Where Rainbows End

He nodded and stood, his expression hollow. ‘Yes, thank you.’

  ‘Come, Douglas, I’ll help you.’ Hilary took his arm and guided him inside.

  Pippa went to sit by her mother’s side as on the horizon came a flash of lightning between billowing clouds.

  ‘How typical of the weather to change too late,’ Esther said, slipping her hand into Pippa’s.

  ‘The rain will put out the lasting fires.’

  ‘It was good of Gil and Mr Ashford to take your father home with them and keep him in their cellar until the funeral tomorrow. I never thought that with the heat in this country funerals have to be arranged quickly. By rights, he should be here with us.’

  ‘It wasn’t possible, Mother, you know that. We don’t have a cold cellar, not one big enough anyway.’

  ‘I know. I understand. Still, it was good of them to do that for us. They are lovely friends to have.’

  ‘They are.’

  ‘And Gil, the poor man. He was in so much pain and so concerned over you.’

  ‘Here comes Robson.’ She didn’t want to think of Gil’s feelings right now. She stared over towards the stables and buildings and watched as Robson made his way up to the house. The weary droop of his shoulder and the slow pace told her more than words of how tired he was.

  ‘That man is a hero,’ her mother murmured, watching him too. ‘I know the fire didn’t reach the house, but he was so calm and organised. He got us to safety. He led us up the other side of the valley and onto a track that led a large waterhole surrounded by rocky cliffs. Have you seen it?’

  ‘Yes, I’ve picnicked there with Gil and Augusta before. It’s a beautiful spot.’

  ‘If the fire had reached that far we would have been safe because the water is deep apparently. I didn’t think I could do it, you know. I’ve never walked so far in my life. My feet are very sore at the moment. But Robson helped me every step of the way. The workmen were wonderful, too. They took the horses with us. Noble Blaze misbehaved something terribly. At one point I expected him to break free and be gone for good.’

  ‘The men handled him well. In fact, they handled everything so very well.’ Pippa looked at Robson as he came up the steps and onto the verandah. ‘Is everything all right, Robson?’

  ‘Yes, miss. I just thought I’d let you know that we’ve retrieved all the harnesses and feed out of the sawpit. The mares and Blaze have been stabled, as I felt a night in would calm them better than being out in the paddocks. They are still a bit skittish.’

  ‘Good thinking. I’ll come down and see them in a moment.’ As she spoke thunder rolled in the distance.

  ‘No need to trouble yourself, miss. You’ve enough to deal with. I’ll sleep in the stables during the night, especially if we have a storm.’

  ‘Robson, you must be exhausted. Perhaps one of the other men can do it?’ Esther smiled at him.

  He wiped a filthy hand over his eyes. ‘Nay, Mrs Noble, I’d prefer to do it myself.’

  Pippa stood as lightning flashed again. ‘I’ll come down and see the men now, before it rains. I want them to know how much we appreciate their efforts today.’

  ‘Very good, miss.’ Robson nodded to Esther. ‘Good evening, Mrs Noble.’

  ‘I’ll be back shortly, Mother.’ Pippa kissed her cheek. ‘You’ll be all right?’

  Standing, her mother slipped her arm through Pippa’s. ‘I think I shall come with you, my dear. A united front and all that. Your father may have gone, but you have me.’

  Emotion tightened her throat and she simply nodded.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Pippa stood by the French doors, where a cool midnight breeze tempered the summer heat. The music drew the dancers to the open floor. A rainbow of colours twirled before her as men swung their partners. Christmas was only a week away and even though the family was still in mourning, they had agreed that Hilary should have a party for her engagement announcement.

  Pippa smiled at her sister, who floated by in the arms of Toby Talbot. Sydney’s elite filled the two floors of the harbourside mansion, whose owner Pippa couldn’t even bear to look at. Grant Lindfield. He’d insisted on hosting the party, much to Pippa’s disgust.

