Deadly Deceptions

by Linda Lael Miller

  Tucker didn’t answer. What could he have said?

  “How’s the investigation going?” I asked, to get things started again. I wanted to hold Tucker in my arms, get naked with him and lose myself in the wonderful world of multiple orgasms. I couldn’t, because even if he wasn’t having sex with Allison, he was in too deep. So I settled for stretching the conversation as far as I could, just so I could hear the sound of his voice.

  Pitiful.

  “It’s not,” Tucker said glumly.

  I decided it might be in my best interests to be forthcoming about my plans to visit Helen Erland that evening, though I wasn’t about to let him know she was trying to arrange for me to see Vince in jail. He would have blocked that, on general principle. He’d hear about it after the fact, of course, but by then it would be too late.

  I threw him a bone. Part of the truth. But, hey, that’s better than nothing, isn’t it?

  “Mrs. Erland asked me to investigate Gillian’s murder,” I said, and braced myself for meteor impact. Oceans were going to overflow. Continents would shift. A new ice age would begin.

  And here’s me, the flash-frozen mammoth with fresh grass in its mouth.

  “When,” Tucker countered evenly, “did you speak with Helen?”

  “Today at the convenience store where she works,” I answered after swallowing. “Gillian appeared in my car at Wal-Mart, and she wanted to see her mother. So I took her there.”

  “Mojo, if you compromise this case—”

  “I might solve it, you know.”

  “As far as the sheriff’s office is concerned, it is solved.”

  “Not what you said on the news this morning, Detective Darroch.”

  “Look, Mojo, there’s an official investigation going on here, and it’s delicate.”

  I ignored that. I was in charge of the unofficial investigation. “Helen doesn’t think he did it. Vince, I mean. And neither does Gillian.”

  “Helen is out of her head with grief, and she doesn’t want to believe Erland’s guilty. As for Gillian—well, I hate to tell you this, Sheepshanks, but ghost testimony doesn’t hold up in court.”

  I glanced in Justin’s direction, hoping he’d left.

  He was still sitting on the couch, and he was listening. For all I knew, he could hear Tucker’s side of the conversation as well as mine.

  “It’s not easy being a ghost,” I said.

  Tucker sighed again. He sighed a lot whenever we talked about my strange new talent for seeing dead people. I could only conclude that he wanted me for my body, not my mind.

  It was a sure bet it wasn’t my detective skills.

  “Moje,” Tucker said. “I’m not sleeping with Allison.”

  I would have replied, “And I’m not sleeping with you,” if Justin hadn’t been there, taking it all in.

  “Whatever,” I answered.

  “Stay away from Helen Erland.”

  “No. But thanks for the input.”

  “Mojo—”

  I hung up.

  “I could find out if he’s sleeping with her,” Justin said.

  “Justin,” I answered, “don’t help.”

  He grinned. “It’s not like I don’t have time on my hands,” he reasoned. “I could help you solve the case, too.”

  “How?”

  “By spying on people. I’m invisible to most of them, remember. That could come in very handy.”

  “I’ve got a better idea, Justin,” I said. “Go home.”

  “I can’t. My mom’s too sad. It’s a bummer.”

  “That isn’t the home I was talking about.”

  “I have to wait for Pepper,” he told me decisively. “He’s old and he might get lost or something. It won’t be long, and I might as well make myself useful in the meantime.”

  My throat closed and my sinuses clogged up instantly.

  “Do you think they let dogs into heaven?” Justin asked. “Because I’m not going if they don’t.”

  I started to cry.

  Justin blipped out.

  Alive or dead, men can’t stand tears.

  JOLIE ARRIVED while I was rooting through the cupboards looking for something that could reasonably be expected to morph into lunch.

  “You look terrible,” she said after letting herself in.

  “Do you think dogs are allowed in heaven?” I asked.

  “Sit down,” Jolie ordered. “You’re a train wreck.”

  I slumped into a chair at the kitchen table.

  Jolie washed her hands at the sink—a good thing, since she’d probably been dropping pieces of Alex Pennington into evidence bags all morning—and opened a can of soup. “Greer’s not back from shopping yet?” she asked, getting out a saucepan.

