Ha! Liar, a little voice taunted me in my head. It didn’t matter though. That was my lie and I was sticking to it. It didn’t matter what I felt for him all those years ago, we were totally different people now.
I had noticed something different in his gait since we had been seeing each other again. I hadn’t really asked Beth or Will what had happened to him. I didn’t know why he left his dream job in the military or why I could sometimes smell the barest hint of alcohol on him.
But, as I watched him walk away with that slight limp, I wondered what had happened to him. My phone ringing brought me out of my daze. It was Casey. Something catastrophic must have happened for her to be calling me when I had taken a week off work. “This is Kate.”
“Oh my God, Kate. I’m so sorry to call but Alexis called and she won’t speak to anyone but you and I didn’t know what else to do, and-”
I interrupted her, “I’m on my way to the office right now. Calm down, I’ll be there in five minutes. Tell her I was out to lunch and I’ll call her back shortly, and Casey? Breathe.” I laughed and I heard her huff out a breath.
“Okay, see you in a bit,” she said and hung up the phone.
I got to the office and called Alexis back. She wasn’t very happy about my absence over the past week. “I’m sorry, Alexis. A very dear friend of mine and her husband were killed in that car accident last week. I have guardianship of her kids now.”
“Women work every day with children at home. You must try harder,” she snapped at me.
Her reaction was one I should have expected, but the shock of hearing her callousness was startling. I was getting angry but calmed myself down and simply agreed with her, thankfully realizing that arguing with that degree of rude would get me nowhere. “Yes Alexis I know. Once the adjustment period is over, I will be much more focused. Until then if you have any questions, you have my cell number. You can call me anytime.”
When she finally stopped berating me about my work ethic, she told me her emergency and I was floored. “Imbeciles,” she ranted. “I have nothing but lazy good for nothing imbeciles working in my factory. The dimensions are all wrong.” God that woman was impossible to please, betting my last paycheck that the dimension weren’t wrong, she’d just changed them.
“Let me send you the dimensions again,” I said, trying to appease her, “and we can make sure that everything is going to plan. We have quite a few weeks left until fashion week and we can always unveil the new line there.”
“Fine. See that you do.” She hung up on me. I slumped back in my chair. No matter what, when I spoke to that woman on the phone I always sat with perfect posture, afraid she’d hit me with a ruler if I slouched. I giggled at the thought of Alexis as a school marm.
“What do you need, Casey?” I pressed the button on the intercom that had just buzzed.
“The twins’ school is on the phone for you,” she said slowly and I wondered why the school was calling me, considering Adam was supposed to pick them up. Looking over at the clock on the wall, it was only late morning, so something must have happened.
“Put them through.” I picked up the receiver. “Hello this is Kate.”
“Ms. Nichols, this is principal Decker. I have Jason in the office, he was in a fight this morning.”
“What? He’s only six years old. What could have happened?”
“I’m not sure. He refuses to tell me, but everyone in the cafeteria saw him throw the first punch.”
“Have you called Adam?” I asked warily.
“No ma’am. Jason asked me to call you. I’m sorry, I know Jason and this isn’t like him, but I have to suspend him for the day tomorrow.” He sighed. “I know this is all an adjustment for all of you and he is just lashing out because of the pain, but I can’t let this happen in my school.”
“I understand Principal Decker. I’ll be right there,” I said and hung up the phone.
I grabbed my stuff and bolted from the office. “Casey can you send any important calls to my cell, please? Jason was in a fight at school and I have to go pick him up.”
“What? Sweet little Jason?”
“Yeah, I know. Something isn’t right.” I shook my head and rubbed my temples. I didn’t know what to do. The only one who hadn’t acted out yet was Peyton. It was only a matter of time before she did something too.
I made it to the boys’ school in record time and proceeded down the hallway to the main office. Jason was sitting there with an ice pack on his face and I flinched. “Jace? What happened, buddy?”
He looked up startled then ran over to me and hugged me tight. “He was making fun of Jax because Jax still won’t talk. I told him to leave him alone but he pushed me, so I punched him in the nose.”
Jason sniffled and I looked down at him. He had a black eye and I was seeing red. “Wait right here, okay? I’m gonna go have a chat with Principal Decker.”
Knocking on the Principals door, I waited until he opened it. “Can I have a word with you?”
“Sure thing, Ms. Nichols. Have a seat.”
“I’d rather stand, thank you.”
“Fair enough. What can I do for you?” he asked as he rounded his desk and sat back down in his chair.
“I was just told a very different story about how that whole thing went down, and I swear if something isn’t happening to the other child in question, I will report you to the district.”
He steepled his hands together in a gesture I fully recognized. Many of the senior partners took the same stance when thinking they needed to explain a concept the rest of us were too stupid to figure out. “The other boy was taken to the urgent care with a broken nose. He will be back in school tomorrow with no punishment,” he said in a tone in which he thought I couldn’t argue with. He had never dealt with me before though and these kids had been through enough without little jerks making them feel worse.
