He shifted position and finally looked at her. “No. It’s just hard for me to sleep. Sometimes I dream….”
Something stirred inside Ali, and she took his hand. “Are you having nightmares about the accident?”
He shook his head. “I still can’t remember anything about that day. I dream about being in a coma again.”
She squeezed his hand. “Oh, Jake. I’m sorry.” She brushed his hair from his forehead, like she’d done for Joanie so many times. It seemed to relax him, and he closed his eyes. After a few minutes, she caught his even breathing and knew the pills were working.
She was surprised that he didn’t remember the day of the accident. Her thoughts turned to Cliff, recalling his comments that he was to blame for what happened that day. Ali prayed that that wasn’t true. Jake’s remembering could be a nightmare.
About five, Jake woke up, managed to get back into his wheelchair and made a trip to the bathroom by himself. Afterward he wheeled the chair into the kitchen and found June cooking dinner.
“Well, my word, Jake, seems you’re managing just fine.”
“With all my military training, I’m pretty resourceful.”
“Just don’t be too foolish with your independence. I know after my stroke, I wanted to show everyone that I wasn’t an invalid. My stubbornness nearly put me back into the hospital.”
“I’m not breaking any rules,” he protested. “See. I’m in the chair, my leg is elevated.” He glanced around and discovered that Joanie was in her playpen. “I just wanted to see my girl.” He wheeled his chair toward the child as she stood up and held on to the raised side. “Hi, Joanie.” He glanced at June. “You think she knows me?”
“Of course she knows you. See that smile? She doesn’t hand those out to just anyone.”
“I mean, do you think she knows I’m her father?”
“Give her time, Jake.”
Joanie held her hands out and began to fuss.
“What does she want?”
“Don’t let her con you, Dad. She wants her freedom. But while I’m fixing dinner, it’s safer if she’s right where I can keep an eye on her.”
“I can watch her.”
Gran June began to laugh. “You can’t keep up with her to watch her.”
“How can she cause trouble? She can’t even walk.”
“I guess you haven’t been around too many children. Joanie crawls and she’s fast. She also pulls herself up on the furniture and breaks things. Worse, she can hurt herself. So while we can’t keep a close eye on her, she has to be in the playpen.”
“It just seems cruel to keep a child cooped up.”
“Jake, this is the first time today she’s been in there. I spent over an hour upstairs playing with her in her room. But Joanie needs to learn to entertain herself, too. Usually she does very well while I fix dinner.” June glanced at the clock. “Besides, Joanie knows that when her mother comes home from work, she’ll have playtime.”
“So Ali gets to play with Joanie every day?”
June nodded, then went to the oven and checked inside on dinner. “Before you ended up in the hospital, she was home every night and on weekends. Ali’s wonderful with Joanie. And if you want to find out any more, Jake, I suggest you sit back and observe the mother of your child.”
Jake was embarrassed. “I know Ali is a good mother, but I’m worried that she doesn’t get to spend enough time with Joanie.”
“And just how am I to do that?”
Both Jake and Gran June turned to see that Ali had arrived home. Joanie let out a squeal of delight. Ali gave Jake a stern look as she hung up her coat, then went to her daughter and picked her up.
“How’s my girl?” She kissed her daughter’s cheeks until she giggled. Then Joanie patted her mother’s cheeks in return. It was obviously part of their game. Jake felt a little left out.
“Joanie, now give Daddy a kiss,” Ali suggested.
Ali held Joanie in her arms, allowing the baby to lean down and place a sloppy kiss on Jake’s face.
“Thank you, Joanie.” He took the child from Ali and placed her on his lap, careful not to disturb his injured leg. The child sat there, looking a little confused, then she smiled and clapped her hands.
Ali gave Joanie a toy, which quickly went into her mouth. Just as swiftly Jake reached up and took Ali’s hand. “I didn’t mean that you weren’t a good mother. I just want you to be able to spend time with her. She’s just a baby.”
