Squirrel & Swan Precious Things

by M. D. Archer

  Paige looked up at the fancy four-bedroom Mt Eden home and somehow knew this was his parent’s house, and he lived in some garage or self-contained unit at the back. She turned off the engine and hesitated, noting the time, but only for a second. She had no choice. She had to follow him. Feeling like a criminal, she snuck down the side of the house. There was a small studio or one-bedroom unit at the back of the property, with the lights on. She crept forward, praying there was no dog chained up in the yard just waiting for an opportunity like this, until she reached his window and peered inside.

  “IT IS YOU! YOU’RE THE Remuera Pet Napper!” Paige burst into the room.

  Through the window she’d seen a packet of cat food on the dining table and had heard a soft meow. It was all the evidence she needed.

  “You followed me?” Leo spluttered. “Who are you?”

  “I’m a private investigator,” Paige declared.

  “You can’t just come in here.”

  “The door was unlocked and I’m not the one kidnapping pets, buddy.” Paige was thrilled. Until he took a step toward her, that is. It suddenly occurred to Paige she was in a secluded room with a man, much larger than her, whom she’d just busted for criminal activity.

  “I have my friend on the phone, and she’ll call the police if you come one step closer.” Paige’s heart thudded as she held up her phone, the blank display facing toward her.

  Leo abruptly stopped in his tracks, his shoulder sagging. “I knew I was going to get caught, eventually. I don’t know what I was thinking... it’s been like a dream... and the pets, I haven’t done anything to them.” His stricken expression removed any fear Paige felt. He looked too pathetic to be a criminal.

  “Let’s sit down.” Paige gestured for him to sit on his small two-seater while she dragged the beanbag out from the corner and let herself sink into it. “Tell me what’s been going on.”

  Paige learned his name was Leo, he was twenty-four and he worked at the video store part-time. Otherwise, Paige ascertained, he was some sort of self-taught IT hacker who lacked the qualifications to get a proper job or the bravery to do anything really criminal. The petnapping had occurred after a unique combination of serendipitous events which had begun the day after he had (re)watched Seven Psychopaths. He’d been running an errand for his parents, dropping something off at their friend’s house in Remuera, when TomTom had walked off Alice Garnet’s porch right up to him. He had bent down to pat him, picked him up, and with the idea forming in his mind only at that moment, calmly walked back to his car and driven off. Paige was not surprised it had been this easy—TomTom was the most chilled out cat she’d ever met. He’d probably fallen asleep in the backseat instead of a normal feline reaction of ripping it to shreds and peeing everywhere.

  Everything had fallen into place after that. Watching Seven Psychopaths once more (for guidance), he’d dropped off the ransom note, and this had been paid without question a few days later. Leo could not believe how easy it had all been, and so he’d set about organising the next one. He’d started his reconnaissance by roaming somewhat aimlessly around Remuera, eventually ending up at the dog park. There, he could see, he had ample opportunity to pluck a small, friendly dog as it nosed around the bushes or frolicked with its friends, while its owners nattered away.

  He’d selected Baby because of her size and because Mrs Myerson had such a predictable routine, and he’d followed them home one day to get her address. The next day, back at the dog park, he’d waited until Mrs Myerson was engrossed in conversation to entice Baby away with doggy treats. He’d discovered the microchip immediately and deactivated it, but then disaster struck. Baby escaped out of the window and bolted down the driveway onto the road before Leo could do anything about it. She’d been run over almost immediately. Leo had been horrified. After delivering Baby to the vet, he’d been too shocked to do anything for several days. But in the end, he decided to carry on. He made a small adjustment—he would only abduct cats—and found his next target: a friendly cat he encountered on a stroll around the neighbourhood, easily enticed from the garden. He’d planned for this one, Mr Minx, to be his last. For a while, at least.

  “But why?”

