"Did you guys tee off yet?" Cal asks, parking the golf cart.
"Not yet," Luke says. "We were waiting for you."
Cal tees off, then I go, followed by Luke. Every time it's Luke's turn, I find myself staring at him. I try to look away but can't. How could I? He has an awesome body. Strong. Lean. Agile. An athlete's body, which I love. Plus he's really talented. He has an incredible swing for someone his age. Other girls wouldn't find that sexy but I do. It totally turns me on and I'm already turned on from Luke pressing his body against mine as he swung the club. No wonder I'm sweating so much.
We continue to play but Cal doesn't take any more bathroom breaks so I don't get a chance to help Luke with his putting skills. I wish Cal would go away, even for just a few minutes, so I could be alone with Luke. I really need to know if he likes me or not. This attraction I feel can't be one-sided. It doesn't seem like it is but I have to know for sure.
By the eighteenth hole, four hours have passed and I'm hot and tired and ready to go home. When I hit the ball down the fairway, it veers off into the trees.
I sigh as I put my club in the bag. "I'm not having a good game today."
"Don't worry about it," Luke says as he goes up to tee off. He's had a great game, better than Cal and me. But then he hits the ball and it takes the same path mine did, landing in the trees.
"What the hell happened?" Cal asks, laughing. "You never hit it in the trees."
"Guess I'm getting tired. You go ahead to the green. Taylor and I will go find our balls and meet you over there."
Cal takes off with the cart while Luke and I walk over to where our balls landed.
"We're never going to find them in here," I say, walking through the grassy brush that surrounds a cluster of trees.
"Then we'll just take whatever balls we find. There's gotta be tons of lost balls in here."
We make our way further into the trees. I look down, searching for my ball, and feel him beside me.
"Taylor."
I look up. "Did you find yours?"
His eyes lock on mine. "God, you're beautiful."
I nervously laugh. "Yeah, that's funny."
"You are," he says, being completely serious.
"I'm a mess. I'm all sweaty and I'm sure my hair's a disaster."
Before I can say any more he leans down and kisses me. A slow drawn-out kiss that starts with his lips brushing against mine, then progresses to a more intense, deep kiss that has my whole body tingling with arousal. It's a feeling I didn't know could come from just a kiss, but it's clearly possible because I'm feeling it right now. Luke's kiss is amazing. Better than I ever thought a kiss could be.
He slowly backs away and looks at me, waiting for me to respond. I don't know what to say but I remember what Birdie told me about how I need to say something. Otherwise, he'll interpret my silence to mean I didn't like the kiss, or didn't want it.
"That was um..." I struggle for the right word, "surprising."
That's not a good word, but I couldn't think of anything else. My mind is mush from that kiss.
His brows draw together. "Surprising good or surprising bad?"
"Good. Definitely good."
He gives me a cautious smile. "Are you referring to the kiss or the fact that I did it?"
"Both." I smile back. "It was a really good kiss."
"I thought so too."
"You find it?" I hear Cal yell. He's not anywhere near us but his voice carries.
"Not yet!" Luke yells back.
"We better go," I say, starting to make my way out of the tall grass.
"Taylor wait." I feel Luke's hand on my arm.
I turn back. "Yeah?"
"So what happens now?"
"I don't know."
He glances at the course where Cal is waiting, then looks back at me. "I know we probably shouldn't do this but I want to see you again. I really like you, Taylor. And that kiss just now? It proves that whatever feelings we have for each other are real."
"It doesn't matter. We can't do this. You're one of Cal's closest friends."
"He doesn't have to know, at least not right away."
"Hurry up and find the damn balls!" Cal yells. "It's hotter than hell out here."
Luke reaches down and picks up two balls. "We'll use these."
"Let's go." I start walking, then stop and turn to Luke. "Don't tell anyone about this. I don't want Cal finding out, or my dad."
"I won't. But I want to see you again, Taylor. And if I can't see you, then I at least want to talk to you."
I hesitate, then say, "Give me your phone."
He hands it to me and I put my number in. "Call me when I get back to school, not before."
"Got it." He smiles and takes his phone back.
When we get back to the course, Cal says, "What's wrong with you two?"
"What do you mean?" I ask.
"You're both smiling like you just won the lottery. Did find a diamond back in the trees?"
"I wish," Luke says. "I could really use the money."
"Just go pro and win some tournaments," Cal kids.
"If only it were that easy."
Luke and Cal start talking about tournaments and Cal forgets all about the smiles Luke and I had and the reason for them. Good thing he didn't ask more. I have no idea how Luke and I would've explained that.
***
Sunday night I'm back on campus sitting in my room when I get a call from a number I don't recognize.
"Hello?"
"Hey, it's me." I hear his deep sexy voice and know exactly who it is.
"Luke?"
"Yeah. How's it going? You get back to school okay?"
"Yeah. I was just doing some reading that's due tomorrow."
"If you need to go, I understand."
"Um, no, it's fine. I can talk."
My homework can wait. I need to talk to Luke. I didn't think he'd call but now that he has, this is my chance to figure out what exactly we're doing.
"Were you just calling to say hi?" I ask.