  I shook my head.

  “It will be interesting to see how she reacts to the news,” Jolie said, plopping the contents of the soup can into the saucepan. “Do you ever buy groceries?”

  I ignored the grocery gibe. Jolie cooked. It made sense that she had a fixation with supermarkets. To me, they were just places where I ran into crazy stalkers and dead people. “Greer,” I said evenly, “did not riddle Alex with bullets and leave him to rot in the desert.”

  “Don’t be so free with the gory details, okay? I could get fired if anybody finds out I called you from the crime scene.”

  Guilt washed over me. I bit my lower lip. Who needs collagen when you can get the plump look by gnawing on yourself? “I might have let something slip to Tucker,” I confessed.

  Jolie stared at me, her eyes going huge and round. She was beautiful, even clad in khaki shorts, a Phoenix PD T-shirt and hiking boots. Her long hair, done up in about a million skinny braids, was tied back with a twisted bandana. “Mojo Sheepshanks,” she said, “you didn’t tell him I told you about Alex?”

  “He guessed,” I said.

  “Right,” Jolie snapped, glaring.

  “Not to worry,” I said, holding up two fingers pressed close together. “He and I are like that.”

  Jolie swirled an index finger around one temple. “You and Tucker are like this. Both of you are crazy!”

  “Tucker isn’t,” I said.

  Jolie turned back to the soup, her spine rigid.

  “You’re going to have to sit with Greer tonight,” I told her. “So I hope you don’t have any plans.”

  Jolie didn’t look at me. “And where will you be?”

  “I have some investigating to do.”

  Jolie muttered something I didn’t quite catch, but I thought I heard the words real job in there somewhere.

  “I’ll be back as soon as I can,” I said. “And how hard can it be to hang out with Greer for a couple of hours?”

  Jolie rounded her eyes at me.

  Just then the front door crashed open, and Greer came in. She went immediately to the cupboards and started ripping through them, a one-armed marauder. She found a package of Oreos—Nick liked to smell them, and even though I seriously doubted he’d ever be back, I kept them around just in case—and started stuffing them into her mouth, two at a time.

  I figured a size-twenty-two wardrobe might be one of the dark secrets hidden in my foster sister’s mysterious past.

  “Alex is dead,” she said, spewing crumbs. “He’s dead!”

  Jolie and I exchanged glances.

  “Sit down, Greer,” I said as Jolie pulled back a chair and pushed her into it. Greer looked up at us, her mouth rimmed with cookie dust.

  “What?” I threw in when nobody spoke, hoping it sounded as if the news had come as a shock.

  “The bastard isn’t off boinking some floozy,” Greer informed us, wild-eyed. “He’s a cadaver!”

  “Calm down,” I said, “and tell us what happened.”

  Greer’s eyes filled with tears. She opened her mouth, shoved in three more Oreos and tried to talk around them. “I just got a call from the police,” she said, the words garbled. “Some hikers stumbled across Alex’s body in the desert this morning. He’d been shot.”
r />   I tossed Jolie a See? She’s surprised kind of look.

  Jolie took the soup off the burner and set the saucepan aside.

  “What am I going to do?” Greer asked.

  Jolie pulled up a third chair and sat down. “You can start by telling us whether or not you killed him,” she said.

  Greer gasped, and then went into a choking fit. Obviously she still hadn’t swallowed all the Oreo residue.

  I jumped up and pounded on her back, while Jolie got her some water.

  “Killed him?” Greer gasped once she’d recovered the ability to breathe.

  “The man was probably cheating on you,” Jolie said evenly after flinging a shut-up glance in my direction. “He’d moved out and you hired Sherlock here to get the proof. The police are going to want to know if you offed him, Greer, or paid somebody else to do it.”

  Greer bolted for the bathroom.

  Power vomiting ensued.

  “Good work,” I told Jolie in a harsh whisper. “Why didn’t you just ask her how much she stood to inherit and when she plans to remarry?”

  Jolie glowered me into silence.

