by Tricia Goyer
“Can you give me an hour to think about it?”
Ruth Ann tilted her head. “Thirty minutes. No more.”
Hope nodded, and she headed to the one place she knew she could think well… to her garden.
Chapter Thirty-Five
It takes both rain and sunshine to make the garden grow.
AMISH PROVERB
Hope walked between the long, raised beds. She smiled seeing the lettuce and the peas almost ready for the harvest to come. She’d nearly gotten to the end of the aisle when she stopped short. There, at the corner where two boards met, sat a little box. Hope’s mouth opened and then a hand covered it. She recognized it immediately. It was Emma’s keepsake box. Had it been sitting there all through the night? She knew it had. She also knew that it wasn’t there by accident. Emma had left it for her. Emotion swelled in her chest.
She rushed over to the box and sank down onto the grass, not caring if dirt or grass stained her skirt. She opened it up. The first thing she spotted was a white envelope. Her name was written on the front. It was from Jonas. Hope lifted the envelope and placed it to her chest. He’d been part of this too.
Under the envelope there was a collections of things, different from what Hope had seen in there before. There was an empty seed packet from the first seeds they’d planted together. There was the recipe for Peanut Better Cookies. There was a drawing of the garden that Emma had made in art class. Hope had no idea that the young girl had been saving those things. She’d been collecting memories. Emma had been trying to fill the hole her mother had left behind, and for a time Hope had filled that place.
“Why didn’t I go with them?”
You needed to hear today’s story. You needed to be ready to plant your love deep.
The words came like a whisper to her soul, and she remembered a saying that she’d read on a wooden sign in Yoder’s store.
“From deepest roots tallest branches grow,” she whispered. If she was going to Kentucky she needed to commit with her full heart. She needed to plant all her seeds of love in those two people and never look back. No doubt her staying back had already caused them to question, and if she were to go again, Hope knew she could never leave.
As she returned the seed packet to the box, three small seeds rolled out. It was then Hope had her answer. She wasn’t going to hide those seeds and tuck them away. She knew the exact spot where they needed to go. She opened Jonas’s letter, hoping that it confirmed her decision.
Dear Hope,
You asked that we write letters. You want to make sure that we know each other well enough before marriage. I understand. It has only been four months since I saw you sitting at the boat ramp of Phillippi Creek cradling Emma in your arms. I never expected to find love again—not like this. And I never expected it to happen so soon. This is my first letter, and I’ll write a hundred more if that’s what’s needed to have you in my life.
As you’re reading this I’m somewhere on the highway between here and Kentucky. On the drive down Emma and I played the alphabet game more times than I could count, so if I were to guess we might be doing the same at this moment. Of course, even if I’m pointing out letters on the Interstate and making polite conversation with our driver, my thoughts are probably on you. Are you in the garden or in the kitchen cooking up recipes from 1942?
I like to picture you both places, but lately I’ve been trying to picture you at my farm in Kentucky. I think you’ll like it there. It’s a rural area with rolling hills, tall trees, and farms that dot the countryside, and I know I’ve told you this before, but I have a large garden plot right by the road. One of the first things I’m going to do when I return home is prepare it for planting, and I’ll be thinking of you as I do.
The minutes are ticking by, and I know I should be getting some sleep. I keep stopping to read what I’ve written, and I realize that it’s not very good. As a teacher I’d give myself a C, and I’d write at the top “Get to the point.” So if there is a point to this letter (and there is) I want to make sure I tell you this: Hope, I know in my heart that I love you, I want to marry you someday, and I want you to be my daughter’s mother.
Those are three things, and for a while I thought they conflicted with one another. Even my sister talked to me and made sure I didn’t want to marry you just because of Emma. Everyone has seen how well you two get along. She wanted me to be certain that I loved you just as much for myself too. And I do.