“Don’t you think that I want that, too? But the reality is I have to work for a living. And if I didn’t have Gran June, I’d probably have to put our daughter into day care. Joanie’s one of the lucky ones.”
“Let me help you.”
“Jake, your money will help, but I need to work to get health insurance for both me and Joanie. I’m a single mother.” She picked up her daughter from Jake’s lap. “C’mon, sweetie. I need to get out of my work clothes and I think you could use a diaper change.” She headed out of the room without a backward glance.
Gran June came up beside Jake. “She’s not the same shy girl you remember. Ali’s had to grow up fast these past few years. Don’t underestimate her.”
Jake shook his head. Never. His only concern was how he was ever going to get her to need him in her life.
After a quiet supper, Ali stopped by Jake’s room to make sure he was settled for the night.
“I thought it was nice of your dad to send over the flat screen and DVD player. There’s even some movies.”
“I don’t watch much television.”
She held up some DVDs. “These are movies. There’s Pirates of the Caribbean, Ocean’s Eleven and Twelve, and The Bourne Identity.”
Jake didn’t want to spend the night alone. Ever since Ali had overheard his conversation with June, she’d been ignoring him. If he could take the words back, he would. The last thing he wanted was for Ali to feel he was critical of her as a mother. Somehow he had to get their relationship back on track.
“I’ll watch one if you’ll stay,” he suggested. “I’ll even let you pick.”
She shook her head. “I have to get up early.”
“Tomorrow is Saturday, and you don’t work.”
She raised an eyebrow. “But Joanie still gets up early.”
“I’ll be up. You bring our daughter downstairs, and I’ll feed her breakfast and dress her.”
Ali laughed. “Oh, I should do just that to show you what hard work she is.”
“I can handle it. Just because I’m in a wheelchair doesn’t mean I’m incapable. My hands work just fine. Since I’ve lifted weights all my adult life, there is nothing wrong with my upper-body strength.”
“Fine,” she agreed. “You have yourself a deal. But when I bring her down tomorrow, you better be awake.”
They decided on a movie. Ali hurried into the kitchen for popcorn and soda. By the time she returned, Jake had repositioned himself on the left side of the bed, with his injured leg on the far side.
“Come on.” He patted the empty spot next to him. “There’s plenty of room.” He had the remote in his hand and started the movie. “Will we need tissues?”
Ali put down the tray and smacked his arm. “Just shut up and watch the movie, Hawk.” She kicked off her sneakers and climbed on the bed. He couldn’t help but notice she stayed on her side.
The music began, setting a romantic mood. Ali handed the popcorn to Jake. He gave her a sideways glance. “You sure you’re not going to cry?”
“Not unless you eat all the popcorn,” she teased as she took a handful. “It is a good movie, Jake. Very romantic.”
“Oh, a chick flick.”
“You said I could pick the movie.”
Jake raised his hand in surrender. “Okay.” He’d agree to anything to get Ali to stay close.
“I can handle it.”
Ali smiled and he had to stop himself from pulling her into his arms.
Two hours later, the last song swelled, signaling the end of t
he movie. Jake found that he liked the story.
He turned to say something to Ali, only to discover her eyes were closed. He smiled. She’d fallen asleep. He started to shake her, then stopped. The last time he’d seen her asleep was at the cottage. It had been after they’d made love. It had been Ali’s first time….
Jake closed his eyes and recalled how giving she’d been. Her touches and simple caresses had brought him to pleasure like nothing he’d ever experienced before. She’d given to him freely that night, erasing all the painful memories, the pain of rejection. If only he could have returned the favor.
Jake managed to roll to his side and laid his head on the pillow next to hers.
Ali was a pretty woman. She had pale skin with only a light dusting of freckles across the bridge of her nose. Her lips were well shaped, the lower full and pouty.
He pulled back, wondering why he couldn’t see any comparison to her twin, Darcie. He knew that physically they looked alike, but he’d never thought they were identical. He’d never really noticed Ali until the night they’d made love. But her tenderness and caring had drawn him to her.
