‘No. I know that now.’ Her chin wobbled and another bout of tears gathered and spilt. ‘I’m … I’m just so lost, Marshall. All that I thought I wanted, all that I thought I needed to do, suddenly isn’t there any more.’
‘I told you once before you needed a man and children to fill that valley of yours.’
She fished for a handkerchief in her pocket. ‘I lost my chance …’ A sob broke from her.
Swearing softly, Marshall applied the brake and turned to bring her into his arms to let her cry out her heartbreak. The haven of his arms gave her the release she needed. Sobs shook her body as memories plagued her, broken dreams and promises lost whirled through her mind.
When she finally hiccupped into silence, she felt better, easier of mind and heart. Again she had a desperate longing to hear her mother’s voice, even if it was simply to scold a servant. She wanted to see Millie’s smile, watch Davy playing in the creek, and see Robson instructing the men. To have Hilary offer a comforting hand and feel the grass of the valley beneath her feet. She shied from thinking of Gil, but yes, she ached to see him again.
‘Better?’ He gave her a hand a gentle squeeze.
Pippa looked down at their joined hands. ‘Yes, thank you. ’
‘We make a good team, you and I.’
‘And we shall continue to do so. I might be miles away, but I’ll write often.’
‘Send me a painting of your home. I want to imagine you there.’ He raised her hand to his lips. ‘Now let’s get you home where you belong. I’m certain the people who love you are tired of waiting, especially that fellow you came here with.’
She remained quiet. It wouldn’t do any good to tell him that Gil had cast his affections elsewhere; besides, she couldn’t deal with that right now.
As they trundled over the rough track, Pippa looked around, letting the scene, the sights, enter her mind for all time. She didn’t think she’d come back. Her time here was finished. She’d done all she needed and it was time to go home and pick up her life.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Pippa reined in Honey and, relaxing in the saddle, gazed over the valley spread below. The cool May breeze caressed the treetops and rippled through the long grasses. She’d been out riding since dawn, a habit that had sprung up since her return from the goldfields three weeks ago. A deep, unhappy sigh escaped. She shifted in the saddle, restless.
Men were stirring around the homestead, getting ready for another day’s work. A thin spiral of smoke wafted from the house. Doris Darlington was making breakfast. Millie and Robson emerged from their hut, Millie carried a washing basket under her arm and Robson headed for the stables. A smile played on Pippa’s lips. Her dearest friends, the ones she trusted with her life, seemed so happy. Millie had found love and Davy a father, and soon their family would be complete with a new addition.
Noble Blaze whinnied, the sound drifting to her as if he called her. She should go. A man was arriving today with his mares, but Robson could handle the whole process.
Even her mother didn’t need her. Esther ran the household, organising the servants with sharp efficiency. Her mother kept good accounts of household expenditures and went visiting and shopping with the ease of someone born to a country life.
On coming home, nothing had seemed out of place, yet subtly the changes appeared. The extra workers, like the Darlingtons, had been integrated into the valley’s small society, learning their place and what was required from them long before Pippa returned. It had been a shock to arrive home and find that the stud and the family had gone on without her, and done wonderfully, too. The Nobles were wealthier than ever. Her mother was happy, accepted, and had many friends and acquaintances. Pippa knew she should be content, should be satisfied with her life, but she wasn’t, and she didn’t know how to fix it. Maybe it couldn’t be fixed.
Gil.
He constantly came to mind. She missed him, missed his laughter, his companionship, the way his green eyes sparkled when he looked at her. How could she live in the same district as him and not have his friendship? Worse than that, how could she live with him married to another? This was her punishment for rejecting such a good man, one that loved her. Why had she found out too late that she loved him in return?
She jerked the reins, disturbing Honey’s cropping of the grass, and guided her down the slope. Pippa’s heart thumped uncomfortably whenever she thought of Gil and what she’d lost. The Ashfords were in Sydney and she’d not seen them. Pippa worried that Augusta would distance herself, too. They’d not communicated since she’d left her in the tent on the road to Ballarat.
