Her Perfect

by Walls, Stephie

  Together we left his house, but he dropped me off at my parents’ to get my car. They may not have wanted me to take it, but there was nothing they could do. It was in my name, and it was paid for. Luckily for me, they’d done that for each of their kids to help establish credit. I didn’t need their permission, and I didn’t ask for it. Eli waited at the curb while I went to the garage.

  No one was here, and my car was the only one in the garage. I pulled the keys from my pocket, lifted the door, and backed out. Eli followed me to the high school for the ceremony, but I’d insisted we take separate cars. As far as I knew, no one—other than Jess, and now Caden—knew about our relationship, and I wanted Eli to be able to watch his seniors walk across the stage. I wanted him to be able to watch me—without whispers and accusations. The two of us showing up together would have been nothing short of scandalous in Brogdon, Georgia.

  He winked at me when I went a separate direction to join the rest of the seniors, and he hung out in the auditorium. I couldn’t stop the joy that overflowed knowing he was mine and I was his. And in a few short hours, the two of us would start our lives together, or at least the next chapter.

  I searched for Jess in the back, and when I couldn’t find her, I finally asked Mrs. Cross—who was delighted to see me—if she’d seen her. My teacher pointed down the corridor to Eli and Jess. He handed her something, but from this distance, I couldn’t make out what it was. Then he patted her shoulder, she nodded, and they separated.

  “Line up, everyone.” Mrs. Cross’s command boomed in the small space and bounced off the lockers that surrounded us on two sides. “Where’s my valedictorian?” She stood on her toes, trying to find Jess in the crowd of kids. “Jess, up front. And my salutatorian?” Mrs. Cross slid me in behind Jess in line. “Everyone else in alphabetical order.”

  While Mrs. Cross checked the roster against the line behind us, Jess turned to me. She threw her arms around my neck, and I was sheathed in horrible, black polyester. I was also covered in a friendship and love that would stand the test of time, even if she was in love with my brother. I’d always wanted a sister, and Jess was the closest thing I’d ever had. Maybe in time, it would be legal, as well.

  “Can you believe it?” She pulled back with bliss brimming her expression. If her smile could have dripped off the sides of her cheeks, it would have, it was so infectious and big. “In an hour, we will be out of high school.” Jess squeezed me again. “Eep. I’m so glad you’re here, Colbie.”

  I held on for a second longer than Jess, and when we stepped back, I admitted, “I’m proud of you, Jess. Congratulations. You deserve this.”

  She rolled her ankle and bobbed nervously. “I’ll just be glad when it’s over.”

  Before I could question her anxiety, Mrs. Cross clapped, and we started to file into the auditorium. It was surreal to see so many people here. Brogdon didn’t have that many residents, so I had to assume family members had come from all over to see their loved one graduate. I wondered if any of my family was in that crowd, or if it was only Eli here to support me. I had to assume my parents were as well. Not because of me, but rather the perception their friends would have had they not shown up. And in the Chapman household, appearances were everything.

  I didn’t bother looking for them, and Eli was with the rest of the faculty up front, so finding him hadn’t been hard. I couldn’t focus on anything being said by the principal or the guest speaker—I’d never heard of her, either—nor the prayer that commenced before Jess took the stage. It wasn’t until my best friend started to speak that my ears perked up, and my heart went sideways.

  “As many of you know, I’ve been in a hard-fought battle with my best friend for the crowning glory of valedictorian since the start of high school. And while I stand here with that honor on my record, I can’t help but thank the person who made it possible. Colbie Chapman turned her final semester of high school into a journey of self-discovery.” Jess made eye contact with me from the stage, and I had no idea where she was going with this or why. “That choice opened the door for me to an honor I never would have won on my own. And while life opens doors and provides opportunities, they all come at a price. Colbie’s price was standing up here this afternoon.”

  I’d promised myself I wouldn’t cry, but Jess had thrown me a curve ball I couldn’t have prepared for. There wasn’t a peep from the audience, not even a murmur or a screaming baby—nothing. There might not be another soul in this room who waited with bated breath, but I’d pass out soon if I didn’t give my lungs the oxygen they needed.