  “I need the money. I’m trying to get a business off the ground; I’m trying to start an IT company specialising in...” Leo noticed Paige’s eyes glazing over. “Anyway, I’ve got to get out of this place, away from my parents. They treat me as if I’m sixteen. I can’t stand it.”

  Paige nodded, able to empathise with his parental issues.

  “Hey, how did you know? How did you figure it out?” Leo asked.

  “You were being too clever, Leo, paying homage to that movie,” Paige admonished, but then seeing how miserable he looked, took pity on him. “There was some luck,” she admitted. “I saw your car parked outside the video store and then I realised why the whole kidnapping setup was familiar—it was from a movie—and that led me to you. I had a description and you were acting suspicious. It all just fell into place.”

  “Are you going to call the police?”

  Paige looked into Leo’s troubled eyes. He hadn’t hurt the pets and she felt very little sympathy for those entitled Remuera ladies.

  Plus, an idea had popped into her head.

  “Hey, you’re a hacker?”

  Leo shrugged. “I don’t know if I would go that far... depends who you compare me with.”

  “But you would know stuff about, like...” Paige paused trying to think of a scenario she might need an IT expert. Another light bulb moment. “For tracking someone’s phone or a laptop, or an IP address or something?”

  “Yeah, probably.” Leo nodded.

  “Okay, Leo.” Paige stood up, breathless with excitement. “I’ll make you a deal.”

  Twenty minutes later, they’d agreed. In return for not dobbing him in, Leo would help S & S with their cases. He would consult and provide IT services as and when they needed it.

  “But for how long?”

  “Until I say so,” Paige stated. “But when we get up and running, and as long as this all works out,” Paige added, gesturing to indicate their working relationship, “maybe we could hire you properly.”

  Leo brightened. This prospect didn’t sound so bad at all. He quite liked the idea of working as a private investigator, solving crimes, with two hot chicks as sidekicks.

  Leo enjoyed a vivid fantasy life.

  “It’s a deal,” he said with a grin.

  Paige shook Leo’s hand. “Oh hey—can I borrow your phone?”

  “Sure.”

  Paige pulled one of her business cards out of her pocket and dialled their office number. It rang four times before the machine kicked in.

  Sophie wasn’t there, of course she wasn’t. She’d already be in the meeting with Richard, probably signing the contract right now. She scowled at Leo—it was all his fault—and slumped onto the chair.

  She was too late. Sophie had gone over to the dark side.

  15

  When Paige walked through the office door Sophie was sitting at her desk with a weird expression on her face.

  “You’re back,” Paige said, stopping in surprise. “Sophie, I’m so sorry I left, and I didn’t call. I was supposed to be back hours ago but... well, something major happened.” Paige moved to one side and pointed at Leo who was standing behind her with a bewildered expression. “And I wanted to call. I had big news, I just didn’t have time and then my phone died. And I’m too late, aren’t I? Dammit. I can’t believe you’re going to work for him.” Paige collapsed into her chair, leaving Leo to continue to stand awkwardly in the doorway.

  “I cancelled the meeting.”

  “You did?” Paige stood up again. “What did you say? What did he say?”

  “Uh, I just left a message. I said I couldn’t catch-up today but I would speak to him later.”

  “He’s not going to like that.” Paige grimaced. “But why, Soph?”

  “Because it didn’t feel right. And I couldn�
��t leave this case. Talia contacted me, and I’m starting to feel responsible for Polly. So, yeah. It was just wrong to leave you. To leave this.”

  Propelled by a surge of emotion, Paige crossed the room to pull her friend into a hug.

  Leo shuffled his feet and pretended to check his phone. He felt even more awkward, now. This felt like a private moment, and these two were virtual and actual strangers.

  “Wait here. I have to get something from the car!” Paige dashed out of the office only to pop her head back in a second later. “By the way Sophie, this is Leo, the Pet Napper. He’s going to work for us. Leo this is my business partner Sophie.”

