by G. R. Lyons
More space than he wanted. Especially for just himself.
Adrian turned onto his side and drew up his knees, hugging himself. Gods, he missed Zac so damned much. Why did he have to go and say the things he did?
Shaking his head, Adrian curled up tighter, only to wince at the ache when his scarred thighs pressed together in just the wrong way. Adrian loosened his body and slowly climbed off the bed, checking his wrists first and then unbuttoning his pants and lowering them to his knees so he could see his legs. Nothing looked likely to tear back open, thank gods. Everything seemed to be healing well, though he'd carry those scars for the rest of his life, along with all the others that crisscrossed his skin from years past.
To think he'd been stupid enough to cut so much and so deep that he'd almost died.
Adrian gave his head a firm shake as he pulled his pants back up. Never again. He'd thrown out his razor, making sure it was long gone and out of his reach for good. He was determined never to cut himself again, no matter what happened. Gods damn it all, he was going to live.
And he had Zac to thank for that. Zac, who had helped him flee from his father, who had taken care of him when he had nothing, who had coaxed him through his panicked episodes, and who had ultimately saved his life. Even if Zac had betrayed him, Adrian still owed him so much.
Taking a deep breath, Adrian straightened. Time to get moving again, and get things finished for the day. He still had so much to do, and he knew he wouldn't rest properly until Zac was taken care of.
With perfect timing, the suite's phone rang, the front desk clerk calling to tell him his car had arrived. Adrian thanked the man and hung up, only to immediately pocket his wallet and room key and head out the door. He got into the car, gave the driver Zac's address, and sat in silence, idly watching the streets roll by as they headed across town.
Leaving the car to wait for him just down the street, Adrian walked into Zac's building and headed toward the familiar apartment. He paused in front of Zac's door, bracing himself. He had no idea if Zac was even home, but he wanted to be prepared.
Adrian was just about to slip his key into the lock when he heard voices inside.
He stepped back out of the way as the door opened, and he found Zac just heading out, tucking his wallet into his pocket, while his bandmates—not the ones from Treble, but the other ones, the cruel ones—followed right behind him.
Adrian quickly tucked his key out of sight.
“Dude,” one of the bandmates sneered, “what's the fag doing here?”
Zac fidgeted. “Um, no idea.” He blushed slightly and looked away.
Adrian opened his mouth to say something, then decided against it. He turned and walked away, thinking he'd just hide around the corner until Zac and his bandmates were out of sight, then go back in.
He found a shadowy alcove outside and waited as the three men headed to their cars to go to graduation, Zac telling the others that he'd see them after he went to dinner with his family.
“Dude, please tell me your guitar will be fixed in time for the show,” he heard one say.
Adrian frowned. What?
He peeked out at the punk trio standing on the sidewalk. Zac seemed to hesitate a moment before he answered, “I'm sure it'll be ready tomorrow.”
“Better be,” the other said, and they swapped fist-bumps before getting into a car, leaving Zac standing there alone. Zac watched them go and let out a sigh.
A sickening feeling washed over Adrian as he stepped out of the alcove and crept up closer to where Zac was standing.
“Zac,” he said slowly, and Zac turned to face him without looking up, “where is your guitar?”
Zac shrugged. “Doesn't matter.”
Adrian stepped closer. “I haven't seen it for days,” he realized aloud.
Zac shrugged again.
“Zac,” Adrian said, his voice automatically dropping into a low, commanding tone. He dreaded what he might hear, but he needed an answer, gods damn it all.
Zac's eyes flicked up to Adrian's face before dropping to the pavement again. “I pawned it,” he whispered.
Adrian froze, a chill running through his body, and he had to take a moment before he could ask, “Why?”
But he already knew the answer.
“Had to get money somewhere,” Zac mumbled.
“Zac–”
“I couldn't just not pay the hospital, Ade.”
Adrian stared at Zac, who was still staring at the ground. Zac had given up his guitar for him? Was the man out of his gods-damned mind?