  Her first glimpse of him this evening on arrival had been enough to rattle the slender hold she had on her composure. And when faced with his polite courtesy towards his young wife, it made Pippa feel sick to her shining silver slippers. She knew she didn’t love Grant, not like she once had. However, there was still something within her that quivered at his nearness. It was as though he had hold of her heart and only he could set it free. No matter what she thought or did, he still remained lodged there. Nevertheless, it galled her that Grant had made friends, became known and liked. The devilish part of her wanted the whole town to reject him as he’d rejected her.

  She should have pleaded a headache and remained at the Talbots’ house, only that wouldn’t have been kind to Hilary, whose night this was. But the party atmosphere was lost on her. She ached to be home, but she’d bowed to pressure from her mother that she was needed on this trip into Sydney to recuperate from the tragedies of the bushfire. Then Toby Talbot had proposed to Hilary after seeking an audience with their mother, and, sadly, Pippa felt she was losing another member of her family.

  ‘I do believe you’ve been avoiding me.’ Grant’s whisper behind her ear sent tiny shivers along her arms.

  ‘Why should you believe that?’ She remained unmoving, keeping her gaze on the dancers as he stepped to her side.

  ‘I haven’t seen you laugh all night.’

  ‘I find it hard to laugh when I buried my father only months ago.’

  ‘Of course, forgive me.’ He paled, his blue eyes darkened. ‘Perhaps we could go for a stroll outside in the gardens and talk?’

  ‘Perhaps not.’ The thought of being alone with him was too much, it would shatter her composure. He had a way of easing people into a comfortable companionship; one where your tongue ran away with itself and revealed more than you cared to. She couldn’t afford to be weak in his presence.

  ‘Please, Pippa.’

  It was hard to resist him, always had been. With the slightest of nods and a quick glance at him from under her lashes, she allowed him to steer her out the doors and down a dimly lit pebbled path. They rounded a bend in the gardens and came to a bench overlooking the harbour’s black water shimmering in the moonlight.

  Grant indicated for her to sit and then did the same. ‘When do you go back to Berrima?’

  ‘Tomorrow, hopefully. There is much to do and I have many responsibilities, especially now, as my neighbour, Meredith, has returned to England and asked me to be the caretaker of his property.’

  ‘Responsibilities, indeed. It must be an encumbrance sometimes?’

  ‘It has its moments, but I only have to ride through the valley or see a foal born to know I am blessed.’ The vision played in her mind, bringing a smile to her face. Both mares had foaled well in October, producing beautiful little fillies.

  ‘I must visit your beloved home again.’

  She spun to stare at him. ‘Why? Aren’t you happy with your returns on the stud?’

  ‘I didn’t mean that I wanted to inspect the accounts, for heaven’s sake. I simply meant I’d like to visit, as a guest.’ He gave her a hard look. ‘When will you stop seeing me as the devil incarnate?’

  ‘When I am free of your hold.’

  He sighed. ‘You don’t have to fight against me, Pippa. I’m very proud of you and your business abilities. I didn’t expect to see some money for a time yet.’

  She lifted her chin, staring out over the water. ‘The quicker we pay you back, the sooner the valley is mine.’

  ‘It is yours.’

  ‘Not yet, it isn’t, but it will be. One day soon.’

  Silence dragged out between them for several minutes until Grant shifted on the bench and looked at her.

  ‘Your mother wrote to me of the fire and your heroics.’ He smiled. ‘I could imagine you
scraping into a wombat’s burrow. You always were the adventurous one. Do you remember that time you jumped that impossibly high hedge while on the Asquiths’ hunt?’ He chuckled. ‘You nearly broke your neck.’

  She gave an unladylike shrug and sighed dramatically. ‘I couldn’t let you be the only one to make the jump.’

  His light laughter drifted on the breeze. ‘What about the time we went swimming in the lake and you took off all your clothes.’

  A grin escaped as she remembered that day. ‘The water made my clothes so heavy I nearly drowned, that is why I took them off.’

  Grant shook his head in wonder. ‘I was speechless. Never had I known a young lady to do such a thing.’

  ‘You made me reckless.’ She pushed at his arm. ‘I wanted to show you that I could keep up with you and your sophisticated friends.’

  He laughed. ‘All my friends were in love with you, but your wildness kept them silent.’