  We both got up and tracked Greer to the bathroom.

  She was on her knees, with her head over the toilet bowl, dry heaving.

  When she stopped, I soaked a washcloth in cool water and squatted to wipe off her face.

  Jolie flushed the john and spritzed the air freshener.

  “You can’t possibly think I would murder my own husband!” Greer sobbed as Jolie and I helped her to her feet. I looked at her cast, due to come off in a few weeks, and wished it had been on her right arm instead of her left. If it had been, she couldn’t have shot Alex.

  “Look, Greer,” Jolie said fiercely, though she was stroking Greer’s back as she spoke, “the cops will give you a day or two to catch your breath, then they’re going to be in your face, wanting a lot of answers. Talk to us.”

  “I didn’t kill Alex!”

  We ushered her back to the living room and sat her down in a leather armchair, facing the empty fireplace.

  “You can tell us if you did,” Jolie said. “We’ll help you.”

  Greer shook her head. “It was probably that bitch Beverly,” she said. “I need wine.”

  “No, you don’t,” Jolie argued quietly. “I know you’ve had a shock, and I’m sorry. But you can’t afford to crawl into a bottle and pretend none of this is happening, because it is. When did you see Alex last?”

  Greer considered. “The day after Lillian’s funeral,” she replied. “He came by to pick up some of his things. He said he wasn’t really leaving—that we just needed some time apart to get perspective.”

  Greer might have been getting perspective, I thought. Alex had probably been getting nooky instead.

  “Where was he going?” I asked after a sour glance at Jolie, thinking hey, I’m the detective around here.

  “He said he’d be staying at the Biltmore.”

  That figured. The Biltmore is posh—nothing but the best for Alex Pennington, M.D., and the bimbo du jour.

  “Did you check?” Jolie pressed. “Call the hotel to find out if he was really there alone and not staying with a girlfriend?”

  Greer’s right hand knotted into a white-knuckled fist. “No,” she said, gazing up at me. “I paid Mojo to do that kind of dirty work.”

  “I was a little busy,” I pointed out.

  “I want my retainer back,” Greer said.

  “Fine,” I told her.

  “Stop bickering,” Jolie said. “Both of you!”

  Greer and I both subsided.

  “A man is dead,” Jolie informed us. “Let’s stay on the subject.”

  Greer let out a wail.

  A man is dead, I thought with a mental snort. Gee, maybe I ought to offer Jolie a partnership in Sheepshanks, Sheepshanks and Sheepshanks. She had such a keen eye for detail.

  But then, she’d expect a paycheck.

  Back to sole proprietorship.

  “I think Beverly killed him in a drunken rage,” Greer said with frightening clarity. “Alex just spent a fortune to send her to some fancy rehab center, but I’ll bet she was swilling gin on the plane back. Are there any more cookies?”

  The whole conversation went like that. I wondered why anybody would want to be a cop—or a private investigator, for that matter. And I seriously considered applying for a blue greeter’s vest at Wal-Mart. The dead guy and I would probably get along fine.

  AT SIX-FIFTEEN that evening I pulled into Helen Erland’s dirt driveway. She lived in a double-wide on one of those acre plots with “horse facilities,” meaning pipe fences, a rusted feeder and a beat-up tin roof the animals could stand under to get out of the merciless Arizona sun. When the place had been new, it was probably pretty remote; now it was surrounded by the ever-encroaching stucco houses people like Helen couldn’t afford.

  There weren’t any horses.

  Before I could knock, the inside door opened and Helen peered out at me through the screen. She was wearing baggy shorts and a short-sleeved plaid shirt, and her feet were bare, with blue foam cushions wedged between the toes. Not too grief stricken for a pedicure, then, I reflected, and instantly hated myself for thinking that way.

  Lillian used to tell Greer, Jolie and me that you couldn’t help the thoughts that came into your head, but you didn’t have to let them stick around.

  “Thanks for coming,” Helen said, stepping back so I could come inside.

  Gillian was sitting in a little rocking chair over by the fake fireplace, the kind with light-up logs inside.

