by Amity Cross
“I want the challenge,” I said, but nobody was listening to me. They were all up Lincoln’s ass babying him because he lost. I got the rough end of the stick. Nobody patted me on the back and told me everything was going to be okay. I just picked myself up and got on with it because I couldn’t count on anyone else to give me a hand up. Watching my identical twin get rocked back and forth like a crybaby annoyed the hell out of me.
“I want the challenge,” I said again. This time, Josie glanced at me.
“I don’t…” she began.
“I’m in the right position to take the title from him,” I hissed. “I want it. I want to take it from O’Connell myself.”
Coach and Lincoln had finally stopped their blubbering and had noticed I was there. Feeling like an afterthought in my own story, I curled my lip.
“Dean,” Coach began, but I didn’t want to hear his reasoning.
“I was KO’d!” I shouted. “I fucking lost consciousness! He lost by a split second grapple!”
“We’re in a tight spot right now, Dean,” Coach said, trying to calm me down. “You’re both coming off losses, and Linc just lost the middleweight title to a fighter who flaunts the rules. You’re both angry right now. Let’s take a few days…”
“We may look the fucking same, but there are two of us here, Coach.”
If there was ever going to be a favorite twin in this place, it was going to be Lincoln. He was calm, focused, loved up, clean-cut, and the epitome of a good sportsman. He followed the rules and was a slick professional in and out of the octagon. Then there was me. The wild bad boy who rebelled every chance he got. Of course, Coach would want to put Lincoln up for the challenge five seconds after the loss. Two weeks after my spectacular KO, I was an afterthought. Fucking typical.
“We can look through the ranks and get you a fight with someone like DeRocha,” Coach went on. “He has to beat one of you to be able to challenge for the title. If you can beat him, that’ll knock him back a few places.”
“Fuck that,” I spat. “There’ll just be another fighter to take his place.”
“We’ll talk about it another time,” Coach said, putting on his game face. The one that said don’t test me. “For now, we get the screen set up with the replay. One step at a time.”
My lip curled of its own accord, and I turned away, stalking across the room like a toddler having a temper tantrum. Sinking down onto the bench in front of the window, I stared out across the ocean and kept my seething to myself.
I deserved the challenge as much as Lincoln did. I needed to beat O’Connell and teach him once and for all that Josie was off limits. She would never go and work with him, and she would definitely not suck cock to do so. She belonged here with us just like the middleweight title did. He deserved neither.
“You really want it that much?”
I snorted at the sound of my brother’s voice and rolled my eyes as he sat beside me.
“Well?” he prodded when I didn’t answer.
“When the fuck did Coach become the guy who made all our decisions for us?” I asked sullenly. “We decide who we fight.”
Lincoln shook his head, ignoring my petulant word vomit. “It didn’t seem to bother you that much.”
“What?” I snapped, shoving my hands into the pockets of my hoodie.
“The KO.”
“I punched the guy in the face at the Gala,” I retorted, rolling my eyes. “Isn’t that bothered enough for you?”
Lincoln was the one to snort that time. “When did we stop talking about everything?”
I glanced at him, my brow creasing. “What’s that meant to mean?”
“We talked about everything once,” he said. “Two halves of a whole? Remember?”
“What do you want me to say, Linc?”
“How long?” he asked, nodding back toward the gym where Josie was fiddling with the television.
Returning my gaze to the ocean, I grunted.
“Dean…”
I didn’t want an earbashing from the guy who shared one half of an egg with me in the womb. Not today. “When you were out with that shoulder injury, there were months when you were seeing Violet and never told me a single thing.”
“And you were off blazing up the AUFC ranks, leaving me behind.”
“You won the title before I did, asshole.”
“You punched Gabe O’Connell at a black-tie event for dancing with Josie.”
“You—” I choked on my words.
“How long have you two been fooling around?” he asked again.
“A week.” It was no use hiding it from him anymore. If there was anyone I was going to trust in this world, it was my twin brother.
“Are you the reason she up and went to Melbourne without telling anyone?”
I sucked in a sharp breath through my nose and began to grind my teeth together.
“Dean?”
“She came on to me,” I said after a minute. “I didn’t know what to do. I had no idea she felt that way, let alone wanted to act on it. I might just be her rebound fuck, but it sure doesn’t feel that way to me.”
“What did Monica say to you when you went to see her?”
“What does that have to do with anything?” I asked, knowing full well it would be the thing that tore Jo and me apart if I let it.
“It has everything to do with it,” Linc replied. “How long has your cock been hard for that girl?”
“I know. I fucking know, and I’ve been upfront about it with Josie. After Monica turned up at the wedding, I knew I had to go and find out once and for all where I stood.”
Linc’s mouth dropped open. “She turned up to the wedding? How am I only finding out about this now?”
“Because it was Ash and Ren’s fucking wedding,” I hissed. “That’s why. Josie saw her before anyone else did and got rid of her.”
“And you and Monica?”
“Me and Monica nothing.”
Linc raised his eyebrows but didn’t question me any further.