The other day I was praying about this. I asked God, “Did You give me Hope for myself? Or did You give me Hope for Emma?” I shouldn’t have been surprised by His answer, but I was. I didn’t hear a voice, but I felt it in my spirit, and it was just one word: “Yes.”
I don’t have to be guilty for loving you and wanting you to be my future wife, and I don’t have to wonder if my desire is simply for a mother to Emma. God has answered both prayers in one person. He’s answered both prayers in you. That might be a lot to share in my first letter, but I don’t want you to worry about where you stand. I will come back to Pinecraft as often as I can to see you. And I’d love you to come to Kentucky any time. You’ll always have a place.
And know that when you finally get to Kentucky I’ll turn the garden plot all over to you, as well as my heart. It’s yours, Hope.
With you in my thoughts,
Jonas
Hope pressed the letter to her chest, and it was only as she felt a drop of wetness on her arm that she realized she was crying. How could one letter start so simply and end up so profound? How could all the worries, concerns, and questions she’d bottled up inside be answered in a few paragraphs? Jonas loved her for his daughter. Jonas loved her for himself. She’d hoped for that, but feared it wasn’t the case. Now she had hope in the future too. She didn’t have to worry or question. If she were to grade this letter she would have given him an A.
Hope also knew what she had to do.
Hope pulled her suitcase out from under her bed. She’d bought it when her family moved to Pinecraft, but she hadn’t used it since. She’d planned on using it when she traveled up to Ohio to work as a maud, but that wouldn’t be the case. Instead, she was packing for the future she hoped awaited—one she hoped she hadn’t hindered due to her worries and fears.
She packed both her work and church dresses and her church shoes, and she placed her covering in the hat box. It was an old Schwann’s ice cream bucket that Faith had covered with contact paper and decorated for her birthday. Looking at her bookshelf, Hope picked up the notebook she’d started in January. There were only a few lines written on the first page.
Find a job up north and a garden to tend.
Write to cousins and friends and inquire about work as a maud and gardener.
Hope pulled a pen from her desk drawer and sat. She skipped a few lines and then started again. Today she was starting a new list, and it had nothing to do with finding a job up north. Instead, she had a few ideas of what else she could find, and she wrote them down.
Find hope instead of fear.
Find love instead of loneliness.
Find community instead of solitude.
Find a man I want to spend my life with. (He’s in Kentucky.)
Find a young girl to call daughter. (She’s there too.)
Find a garden to tend in a home where I wish to spend the rest of my life. (It’s at his place.)
Write my cousin and tell her I’m not coming. Also remind her not to give up on the dreams and gifts that God placed deep inside her heart.
Find ways to thank God every day for not giving us what we want, but rather giving us what we need.
Hope put the pen back in the drawer, and she tucked her notebook and her Bible in with her clothes. She was excited to share her story with Emma one day. Share about how she’d planned and prayed only to discover that her plans were pushed aside for something greater.
God had given her more than she ever hoped and dreamed in those two, and she wanted them to know that. She just hoped they�
��d forgive her and allow her into their hearts once again. They’d been hurt so much already, and it caused her heart to ache that she’d hurt them again. But still she continued packing because she had hope. And hope was something that she was clinging to.
Chapter Thirty-Six
A friend is one who knows all about you and still loves you.
AMISH PROVERB
Spring came to Kentucky in quiet ways. It seemed strange to Jonas that they’d been basking in the sun for months in Florida, but here on his farm the last patches of snow had only recently surrendered to the warm rays. Emma had been quiet this morning, and he was thankful for the new litter of pups to distract her. Even now she romped with the three of them in the treed area just behind the house, last year’s leaves clinging to her skirt.
Jonas stepped outside, standing on the top step of the back porch. One of the pups dug his teeth into the hem of Emma’s dress and clung on. She struggled forward, her laughter filling the area. Hearing it caused Jonas to smile, but it did nothing to push away the ache in his heart. He was home. It was time for spring planting—his favorite time of the year—but he’d never felt so lonely.
