“She doesn’t have a cure,” I say into the awkward silence. All eyes slide to me, and I clear my throat. “I don’t know what she does have—she spends weeks in her study after we harvest the starrbriars. Every year it’s the same. But if she had a cure—or anything that could help you, she wouldn’t have it locked away in the Manor.” I say this confidently, and only after the words hang in the silence does it occur to me: do I know this? Is it really true—how much of what I know about the Mistress is true, and how much has been fed to me? And what does Berg know?
I banish the thoughts before I carefully stand in Arjun’s arms, and face Rook and wonder if he sees my doubt.
He is watching me, Gali standing forgotten behind him. “But it’s possible?” he asks, hoarsely. “She works on something.” Gali makes a broken sound and bolts, vanishing from the garden in a cloud of crushed flowers and intoxicating fragrance.
I shrug, keeping my face blank. “I suppose anything is possible.”
**
I’m shaky and weak when I wake up. A ban-wolf I don’t know is sitting against the wall, his legs propped in front of him, and for a moment, his dark eyes look like the sky.
“Berg?” I whisper.
The ban-wolf stirs, looking at me and shakes his shaggy head. “Who is Berg?” he asks lazily.
I blink and the resemblance fades. He is just a ban-wolf with eyes like Berg. And only in color—there is something detached and cynical about his gaze that disturbs me. "A friend," I answer, sitting up with effort.
He makes a non-committal noise and I cock my head at him, suddenly wary. "Who are you?"
This is the first time I have seen another ban-wolf since my fever broke, and I wonder if it means something—does Rook have no more use for me?
"I'm Merc," he says, smirking, "Arjun is on patrol for another few hours, and asked me to stay with you."
I blush, looking away. Something about the emptiness of his eyes is disturbing--almost as if he is deliberately refraining from judgment.
"Oh."
"You come from the House, by the Shield,” he observes lazily. I glance at him, and nod. He offers me a dreamy smile. "I like the House. It always seems so warm and welcoming."
I'm not sure what to say, so I simply nod again and he seems content to lapse into silence. I wonder what he would do if he knew how uncomfortable the Manor could be. How filled with secrets our halls are.
Not that I will tell him. That is our business, not the pack’s.
"Why did Arjun ask you to stay with me?" I ask, in part to distract myself. He looks at me, and I clarify, "You, in particular, I mean."
"I suppose, because he trusts me," he says at last, his lips twitching. "I was his patrol partner, when he ran the Shield,” he adds, as if this is common knowledge.
Perhaps it is, I think. There is so much that I don't know about Arjun. So much he doesn't know about me. I sigh, and Merc stands, coming to my bedside.
"Jade says you are to go to the pool today. Would you like me to take you?" His voice is neutral again, but this time it does not disturb me. My instincts have calmed, and Arjun trusts him—enough to leave me in his company alone. He must be safe.
Merc ambles beside me as I half stumble toward the pool, his hand steadying me as I need it. He is quiet, and I am thankful—much as I would like to question him, it is nice to be quiet, and I need my concentration to stumble my way through the darkness.
I smell the pool before we reach it—the warm, slightly rancid odor of watery sulfur. My nose wrinkles, and for the first time, I look up at Merc.
"Does it smell bad to you?" I ask.
He rolls his eyes. "Horrible. Jade says it helps—and I've seen it do so. But the stench is in your fur for weeks. I don’t think it's worth it."
I laugh, and he grins at me, a flash of teeth in the darkness. His hand grips my arm fiercely as I sway. "Almost there, Sabah."
I blink at him, and he gives me a half-smile. "Arjun did tell me your name, before he left. He may be an animal, but he has his manners."
I make a face, and he laughs, a great shaking noise above my head. It pleases me that I have amused him. Maybe more than it should. I am finding it increasingly easy to be with this ban-wolf.
I am so lost in my thoughts that I do not realize we are at the pool until Merc's grip on my arm tightens. I glance around at the dark gleam of water lapping at my bare feet—it's tantalizingly warm and I want desperately to sink into it.