“I thought this school had a zero-tolerance policy for bullying. The child in question was bullying Jaxon because he has refused to speak since the death of his parents!” The principal visibly flinched as I walked closer to the edge of his desk. “Jason stuck up for his twin, and you know what that other little boy did? He pushed him. I don’t give a crap what your policies are but we don’t let people push us around and… Jason had every right to defend himself. So, no you will not suspend that little boy from school and label him a trouble maker for being a hero to his brother and standing up for himself.”
I was shaking with rage through the whole speech tired of bullies and everything they represented. Sick to death of good kids getting into trouble just for standing up for themselves. The principal looked at me shrewdly but I held my ground.
“I’m sorry Ms. Nichols but the suspension stands. I can’t have kids in my school resorting to violence instead of going to a teacher and working things out civilly.”
“Well, then. I hope you’re ready to get your ass handed to you by the superintendent,” I replied and stormed out of his office. I looked at the woman at the front desk and stopped. “Can you get Jaxon Byrd up here? I’m taking him home as well.”
“One moment please,” she said and called Jaxon up to the office.
It was a few minutes before Jaxon came up to the office, looking confused. He saw me and ran to me, hugging me around the legs. I thought he was going to cry.
“Hey Jax, it’s okay buddy. Let’s go home.” He nodded as I shot a dirty look over my shoulder to the principal’s open door. He was standing in the doorway watching the scene. His face was almost apologetic, but I didn’t care. I was done.
Pulling my phone out of my purse I dialed Adam. “Hey, I have the boys. Can you pick the girls up after school and meet me at the house, instead of my place?”
“What happened? It’s barely noon.”
“Jace got into a fight and they sent him home. I’m gonna take them both out for ice cream.” I smiled down at the boys.
“You’re taking them for ice c
ream because Jace got suspended from school? What am I missing here?” he asked dumbfounded.
“Jace stood up to a kid who was bullying Jax and while I don’t, in any way, condone violence,” I looked at Jason pointedly, “the kid pushed him first and he defended himself.”
“Good deal. I’ll get the girls. Should I order a pizza for dinner?” he asked with a smile in his voice.
“I think that’s a lovely idea.”
“Okay then, see ya later.”
CHAPTER SIX
ADAM
I had no idea what was going on with the kids, but watching Kate nearly breakdown in the lawyer’s parking lot that morning had my hackles up. I did the only thing I could think of when I got home. Pulling the laptop out, which was covered in dust, I Google searched for grief counselors who dealt primarily with children. There were a ton of them in the city, and I spent the rest of the morning looking at credentials and cross referencing by what insurance plans they accepted.
Just before noon I remembered what I was supposed to be doing and packed up the few measily possessions I owned and called my landlord. I had no idea how long all of us living in that big old house together would last, but the smartest thing to do was to contact the landlord and try for a sublet. Thankfully, Griffin was okay with me breaking the lease early if I needed.
“No man, that’s okay. It will be waiting for you in case you change your mind in the next thirty days. I hope everything works out for you, brother. If you need anything let me know,” Griffin replied.
“Actually, do you know of a good grief counselor that works with kids? I’d prefer it to be down here in Pasadena, but at this point, I’ll travel back up.” Griffin was once a PTSD counselor and having lived in his apartment complex, I knew some serious shit had gone down with his step kids. If anyone knew where to find the best, it would be him.
“Absolutely. I’ll text you the information as soon as we get off the phone. And, Adam? I hope everything works out for you buddy.”
“Thanks Griffin. I hope so too,” I said clicking the phone off, realizing I should have known Griffin would be more than understanding about the lease. He owned the condo complex I and a bunch of other ex-military lived in, and he probably still considered it his duty to protect us all. It would be sad leaving, but strangely, I was looking forward to starting this next chapter of my life… with a family. Something I never thought I’d have.
An hour later, after stuffing my life into the back of my car, I sat in the front seat giving a last look at the building when my phone buzzed. It was Kate. I listened as she told me about the fight and silently cheered Jace for standing up for himself and his twin. Poor Jax was going through enough, he didn’t need to be picked on at school. I felt more relieved than ever that Griffin texted me the information for the grief counselor he knew, who happened to be the same one that I’d found on the internet who worked with the kids’ health insurance.
I was glad as I drove to Beth and Will’s house that I had looked for a counselor, because the only kid who hadn’t started acting out yet was Peyton, and I had a feeling it was only a matter of time before she did too. We needed to nip this thing in the bud before they all got screwed up from it. I knew it was grief, but what I didn’t know was how to fix it. It was obvious based on my own personal struggles that I wasn’t exactly the person to be doling out information. But, one thing was good was that I’d significantly reduced my alcohol consumption rate by more than half in the past week alone.
When I got to the neighborhood, I parked in front of their place and sat in my car and looked at the empty house. I was frozen in place as I stared. Everything looked the same as it had the last time I had been there. I don’t know what I thought it would look like, but the lush green grass and bright yellow paint that showed no signs of peeling, were not it. Since it felt like it was already a lifetime ago and not just a week and a half, I guess I expected the grass to be dead. It would have mirrored my feelings in that moment. Leaning my forehead against the steering wheel, I let the tears fall.