“Don’t say anything to anyone,” I warned him. “Not even Violet.”
“That’s a tall order, mate.”
“This is between me and Josie. Not you and your girlfriend. This is about me and her.”
“Just be careful, Dean,” he said, rising to his feet. “Josie’s got more than her fair share of issues, but so do you.”
I knew what he was getting at, and I hated when he got all cryptic.
“I know we’ve got issues,” I said, trying to convince myself just as much as I was him. “We know we’ve got to take things slow. But we want to try. There’s something there, Linc. If I didn’t do something about it, I’d regret it for the rest of my life. She could be…” I broke off and shook my head, my whole tirade feeling out of character for a guy like me. A hard-ass.
“Guys,” Josie called out from across the gym. “We’re ready to roll.”
Linc stared at me thoughtfully for a moment, then nodded. Without a word, he sauntered over to the television to relive his horrible defeat against O’Connell. My gaze met Josie’s as I followed my brother’s progress, and she smiled. I could see the blue of her eyes from here and the reassurance she was trying to convey.
Yeah, it was going to be tougher than either one of us realized when I’d pleaded with her outside of the Gala, but I still wanted to fight. That was who I was at my core. A fighter. That had to mean something more was there. Something worth the struggle despite everything that was against us.
Josie wanted certain things in a man and had tried to change her last boyfriend to suit her needs but ran away from everything when things got too hard. I was in love with a woman who was rotten to the core and had done nothing but use me for her own ends…and I still loved her despite it.
Neither of those things just went away because we wanted them to. Sex wasn’t an eraser, and it didn’t help that I had to keep telling myself that. It didn’t help at all.
What I needed was to fight for my woman. Not b
e pushed aside so my brother could do it for me.
I needed to fight O’Connell or die trying.
17
Josie
I sighed, watching the boys pause and rewind Lincoln’s fight.
Dean had been distracted after his loss to Gabe, but I was pretty sure that’d been my fault. I’d neither been in or out with him and struggling with my feelings the entire time. I’d been a distraction, and now everyone thought he didn’t care about being knocked out in the octagon. I knew Dean well enough to know he was seething about it on the inside.
He deserved the right to challenge, but so did Lincoln. It was a tough call.
A little voice inside me began whispering about Gabe’s constant flirting and Dean’s need to protect me from it. Did Dean want to challenge him because of his loss or because he wanted to defend my honor? If it was the latter, I wasn’t sure I deserved it. Maybe that kind of thing would fly at The Underground, but this was the pro leagues. Getting into the cage to fight over a woman wasn’t what the sport was about.
I wanted Dean to challenge Gabe for the right reasons, and the right reason was taking the middleweight title back. It was as simple as that.
My phone vibrated in the pocket of my suit jacket and I retrieved it, thankful for the distraction. Things were beginning to get tense in here…and not just in the gym.
Reading the text from Violet, I smiled. You free for lunch today? I think we need some girl time.
Hell yes, I replied, tapping out the message and adding a smiley face emoji at the end.
Meet you at The Kiosk in thirty?
See you there. xxx
Glancing across the gym, I focused on Dean’s back, taking in the lines of his strong shoulders. Remembering how easily he’d held me up against the wall of my shower that morning, I shivered. I could still feel the ghost of his cock sliding into me, and the more I focused on the ache between my legs, the more vivid the memory became.
He was focused on the television, a scowl etched into his sharp features as he was subjected to his brother’s fight with Gabe over and over.
Slinking into my office, I picked up my bag and slipped out of the gym as quietly as I could. Things had blown up so much over the past few weeks, and I was desperate for some proper rest and relaxation. Running off to Melbourne didn’t count, and that whole weekend needed to be expunged from history…stat.
Truthfully, it wasn’t me I was worried about anymore. Not after this morning. If anyone needed a break, it was Dean Hayes, but try telling him that.
Saturdays in Bondi were a nightmare.
People and cars and shit went in all directions, even in the winter months. It was one of Sydney’s top tourist spots thanks to the beach and its hot lifeguards. The boys in their blue swimmers were a sight to behold when they were in full rescue mode, and they even had their own television show. Yep, Bondi had its fair share of excitement.
As I walked into one of our favorite local cafes, I spotted Violet already waiting for me at a table by the window.
“Hi,” I said cheerily as I leaned down to kiss her on the cheek.
She was looking rather cute today in a little T-shirt and jeans, her chestnut hair long and tousled, and her lips pink with gloss. After such a long, tumultuous night, she was looking fresh as a bloody daisy, and I was silently jealous of her complexion. I had to slap on a pound of concealer just to cover my dark circles.
“Oh my God,” she exclaimed as I sat opposite. “I can’t even operate today.”
“Yeah, it’s been pretty tense at the gym this morning,” I replied, shucking off my jacket and laying it on the back of my chair.
“I don’t even know why you went in. They can do it without you, and it’s Saturday! I bet they’re just agonizing over the replay.”
I laughed and nodded. “You know them well.”