After Sarah had died in January he’d spent a long winter mourning her, and by spring he’d been ready for sunshine, fresh air, seeds of promise, and tiny sprouts of life. But this time—losing Hope—was different. He didn’t want to plant alone, especially not after doing so with her by his side.
He closed his eyes, remembering her anxiety about the children digging in her soil, but also her joy over each day’s growth. She had been the sunshine in Pinecraft—that was evident now. And even though the sun had come to Kentucky it seemed like nothing more than gloom without her here.
Footsteps sounded, and Jonas’s eyes fluttered open. He nearly jumped to see his brother-in-law Matthew, and not Emma, standing there.
“It’s barely eight. Napping already?”
“Not napping. Just thinking.”
Matthew nodded. “Not thinking of planting, I guess?”
“Ne.”
“Or the garden.”
“Not really.”
“From the look on your face I’d say you were thinking about a woman.”
Jonas swallowed hard. He wasn’t ready to talk about Hope—about his missing her—and he scurried for an excuse. “That might be because it would have been Sarah’s birthday in a few weeks. Maybe—”
Matthew held up a hand, interrupting Jonas’s words. “Or maybe it has something to do with that pretty woman out front, digging through your garden.”
“My garden?” Jonas jumped to his feet. “There’s a woman in my garden?”
His heart pounded, but he told himself not to get his hopes up. He had no reason to believe Hope would be here. He’d last seen her standing in front of Me, Myself, and Pie three days ago when they’d pulled out. But from the twinkle in Matthew’s eyes he still had to hope.
“It’s probably just a neighbor woman who doesn’t know we’re home and is trying to help us out,” Jonas said.
Matthew jutted out his chin. “It’s no neighbor lady—at least none I’ve met. She’s too pretty for me to miss otherwise, with hair that’s both red and gold—like nothing I’ve ever seen.”
“She calls it strawberry blonde… ” Jonas quickened his steps toward the side of the house and then paused. As much as he wanted to run to Hope, to ask her what she was doing here, he’d never be forgiven if he did it alone.
Jonas hurried back to where Emma had been playing with the puppies. He didn’t see her, but he heard her voice coming from the barn.
He bolted in the door and paused, letting his eyes adjust to the light. Emma was sitting down next to the mother dog and the pups, watching them eat.
Seeing him rush in, her eyes widened, and then she glanced around as if making sure she wasn’t doing anything wrong.
“Emma, I need you to come with me.”
“But the puppies… ” She pointed. “I think they’re almost done.”
“You can come back to this. There’s something… someone you need to see.”
“Someone?” Instead of excitement, Emma’s brows furrowed, causing Jonas to second-guess himself. What if it wasn’t Hope after all? What if it was someone else—someone new to their community? His stomach sank, and more than anything he didn’t want to break his daughter’s heart.
“Well, Uncle Matthew said there’s someone in the garden. We should go and see who it is. Then, while we’re there, we can look around and make some plans for planting a garden.”
Instead of the smiles he’d seen in Pinecraft, Emma’s lower lip rose into a pout. She stood, but her shoulders sagged. And it seemed to take all her strength to slip her smaller hand into his larger one.
They walked together, and Jonas couldn’t help but walk faster than normal. Thankfully, Emma kept up without asking any questions. She stared into the unplowed field with a far-off look, and he wondered if she was thinking of Hope and their garden back in Pinecraft. He had no doubt she was.
They stepped out of the barn and walked along the side of the house. Matthew was nowhere in sight, and Jonas guessed he’d gone inside to pour himself a cup of coffee and sit in the front room near the window to get a better view of the garden. Jonas knew his brother-in-law well.
They rounded the front of the house. In the garden there was one lone figure, bent down, sitting on her haunches. Her white kapp contrasted with the dark brown of the soil. He couldn’t see her face or the color of her hair from this angle, but his heart leapt at the color of her dress. It was coral, a color that wasn’t common around these parts, but a color he’d seen often in Pinecraft.