Pippa shook her head at the thoughts playing on her mind. She should be grateful her family and the stud didn’t need her constant attention. However, to be kept busy was the one thing she wanted. It wasn’t her nature to drift through her days idle and unoccupied. No one needed her. They’d learnt to live without her while she was gone. Her rash decision to go to the goldfields had cut the ties binding her to the stud. More than that, she had lost her friends in the process.
She’d come home to find her old life was redundant.
‘Did I hear a transport, Philippa?’
Pippa looked up from reading a letter as her mother entered the sitting room. She smiled, for her mother looked well in a new copper-coloured silk gown. ‘Yes, the cart has returned from town. The men are unloading it. Mrs Darlington just brought in mail.’ Pippa sorted out her mother’s correspondence and handed it to her.
‘Good, that means my bolts of fabric are here.’ Esther took her mail and sat on the green and gold striped sofa under the front window. The afternoon sun streamed through the white lace curtains. ‘Who is that letter from?’
‘Douglas.’ Pippa waved the letter and, at the same time, thrust a smaller note from Marshall under an envelope. Marshall had written that Chalker was dead; killed by a prospector who claimed Chalker had tried to steal his horse. She shivered, recalling Chalker’s face. But he was gone and she could close her mind to him and what he’d done.
‘And how is dear Mr Meredith?’
‘He’s well.’ Pippa tapped the pages, forcing a brightness to her tone. ‘Though he says he’ll remain in England. His son is happy and Douglas doesn’t feel the need to return here. There are too many memories.’
Esther paused in opening a letter, her reading glasses perched on the end of her nose. ‘What of his property?’
‘He’s given me first refusal.’
‘Shall you buy it?’
Pippa nodded, instantly recalling the last time she visited the property. Gil and Augusta had been with her. After inspecting the cattle she pastured there, they’d shared a picnic. For hours they had laughed and talked, lying in the shade. She thrust the recollections from her mind and concentrated on business. ‘Yes. I’ll rebuild the original house and ask Barney and Colin to run the property for me. Colin is getting married in the spring, so this would suit him admirably. I want to expand the cattle herd there.’
‘Can we afford it?’
‘Yes.’ Pippa studied the letter again, taking note of Douglas’s agent’s name in Sydney.
‘You won’t overextend us, will you, Pippa?’ Her mother’s worried tone made Pippa look up at her.
‘Mother, trust me. I know what I am doing. I have sound business sense. You must realise that by now. I research and study and ask for advice from sensible people.’
‘Yes, you are very good at managing our money, but, well, you must forgive me if sometimes I worry …’
Pippa understood her mother’s concerns. ‘This is not England, Mother. I am investing wisely. Just look at my returns from the store in Ballarat. I have a knack for knowing what is right for us.’ She crossed to sit by her mother’s side. ‘I also promise to include you on any major decisions I make. Will that give you comfort?’
‘It will indeed, my dear.’ Her mother patted her hand and then frowned. ‘I’m glad you didn’t think to ask Robson and Millie to manage the Meredith property. I
would be quite lost without them and Davy, especially with the new baby arriving.’
‘I need Robson here.’ Pippa hesitated, thinking through her decision. ‘No, Colin and his new wife, and Barney, are the right ones to go. However, I do feel we should improve Robson and Millie’s house, make it bigger for them.’
‘I agree.’
Satisfied she’d made the right decision, Pippa turned back to her letter. However, Douglas’s description of a recent trip to London couldn’t hold her attention and her mind wandered. Ideas and plans filled her head. This news of Douglas’s gave her something to focus on. Work. Working was the best way to fill her life … to fill the void of not having Gil in it.
Gil.
Whenever she thought of him, her stomach clenched and her heartbeat became erratic. She had to pull herself together and think of other things or she would go mad. To throw herself into business was the only solution.
She stood and gathered her mail. ‘I’ll have to make a trip to Sydney, Mother, and meet with the bank. Did you wish to accompany me? We could visit Hilary and Toby.’
Mrs Darlington knocked on the opened door. ‘Excuse me, Mrs Noble, there’s a rider coming along the valley.’
Esther, her letters forgotten, went to the window. ‘I’m not expecting anyone.’