“Linc’s upset about it, but it was a good fight. It was a real challenge for him. He only lost by a second, so it won’t be that much of a climb to refocus his training. Then he can try to take the title back. I think he’s just sore that it was O’Connell he lost to, not how the fight went.”
“Dean wants the challenge,” I said absently, picking up the menu and scanning the specials.
Violet’s ears pricked up. “Yeah?”
“Everyone seems to have forgotten he lost by KO. He’s desperate for a rematch.”
“It was a spectacular hit he took,” she said in agreement. “But they both deserve the challenge.”
“And therein lies the problem. Who gets a shot at taking back the title?”
She regarded me for a moment, a sly smile on her face.
“What?” I asked, beginning to squirm under the force of her laser beam eyes.
“I saw you holding hands with Dean,” she declared.
Oh shit… “What? When?”
“Last night.” She gestured to the waitress that we were ready to order. “Looked heavy.”
I was granted a short reprieve as we put in our orders and the waitress collected our menus. Was I ready for it to be out there so soon after dumping Hamish like I had?
“C’mon, Josie,” Violet said, leaning forward. “It’s only a matter of time before everyone finds out. It’s me and Linc we’re talking about. Those boys are cut from the same egg, and you’re one of my best friends. Who better to trust than us?”
I frowned and picked up a serviette to keep my hands occupied. Worrying it between my fingers, I shrugged.
“Linc already suspects,” she added. “You know if he asks Dean, he’ll just come clean.”
Yeah, I knew it all right. They took the twin thing to the extreme, and it was only a matter of time before our secret was out. Maybe keeping it locked up inside was causing me to overanalyze and to put more pressure on our relationship than was necessary.
It would be damn nice to talk to another woman about it, and Violet would be great. She’d gone through a great deal of therapy and had begun studying psychology at the University of Sydney. She said it herself. It was only a matter of time.
“It was the night of the Gala…” I began. “But we argued about it for a week before that.”
“That’s why you went to Melbourne?” she asked gently.
“He rejected me, and I was hurt…but when I got back, he’d changed his mind,” I explained. “I thought it was for the best considering I was just out of a relationship and he was still hooked on an old crush, but he wouldn’t let up.”
Violet was smiling at me like a moron.
“What?” I asked, slightly disturbed by her enthusiasm.
“I think it’s great,” she said. “You guys are perfect together. You’re the challenge he desperately needs.”
I tilted my head to the side. “And what is he to me?”
“Everything you were trying to turn Hamish into,” she replied matter-of-factly. “Professional, strong, dependable, hotheaded…and right here in Sydney.”
Dammit, she was right. That girl was a certified shrink already.
“Why don’t you want anyone to know?” she added. “I think it’s great you guys are trying to make things work.”
“We’ve just got too much baggage to be going out and declaring our status to the world,” I replied. “It might fall apart before it’s even begun…”
“That’s why you need to fight. Love doesn’t just fall into your lap.” She snorted and shook her head. “Maybe in romance novels and the odd freaky real-life miracle, but for most people, it’s hard work. This is normal for people like you guys. You’ve got shit to work through.”
“We knew it was going to be hard, but I can already feel things starting to spiral, and it’s only been a week.”
“You can always talk to me about it,” she said. “And Ren, too. She went through some heavy stuff with my brother before they managed to get it together. It might not be exactly the same as you and Dean, but I know she’d want to help.”
“I think she’s still mad at me for what I did at the wedding,”
I said with a sigh.
“No, I don’t think she is anymore. I know Ren, and she never holds onto a grudge. Well, except Monica.” She raised her eyebrows. “That’s one she’s pretty justified in keeping.”
I groaned, leaning my elbows on the table and letting my head fall into my hands. “Don’t remind me.”
“Shit,” Vee said. “I’m sorry. Think about it this way. If she and Dean were really going to be together, they’d be together. I can’t see it happening.”
“He went to see her after the wedding,” I said, old anxieties beginning to simmer.
“I know…”
“Nothing happened, and he said he had closure, but I still worry.”
“He’d be a fool to drop you for a bitch like her.”
“Ten years is a long time to wait for somebody…”
“And he’s finally seen the light if he’s trying to make things work with you.” Violet smiled reassuringly, but I wasn’t sure she was feeling it, either.
“What do I do?” I asked, hoping she knew the way forward or at least which direction to step in first.
“Time,” she replied. “That’s what I learned in therapy when I first started seeing Lincoln. Take small steps every day, and before you know it, you’ll have traveled the entire road.”
“You really think…”
“You guys have a lot of things to work through, but you’ve both taken the biggest step…which is the first one. From here, it’ll take time. If it’s worth it, he’ll still be there with you at the end.”
I wanted to believe her, but I was beginning to think Dean would be the one standing at the end of the road while I lagged behind until I fell off the path completely.
What the hell was wrong with me?
Dean was everything I wanted. He was the one I wanted to wake up next to. He was the only man I wanted to touch me. He was a man worth fighting for, and he wanted me.
He wanted me.
Time to cast my doubts and fears aside and fucking leap.
18
Dean
Scowling at my brother, I picked up my water bottle and contemplated throwing it at the back of his head.