"Um," I say, realizing for the first time that Merc is male, and I am not getting in the sulfur pool in my only clothes, or changing into a shift with him present.
“I’ll wait outside,” he says, smiling lazily. I can’t help the laugh that escapes as he ambles away.
I strip out of my loose dress and underclothes, pulling on a thin shift before I sink into the water with a sigh of pleasure. It tingles, the heat prickling and soothing at the same time. The tension filling me drains slowly, my shoulders relaxing, drooping. I know I should think, consider all that Rook has told me--and what I have pieced together. But with the watery warmth engulfing me, it's impossible to do anything but close my eyes in the darkness, and relax.
I float for a time, using my hands to support myself. Far too soon, my arms are weary, reminding me of my wounds. The rock forms a natural step and I rest against it. The water has worn away the rock, smoothing the stone so that it is a comfortable place to sit.
I lean my head back, my eyes closing as a moan slips from me. My muscles are sore from tension and the ache of sickness.
"Sabah?" Arjun’s voice startles me so badly I slip underwater in my splashing. I come up choking and coughing. He is crouched by the pool, a shadowy shape I can barely make out. "I'm sorry," he says, and his voice is so full of contrition, I cannot help but believe him.
"I'm fine," I croak. I peer into the darkness behind him, looking for Merc. "Where is...?" I trail off.
"I went to your room when I returned from patrol. You weren't there, so I followed your scent to the pool. Since I'm here, you don't need Merc—I sent him to sleep," he explains.
"I like him," I say without thinking, and am startled when a growl slips from Arjun. I stare at his shadowy form in surprise, and then laugh. "No. He's just nice—I didn't expect that, not from the way you and Gali have been hiding me away from the pack," I explain.
He relaxes, and huffs a little. "They're good people, pet. But they’re hurting right now. We aren't a large pack, and everyone feels the deaths. Even though they know it's not truly your fault, having someone to blame is novel and welcome--it makes it easier to not blame themselves."
"Why would they blame themselves?" I ask, confused.
He sighs. "We all do recon--except for Jade and her apprentices. Any one of us could have found a hibernating bear in our territory. It would have been easier to deal with--less of us would have been at risk--if we had chosen to deal with it while it was still sleeping,” He pauses. “It should have been found.”
"But it should have been still sleeping," I object.
"Yes." He nods—my eyes are beginning to adjust, and I can see a more defined shape of white. "It was bad luck—that's what it essentially comes down to. But that does not make it easier for us to accept."
His voice is soft, full of remorse and guilt.
I change the subject, pulling his mind from such dreary thoughts. "Have you eaten?" I ask.
He shakes his head. "I came straight to you."
Now that I take the moment to smell him, I know that it's true. He smells a bit wilder than usual--a slightly earthy, sweaty smell that permeates the air, above the reek of sulfur.
"You need a bath," I say, tugging at his foot.
He resists. "Sabah."
For the first time, I remember I am almost naked in the pool. The darkness of the water hides me, and my flush. I turn away, a little. "I'll stay on this side of the pool," I offer, slipping to the far side.
He still hesitates, and I feel a tendril of panic--does he n
ot want to get in? "Or you can go bathe on your own, and meet me in my cave later," I offer, so low I am not sure he can hear me.
He laughs, a quiet, self-mocking sound. Then I hear the soft rasp of leather being pulled against fabric, and the weapons belt he wears clatters against the stone floor. I shiver as he steps gracefully into the pool, ripples splashing against my sensitive skin.
I wait for him to surface, and gasp when something tickles my leg. He comes up, inches from me, and I am suddenly panicked—how much can he see with his enhanced vision in the dark? My wet shift seems suddenly much thinner.
"You should rest," he says. I strangle a laugh, so tense I feel close to breaking as he says, "Go, sit. I'll stay over here."
I swim to the rock seat and perch there, acutely aware of the flow of water—and the silk touch of his hair where it brushed against my skin. I flush, and look into the water, black in the darkness.
"Where were you today?" I ask.
There is a grin in his voice as he splashes water—something he has to be doing for my sake. He's too graceful to make that much noise unless it’s deliberate. "Did you miss me?"