"Not just that."
"Then what? Why'd you call?"
"I want to see you again."
I pause. "Luke, what we did yesterday was—"
"A mistake? I disagree. And I know you don't really believe it was a mistake."
"It doesn't matter. Even if I wanted this it would never work. We don't live in the same town."
"We could find a way to see each other."
"How?"
Why am I even asking the question? We can't do this. I shouldn't even be considering it.
"I'll drive up there to see you. Or I'll get a cheap flight. I'll find a way. I promise."
"Luke, just forget it. We need to forget yesterday ever happened."
"I can't do that. I like you too much to just let it end."
"It has to. My dad would never allow us to date and Cal wouldn't speak to you again. He wouldn't speak to ME again."
"You don't know that. You're just guessing. Has he ever come out and told you to stay away from me?"
"No, but he doesn't have to. I already know he'd be angry if I went out with you."
"Like I told you yesterday, Cal doesn't have to know. Neither does your dad."
"You want me to lie to my family?"
"It's not really a lie. We're just not telling them. Not yet. We don't need to. As of now, we're just friends."
"Friends who kiss."
He chuckles. "Okay, maybe we're more than friends but they don't need to know that yet. Let's just try this, Taylor."
"Try what? I don't even know what we're talking about here."
"Let's try getting to know each other. Let's talk on the phone every night. And if I'm able to get up there, I will."
I guess I could talk to him. That wouldn't be wrong, would it?
"Okay, we'll talk on the phone but I don't want you coming up here, at least not anytime soon. I need time to think about this."
"Can I send you flowers?"
"No! No flowers
!"
He laughs. "How about chocolates?"
"No chocolates either."
"A gift basket?"
"No! No flowers, no chocolates, no gift baskets. Those are all things a boyfriend would do and you are not my boyfriend. We're just friends, remember?"
"I don't recall actually defining what we are."
"Then I'll define it for you. We're just friends who talk on the phone. That's it."
"So what do you want to talk about?"
"I don't know. You called me. You must've had something you wanted to tell me or you wouldn't have called."
"I called you because I wanted to hear your voice again. And because I want to get to know you."
"Why me? You can't tell me there aren't girls you could date in San Diego."
"None that I want to go out with. I don't think you get how much I like you, Taylor."
"That doesn't make sense. You barely know me."
"I don't have to know everything about you to know how I feel."
"And how do you feel?"
"Like we need to give this a try. Like there could be something between us if we just gave it a chance."
"I don't know, Luke. Even just talking to you is making me feel guilty."
"Then stop thinking of me as your brother's friend and just think of me as a guy who really likes you."
I don't respond. I'm conflicted. I really do want to talk to him but part of me thinks it's wrong.
"So," he continues, "what classes are you taking this semester?"
I rattle off my class schedule, which sounds completely boring but Luke seems interested, asking me questions about each class. Then we switch to the topic of movies and it turns out we have the same taste in movies but that's true for a lot of people so that doesn't exactly make us soulmates.
The conversation continues from one topic to another, with Luke occasionally sneaking in a flirty comment that has me unsure how to respond. But I like his flirting. I want to flirt back but I'm trying to remain in the friend-zone.
"I guess I should let you go," he says, and when I check my phone I see we've talked for over an hour. How did the time go so fast? It seemed more like twenty minutes, not an hour.
"Yeah, I should do my reading."
"Can you talk tomorrow night?"
"If it's after seven."
"Sounds good. I'll talk to you tomorrow."
As I set my phone down there's a knock on my door.
"It's open," I yell at whoever's there.
The door opens and Willow walks in. She lives on my floor. We've been friends since the first week of school.
"I'm bored," Willow says, sinking down on my butterfly chair.
"What do you want to do?"
"I don't know." She smooths her long dark hair over her shoulder, then stops and stares at me. "What's going on with you?"
"What do you mean?"
"Why are you smiling so much? And why's your hair all tangled?"
I look down at my hair. She's right. It's tangled. When I was talking to Luke I was twisting my hair around my finger, which must've tangled it.
"I just need to brush it out," I say, brushing it with my fingers.
"So what's with the smile?"
"I'm not smiling," I say defensively.
"You were just a minute ago. Were you talking to a guy?"
"A guy? No. What guy?"
She laughs. "You were totally talking to a guy. Who was it? That guy from your chem class?"
"No. And I wasn't talking to a guy. I was just smiling because I'm happy to be back at school."
"You said you liked being home."
"I did, but it's still good to be back. Is Lilly back yet?"
"She was back yesterday." Willow smiles. "I think she did it with Reed."
Reed is Lilly's boyfriend. They've been dating since last fall and still haven't done it, or they hadn't before spring break. Lilly's a virgin so she's been putting off sex with Reed until she's sure she's ready.
"They did it?" I scoot to the edge of my bed. "How do you know?"
"I don't know for sure but when I saw her this morning she had that look."
"What look?"
"The I'm-a-woman-now look." Willow laughs. "I told her that and she just about killed me. She's so self conscious about that stuff."
"Maybe she didn't do it."