“Why?” he gasped.
Zac slowly looked up and managed to hold Adrian's gaze, a world of pain crossing his features. “Because I lo–,” he whispered, cutting off abruptly. He gave a tiny shrug. “I just had to.”
Adrian waited, but Zac didn't say anything more. Letting out a sigh, Adrian slowly shook his head, then turned and walked past Zac without a word. He went into the building, let himself into Zac's apartment, and slowly shut the door.
Guilt tore through him. Gods, he owed Zac so much. Zac had given him shelter, food, a place to call home after his father had cast him out. He'd given him some semblance of control when his entire world was spiraling apart.
It was one thing to owe Zac more money. But for Zac to give up his passion, his dream, for Adrian's sake?
That was a debt Adrian couldn't live with.
Now he owed Zac way too much.
Especially after Zac had saved his life.
A soft tap sounded at the door.
“Ade?”
Adrian squeezed his eyes shut, and didn't answer.
“Just…tell me you're alright,” Zac pleaded.
Shit. Of course Zac would think the worst after what Adrian had done.
He cleared his throat and said, “Yeah. I'm fine.”
“Alright.” He heard Zac move away, then come right back. “I'm…uh…I've got graduation and then dinner with my family, but I'll be back later.”
“Alright.”
A long silence followed, until Zac said, “Ade, I–”
Adrian listened, but nothing more came. He opened the door and peeked down the hallway, but there was no sign of the man. Sighing, he shut the door again and turned around, taking in the silence of the place.
He had to get out of there as soon as possible.
But he had to pay his debts first.
Adrian quickly packed up his clothes and toiletries, going over every inch of the apartment to make sure he hadn't forgotten anything. It took two trips to get everything out to the car. Once all his belongings were stowed in the trunk, he told the driver to find the nearest pawn shop rather than going straight back to the hotel.
The driver complied without question, and pulled up to a storefront a few minutes later. Adrian went inside and looked around. Plenty of musical instruments on display, but none of them looked like Zac's guitar.
Shit. Had someone already bought it?
“Can I help you?” a man asked.
Adrian took a deep breath to steady himself. “I'm looking for a guitar my friend brought in.”
The man gestured at an array of instruments on display at the side of the room. “These are all the guitars we have at the moment–”
“It's not here,” Adrian insisted.
“Well, I haven't sold any guitars in the past couple weeks. You're sure your friend brought it here?”
Adrian eyed the man. He was hiding something, but he couldn't figure out what. He nodded, even though he wasn't sure, and told the man, “He has really long, dark hair. Kinda goth looking type.”
The man's eyes flashed. “Oh. That one.” He put on a sleazy smile. “Yeah, I've got that one back here. It's pretty rare, so it's pricey.”
Adrian frowned, figuring the man was playing him, but what the hells did he know? He'd never done anything like this before. Still, the man went behind the counter and produced the guitar, holding it out of Adrian's reach.
“How much?” Adrian aske
d. He had no idea what Zac had sold it for, so he'd have no room for negotiation, but Adrian didn't care. He was buying that guitar.
The man paused, seeming to consider as he looked over the instrument. “Five thousand.”
Adrian whipped out his new bank card. “I'll take it.”
The man frowned. “Just like that?”
Adrian gave a sharp nod, pushing his card farther across the counter. The man stared at him with wide eyes, then snatched up the card and processed the transaction in a hurry, as though afraid Adrian might change his mind. Adrian collected his card and receipt while the man reverently laid the instrument back in its case and handed it over.
“Thank you,” Adrian muttered, clutching the case to his chest as he walked out the door.
The driver helped him wrestle the case into the car, then climbed in. “Where to, sir?”
“Back to the apartment, please.”
The driver gave a nod, and off they went. Adrian lugged the guitar down the hall to Zac's apartment and let himself in. The place was still eerily silent. He rested the guitar on the couch, then gave the apartment one more pass, just in case there was anything he'd forgotten. Once he was satisfied, he stopped in the middle of the living room and stood there for a long while, looking around, taking in the spaces he'd shared with Zac for a few short months.