"No," I answer immediately and he laughs.
"Liar," he teases.
I growl, doing a startlingly accurate impersonation of him and it earns me another laugh. But--finally--he answers my question, his voice serious. "I had to do recon. Rook wanted to know how the Manor is faring in your absence."
Chills chase their way down my spine, and I can't breathe for a moment. "Why?"
His voice is quiet, understanding. "It's not just your home, pet. It's the home of Kathleen Lawson, and she's doing something in there that we need to know about. We can't ignore that, not even for your sake. I wish we could."
I can hear in his tone that he's being honest--he would do this differently, if he could. But in our world, feelings such as mine rarely factor into equations, and I understand it.
"How are they?"
He makes a noise of disgust. "Berg hasn't been hunting—his bait lines are full, and ignored. The meat is going to waste, which is irresponsible. The snow on the ground seemed undisturbed, but I could hear the children. They were subdued, but well,” he sighs. “I would say they miss you.”
That makes me feel better—and guilty. I haven't thought about the children much since finding myself in this strange world of secrets and ban-wolves. A surge of worry fills me as I think about them now. With me gone, who is taking care of my children?
"And the Mistress?" I force myself to ask.
He hesitates. "I saw her. In your rooftop room."
The garret. She doesn't spend much time there—unless it is with me, or when she is upset. A pang goes through me, and I cannot stifle the sob that escapes. How can I have forgotten them so easily?
Water rolls against me, splashing my throat, and then he is there, his claws gentle on my shoulders as he says, "Sabah?"
I turn to him, fisting my hands in his wet hair, huddling against his chest. "They don't know, Arjun. She doesn't know what happened to me," I whisper. It hurts, that she is grieving for me. I don't want this—I never intended to hurt them. "How can I be here, happy, when my family is so miserable?" I demand.
He goes still, the hand stroking my hair cradling my neck. I can feel his eyes on me, so intense I look down. "You’re happy here?" he says, disbelief coloring his voice.
I realize what I said, and pull away. It's too late now to take the words back. And I don’t want to.
“Of course I am. I’m with you," I answer him, my voice trembling a little.
He makes a noise, and it breaks my heart. I push his hair back, let my fingers trail over his face--the broad forehead that furrows when he is thinking too hard, or upset--the expressive eyebrows that frame the large golden eyes that are an ever-changing window to his soul. His eyelids flutter against my fingertips, and I stroke them as they slowly close, learning the long curve of his white eyelashes. Without thinking, I lean forward, kiss his closed eyes. He whimpers and I smile.
His hands are on me, claws pricking my hips. I want to scoot closer to him, but he is holding us deliberately apart. Ignoring that, I continue my exploration. Strong, defined cheekbones trail down to his jaw. I can't help but press another kiss there and feel his lips brush my forehead. It sends tingles of excitement racing through me.
He breathes a laugh as I trace his lips, learning the slightly misshapen mouth. I wonder, distantly, when I stopped noticing the difference it made in his face. He nips gently at my thumb. I laugh, and finally, finally, follow the long, broken curve of his nose.
"How did you break it?"
His voice is uneven, husky, sending tremors through me. "Merc and I got into a fight when I first came to the pack. He liked my sister too much."
"He's harmless," I say, and lean forward to drop a kiss on the tip of his nose.
"Can we please not talk about Merc and my sister?" he chokes out.
I laugh, lean forward, and kiss him. It is a soft kiss, barely there. It hardly qualifies as a kiss--as light as the brush of moth wings. He stays passive, and I press a little harder. Again, I trace his lips, exploring them with my tongue, and he finally moves. The pressure on my hips increases a fraction, his grip firmer, but he doesn't pull me any closer as he takes control of the kiss. His lips slant over mine, and it’s my turn to whimper, my hands going up and around his neck. My mouth opens on a sigh, and he takes full advantage, his tongue darting inside to slide along mine.