  “I wanted to find a way to honor Colbie, since, without her, I wouldn’t be here.” Jess stuck her hand into the pocket of her gown and pulled out her speech. “I doubt I’ll do this the justice she would have, but as our graduating class leaves here today, I want her words to be those that remain in your heart and on your mind. Our journeys to self-discovery are far more valuable than the time we spend in a classroom.” She flattened the paper onto the podium and found my eyes again.

  My best friend proceeded to deliver my valedictorian speech to our class, the one I’d slaved over and poured my heart into. The one that had been as honest and as real as it could be. It opened every window and door to allow people in that room to see just how real my travels had been. But they weren’t travels around the world, they’d been travels around the heart—the soul.

  And when she finished, there wasn’t a dry eye in the building. She’d had a hard time getting through parts, but she’d brought me to her light and kept me out of the shadows. Jess had sacrificed her glory for our friendship. Nothing could ever mean more. When the audience stood and continued to clap, and every student hollered and cheered, Jessica McLean took her cap from her head, held it against her heart, and blew me a kiss. It wasn’t cheesy or cliché. It was Jess to a tee. It was who she’d always been, even when I’d doubted that person still existed.

  I could barely see her through my tears, and my hands stung from clapping so hard. Nevertheless, I watched her descend the stairs and round the rows of faculty to join me at my side. I’d never know which of us initiated that embrace; I’d only know that it sealed our bond forever.

  Jess and I held hands throughout the remainder of the ceremony, only letting go when each of us took our diplomas. At the end, she hugged my neck again. “I know you said you’re proud of me, but girl, I’m so proud of you. Be good to Eli.” She took a step back but held my hand. “And let him be good to you.”

  I kissed her cheek. “You act like this is goodbye forever, silly.” I shook our still-clasped hands to ease the seriousness of the conversation. It was a good day. A happy day. A day she deserved to enjoy.

  Her parents interrupted, and I stepped to the side. I wasn’t sure what to do with myself. Most of the kids had met up with family, but the one person I wanted to go to, I couldn’t. I finally spotted Caden, who stepped away from our parents when I got close and another couple joined them.

  Before Caden could utter a word, I heard my mom speak to the woman in front of her.

  “Yes, well. It was a choice that we believed would benefit Colbie in the long run. She got to see the world, traveling the last few months, and it was a sacrifice that will serve her well in the future. Phillip and I both agreed that it was worth it when Colbie asked us about it over Christmas.” She turned to my dad with a smile. “Isn’t that right, Phillip?”

  My brother stood next to me, watching me watch them. “Congratulations, Colbie.”

  I hugged him, but I was too lost in the reality of what I’d just witnessed.

  They were never going to change. They were never going to own up to mistakes or admit that their life wasn’t the picture of perfection. My parents would always worry more about what people thought went on in their home rather than about the toll their inability to live in reality had on their children. Maybe that was only true for me. Perhaps my brothers experienced something different. I’d never know because they’d never see the world through my ey
es.

  And in that moment, I let go of that hurt and that regret. I couldn’t shoulder their burden anymore. I could wish on every star in the sky, and it wouldn’t change our relationship until they were ready to work on it.

  I smiled at my little brother. “Thanks, Caden. I hope you’ll come spend time with me in Tennessee this summer.” I punched him playfully in the arm. “Maybe bring Jess.”

  “Okay.” Caden appeared a little confused, and I knew I had explaining to do.

  “I’ll give you all the details then. Promise.”

  I hugged my little brother, who wasn’t so little anymore, and left to find Eli. I couldn’t hug him or kiss him—not here, anyway—but I could tell him I was ready to go.

  My parents weren’t home the next day when Eli and I went to get my things. I’d let them know when I’d be coming by, and they’d chosen not to stay. There wasn’t a note or anything to say goodbye, and I was okay with that. It took us about an hour to load my things into his truck and my SUV, and when I closed the door to my bedroom, I acknowledged that I’d never be back.