Jonas paused and then swept down and picked up Emma. She was heavier than he remembered—when was the last time he carried her like this? It had been too long, for Emma looked at him with wide-eyed surprise.
Jonas pointed to the garden. “Emma, look!”
Emma’s eyes widened. Her small lips opened with a gasp. She stretched her arms in the direction in the garden, and her legs began moving as if she was already running. Jonas chuckled and then put her down. Emma ran full speed to the garden, and Jonas jogged along, not too far behind.
“Hope. Hope. Hope!” Emma’s voice filled the air.
Hope stood and turned. She placed a hand on her kapp and smiled. Her eyes moved to Emma first and her smile grew. Then she looked to him, and uncertainty filled her gaze.
Jonas’s steps slowed, and he gave the two of them space. He watched as Hope bent down and opened her arms up to Emma. The small girl plowed into Hope’s arms, nearly bowling her over.
Hope’s laughter rang out. Emma was talking, but he couldn’t make out her words. Then, with slow steps, he approached.
“My, my. That wasn’t what I expected to find in my garden today.”
“It’s not really what I expected either.” Hope stood and held up her hand. In it was a rotting carrot. “Jonas Sutter, you left and went to Pinecraft and you still had root vegetables in the ground. The least you could have done was alerted your neighbors. They could have dug them out instead of letting them go to waste.”
“Ja, you’re right. It was a split-second decision, you see. Ruth Ann needed my help in Pinecraft, and Emma and I needed some sunshine, but you’re right. It’s such a waste, but I’m not sure what I can do about it now.”
“I’ll tell you what you should do.” Hope’s voice softened. “You should get a gardener—someone who will dedicate her time to this space.” She swept her arm toward the field beyond the garden. “This is too much for you to tend, especially when you have all that land to cultivate.”
Jonas smiled, ready to play along. He shook his head and let out a heavy sigh. “I know. I tried, but there is really only one gardener who I trust with this space, but she told me plainly that she’s not ready to make the move.”
“First, she was a fool for saying that. Second, she changed her mind.” Hope took a step forward and reached for his hand. “And that’s why
she caught a ride this direction and urged the driver to drive through the night. She wants to apologize.”
“So is that a yes, Hope—”
“It’s two yeses. First, the garden.”
“And second?” He pulled her hand up and placed it on his heart.
“And second, I do want to be part of your family forever.”
A small giggle erupted, and Jonas remembered then that they were not alone. Emma stood right behind him. Hearing the news, she grabbed his leg and then peeked around his side, as if suddenly shy.
Hope leaned forward and placed her elbows on her knees. Her face was even with Emma’s. “That is, if you do want me as part of your family, Emma.”
The girl’s eyes grew wide. Then she lifted her arms up and wrapped them around Hope’s neck. “Yes, Hope, yes!”
Tears came to Jonas’s eyes, overflowing and unexpected. He quickly wiped them away, but not before Hope noticed them. Hope lifted Emma and placed her on her hip. Emma’s long legs hung below Hope’s knees, but he could tell from the grin on his daughter’s face that she liked the idea of having a mother.
Hope put Emma back down and stepped closer to him.
“Are you okay?” Hope asked him. “I didn’t mean to surprise you… I mean, I did, but I didn’t think that it would be hard for you… for me to be here, that is.”
“Oh, Hope.” He sighed. “That’s not it at all. These are happy tears. God has given me more than I hoped for. I never thought I’d have this… you… us like this.”
“I’m glad they are happy tears, but I want you to know that sad ones are okay too.” She looked down at the soil. “I can’t think of anything more beautiful than tears watering a garden.” She sighed. “Sometimes the most beautiful things come after the tears.”
“I’d agree with that.”
“So do you think we should wait for November for a wedding? It’s the typical Amish way,” she asked.