“You’re really good at that,” she murmured.
“Not bad for our first time together.”
She nodded.
Her cheeks were flushed, as was her chest. Her hair was mussed and her lips were swollen. She looked like a woman who had been thoroughly pleasured. She looked like a woman in love.
Wishful thinking, he told himself. With his defenses down, he could no longer ignore the obvious. That he’d fallen for her. He didn’t know when it had happened. Maybe that first night when she offered to be forbidden fruit. Or had it been later, when she’d charmed him and made him believe that he wasn’t always a screwup? Regardless, he loved her now.
“Thank you, Kevin,” she said, and kissed him. “I’ll remember this night forever.”
He thought of how empty his world was going to be when she was gone. “I’ll remember it just as long,” he promised. “No matter what.”
Haley tried to hold on to the glow as long as possible, but by noon, it had faded. She kept glancing at the clock, then wishing she hadn’t.
Kevin sat across from her at the kitchen table. Vivian and Howard were both at work, so they had the house to themselves. She was glad. She didn’t want Kevin’s parents to witness whatever was going to happen.
“Do you know what you’re going to say?” Kevin asked.
“No. I’m going to try to be mature and not to call him names.”
“He probably deserves them.”
She tried to smile. “I wish I’d practiced my swearing more.”
He took her hand and squeezed. “You never swore at all. Do you want me to hang around or would you rather be alone with him?”
Her breath caught. “Don’t go. Please. If you can stand to stay, I would really appreciate you being here.”
“I’m not going anywhere.”
His dark eyes promised. She studied his handsome face, the wave in his black hair, the way his shoulders seemed so broad. Her heart ached with her love for him. Last night had been the most wonderful experience of her life, and all because of him.
Impulsively she rose to her feet and crossed to his chair. He shifted back so she could settle on his lap. He wrapped his arms around her as she clung to him. If only he would never let her go.
“I’m not going to say anything,” he told her, “but if he uses physical force, I’m going to beat the crap out of him.”
Despite her apprehension, she laughed. “Allan isn’t the physical-force type.”
“Can I beat him up anyway?”
She looked at him. “You’d do that for me?”
“Sure.”
“No one has ever offered to beat someone up for me before.”
“I’m a rough, tough kinda guy.”
He was that and so much more. He was—
A car pulled up in front of the house. Haley stiffened, then slid to her feet. “He’s here.”
She walked toward the front door. Kevin followed part-way and stopped in the hallway. She thought about asking him to stand next to her, then changed her mind. This was her problem and she would solve it herself. Knowing Kevin was close gave her strength.
She waited for the knock before opening the door. Allan stood on the wide porch. She blinked in surprise as she took in his close-cropped blond hair and light eyes. In her mind, he’d always been fairly good-looking, but now he seemed pale and cold.
“Hello, Allan,” she said, stepping back to allow him into the house.
“What is this place?” he asked by way of greeting. “Whose house is this? How do you know these people?”
“They’re friends.”
He looked around the living room, then turned his attention to her. “Are you packed?”
“No.”
He frowned. “You’re going to make this difficult, aren’t you?”
“If by difficult you mean I’m not going to do what you tell me, then yes. I already explained everything on the phone. I told you not to come. There was a reason for that. I’m not coming back with you.”
His gaze narrowed. “You cut your hair.”
The statement sounded more like an accusation. Haley reached up and fingered the shorn locks. She’d nearly forgotten about her hair-based rebellion the first day she left. In the time she’d been gone, she’d gotten used to short hair.
“I like it this way,” she said.
“At least it will grow back.” He reached for her wrist. “Show me your room. We’ll pack your things and get out of here.”
Haley shook free of his grip and stepped back. She looked at the man she’d dated for nearly five years. His eyes were too close together and his expression was pinched. Why hadn’t she noticed that before? He never listened to her. They’d never done anything she wanted. Their relationship had never been a partnership—instead Allan had been in charge and she had done his bidding.
She closed her eyes and tried to picture Allan naked, touching her, making love with her. Her imagination wasn’t up to the task. She didn’t want his hands on her body. She didn’t want anything to do with him.
“I don’t love you, Allan,” she said firmly. “I’m not sure I even like you. You want a woman to do what you say, and I want a man who is interested in my opinions. You want to be in charge, I want a partner.”
“You don’t know what you want.”
“Yes, I do. I want to love someone the way my father loved my mother. I want to love with a deep honesty that touches my soul. I want to be a teacher and go to Hawaii on my honeymoon. I want to have children right away. I want a big old house that looks lived in, not designer perfect. I want a man who believes in me, and who I can believe in. I don’t want you, Allan. I don’t want to marry you, and I don’t want anything to do with you.”
He flushed. “You don’t know what you’re saying. Your father wants this marriage.”
“Maybe he wanted it once, when he thought I loved you, but as soon as I tell him the truth, he’ll back me up.” She sighed. “Let me go. You don’t really love me. You haven’t for a long time. In fact you were the one questioning whether or not we should get married. Obviously something inside you told you it was wrong.”