Pippa joined her. ‘It’s Grant. You weren’t expecting him? Why has he not returned to England yet?’
‘He’s delayed his departure three times! Apparently, his wife has been unwell, so Hilary informed me in her last letter. How inconvenient for him to call here unannounced.’ Flustered, Esther hurried Mrs Darlington out with instructions to prepare a room and change the evening menu.
Alone, Pippa waited for Grant to dismount near the creek and walk the white gravel path up to the house. Symmetrical gardens now filled the slope to the creek and Pippa felt a sense of satisfaction that the prospect of the large house on the high ground surrounded by lawn and gardens was the best way of showing Grant, and everyone else, that the Nobles were a consequential family again.
Within moments he stood before her. His close presence didn’t affect her, and she was so very glad. She gave him a glowing smile. ‘Welcome, Grant. Your arrival surprises us. We thought you would have sailed weeks ago.’
His cold blue eyes stared as though he didn’t recognise her. ‘It’s not a social visit.’
A knot of dread formed in her stomach. ‘Oh? Has something happened?’
‘Why?’ His lips thinned into a tight line. ‘Why did you do it?’
She nodded, knowing he meant her buying shares in his businesses. The time had come. ‘How did you find out?’
‘That’s not important. I had some suspicions, and once I learnt your agent’s name, it didn’t take much gold to pass over his hand before he spilled his secrets. Now, just tell me why.’
Pippa took a deep breath. ‘To ruin you, why else?’
A muscle along his jaw pulsed; his expression hardened with barely concealed anger. ‘You failed.’
‘Wrong. I stopped trying.’ She hid her shaking hands behind her back.
He took a step closer, his blue eyes narrowing. ‘You’d never have succeeded.’
Tossing her head, she flicked her gaze over him, wondering what had driven her to feel such depths of love for him so long ago. Compared to Gil, he was a pale shadow. ‘You think that, if it gives you comfort.’
Disgust flashed across his features. ‘I don’t know you. I doubt I even like you any more. You’ve changed beyond reason.’
Chuckling, Pippa folded her arms across her chest. ‘You never knew me and I don’t care a fig whether you like me or not. And yes, I have changed, and gladly so. I see the gold from the dross now.’
‘I want you out of my companies,’ he sneered. ‘I don’t trust you and I don’t want you involved in anything that belongs to me. Your revenge is ugly, and I’ll not let it ruin my life as it has ruined yours.’
She flinched, but remained defiant. ‘If you want me out of your companies, buy me out. I’d say that would put us even.’
Grant jerked his head once in agreement, but his stiff manner showed reluctance. ‘Cynthia and I are going back to England. We would have sailed months ago, but seeing my shares snapped up by someone I didn’t know halted me. I didn’t feel at ease with it, and now I know why.’
‘So your mystery is solved. Return to England with Cynthia, Grant, and be happy.’ She smiled briefly, meaning every word.
‘I’ll arrange for the paperwork to be drawn up before I go. I’ll only pay the current market value and if you’ve lost money, that’s your fault.’
‘As you wish.’ Relief seeped through her. She cared little about any monetary loss. She just wanted him gone.
‘Our association as family is now at an end.’
‘Absolutely.’
‘I will answer no begging letters from you should all this collapse and leave you penniless. I am not my father.’
She raised her chin. ‘And I am not my father.’
‘Give my apologies to your mother.’ He turned for the door, only to pause and stare at her. ‘Find some happiness, Pippa, before you end up a mean-spirited old maid with no compassion in her soul.’ With that parting remark, he marched away.
Through the window, she watched him walk down the path and mount his horse. In a heartbeat he was thundering across the valley and gone from her life for good. His words stung, but she tossed them away. She would be happy, she’d make certain of it. Besides, she had her family and her valley – they would save her from becoming a shrew.
Her mother, frowning in confusion, hesitated in the doorway. ‘Where has he gone?’
‘Home to England, Mother.’
‘Well, really!’ Esther puffed. ‘And I just changed the menus again! Why didn’t he say goodbye? He is very rude.’