We had all grown up together. I knew Will since we were eight years old. We met Kate and Beth in high school and we both fell in love. Will had been the only person that stuck by me through everything. We had been best friends, like brothers. I had no idea what I was going to do not seeing him all the time. Not being able to call him when I was having a shitty day. How was I supposed to live in their house, knowing I would never see him or Beth again?
I thought about the kids. I had been there when April and Peyton were born, lucky breaks since it had been when I was on leave. The boys came early and I missed it, but they’d Skyped with me after they were born. I loved those kids and I found myself wondering whether I was good enough. How could a broken marine ever raise those kids the way they deserved?
I stayed there in my car crying, having no idea how long before there was a tap on my window. A police officer was standing there looking uncomfortable. I rolled the window down and waited.
“Is there a problem here?” he asked taking in my watering eyes and gruff appearance.
“No sir. Just trying to work up the courage to go inside, sir.”
“Courage is a funny thing. The lack of it is usually all in your head. Have a nice day.”
Well that was odd. But thinking it over, he was right.
I took a deep breath and got out of the car. My legs felt like lead as I walked up the path to the front door. It wasn’t until I was confronted with standing directly in front of the house that I understood Kate’s comments about living there. It was just a house. But, technically that wasn’t true. Will and Beth had made this a home.
Putting the key in the lock, I realized that it was all the happy memories of my friends that made the house so daunting. The structure itself wasn’t the problem. It was the pictures, I knew still hung on the walls. It was the living room, where we sat and opened presents on Christmas Eve. Watching the kids get excited over what Uncle Adam brought them. Watching their faces light up when they saw whatever trinket I bought them from my travels overseas. I wondered if their faces would ever light up like that again. It was just a couple months until Christmas. Their first holiday without their parents. Would they be able to celebrate? Or, would the entire holiday be marred by sadness?
As I stepped into the house, it smelled of fall. How the house could still smell so good even with Beth gone? It was comforting, though, like they were still somehow there. A weight lifted from my shoulders, and I felt for the first time like I had a purpose again. I would make sure those kids had the best Christmas possible. I just didn’t know how I’d make that happen, yet.
CHAPTER SEVEN
KATE
After ice cream the boys seemed a bit better. I still couldn’t get Jax to talk, and it was bothering me more and more. Dread filled me as we made our way toward Pasadena, thinking of my utter lack in knowing how to deal with the whole situation. How was I supposed to live in my best friend’s house? How was I supposed to raise her kids there… with Adam. It was all so surreal. I had talked to the boys about moving back into their house and got a mixed reaction. Jax looked at me in shock, while Jace started talking excitedly about going home. The only reason I considered it was for them. There was nothing I wouldn’t do to help the kids heal. It was strange, but Adam seemed to have an innate knowledge of what to do, more so than I.
Pulling into the driveway of the house, I sat there in shock for a minute. Jace got out and ran to the front door while Jax sat there stock-still looking at the house. I could see the tears forming in his eyes through the rearview mirror. Turning around I motioned him forward and he crawled over the seat and into my lap. I hugged him close while he sniffled.
“I’m sorry buddy. I feel the same way.” I rubbed his head with my chin.
“Why?” I barely heard his soft voice through the rushing in my ears.
“Your parents wanted this. They wanted all of us to live in this house together. That’s what
the lawyer said. Maybe it will make us feel closer to them, but they wanted us all to be happy and for your lives to be as normal as possible,” I said wistfully. “I know it’s hard for you. It’s hard for me too. But, can we try? Together?”
He nodded his head against my chest and wiped his little eyes. I squeezed him before opening the door and letting him out. He stepped out and then waited with an outstretched hand. We were going in together, and I smiled reassuringly before walking up the path to the front door that Jace left open. Jax paused and took a deep cleansing breath before stepping over the threshold. The entire house smelled of apples and cinnamon. It was Beth’s favorite fall scent. I breathed in deeply and smiled. It was nice. It made me feel closer to her in some small way. It was like I was wrapped in a comforting hug. I looked down at Jax and noticed the barely-there smile on his face. “You okay now, buddy?”
He nodded and walked slowly into the house and down the hallway. I was sure that was where Jace had run off to. Looking around the house, I saw no sign of Adam and decided to go see what there was in the kitchen before checking on the girls.
Half the stuff in the refrigerator was expired, so I grabbed the empty trashcan and started clearing out everything that was past its expiration date. I made a mental note of the brands and what the kids liked. Beth wasn’t as health conscious as I was. It was probably why the kids had barely touched their food while at my apartment. Good to know I was practically starving them.
“Whatcha doin’?” I heard a sexy male voice behind me and jumped. His voice still got to me after all those years. Tingles raced up my spine as I turned to look at him. Big mistake! His face and bare chest were glistening with sweat. He had his white T-shirt slung over one shoulder and I groaned internally, watching a bead of sweat as it trailed between the perfectly muscled pecks. He was as fit as ever in his snug blue jeans that were slung low on his hips. That perfect V was showing and unconsciously licked my lips, dazed.
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