  I didn’t acknowledge her, of course, until Helen turned away to clear some laundry off one end of the couch so I could sit down.

  Gillian returned my thumbs-up signal—I guess it qualified as sign language—but she looked so sad and small sitting there.

  I sized up the living room. Despite the laundry, it wasn’t messy. The carpet looked clean, and there was no dust on top of the TV, which was muted but on, or beer cans on the coffee table. An electric picture of Jesus and the apostles in a boat filled most of one wall, but the plug was pulled.

  “That belonged to my mother,” Helen said fondly, having followed my gaze. “It’s awful, isn’t it?”

  Before, I’d just felt sorry for Helen Erland. Now I began to like her. But I wasn’t stupid enough to dis a picture of Jesus, even if it did light up.

  “Mom treasured it,” Helen went on when I didn’t comment. “I keep it around because it reminds me of her.”

  I nodded. I barely remembered my own mother, since she’d died when I was small, but I’d just lost Lillian, and her ratty old chenille bathrobe was hanging in my closet at the apartment. I had her tarot cards, too.

  I understood about keeping things.

  “You want a beer or a soda or something?” Helen asked. She was a little nervous. Putting me on the trail of Gillian’s killer had probably seemed like a good idea at the time. Now I figured she was having second thoughts.

  “Diet cola, if you have it,” I said.

  Helen got up and pigeon-toed it into the kitchen. Her toenails glowed neon-pink.

  Gillian and I exchanged looks again.

  I signaled for her to leave the room.

  She shook her head and sat tight in the little rocker.

  “Tell me about your husband,” I said when Helen came back and handed me a cold can of soda. “I understand he was arrested for solicitation of a minor.”

  “That was before I met him,” Helen said. “And he said she came on to him, that girl.”

  I decided I’d never get the straight story on that from Helen, and made a mental note to look elsewhere. Like straight into Vince Erland’s eyes, when and if I got to speak to him. I did say, “Men sometimes lie about things like that.”

  Helen flushed. “Vince didn’t do it,” she reiterated. “He didn’t proposition a teenage girl, and he sure as hell didn’t kill Gillian.”

  “Let’s go back even further,” I said modera
tely, popping the top on the diet cola. Gillian’s last name was Pellway, not Erland, so there must have been an ex-husband or a boyfriend in the picture. “You were married before, right?”

  Helen tested her toenails for dryness and pulled the blue foam cushions out. Set them carefully on the end table beside the old leather recliner and sat down. A dull flush rose under her ears. “Yes,” she said. “To Benny Pellway. He’s doing twenty to life in the state pen for armed robbery.”

  I didn’t need to take notes. The Damn Fool’s Guide to a Photographic Memory. “He’s Gillian’s biological father?” I asked.

  Helen lifted her ponytail off her neck and fixed it to the top of her head with a pink squeeze-clip. “Yes,” she said.

  “Are there any other children in the family?”

  Helen shook her head, and her eyes brimmed with tears. “No,” she replied. “Vince and I were talking about having a baby, though.”

  “Where does Vince work?” I was miles behind the police, I knew, but I could still ask his fellow employees what kind of man he was. And it was always possible that Tucker and the others might have missed something.

  “He was between jobs,” Helen said. Her chin jutted out a little way, as though she expected me to denounce Vince Erland as a bum, and she was prepared to defend him.

  “How far between?” I asked.

  “He worked for a furniture company, delivering couches and stuff, until about six months ago,” she said. “Then he got downsized.”

  “Do you have any family pictures or albums or anything?” Except for Jesus and the disciples, the paneled walls were bare.

  Helen sniffled, got up out of the chair and opened the cabinet under the TV. Brought out several framed school photos of Gillian, along with a couple of thick albums.

  “I had to put them away,” she said, referring to the shots of a smiling Gillian, posing against a plain blue background.

  “I understand,” I told her.

  Gillian began to rock slowly in her little chair.

  “It’s the oddest thing, the way that chair moves on its own sometimes,” Helen said.

  “Probably a draft,” I answered, unable to look at her.

  “Probably,” Helen agreed with a sigh.