“Last-minute jitters,” he told her. “Nothing more.”
She moved close to him. “Tell me you love me with all your heart. Tell me you didn’t feel even a little relief when I ran away.”
“Haley, you’re—” He broke off. His mouth twisted. “You’re on drugs.”
She burst out laughing. “It has to be that, right? Because I couldn’t possibly have figured out how to be my own person.”
He glared at her. “If you don’t come back with me right this minute, it’s over between us.”
She walked to the door. “Goodbye, Allan. I hope you find someone to make you happy.”
He stalked toward her. “You’ll regret this. I won’t take you back.”
“You shouldn’t. I’m the wrong woman for you.”
He stepped onto the porch, then swung to face her. “You’re disappointing a lot of people with your behavior.”
Magic words designed to make her feel small. She ignored the automatic guilt. “Those who care about me will understand and support my decision. Those who don’t will judge me. I can live with that.”
“You’re making a mistake.”
She watched him walk to his rental car. He paused before climbing inside. “This is your last chance.”
He waited and when she didn’t say anything, he got inside and drove away. Haley watched him go and felt only relief.
Chapter Fourteen
Kevin listened to the sound of the front door closing. Haley had done it—she’d stood up to Allan and reclaimed her life. She’d come a long way from the young woman who had walked into a bar, looking for trouble. While he’d never doubted her ability to do whatever she wanted, he knew she’d been afraid. Until recently, she’d always let others’ opinions dictate her actions. That wasn’t likely to happen again.
“Did you hear?” Haley called as she
burst into the hallway where he leaned against the wall. “Wasn’t that something? I couldn’t believe he expected me to come back with him. I mean, I told him and told him I wouldn’t. Why on earth did I go out with him? I was crazy.”
“You were doing what your family wanted.”
She considered that. “By family you mean everyone at church.” She sighed. “You’re right. They seemed so happy to see me with Allan and I didn’t care. I wasn’t crazy about him, but he wasn’t too awful. I guess over time I thought I was in love with him because that seemed to be the next logical step. Just think, if he hadn’t had second thoughts, I might never have run away. I could have ended up married to him.”
Kevin walked into the kitchen, with Haley on his heels. “You wouldn’t have gone through with it.”
He took a seat at the table. She plopped down next to him. “I hope you’re right. I want to think that I would have balked at the last second, but I’ll never know for sure.” She shook her head. “I couldn’t believe he accused me of being on drugs. Oh, like that’s the only possible explanation for me turning him down. What a creep.”
“You didn’t even let me beat him up.”
She leaned toward him and rested her hand on his arms. “I love that you offered to do that for me. It was so sweet.”
Her face was bright with happiness. Humor flashed in her eyes. She looked young and alive, and filled with possibilities. There was a whole world waiting for her out there. One she’d never experienced. Haley had dreams.
He knew then what he’d always known but had never wanted to admit out loud. That she deserved to be free to find whatever her heart desired. He loved her too much to tie her down when she’d just found her freedom.
He cupped her face. “You did good today. You proved something to Allan, but more importantly, you proved something to yourself. No matter what happens, you’ll always remember that you have the strength and determination to do whatever you want. You spread your wings.”
She smiled. “I like that analogy.”
“It’s time to take them out for a test drive.”
Her smile faded. “Kevin?”
He could still remember the way the bullet had slammed into his leg. The pain had come as a surprise. This time he was expecting it, but the intensity still stunned him. It was as if he was being ripped apart from the inside.
He swallowed. “You need to go live your life. It’s all out there. Everything you could ever want.”
“But what if everything I want is right here?” She blinked several times and her lips trembled. “Do you want me to leave?”
“This is about you.”
Tears filled her eyes. “I understand what you’re saying and I even know why, but I want to stay.”
He wanted that, too. More than he’d wanted anything. For the first time in his life, he’d finally found a woman he could love forever. Unfortunately she was the one woman he couldn’t be with. Fate sure had a twisted sense of humor.
“I’m heading back to Washington. I have a job waiting there.”
“And the promotion?” she asked.
He shrugged. “If they still want me.”
“For real?”
He kissed her. “Because of you, Haley. I’m willing to take the chance. You have to do the same.”
Tears spilled down her cheeks. “I love you. I want to marry you.”
He felt that blow down to his soul. “I love you, too. I want…” He wanted so many things. “I want what’s right. I told you from the beginning I wasn’t going to screw up with you and I meant it.”
He brushed away her tears. “All your life people have told you what to do and you’ve listened. I’m not going to be like them. I want us to be together, but not like this. You need time to figure out what’s right for you, to find your own life. Once that’s straight, you come find me. I’ll be waiting.”
She bit back a sob. “F-for how long?”
“For always. You’re the first woman I’ve ever loved. What I felt before doesn’t begin to compare. There’s just you, Haley. I’ll be waiting.”