Gods, he was going to miss this place.
But he couldn't stay. Adrian left one more gift for Zac, resting it on top of the guitar case, along with his apartment key, then let himself out, flipping the lock so the door would be secure after he left.
He walked away without looking back, knowing he'd just want to run back in there and stay, but not be able to get in. The driver was still at his disposal, and there were still a few business hours left in the day, so Adrian made one more stop before heading back to the hotel.
Adrian paid and tipped the driver, hauled all of his things to his suite, called room service for dinner, and collapsed onto the bed again, needing a moment just to breathe after all the activity of the day. His things weren't put away properly yet, but for the moment, it didn't bother him as much as it might have. Zac and his family were taken care of. That was all that mattered. Finally, Adrian felt like he could breathe, the weight of debt lifted off his shoulders.
Of course, that only left room for heartache to come rushing back in. Adrian pushed it aside and got up, mechanically putting his things away, organizing his clothes and getting everything laid out in their proper places, giving him a sense of order and control.
Just like Zac had done for him, when they'd first organized his clothes into Zac's closet.
Adrian squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head. Gods, Zac had taken such good care of him, and Adrian had thrown it all back in his face with a bunch of cruel, shouted words that had sent Zac running off to get drunk, words that he wished he could take back more than anything.
* * *
ZAC LET himself into the apartment, diploma in hand. Good gods, what a crazy day. First they get news that there was another cancellation in the big audition concert next week, so Inferno now had a slot to perform, which meant he, Smitty, and Kade were going to be busy getting ready. Then came graduation, a bewildering mass of people all celebrating together and clamoring to show off their senior projects. Following that was dinner with his family, the lot of them scraping together some money so they could all afford to go out to eat as a group, something in which they rarely indulged but was made easier by Fane now being head chef at his restaurant. They'd even tried to give Zac some money as a graduation gift, but he'd refused. He couldn't bear to tell them he was struggling more than he'd let on, and that he'd been supporting someone else in addition to himself. Not to mention pawning his guitar.
As Zac shut the door, the silence of the apartment instantly crushed the high he'd been riding all day.
“Ade?” he called, looking around. There was no answer. Zac let out a sigh and headed for his bedroom, tossing his diploma onto the bed. He considered calling Adrian, but things were so tense between them, he wasn't sure what he was going to say.
Maybe a shower was in order first. Just to calm himself down.
Zac stripped out of his clothes, dropping them in the laundry basket. He stopped and looked down, chuckling to himself and shaking his head. Now there was something he'd never done before Adrian came along.
Tossing his rings and other accessories onto a table, Zac padded into the washroom and stepped into a hot shower, bracing his hands on the wall as he bent his head under the spray.
As much as he wanted to, he didn't stay there for long, too worried about whether Adrian was alright and where he might be. Zac scrubbed down, rinsed, and dried off, wrapping his hair in a towel so it wouldn't soak the clean flannel pants and t-shirt he pulled on.
Zac went back to the washroom to hang up the towel, then did a double-take on his way back out. Something was missing. Frowning, Zac scanned the room. Everything was a bit jumbled, as always, but something was definitely off.
There. Adrian's toothbrush. It was gone.
Zac threw open the medicine cabinet and the drawers. No sign of Adrian's shaving kit or other toiletries. He darted into the bedroom and yanked open the dresser drawers. Empty. Throwing himself across the room, he tore open the closet, and found all of Adrian's clothes and shoes gone.
“Oh my gods,” he panted, racing about the apartment, thinking maybe everything had just been oddly misplaced. Maybe it was all still there. Maybe Adrian hadn't really left.
But everything was gone. There wasn't a sign Adrian had ever lived there.
Zac raced back to his bedroom and snatched up his phone, then froze. Frowning, he slowly turned and walked back into the living room, finally registering the guitar case resting on the couch.