His gaze lowered to her sweater. It was heavy enough to hide the generous swell of her breasts, but he knew they were fuller than he’d remembered. Was it from breast-feeding their daughter?
An ache tightened his chest. He wished he could have shared that time with the mother of his child. His gaze continued the journey down to her long legs, and a sudden jolt caused more havoc. This examination was a bad idea.
“Ali, wake up,” he whispered. He touched her arm, knowing he had to resist temptation.
She responded with a soft moan and rolled to her side, then curled her warm, shapely body against his. Her arm came across his chest as she rested her head on his shoulder.
Jake froze. “Oh, boy.” What was he supposed to do now?
He wanted nothing more than to go to sleep with Ali in his arms. But he needed to establish some trust here. The night in the cottage, he had blamed the beer he’d drunk for clouding his judgment. But the minute he’d kissed Ali, he became full awake. She had stirred things inside him that he’d never felt for Darcie. Then he took everything she offered so freely.
What had he given her?
Heartache.
For eighteen months, she’d thought that he’d deserted her. She’d had to raise their child by herself. Put up with the gossip in town. Well, he was back, and he’d prove that he was here for her now, if she needed him. Taking advantage of her while she was sleeping wouldn’t gain her trust.
“Ali,” he said more firmly. “Wake up.”
Ali murmured something, but finally opened her eyes. Jake smiled at her confused look. “The movie is over, and you missed a great ending.”
“Oh, gosh.” She sat up and rubbed her eyes. “I’m sorry. I fell asleep.”
“You don’t need to apologize. I never should have insisted you stay up. I’m selfish. You came and visited me at the hospital for weeks, and my first night home I make you sit with me.”
Ali smiled. “I wanted to, Jake. Everyone hates to be alone sometimes. I’m glad you’re out of the hospital.” She got off the bed. “I better head upstairs. Do you need anything else before I go?”
He shook his head, afraid of what he might say.
“Good night, Jake.”
She walked out the door. Jake listened as she climbed the stairs, then walked into the room above his. He closed his eyes, willing himself to relax, but his body wouldn’t cooperate.
He wondered—and hoped just a little—if Ali was having trouble getting back to sleep, too.
At seven o’clock the next morning, a tired Ali carried her freshly diapered daughter downstairs. Joanie’s usual playful mood wasn’t reciprocated by her mother. Thanks to Jake, Ali had lain awake for hours last night, and just before dawn she’d made herself several promises. The first and foremost was to stay far away from Jake Hawkins’s bedroom. Others included not letting him touch her or kiss her. She couldn’t think straight when he did.
Besides, the only thing he could offer her was heartache. He would always belong to Darcie.
She walked into the kitchen and stopped. Jake was seated at the table, dressed in a bathrobe draped open in a large V, exposing too much of his bare chest. She swallowed as Joanie squealed happily, nearly jumping out of her mother’s arms.
Jake smiled at his daughter. “Good morning, Joanie.” Then his penetrating stare moved over Ali, taking in her flannel gown and old chenille robe. “Good morning, Ali-cat. How did you sleep?” he asked in a husky voice.
“Just fine,” she lied as she tried to tame her wild hair. “What are you doing up?”
He grinned again. “I’m military, remember? I’m used to getting up at dawn,” he said, then frowned. “That’s not always true. Sometimes I’m up all night on a surveillance, so I’ve learned to make a decent cup of coffee.” He pushed his wheelchair back from the table and went to the coffeepot. “Want some?”
“Sure.” She pulled the high chair beside the table and placed her daughter in it. “Where’s Gran June?”
“She had to take some things over to the church for the seniors club’s rummage sale.”
“Oh, I forgot. I was supposed to help her.”
“June said she’s going back in the afternoon. You can help then.”
Ali watched as Jake wheeled his chair toward her. They exchanged glances, and Ali thought back to last night…the movie…being with Jake…in his bed. Again a tingle shot through her. Quickly she broke eye contact, went to the stove and turned on the teakettle. “Oh, I wanted to tell you that Gran June has Thanksgiving dinner here,” Ali said abruptly. “She usually invites family and friends. This year she wants to invite your dad,” she added as she pulled down the oatmeal and poured some into a bowl.