‘He was in a hurry to return to Sydney. He sent his regards to you. I’m sure he’ll write.’ She doubted he would, but she didn’t want her mother to worry about that.
‘I am not sorry to see him go.’ She gave Pippa a self-satisfied smile. ‘It was the best thing we ever did coming to these shores, dearest.’
Smiling, feeling lighter of spirit, Pippa hugged her in a rare fit of emotional demonstration. ‘Let us read our letters. You have one from Hilary.’
‘Oh, wonderful.’ Esther clapped.
Grant was forgotten as they settled down to read, and soon Pippa was engrossed in letters from her Sydney agent and other business matters. Customers were returning with their mares and the agent had found a buyer in England for this season’s wool clip. She’d have to let that agent go, now he’d broken her trust, which was a shame as he’d been good at his work. She’d have to find another. Her mind was alive with plans again. More of Blaze’s foals were due to be born in the spring, and she’d acquired some sterling mares for him to service. She paused on reading the next letter. ‘A Mr Baird from Sydney is enquiring again about Noble Blaze. He says he wrote last month and hasn’t received a reply yet.’ She looked up at her mother. ‘What do you know of this?’
Esther raised her gaze from her letter. ‘Oh, sweet heaven!’
‘What is it?’ She frowned and looked at her letter again. ‘Did you forget about it?’
‘This … this letter from Mrs Ashford says …’ Esther glanced at the page and back to Pippa. ‘She says Gil is ill, dying. She is devastated …’
Pippa swayed. Her mother’s mouth was moving but she couldn’t hear the words. Gil … She felt numb all over. How could it be possible? Dying? Gil? Her Gil, dying? It was a terrible lie.
‘… they think it’s scarlet fever …’ Her mother’s words echoed around her brain.
‘No!’ She stared at her mother’s shocked face. ‘You’re mistaken. Scarlet fever? It’s a children’s disease. Read it again, properly this time. How can you frighten me like this? He likely has no more than a cold.’
‘Dearest, I’m reading it correctly. Here.’ Esther stood and gave her the piece of p
aper. ‘Read it yourself.’
Pippa took a hasty step back, staring at the page that held the accursed words. ‘It’s not true, I tell you. A man of Gil’s size having scarlet fever is laughable.’
‘Anyone can succumb to it, Philippa.’ Esther hurried to the mahogany writing table. ‘I shall write back immediately and offer assistance, though what we can do I have no idea.’
Unable to move from the bit of carpet on which she stood, Pippa watched her mother compose the letter. ‘Is he … will he …’ Her thoughts lay scattered around her mind like petals blown on the wind. Her Gil … Those two words repeated themselves like a chant. Her Gil …
Esther rang the small brass bell on the table. ‘I’ll send for a rider to deliver it.’
‘To Sydney?’
‘Sydney? Oh, no, the Ashfords have returned home to Sutton Forrest.’ She picked up the letter again. ‘Yes, they are here in the country. They’ve brought a doctor with them. When Gil became ill, he advised that they leave the filth of the city and come to the cleanness of the country so Gil could recover sooner … but it seems he hasn’t.’
‘When did they return?’
‘Tabitha wrote they arrived three days ago.’
Pippa needed to hear no more. She dashed from the sitting room, bumping into Mrs Darlington in the process, and ran across the hall and into her bedroom, where she reached for her blue, satin-lined cloak.
Esther came to stand in the doorway. ‘What are you doing?’
Buttoning her cloak, Pippa searched for her hat. ‘I have to see him.’
‘What!’ Her mother gasped, her hand flying to her throat. ‘You’ll do no such thing, my girl. No such thing at all!’
‘I must, Mother. Please don’t make a scene.’ Having found the sky blue hat that matched her linen dress, she rammed it on her head, not caring how she pinned it.
‘Make a scene?’ Esther crowed. ‘I’ll not have to, because you are not leaving this house!’
‘I am.’ Pippa stood, her mind whirling on what she should take. What would he need?
Her mother marched into the room and grabbed her shoulders. ‘I forbid it, do you hear me? I forbid you from going there.’
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