"She totally did. I just don't know if it happened when she was home on break or last night. When I saw her this morning she was coming back from Reed's room. Her hair was a mess and her clothes were all wrinkled."
"That doesn't prove anything. She stays in Reed's room all the time."
"Yeah, but this time was different. She looked different. Trust me, I can tell."
She can? So if I did it with Luke, Willow would know? She can't know. Nobody can. Not that I ever plan to do that with him.
My phone dings. It's a text from Luke. Good talk tonight. I already can't wait to call you again.
"Who is it?" Willow asks. "Your mystery man?"
"It's just my mom, asking what I'm doing."
I text Luke back. I liked it too. Talk to you tomorrow.
"Is it that golfer guy?"
I look up at Willow. "What?"
"That golfer friend of your brother's. The guy you have a crush on?"
"I don't know who you're talking about. I don't have a crush on anyone." I hope she buys my lie. If she does, maybe my family will buy it too if they ever accuse of me of liking Luke.
"That guy who showed up at parents' weekend last semester. Did you see him when you were home?"
"Um, kind of. He was at the house a few times to see Cal but I didn't really talk to him."
"Why not?"
I shrug. "I'm not interested in him."
"You were last fall."
"I thought he was hot. That's it. I wasn't trying to date him."
"But would you? If he asked you out, would you go?"
"Probably not." I get off my bed and go to my desk to get my book. "I have to read some of this before class tomorrow."
She stands up. "Guess I'll just go to the gym. Maybe Caden will be there."
"Who's Caden?" I walk her to the door.
"The guy who manages the gym. He's ten years older than me but super hot."
"What about Silas?"
Silas is her first love. Her childhood friend. He asked her to marry him but she wasn't ready to so he went overseas to do volunteer work and has been there for almost two years now.
"Silas?" She laughs but it's an uncomfortable laugh. She doesn't like talking about Silas. When she does, she gets sad, and when I point that out, she denies it. She thinks she's over Silas but she's not. "What does Silas have to do with anything?"
"Maybe you should call him up."
"Why would I call Silas? I haven't talked to him in years. I don't even know where he's living right now."
"His mom would know. You're friends with his mom."
"I'm not calling Silas." She goes out the door, but then turns around. "But you should call that golfer guy, whatever his name is."
"Luke."
She grins. "You did it again."
"Did what?"
"Smiled. The same smile as when I came in here."
"I did not." I shut down the smile, not even realizing it was there.
"You smiled when you said his name." She leans against the door frame. "What's going on with you two? Did something happen over spring break?"
"We went golfing together but nothing happened. We went with Cal."
She eyes me. "I feel like you're hiding something."
"I'm not." I take hold of the door. "You better get to the gym. They're closing soon. See ya tomorrow at lunch?"
"Okay. Bye."
I wait for her to leave, then close the door and go lay on my bed. The book I'm supposed to read is beside me but I can't focus enough to read it. All I can think about is Luke and how his voice sounded on the phone tonight. And how it felt when he kissed me yesterday. And how much
I want see him again.
We can't do this. We can't go down this road. But I think we're already on it.
Chapter Nine
Two Months Later
Luke
"Albert?" I knock on the door to his room. "Albert, it's after eight. We're going to miss our tee time."
It's Friday morning and Albert and I are going to play a round of golf.
"Albert, are you in there?" I knock again. Sometimes he gets up early and goes for a walk but when he does he leaves me a note, which he didn't today.
I open the door and see him still in bed. I go over to him.
"Albert, get up." I nudge him. "We need to get going."
He's a deep sleeper. When I moved in Albert told me I could be as loud as I wanted at night because he'd never hear me.
"C'mon Albert. Wake up." I shake him a little but he doesn't even flutter an eye open.
He's not making a sound. He usually snores. I pull the covers off his chest and see it's not moving.
"Albert!" I shake him harder and yell at him, "Albert, wake up!"
He doesn't move.
I lower my ear to his face. I don't hear him breathing. And when I touch his arm it's cold. Icy cold.
I go to grab my phone but it's not in my pocket. I run to my room and get it off the nightstand and call 9-1-1 as I run back to Albert's room.
The operator answers and I yell into the phone, "I need help! Send an ambulance! Hurry!"
I remain on the phone, trying to answer the questions from the 9-1-1 operator while also keeping an eye on Albert, hoping some miracle will happen and he'll suddenly wake up.
When the ambulance arrives, they pronounce him dead. They say he probably died last night, soon after he went to bed.
"No," I say, watching as the workers prepare to take Albert away. My breathing sounds shaky and I feel my eyes tearing up.
"Maybe you should wait outside," one of the ambulance guys says to me.
I nod, agreeing I don't want to see this. I don't want to remember this day. This morning. Finding Albert, the man I loved and cared about more than anything in this world, dead. Gone. Forever.
When I get outside I hear a voice to my right. I look over and see my dad standing in his yard, his arms folded over his chest as he looks out at the ambulance parked in the street.
"Old man finally kick the bucket?" he asks.
I stare at him, unable to believe he could be so cold. So disrespectful. Not just to Albert but to me. He knows how much I loved Albert.
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