  I hated driving separate vehicles all the way to Nashville, but it couldn’t be helped. The moving truck had all of Eli’s furniture and things, and we had to have both cars once we got there. As I traveled the highway behind the man I loved, I thought about the trip I’d taken up here to start at Bright Horizons. The anger, the hurt—it all seemed like a lifetime ago, or maybe it was just someone completely different who’d experienced that trip. A girl who’d wanted to conquer the world but needed to know she couldn’t do it alone.

  My tribe was small but true—and one day, I’d make a difference.

  Epilogue—Eli

  Six Months Later

  It was far too early on a Saturday morning for the doorbell to ring, although Colbie and I had been up for a couple of hours. I’d groaned when she pushed me out of the bed at seven to go running, the same way I did now at the thought of a solicitor on my front porch at nine. I only had a couple weeks off for Christmas break and zero desire to spend two hours trying to convince a Rainbow salesman that I didn’t need a new vacuum.

  The bell rang again, and I had to give up hope that Colbie would answer the door or that the person would go away. I got up from the kitchen table but went back to grab my coffee. If I were going to be stuck listening to someone’s spiel, it would be with caffeine.

  On the third ring, I hollered at the door. “I’m coming.”

  People were so impatient. Maybe if they’d waited until a respectable hour to wake the dead, they wouldn’t have such a slow response time from their victims. I ran my free hand through my unruly hair that I hadn’t bothered to brush after showering with Colbie. The thought of her naked brought a devious smirk to my face when I opened the door.

  That smile dropped the moment I saw who stood on my front stoop. This was not how I planned to spend the Saturday before Christmas, or hell, any Saturday in the near or distant future.

  “Good morning, Eli.”

  I held onto my coffee with one hand and the edge of the door with the other, while my sanity threatened to fly out the door. “Hi.” I was at a loss for words when I stuck my head outside and looked both directions. “What are you doing here?”

  She clasped her hands in front of her and pulled her lips into a prim greeting that would make Emily Post proud. “Might I come in?” Her expression was hopeful, and I prayed her visit would be positive.

  I didn’t have a clue what to say to the woman in front of me, although I was fairly certain my silence conveyed the message of shock. I stepped back, taking the door with me and allowed her inside. My heart raced with uncertainty, and I glanced up the stairs when I heard footsteps bounding down them.

  As soon as Colbie rounded the corner—her foot hadn’t even touched the next step when she jerked to a stop—she halted in her tracks, and the happiness that had been painted on her face for months fell. “Mama?”

  Elise stared at her daughter and then glanced at me. “Oh, my.” She let a tiny huff of uncertainty escape. “I told Phillip we should have called before we came. Please forgive me for intruding, dear.”

  The three of us stood there staring at each other. One of us had to make a move, and Colbie determined that person was me. “Eli.” My name was a plea, a question, and a command all wrapped into one.

  I didn’t know which one my name was meant to represent in this context, but I assumed it was a cry for help first and foremost. And the only thing I knew to do when unexpected company showed up was to be hospitable. “Would you like some coffee?” I didn’t wait for anyone to answer when I headed back to the kitchen.

  They both followed, and Colbie sidled up next to me, suddenly afraid of her own shadow. Once I’d started the pot, I turned to face Mrs. Chapman with my arm around her daughter’s waist. Colbie had come to my side for security, and I’d give her anything I could to reassure her. It was our house, and I didn’t like that she wasn’t comfortable.

  “What are you doing here?” Colbie’s voice quivered with uncertainty, but as long as I held her next to me, she stood her ground.

  Elise motioned toward the kitchen table that was bathed in morning sun. “May I?”

  Colbie and I were being rude, but I wasn’t really sure what the protocol was for one of your girlfriend’s parents showing up unannounced when neither of you had spoken to them in over six months.

  “Of course.” I encouraged Colbie toward the same seats her mother had taken. “Are you in Nashville alone?” I sat first, and Colbie chose my thigh instead of a chair. This wasn’t quite how I envisioned any of this ever happening, and I was quite certain that Colbie perched on my leg with my arm around her waist didn’t make her mother terribly comfortable.