Fire fills my belly. So badly, I want him to pull me closer. His lips are devouring me, and it's not nearly enough. I want to feel him, all of him pushing against me, holding me. Instead, he pulls away, whispers my name against my ear. I shiver as he nibbles at it, and tug at his neck, demanding another kiss. He laughs silently as he returns to my lips, but the kiss is not as strong. It's gentle, sweet. I want to weep at the sweetness of it.
"Arjun," I murmur, my eyes closed. My body is humming with pleasure and I feel more treasured than I ever have before.
"You did miss me," he whispers against my lips. I laugh, and he nips at my throat, a gentle love bite. "Admit it," he says, his voice a sexy growl that tugs at me.
"I did," I agree, and he rewards me with another kiss, fierce and demanding.
His kiss is gentle though, and I cannot wiggle closer to him. He laughs again, a breath puffing against my lips. I shiver, and a moan slips from me. “I have something to tell you, if you want to listen,” he says, a smile in his voice that irritates as much as it enflames me. I force myself to sit back, and he slides deeper in the water, giving me space. I can almost feel his amusement in the air.
When I can think past the drugging quality of his kiss, I look at where he is floating in the water. “What is it?” I ask, my voice cool.
“Jade thinks you’re well enough to go outside,” he says, ignoring my distance. I gasp, jerking upright in the water. A ripple splashes against him and he sputters a little. “Why didn’t you tell me?” I demand.
He is silent, and I flush, remembering the way I strained against him, begging for his kiss.
“Can we go now?” I ask, ignoring my behavior.
“No,” he says, and there is a moment of disappointment. “She wants you to go in the morning—when she can monitor it. You’re better, but not well, not yet,” he says, gentle.
I bite back the frustration I feel, and nod. “That’s fine.”
He is suddenly close again, and his lips whisper along my neck, tickling and warm and teasing. “I’m sorry, pet.”
My voice is breathless. “It’s not your fault.”
He laughs, and splashes water at me, playfully. “Come on, get out—we’ll get food.”
I hesitate for a moment, but let him help me out of the pool. The cool air of the cave prickles against my warm skin, and I shiver. Arjun hands me my homespun dress, kisses my cheek. “I’ll be outside, when you’re ready,” he murmurs. I nod, and he slips away.
Chapter 17
I sit up w
hen I hear footsteps, light and sure, in the tunnel. It feels like the night has lasted forever. The promise of freedom from the caves, the kiss of the wind, kept me awake, impatient.
Gali makes a clucking noise at me when she sees me, grinning in the dim light. Ignoring it, I ask eagerly, "Is it time?"
"No. You need to dress first," she teases, handing me the folded clothing she carries.
A soft cotton weave shirt that is a bit loose and matching pants that are a bit tight--Gali giggles as I smooth my hands down the faded green fabric, and I look at her, curious. "Arjun is going to love those pants on you," she says, laughing.
I flush, but shrug. "A girl works with what she has."
Gali's eyes linger on my backside for a moment, and she snorts, "You have enough, sweetheart."
We leave the cave, and she leads me down a narrow tunnel away from the sulfur pool. We walk in the guttering light of her torch for a while before I realize the air has changed--it is slowly losing its musky wet cave scent. I can smell trees, the fresh scent of pine and ash and willow and poison plant and oak. The taste of open air. My pace quickens, and Gali glances at me from the corner of her eye. "You've missed this, haven't you?" she says quietly.
I laugh self-consciously. "Does it show?”
She flashes a smile. "I've seen that hungry look on your face before--but only when you thought no one was watching you watch my brother."
I glance at her, startled, and she grins, a tiny secretive smile.
Arjun is waiting, impatiently, with Merc and a tiny gray ban-wolf. His eyes sweep me, possessive and worried. I smile at him as the gray wolf totters over to me.
She is perhaps the least graceful of the ban-wolves I've met. As she approaches, I realize I’ve seen her before. She nursed me back to health when I first arrived. I open my mouth and she waves a hand, silencing me.
"I want you to go slow. We're only going to the big pine, and we'll sit there a while. Merc and Gali need to check something in the forest, anyway, and it'll give you a chance to get some air," she says in her shaking voice. I nod.
Edge of the Falls (After the Fall) Page 12