Fourteen
LYING IN BED, FOR WHAT
seemed like a long time, sleep never came over me. After tossing and turning for the hundredth time, I kicked the sheets off of me, and wiped the sweat from my forehead, getting out of bed, frustrated. All I could think about was Alec. I just lay there reliving those few memories I had of him. My mind wandered to the pool, the pool sounded really good; hopefully I could drown some thoughts away. Rummaging through my underwear drawer, I found a totally inappropriate suit. Perfect. Slipping on a pretty sexy swim suit that no one would see but me felt good. Taking a towel and wrapping it around me, I peeked out my door. All clear.
The pool was empty, just as I knew it would be. It was really dark; the little lanterns that surrounded the pool and hung in the trees on the deck gave very little light.
I set my towel down and put a toe in the water, wanting to test it, in case it was cold. It was heated, sweet! I sat on the steps and leaned back, letting the water engulf my hair. The stars were so bright on this crisp late spring night. Enjoying the fresh air, I closed my eyes. My thoughts unfortunately were not disappearing, as I knew they wouldn’t. But the warm water was nice against my body.
The feeling of deep sadness lingered in my chest. I knew what I had to do, but a very large part of me didn’t want to. Who in their right mind would go after someone they loved, and kill them? It was a task I wasn’t sure I could even accomplish.
Sitting up just enough so that my head was out of the water, I heard a noise. I had the sudden feeling someone was watching me, and I became rigid and sat up rapidly. My eyes glanced around the pool area. It was so dark that I could only make out the spots that the lanterns lit. This was not much light.
By the outskirts of the pool area was someone standing very still and quiet. My eyes were desperately trying to see who it was. My heart was beating very fast in my chest. My immediate thought was Derek. Had he found me? The shadow moved more toward the light, illuminating the face of Alec. He stood very quietly as he watched me. Silent stalker, I thought, and I smiled, then quickly frowned. I didn’t want to discuss things at this point. I became self-conscious under his gaze.
"You scared me half to death!" I said to him. I could see his grin. He came closer and took a seat near the edge of the pool.
"Why don’t you join me?" I asked, splashing the water with my hands.
I was happy to see he wasn’t mad enough to really stay away from me.
"Will you please make up your mind?” he said quietly.
Confused, I just looked at him. "What do you mean?"
"Hmmmm, where do I begin? You give me mixed signals. For instance, leading me on by kissing me and looking at me like you are now. Telling me to leave you alone this evening. And yet here you are with come hither eyes on me asking me to swim with you."
He was right. I wish everything wasn’t so complicated, but it was. I wanted to push him away to keep him safe, so I could leave without conflict. But the truth was that every fiber of me thought about Alec; I wanted to protect him. Yet I yearned for him, my heart needed him. He was looking at me so vulnerably.
Sensing he wasn’t going to join me, I decided to get out of the pool, to wrap myself in my warm towel. As I walked out, I forgot the bikini I wore, it was a little Brazilian bathing suit that left little to the imagination. If I thought Alec’s eyes went wide at the first sight of me in the dress I wore to dinner, my first night, that had nothing on this look. I knew I looked pretty darn good in it, too. He had a hard time concealing his expression. He was openly admiring my body; I don’t think he ever saw me this clothesless before.
"I’m sorry for what I said; I didn’t want to hurt you," I told him. I placed my towel firmly around my body and sat next to him on the lounge chair.
"I know you don’t want me to be close to you, I can sense it. You’re also hiding something from me. I have this gut feeling you’re going to leave, with ... him." I kept my face expression normal; as if he hadn’t just guessed everything I was going to do. Minus the running away with Derek. I was going to kill him, or that was my plan.
“I’m not running off with him ... I don’t want him, Alec. He just has this weird connection with me. And I’m not the Aimee you once loved. This is who I am now. I’m truly sorry I can’t remember who I was before. I was probably less moody, and stress free. That must have been nice. You’re the last person I want to hurt. I want to protect your heart. In all honesty, I don’t deserve you ... Maybe I can’t love," I said as I longingly looked at the stars.
"I don’t believe that. I know you can love," he said confidently. “And you haven’t changed much, you were moody just the same; I think that’s just who you are,” Alec said, laughing.
I shook my wet hair. “Watch it,” I said, laughing back. Our eyes locked for a brief moment. I broke the trance and played with the end of the towel.
What could I say? My feelings for Alec grew stronger every day. Sitting here next to Alec alone, I felt the electricity sparking between us, making everything that much harder for me.
He reached out and placed his hand on top of mine, which felt warm and wonderful.
I allowed my hair to fall in my face as I closed my eyes. I wanted to give in, to forget everything I had to do. Be strong, Aimee, I told myself. I wanted to be held by Alec and be together. Instead for this moment I gave in a little, I rested my head on his shoulder. Alec’s stiff posture relaxed a bit and he placed his arm around me. We sat like that for a while, letting the peaceful essences of the night sink in.
"Why are you so difficult?" I asked.
"How am I the one who is difficult? You’re the one who can’t make your mind up," he said, chuckling.
"I still don’t know what I want."
"I know that, that’s why I forgive you for earlier, but I also know I mean something to you, so I wait...," he said, softly stroking my hair. "I also came with a message from your mother."
"Oh, yeah? And what does she want, for me to join another committee? Seeing as how much fun I had planning the last one, I can’t wait. Zara is a real hoot.”
Alec chuckled at that. “Yeah, Zara is a stickler for that ... Your mother wants you to go on a trip with her."
"What? And where would we go?" This could actually postpone my trip for Derek. I sat up, glaring at him.
"She wants to take you to see some relatives in France."
"Really, and she expects me to go?" I asked, standing up.
His face was amused as he just nodded at me. “It’s only for a couple of days. You would leave tomorrow and be back in two days."
I would be back and still have time to fulfill my plan.
"Well you can tell her I accept."
"Then you should get some rest because you have a long train ride tomorrow," Alec said.
I was getting really tired, no pun intended, of everyone telling me to get some sleep. Squinting my eyes at Alec and putting my hands on my hips caused my towel to fall off. His face just lit up; he was clearly enjoying himself. Getting mad now, I picked the towel up and gave him a back view of me as I stormed inside. Hearing Alec’s laughing infuriating me more. I was acting like such a child.
Awaken Me Page 11