  ‘There was only one love I wanted.’ She recoiled as soon as the words left her mouth. Now wasn’t the time to dredge up old memories, old hurts. It would do no good.

  ‘I’ve missed you.’

  Pippa stiffened. ‘Obviously not enough.’

  ‘Pip—’

  She rose, shook out her dark blue skirts, and looked down at him. The moonlight shone on his black hair. ‘I want to go inside, Grant.’

  He took a deep breath and nodded, slowly getting to his feet. A frown lined his forehead. ‘Pippa you must understand—’

  Shaking her head, she walked away. ‘The past is long gone, Grant. I have to accept that you chose another over me. It’s not been easy, but I’ve had time to help me.’

  ‘My reasons—’

  Her footsteps faltered slightly. ‘I care naught for your reasons, not now when it is too late.’ She stopped and pinned him with a glare. ‘Remember though, Grant, in the years to come, that I was all yours and you turned your back on me.’ She headed for the house, but he grabbed her elbow and twirled her around to him.

  ‘What about you? Are you going to let this fester inside you like a canker? So I didn’t choose you, what of it? I never said I’d marry you.’

  Her temper flashed inside her brain like lightning and she welcomed it, aching to finally respond to his rejection. He’d left for India without giving her the chance to talk it out. Her lips curled back in a sneer. ‘No, you never said the words, but you gave me hints. Your intentions led me to believe that I was what you wanted! You let me hope!’ She tore her elbow out of his grasp, anger blinding her to reason. ‘You knew how much I loved you, how long I had loved you. You knew and yet did nothing to soften the blow.’

  ‘I didn’t want you to love me.’ His voice was low and irate. ‘I never asked for you to. I was young, wanting fun, not responsibilities. In the end I was longing to escape.’

  ‘Escape? From me?’ She didn’t think he could hurt her anew, but he had. Suddenly she became cold, so very cold. Shivering, she rubbed her bare arms. Her heart seemed wounded beyond all help, as though a lance had embedded itself into her chest and was slowly turning.

  Grant swore and ran a hand through his hair. ‘I didn’t mean it like that. What I meant was, I didn’t want to be responsible for you and the love you bore me. It, and your family’s circumstances, were burdens I didn’t want to carry with me into the army.’

  ‘Burdens. Yes, I can see now that me and my family were burdens,’ Pippa whispered. She wanted to stay angry, for anger was an emotion from which she could find the strength to defeat him, but it wouldn’t come to her aid this time. His words kept stabbing her, cutting her.

  Once again she remembered how dreadful her family’s circumstances were back then, and it filled her with a deep-rooted shame she’d always tried to hide. She was mortified that the man she’d loved so passionately had held such a low opinion of her family. Had, in fact, been reluctant to be associated with them. Swiftly it all became so apparent. He was never really their friend. He never really cared for her.

  Stepping back, she stared at him, looked past his polished coat of civility to the real man beneath. ‘You are supercilious.’

  ‘No—’

  ‘You … you never really liked us, did you?’

  ‘Of course I did.’ He had the grace to appear shocked.

  ‘You put up with us for your father’s sake, didn’t you?’ She searched his face. ‘My God, you still feel that way. You are still ashamed of us.’

  ‘This is nonsense, Pippa.’ But his gaze didn’t quite reach hers.

  ‘The real reason you came out here was to make sure we never came back to England, isn’t it? You didn’t want to do as your father did and keep bailing out my father year after year.’

  ‘And what is wrong with that?’ he snapped. ‘My father spent many years and a great deal of money to keep your father from debtor’s prison. Of course I didn’t want to spend another ten years or more doing the exact same! We felt we owed it to your family to help because we were the ones who got the money, but it never stopped, Pippa! Your father came cap in hand every quarter like a peasant begging for alms! Did you honestly think I wanted to marry into that?’

  A small cry escaped before she clamped a hand over her mouth. All those years they had been friends were wiped away by a cloud of lies. He’d exposed all their memories as falsehoods. She wanted to hide, to crawl away somewhere and care for her raw, bleeding injuries.

  Flashes of distorted memories came to mind; the times he’d excused himself from their company and gone off with his friends, the times he’d not called at their house when he was close by, the times he frowned whenever her father led Howard into the study for a private talk. It all came back to her now with meaning. What she hadn’t understood as a girl, she now understood as a woman.

