held her close to him, nestled safe in his arms. Her sobbing subsided and her grip on him loosened. Was it over already? He didn’t want to have to relinquish his hold on her. He wanted to keep her in his arms.
“That’s why I don’t celebrate Christmas,” she said, as though she thought he hadn’t already figured that out for himself.
He frowned at the garden in front of him, thinking about their time together. “You did not have a tree last year.”
She shook her head.
“Have you ever had a tree since you joined the agency?”
Another shake.
“But you have one this year.”
She drew back and looked at him. “It felt right to have one this year. I don’t know why.”
Rafe knew why. She was moving on and finding her feet again.
“How long ago did you join the agency?”
Shannon stepped back and he let go of her. His gaze traced her profile when she tilted her head back and stared at the stars. A small frown creased her brow.
“I was twenty three. I moved straight here after my assignment finished in New York.” A smile graced her lips. “If you’re trying to figure out my age, it’s thirty two. I met you just after I had... you know... the agency said I needed a change of pace, and that they had the perfect partner for me.”
“Me.”
What had the agency been thinking by sending her to work with a vampire straight after she had defeated the one who had killed her family? Had they thought it would help her get over it and her feelings against vampires, or had they been hoping she would stake him too?
“You look worried.” She turned her frown on him and he shook his head. He wasn’t worried anymore. He had been at the start but now that he knew why she had been so prickly back then, he could understand her attitude. He was just glad that she hadn’t staked him before she had come to know him and see that not all vampires were created equal, although all had a weakness for hunting and the taste of the kill. “When did the agency rope you into working with them?”
Rafe had assumed that she had asked the agency that. She knew about his history, so he was surprised that she didn’t know all about him.
“A little while ago.” He started walking again, leading her towards the centre of town and doing his best to act casual. He wasn’t going to leap to conclusions about what her need for comfort from him meant. He was going to leave the next move up to her. She had the most to risk after all.
“How many years fit into a little while?”
A smile tugged at his lips. “Around ninety.”
She pushed his arm. “No.”
He raised a dark eyebrow in her direction. “I assure you, if you had been with the agency for ninety years, you would remember every one of them too... even when you wished you didn’t.”
She ran her gaze over him, long and slow, stirring a desire in him to know what she thought when she did that.
“So how old are you? I didn’t think you were over fifty, excluding human years.”
“I am only around one hundred and twenty.” He glanced at her to see her reaction. Her eyebrows rose, widening her green eyes, and she made a small noise of surprise. “I am still young.”
“Why don’t you just leave?”
“Pardon?”
“The agency? What’s keeping you there? You could leave.”
Rafe tracked a small pale fluffy patch of cloud as it scudded across the moon. “I thought about it once. They have a tracking device planted in me somewhere. They put it in me before they released me out into the world as an agent. They do it to all of us demons. It wouldn’t do to let us go roaming around without keeping an eye on us.”
“Released you?” Shannon stopped.
He turned to face her. “I had to be reformed before I could be trusted. They did their best. Starvation. Torture. Shackles. You name it, they gave it a shot.”
“That’s not reformation.” She frowned at him as though he was the agency. If she wanted to direct the anger he could feel in her at the agency, she was welcome to do so. He had pointed his rage at them and unleashed Hell several times and it had gotten him absolutely nowhere.
Except here.
The last time he had threatened to slit their throats in the night, they had assigned him to work with Shannon. That time, it had gotten him somewhere, and he was thankful for it. That time, their attempt to reform him had actually worked.
“You don’t kill anyone anymore and they released you so you could work for them, so something they did must have had an effect.” She stepped closer to him and her face became lost in his shadow. He moved slightly so the moon bathed her in pale light again. His angel.
“I got bored of fighting them and thought that if they released me, I could escape their mundane torture. I behaved for a while and they decided I could be an agent. My plan backfired and I cannot find the tracking device to remove it.”
“That’s the only reason you’re still working for the agency?”
“No.” Rafe didn’t mean it to come out so short but it did. She looked confused and he started walking again, brisker now. She followed him, keeping pace with her gaze constantly fixed on his face. He could feel her scrutinising him, and could almost hear
the gears in her brain hitting overdrive as she tried to figure out what had changed him into the model agent he was tonight.
“Something they did must have worked. You’re still here, and you’re the only demon on the force who takes his work seriously.”
Rafe stopped at the entrance to the cemetery. “I have to.”
“Why?”
He stared at the curved metalwork sign over the gate and the moon beyond. Did he really want to finally put a voice to the words he had so often stumbled on? If he said them now, would they scare her away, or would she welcome them? Things had changed between them these past two nights, but had they changed enough that she could accept his feelings for her?
He swallowed, dragged his courage up, and closed his eyes so he didn’t have to see the horror in her eyes when he spoke.
“To protect you.”
Those three simple words were some of the hardest he had ever said. They lay between them in the night, as open as his heart was to hers, full of honesty and his feelings for her, laid bare like his soul for her to accept or throw aside.
“I don’t understand.”
Rafe slowly opened his eyes and looked down into hers. He reached out and stroked her cheek, and smiled softly when she didn’t smack his hand away.
“The agency did not change me, Shannon. You did.” He cupped her cheek and held it, keeping her eyes on his. “From the moment I met you, I knew that I had to protect you, even if it was from myself. I stayed in this godforsaken town because of you, gave up trying to leave the agency and did everything I could to improve what skills I already had. Just so I could protect you. You are my redemption.”
He expected her to pull away but she didn’t. She hesitated and then placed her hand over his where it rested against her cheek. The feel of her touching him, holding his hand against her face, was almost too much to bear, but it was the affection in her green eyes that threatened to overwhelm him.
Vampire for Christmas Page 5