“I know. June already asked me. I told her that it was her house. She can do what she wants.” He looked at Joanie and his somber expression changed to a smile. “You think I could feed her this morning?” he asked.
“If she’ll let you. She’s pretty independent.”
“She let me last night,” Jake said as he took Joanie’s hand and kissed it. The child cooed at her daddy, and Jake cooed right back.
Suddenly Ali felt as if she was intruding. Joanie only needed her in the past, but now she wanted her father. Turning away, Ali finished mixing the cereal with milk. She tested the temperature, then gave the plastic bowl to Jake. “Be careful. She’s been known to sling food across the room.”
Jake nodded and took the bowl. He spooned up a small amount and offered it to Joanie. The baby took the spoonful eagerly. The next bite went down, as well, then she tried to grab the spoon. When she didn’t get it, she let out a loud scream.
“My, my. Is that any way for a young lady to act?” Jake said, but relented and handed his daughter her spoon. Joanie ignored her parents and began to eat—and make a mess.
“She’s stubborn.”
“I wonder where she gets that?” Ali said, then she took a long sip of coffee to hide her smile.
“Are you saying I’m stubborn?”
Jake’s smile nearly knocked her off her chair. All Ali could do was nod.
He turned to Joanie. “Well, sweetie, it’s only fair you get something from me since you got your beauty from your mother.”
Ali felt the heat rise to her face. Darcie was the beauty of the family. Ali’s looks leaned more toward cute. She went to the counter and picked up the milk carton. After pouring some into a cup, she snapped on the safety lid and put it in front of Jake. She hoped he couldn’t see her hand shake.
Ali stood back and observed the two for a while, then asked, “Think you can cope while I take a quick shower?”
“Sure, we’ll be okay.” He grinned at the messy-looking child in the high chair. “Won’t we, Joanie?”
Fine, Ali thought. Jake wanted to get to know his daughter. Ali might as well let him see Joanie’s true side. Wait until he gets to change a diape
r, she thought. He’d probably set land speed records wheeling his chair back to his dad’s place.
Ali went to her bedroom at the head of the stairs. The yellow walls had faded over the years, but with Joanie, Ali hadn’t had any extra time to repaint. The double bed still had the same white ruffled bedspread that she’d had when she started high school. Darcie’s room was identical, except she’d chosen everything in blue.
Most of Ali’s school things, like yearbooks and banners, had been put away, but she knew she could open a certain drawer and locate a picture of Jake Hawkins. To prove her point, she went to the mahogany dresser and slid open the bottom drawer. Sorting through her sweaters, she found the small wood-carved jewelry box that Jake had given her as a Christmas gift. From the time Jake had met Darcie, he’d spent nearly every holiday in the Pierce home, and he’d always come bearing gifts for the family. The year she and Darcie were seniors, Darcie had received a pearl necklace, and Ali had gotten the jewelry box.
Ali told herself that she was no longer the silly girl with a crush, that she’d only kept the photos for Joanie. But when she opened the box and found a picture of Jake and her years younger, her heart soared. She looked at the next one, a time when they were all together at the lake cottage. A boyish-looking Jake was pushing her on the tire swing down at the water’s edge. A smile spread across Ali’s face. Life had been so carefree back then. Their problems were no more than who was going to ask you to the prom, or flunking Algebra II.
She sank to the bed. Now she was a twenty-five-year-old woman. Problem was, she’d also realized that Jake was definitely a man.
Her fingers touched the photo. Every time he’d gotten close to her, her body told her she still wanted him. Her heart told her she still cared. But her head told her not to get involved, she’d only be hurt again. And she knew she couldn’t handle that a second time.
Twenty minutes later, Ali returned to the kitchen to find that her grandmother had taken charge of Joanie.
“Where’s your daddy? Did you tire him out?” she asked, stooping over the baby’s playpen.
Baby, Our Baby! Page 9