  “Hi.” Leo coughed. He could barely talk. Sophie looked as if she was a movie star, or should be in a magazine, and it felt inappropriate to even cast his eyes in her general direction.

  Sophie tilted her head to one side. “So, you kidnap pets for a living?”

  PAIGE RETURNED TEN minutes later to find Sophie and Leo huddled behind Sophie’s desk. She deposited the (lukewarm) champagne and the half-empty (cold) container of noodles on Sophie’s desk. “What are you doing?”

  “Working on a way to trace Polly’s location through her phone, from her Facebook posts.” Sophie smiled. It’d taken Sophie all of thirty seconds to work out Leo was completely harmless. He’d told her his story, and Sophie, like Paige, had cottoned on to the usefulness of his IT skills.

  “We’re onto something Paige. I think Leo can help with Polly.”

  “Tell me.”

  “I’ve just asked Talia to post another message on Polly’s page demanding she contact her and let her know she’s okay. Talia will threaten to go to the police if she doesn’t.”

  “You think this will prompt a response and then Leo can track her location?”

  “Yeah. And I don’t think Polly is posting those messages.”

  “Why not?”

  “It’s uh... it’s not very scientific, but my gut is telling me those Facebook updates were posted by someone else.”

  “Sophie, if I believe in anything, it’s your gut. So, maybe Polly is being held somewhere against her will?”

  “I think it’s definitely possible.” Sophie nodded.

  “The message is up. Leo—you’re ready?”

  “Yep.” Leo had brought his own laptop with him and it was now open. “I’m setting it up so I can track it overnight. I’ll get an alert if she posts a response.”

  “Great.” Paige smiled. “Good work.” Leo blushed. “Leo, can you entertain yourself for a few minutes?” Paige picked up the champagne in one hand, grabbed Sophie’s hand in the other, and charged into the conference room.

  “How are we going to pay Leo? We don’t have any money,” Sophie whispered once they were tucked away in the corner.

  “We aren’t going to pay him. It’s a trade-off.”

  “For what?”

  “For us not dobbing him in.”

  “Oh. Huh.” Sophie thought for a moment. “Good idea.”

  “But Soph, we actually do have money.” Paige fished around in her pocket. A second later she held up the cheque in front of Sophie’s face and grinned. “We have a paying job. Look.”

  “They finally hired us to find Polly?”

  “Uh. Not quite. She thinks Mr Dixon is cheating on her and she wants us to follow him.”

  “Oh. Ohhh,” Sophie said, eyes wide. “A possible cheating husband. How—”

  “Clichéd, I know. But if we want to be private investigators?” Paige spread her hands and shrugged. “And look at the amount.” She held up the cheque again.

  Sophie did, properly, then clutched Paige’s arms, her eyes unexpectedly filling up with tears. “We have a proper paying job!”

  “I know!” Paige grabbed the champagne. “It’s kind of warm but it’s still bubbly.”

  Sophie nodded. “I’ll get glasses.” They had a whole set of glassware in the cupboard, optimistically purchased in anticipation of entertaining clients.

  “To us.” Paige toasted a minute later. “Thank you for not leaving and working with Richard.”

  “I don’t know what I was thinking.”

  LEO WATCHED THE TWO of them, huddled in the corner, just visible from where he sat at Sophie’s desk. What was this operation? It seemed kind of amateur hour (Leo would know), but they had found him, hadn’t they? And they both had PhDs in psychology, so they were obviously smart.

  “Leo, do you want a glass of champagne?” Sophie asked, walking back into the main office, holding up the bottle.

  “To celebrate your capture and our future endeavours,” Paige added.

  “Uh. Sure,” Leo said, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose. Sophie noticed how Leo’s eyes followed Paige as she crossed the room to get another glass. Leo fiddled with his collar and shifted in his seat. Sophie grinned. Interesting.

  Half an hour later the champagne was nearly finished and the noodles were gone. Sophie had generously (and reluctantly), offered to share them with Leo, and Leo didn’t seem to say no to anything.