Telling herself that Kevin was right and actually leaving were two different things. Haley had to pull over twice in the first twenty miles because she was crying too hard to see the road. She loved him and he loved her, so why was she leaving?
She brushed away the moisture and checked her mirrors before easing back into traffic. The answer was simple. She was leaving because as much as she loved him, she needed time to think things through. She’d fallen for him so fast that she could barely keep up. She needed to calm down and to take a look at her life. She needed to go home, to make peace with her father and to reevaluate her world.
The childish part of her demanded that she turn around and drive back to Possum Landing. She loved Kevin; she wanted to be with him right now. But the sensible part of her knew that getting closure was more important.
She reached into her shirt pocket and felt the card he’d given her. On it was his home number, his work number and his cell number. When she was ready, she was to call. But until then, they would be apart.
He wanted her to be sure. She suspected he had considered the possibility that this was just a vacation fling for her. That time and distance would cause a change in heart.
“I’m my father’s daughter,” she whispered as she drove. “He’s loved the same woman all his life. You’d better be waiting, because I’ll be coming to find you.”
Haley walked into the church office late the following afternoon. Her trip home had been much faster than her aborted journey to Hawaii. She’d ignored all the tempting roadside shops and museums, instead driving until she was exhausted, then getting a room for a few hours before continuing north.
She looked around at the familiar office with its big windows and glass-enclosed bookcases. Marie’s desk sat in the center of the room. Her chair was empty, but Haley could hear her talking in the other room.
In some ways Haley felt as if she’d been gone a lifetime. In other ways it seemed she’d only left a few minutes before. So much had changed and yet so much remained the same.
The door to her father’s office opened. Marie stepped out, saw her and screamed.
“Haley! It’s Haley!”
The petite fifty-something brunette rushed forward. Papers went flying as she wrapped her arms around Haley in a bear hug strong enough to snap ribs.
“We were so worried. You should have called more. You look fine. Are you all right? Allan came back and said some horrible things. He and your father had words. I tried not to listen, but I couldn’t help it. Now Allan is going to be looking for another position. Oh, and you cut your hair!”
Marie paused for breath. Haley hugged her back, then kissed her cheek.
“I missed you, too,” she said. “I’m sorry I worried you.”
She didn’t know what to think about her father and Allan, but she would find out what had happened soon enough. “Hello, Haley.”
She looked up and saw her father standing in the doorway. He was tall and as handsome as ever. When he smiled at her, she felt all her concerns fade. Whatever she’d done, he still loved her, would always love her. Of course, she thought as she hurried to his side. Why had she been so afraid to tell him what she was feeling? “Oh, Daddy.”
She hugged him close, feeling the familiar combination of strength and love radiating from him. He pulled her into his office and shut the door, then rested his hands on her shoulders and studied her.
“It seems you survived your adventure,” he said, his low voice rumbling in the small room.
She nodded. “I did just fine. I’m all grown up now.”
“You’ve been that for a while, although no one around here noticed. Not even me.” He sighed. “Things have been very interesting since Allan returned from Texas. Why don’t you tell me your version of things?”
He motioned to one of the leather chairs in front of his desk, then settled himself in the other.
She didn’
t know where to begin. “What did Allan say about me?”
“That you’d cut your hair and were probably on drugs.” Her father sighed. “It was his only explanation for your refusal to come back and marry him.”
“What did you think?”
“That you didn’t love him. Was I right?”
She nodded. “I didn’t realize it for a long time. I knew something was wrong, but I couldn’t figure out what. When he said he was having second thoughts, I got so angry. I felt that I’d given up everything I wanted to make him happy and then he had second thoughts? It was so unfair. That’s why I took off. I couldn’t stand it anymore.”
“I pushed you into a relationship with him,” her father said. When she started to protest, he cut her off with a wave. “We both know it, Haley. You’ve always been so eager to please and do the right thing. I convinced myself you were in love with him, but I think deep in my heart I knew you were with Allan because I wanted it and the congregation wanted it. I’m sorry. I should have seen what was happening and told you not to get married unless you were absolutely sure you were in love with him.”
“Thank you, Daddy,” she whispered.
She’d only been gone for a short time, yet her father seemed to have changed. There was more gray in his dark blond hair, or maybe she’d just never noticed it before. He was a good man. Wise and kind and giving. But every memory she had was of him by himself.
“Mom would never have wanted you to live so alone,” she said.
He raised his eyebrows. “What brought that on?”
“I don’t know, but it’s true. She’s been gone twenty-five years. Wasn’t there even one woman who touched your heart?”
“Maybe.” He shrugged. “I loved her so much. Losing her was the worst thing that ever happened to me. I didn’t want to risk that again. Besides, I wasn’t lonely. I had you, my work. Friends. God.”
“During the day, but what about at night?”
“God is with us always.”
She smiled. “You know what I mean.”
“I do. I’ve thought about it from time to time.”
“Is there someone?”
Completely Smitten Page 18