  “Oh, heaven’s no. Phillip will be here shortly.”

  Great. Not one unexpected arrival, but two. But it wasn’t their presence that concerned me so much as their motivation for being here. Everything with them always came at a price, and Colbie was typically the one paying the tab.

  “Mama, why are you here?” Colbie tried again to get an answer all while keeping watch over the coffee maker, likely to be able to have something to occupy herself with once it was done.

  Elise waved Colbie off as if this were an every-Saturday occurrence. She’d driven hours to get here not knowing if we’d even let her in or be home; it was far from the casual affair her hand gesture indicated. “Can’t a mother come see her only daughter without having a reason?”

  This was just odd. Any other mother, yes; Elise Chapman, no. Colbie had talked to Caden a couple of times since we’d moved, and Jess and Caden had come to visit once over the fall break, but that was where the communication ended with Brogdon, Georgia.

  It had taken Colbie a couple months to reach a point that she was okay with that limited communication. She’d finally accepted that her parents weren’t going to change; she could either accept them for who they were and what they offered in an emotional connection or sever ties. For the time being, she’d decided to stay disconnected until she could come to terms with who they were. I knew for a fact she still worked on her lack of a relationship with her family during counseling sessions because we’d talked about it recently.

  While Colbie had made the decision to leave and to go to Vanderbilt, she hadn’t made the decision about her family lightly. For weeks, she had raced to the mailbox every day, hoping for some sort of correspondence. She had asked regularly if I’d heard from Caleb. She was always met with disappointment on both fronts—there were never any letters or phone calls. I had no idea what this visit would undo in her recovery, but right now, I wasn’t thrilled that it was happening.

  The knock on the front door indicated her father had arrived as well. I didn’t have the foggiest clue what to do. Tempering my anger currently took all of my energy. They didn’t deserve the benefit of the doubt, but I knew how much Colbie wanted them in her life in a healthy capacity.

  I patted Colbie’s thigh. “Babe, why
don’t you go answer that and then get coffee for everyone?”

  She needed something to do besides fidget. I snagged her by the fingers and squeezed before she got out of reach. Colbie turned her baby blues toward me, and even if the rest of her was a nervous wreck, her eyes filled with warmth and love at that one simple gesture.

  As soon as I was certain Colbie was out of earshot, I hardened a glare in Elise’s direction. “What are you doing here, Elise?” I’d never called her by her first name—not to her face—but here, we were equals. I was a grown-ass man, and this was my house.

  Colbie’s mom sighed, and the plastic expression she always wore cracked. “Trying to mend a fence, Eli. I’ll admit it’s something I’m not very good at, but I’m doing my best.”

  I didn’t buy it. I wished I wasn’t skeptical. I wanted to accept her explanation as the gospel’s truth, but it was too simple. Too easy. “Why now?”

  “My daughter isn’t coming home for Christmas.”

  I couldn’t help but think her motivation was how that looked to the people of Brogdon rather than Colbie’s decision not to leave Nashville for the holiday. “Last time I checked, she hadn’t been invited to your house.”

  Colbie and Phillip joined us in the kitchen before Elise could respond. My girlfriend appeared terrified, and her father looked perturbed. I stood, although it was more out of habit than respect. Colbie veered off toward the coffee, and Phillip extended his arm.

  “Morning, Eli. Beautiful house you’ve got here.” He shook my hand and took in what he could see from where he stood.

  “Maybe Colbie will give you two a tour. She’s done all the work.” It was true. I just lived here and lifted the heavy objects when she asked me to. “We’re quite happy here.” I added that in unnecessarily, but I couldn’t resist the dig or the opportunity to ensure they knew there was no regret on either of our parts.

  Phillip took a seat next to his wife, and I couldn’t shake the uncomfortable silence that captivated the room. Colbie brought the pot of coffee and a little tray with cream and sugar, and seconds later, she returned with mugs. The four of us remained silent while she busied herself in the kitchen, and I wondered what went through her mother’s mind, watching her daughter perform the hostess role Elise did daily.