  “So, the question is, what do we tell the RLBC,” Paige said, tapping her pen against her chin. “We obviously have to return Mr Minx, but how do we do it without involving Leo?”

  The three of them looked at each other.

  “What if I just let him go somewhere near the property?” Leo suggested. “They won’t know what happened but they won’t care, right?”

  “But we won’t get credit and we won’t get paid.” Paige shook her head. “No, we need to get our reputation fixed, get our cred back.”

  “Our reputation back?” Sophie raised an eyebrow.

  “We need to come up with a scenario in which Mary gets her cat back, but you, the Pet Napper, gets away.”

  Eventually they agreed Paige would say she’d asked around and someone had spotted a cat fitting Mr Minx’s description near a block of flats, one of which was vacant. Paige had managed to see inside the window, and sure enough there was Mr Minx as well as evidence someone had been there, looking after him.

  “In the Auckland housing market? There’s a vacant flat just sitting there?” Sophie said doubtfully.

  “They won’t know.” Paige waved her hand. “These are rich idle ladies who garden and play bridge. They wouldn’t know about a housing shortage if it sat on their face.”

  Leo sniggered, his face turning a bit red as he brought a hand up to his mouth. He shot an impressed glance at Paige.

  “I’ll tell them we’ll stake it out, and in a week I’ll report that the Pet Napper must have realised the jig was up.” Paige shrugged. “Easy peasy.”

  “And our first case solved.” Sophie smiled.

  “Wait... this is your first case?” Leo shook his head.

  “Luck,” Paige said, but grinned at Sophie. “Now, with Leo on our side, we’re going to crack the Polly case in no time, and turn into famous detectives.”

  RICHARD SCOWLED AS he replayed the message Sophie had left.

  Who did they think they were—opening a detective agency and turning down sought-after job offers? He snorted. Paige had shown herself to be nothing but an arrogant little upstart. A colleague had warned him about her, before he’d agreed to be her supervisor. He’d said she was hard work and could be a pain, but he himself hadn’t seen any such evidence. Until now. He fingered the business card he’d taken from Paige’s desk, wondering what his next move should be. They needed to learn—the hard way—turning down opportunities, from him no less, and making unnecessary enemies in the process, was a foolish move in this world.

  He would let it percolate, he decided. The right punishment come to him after a bit of thought.

  16

  Sitting in her car in a pay and display spot for which she’d neither paid nor displayed—Sophie was keeping an eye out for the parking warden—she continued to monitor the entrance to the parking building on Hobson Street.

  Leo was on top of the Polly situation. The moment “Polly” went online he would be onto it, trac
ing the location. Paige was dealing with the return of Mr Minx to Mary Burmeister. Despite everything that had happened, at least Mary would be happy and they could close the case and mark it as a success. In the meantime, Sophie had started work on their new case—following Mr Dixon to get evidence of his cheating.

  Carolyn had given Paige Tyrone’s car make and model, the name of the company he worked for—Global Solutions—and his work and mobile numbers. According to the schedule he’d provided to Carolyn, he was playing squash this morning, busy with meetings all day, and “probably working late tonight”. It sounded as if his extra-marital activities would take place after work, but you never knew. Carolyn was paying them for their full-time services, and that is what she’d get. Sophie had followed Tyrone Dixon to this parking building from the squash club so now, in order to go anywhere for an illicit rendezvous, he would have to drive past her.

  Sophie sat with one eye on the parking entrance and kept refreshing Polly’s Facebook page. It wasn’t that she didn’t trust Leo, they just didn’t know him very well. For all they knew he hadn’t set up an alert and was snoozing away in bed right now, happy to be off the hook for the petnappings and oblivious to anything Polly might be doing. Her page had remained dormant overnight but Sophie still held out hope that Talia’s request would get another response from the fake Polly who was trying to make it look as if everything was okay.