  ‘Pippa, I’m sorry.’

  When he reached out to touch her, she shied away, nearly tripping on her hem in her haste to put distance between them. She couldn’t fathom the look in his eyes. Oh, there was tenderness for sure, but something else. Sympathy? Pity?

  Bile rose to her throat; she wanted to die. With a strength she didn’t know she possessed, she straightened and walked away from him and the past that was no longer true.

  Inside the house, the noise and heat assailed her senses, making her dizzy. She flinched when someone laughed loudly nearby.

  ‘Pippa?’ Hilary was beside her in seconds, holding her hand, her brown eyes full of worry. ‘Are you unwell?’

  ‘I’m fine.’ Pippa forced herself to say, knowing that Hilary would not stop worrying if she couldn’t put aside her feelings. The familiar wave of protectiveness hit Pippa. Hilary was the softer, more delicate of the two of them, and it had been Pippa’s job since they could walk to protect her, shield her from anything unpleasant.

  ‘You don’t look it.’

  Pippa began to deny it again when Grant’s wife strolled by, clinging like a limpet to the arm of an older man. Pippa’s stomach churned.

  Hilary, following her gaze, tutted. ‘Stop chasing after rainbows. Grant has married and you must overcome it. You’ve got—’

  Pippa silenced her with an ice-cold glare. ‘To me, Grant Lindfield is dead.’

  Hilary gaped in astonishment. ‘What’s happened? Where were you?’

  An eerie calmness settled over Pippa’s brain. All her pain dimmed, cooled, and hardened into a knot of hatred. Abruptly everything was clear, in focus.

  Taking a deep breath, Pippa’s eyes narrowed at Grant as he entered the room. ‘Do you know, Hil, that the truth doesn’t always set you free? Sometimes, it is better to keep up the pretence. Grant Lindfield will find that out to his cost. I’ll make certain of that.’

  Chapter Eighteen

  Esther sighed, steepled her fingers together on the desk, and waited as Philippa paced the room, kicking out her skirts at every turn. Soon, she knew, her daughter would explode. Pippa’s short temper had become even easier to ignite in the year since Gerald’s death. She looked pale and far too thin.
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  She glanced at Grant, sitting casually, but his eyes narrowed on her daughter. He was here alone, visiting for the day on his way to Goulburn, and the atmosphere was thick with tension. Pippa was polite to him and no more. They had talked business last night at dinner, but other than that, they spoke rarely. She was glad Grant didn’t come here often. The family ties were diminished with Gerald’s death and his presence reminded her of the past she’d rather forget. They had new friends here, ones who didn’t know of how pitiable they once were.

  Her gaze switched to Robson standing beside the desk. The man looked concerned and he had reason to. His news hadn’t been good. That another labourer had left for the goldfields hit them hard, for he was the eighth man to slink off in the night in as many weeks. They couldn’t run the stud without manpower.

  She heaved another deep sigh that sounded loud in the room. The labourer’s defection had sent her into a melancholy mood. She missed Hilary. Oh, she was pleased she had married Toby and lived happily in Sydney, yet she did miss their little chats. She could talk to Hilary, but not to Philippa. Strangely enough, she didn’t miss Gerald as much as she thought she would. A woman should miss her husband after he’d gone, but then, he’d not been the kind of man who deserved her undying devotion. He’d caused her too much suffering and embarrassment for that.

  Not for the first time she wondered what the last months would have been like if he still lived. Would they have grown to such prosperity and be in the position they were at the present? She doubted it. Philippa was the driving force of the family now, not him. Their daughter worked terribly hard to give them a good life, a respectable life. No more did they have to run from creditors, move house, or hide from pitying friends.

  Beyond Philippa’s pacing, through the window, Esther gazed at the valley. They’d done well to position the house so pleasantly. As always, the view gave her satisfaction. Out there was security. Mares and their foals grazed in fenced fields. In the distance, sheep studded the cleared sides of the valley. Closer still, lush lawns and gardens grew down the slope to end at the creek.