“Holy shit.” Zac threw himself on the floor and fumbled with the latches, tossing the lid back and staring down at his guitar. The one he'd pawned to pay for Adrian's hospital bill. Zac reached out and rested a hand on the neck, just to make sure he wasn't imagining it. The thing was really there.
Then Zac spotted the note.
He snatched it up, another piece of paper falling out and fluttering to the floor as he unfolded it.
“I wasn't sure what was fair, so please take whatever you want,” the note read. “I'm so sorry for everything.”
Zac frowned, puzzled, then looked down at the slip of paper that had fallen out of the note. He picked it up and turned it around. A check, made out to him, and signed by Adrian.
The amount had been left blank.
Zac sank back on his heels, a tearing pain settling in his gut. Adrian had gotten his guitar back, left him a blank check, and then just…vanished?
Dropping the check and the note on the floor, Zac crawled into bed and pulled the covers up over his head, guilt gnawing at him until he finally drifted off into a fitful sleep.
* * *
ZAC PULLED up to his parents' house and parked his car, but didn't shut it off. He really didn't want to be there. He'd been walking around in a daze ever since he'd found Adrian had gone, and he wasn't remotely in the mood for company. Somehow, he was going to have to pull himself together in time for the audition concert on Filday afternoon, but in the meantime, he just wanted to be alone.
Of course, there was no missing a Cinder brunch. It just didn't happen, no matter what was going on. Zac pressed his hand to his pocket, where he'd tucked away Adrian's collar. He couldn't seem to let it out of his reach now, even if he wasn't sure he'd ever get to wear it again.
He knew exactly what he was going to do today, though. It was long past time. He had to, for Adrian's sake. And for his own.
Bearing himself up, Zac got out of the car and walked up to the house, wondering if it would be the last time he'd ever get to do so.
“I'm home,” he called, shutting the door behind him.
Tarynn raced down the hall, stopping short instead of plowing into him with a hug. “Did you hear?” she asked, her
eyes wide with excitement. “Mom and Dad's loan got paid off.”
Zac blinked, trying to catch up. “What?”
Tarynn nodded, grabbing his hand and dragging him toward the dining room. “Someone paid it off. Just like that!”
“What the hells?” Zac asked as they reached the dining room, Dad already at his spot at the table and the others all milling about, some helping Mom bring stuff from the kitchen.
“Language,” Mom scolded.
“Sorry, Mama,” Zac said, looking from her to his father and back, hoping for some clarification.
“It's the most uncanny thing,” his dad said, shaking his head over his newspaper.
“Your loan got paid off?” Zac asked, bewildered. “How?”
“No idea,” Dad answered. “We just got this letter–”
“Here,” Mama cut in, grabbing a stack of papers off the counter and thrusting them at Zac.
Zac looked at the first page, a letter from Heritage Bank, indicating their loan had been paid in full, the debt discharged. “Holy shit,” he gasped, and his mother didn't even bother correcting him that time.
“There's more,” was all she said, standing next to her husband, the pair clasping hands.
Zac set the letter aside and looked at the rest of the stack. It was a welcome packet from Sturmwyn Insurance, containing preliminary documents for a full-coverage insurance policy in Zac's parents' names.
“They said we'll have to come in and give some particulars to fine-tune the policy,” Dad said while Zac scanned the papers, “but the whole thing is already set up. Health insurance, life insurance, the house, the cars, all of it. Whoever did this even paid the projected premiums for the year.”
Mama added, “Plus a deposit they're holding in escrow to cover your father's shoulder surgery.” She shook her head, her eyes shiny with unshed tears. “Whoever did this is an angel.”
Zac stared at the papers, utterly speechless. Ade. Oh gods. It had to be him. Adrian was the only one who really knew what Zac's parents needed, what Zac had been trying so hard to get them. And now it was done. His parents were insured, Dad's surgery already paid for, their loan discharged.