Frustration and guilt welled in Damian and he stood and crossed the room to the window. He knew his father had been fighting his own inner demons. He knew he shouldn’t think of him as selfish and weak. He just couldn’t help it. Damian struggled to keep his breathing even.
“I’m sorry,” Kat said, her voice sounding small. “I thought you should know.”
Damian clenched his jaw. He touched the cold surface of the glass with his fingertips. “My father was not who the world thought he was.”
“He made a mistake.”
Damian rounded on Kat. “No. This was not some mistake.” He spat out the word. “It was a calculation. A way to get out of taking responsibility. Just like—” Damian stopped before he said too much.
Kat stood and walked to him. She put her hand on his shoulder. “Like what?”
Damian sighed. It didn’t matter if he told her. Who was she going to tell? She lived in the middle of nowhere. He scrubbed his hand over his face. “My father didn’t die of cancer last year. He committed suicide.” His throat constricted.
Kat sucked in a breath. “Oh, no. That’s terrible.”
Pain stabbed through him as the memories from last year flashed through his mind. The awful way he had to lie to the public, to cover up what his father had done, and to make the company look good. The way he’d had to act sad when inside he was consumed with his anger.
His father had never really been there for him, and this was his last act of abandonment. The last twist of the knife he stuck in Damian’s gut. And all his anger just multiplied his guilt, because he knew he shouldn’t feel that way about it.
Kat put her arms around him and drew him close to her. He buried his face in her hair, swallowing back the emotion threatening to overpower him. “He chose the easy way out,” Damian whispered. He hadn’t ever told anyone how he felt. How could he? He couldn’t let anyone know he blamed his father. He was horrible for feeling that way.
“He was suffering,” she whispered. “You can’t know what he was going through.”
Yes, she was right. His father had been tortured. The signs of depression had been there, no one had put it together until it was too late. But knowing his father had been under mental duress made him feel even guiltier for his own anger.
There was a time when Damian had wanted to do the same, take the easy way out, but he didn’t. He faced his bad decisions head-on. He lived through the agony. His father gave up and deserted his family.
“I know I shouldn’t blame him,” Damian said. “It’s just so hard not to feel angry and abandoned.”
Kat reached up and placed her hands on his face, forcing him to look her in the eyes. He found compassion in her gaze. “You’re hurting. Those feelings are natural. I understand what you’re going through.” She blinked back tears. “I felt the same way when my mother’s condition grew so bad we had to move her to the facility. I was angry. I blamed her. But I knew it wasn’t her fault, so then I felt guilty for that anger.”
Damian nodded. “That’s exactly how I feel.”
Kat laid her head on his chest, her arms pulling him to her again. “It’s okay to be angry. I’ve learned that you can’t change those feelings. You just have to realize they are normal, and accept them for what they are…part of the grieving process.”
Damian swallowed. She was right. About all of it. “Yes,” he whispered.
“You don’t have to feel guilty.”
“Do you want to know the last thing I said to him?” Damian kept going before he couldn’t get the words out. “I told him I would be glad when he was dead.” He clenched his fists into her hair, emotion choking him. “Who says that?”
“Damian…”
He pulled away from her, his loathing for himself too strong. He turned, unable to face her. “I don’t deserve your sympathy.”
Kat reached for him, taking his shoulders and forcing him to look at her. “We all say things we regret. You had no idea what was going to happen.”
He broke her gaze. “It’s not only that. If you knew what I’d done… What my father couldn’t forgive me for.” He stopped, his pain too great to go on.
“You’re a good person. No matter what happened.”
The urge to tell her grew in him. She should know who he really was. “My accident. I was drag racing. It was stupid and illegal, but I was an angry young man. I…my best friend died that day. And it was my fault.”
Kat shook her head. “It wasn’t. You didn’t crash on purpose.”
“No, but I disobeyed my father. I made a stupid decision. And my best friend paid for it with his life.” He exhaled, a great weight lifting from his shoulders. He’d never talked about that day to anyone.
“People make mistakes.” Kat wrapped her arms around him. “No one is above that. You had a terrible experience, but it’s made you stronger.”
Damian swallowed. Sweet Katherine. Of course, she would dismiss the ugly side of him. He ran his thumb down her cheek and she closed her eyes. He cupped her face. “You have a tender heart,” he whispered. Before he could stop himself, he pressed his lips to hers.
Her lips parted and an energy surged through him. Kat saw past his weaknesses. He let her see inside of him, and she hadn’t backed away. She’d accepted him. He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her to him. His lips moved against hers, the kiss growing intense. A hunger for her flowed through him.
She suddenly pushed away from him, breaking the contact. She shook her head. “No,” Kat said under her breath, her hand flying to her lips.
Her rejection stung. He turned away from her, clenching his hands into fists. “Right. Sorry. I got carried away I guess.”
“Look, I didn’t mean…”
“I know.” He understood. She didn’t feel that way about him. And he shouldn’t feel that way about her either. He was just emotional, from talking about his father and what had happened to Luke. Connecting like that with her made him forget who he was for a moment. He needed to get a grip.
Kat walked to the bed and pulled on her coat. “I should go.”
A sudden urge for her to stay spiked and he held out his hand. “Please don’t. I…I don’t want you to.” Wow, how lame did that sound? Desperate, much?
He almost took it back, but Kat nodded and stopped moving toward the door. She looked around the small hotel room. An awkwardness settled in. “Do you want to go for a drive?”
“Where would we go?” The town was sixteen blocks. It would be a quick drive.
“New Haven is only thirty minutes away.” She paused, then gave him a shy smile. “They have a Starbucks.”
“Are you freaking kidding me?” He opened the closet and brought out his coat. “Let’s go.” He couldn’t believe Kat was holding out on him like that. He wanted to throttle her and kiss her at the same time.
They left the hotel and paused at Kat’s car. He’d been in her passenger seat enough to know how she drove. “Let’s take my rental.”
She sighed. “Fine.”
He clicked the key FOB and the doors unlocked. Kat slid into the passenger seat. After he started the car, he turned to her. “Which direction is New Haven?”
“Just go west on Main Street and keep going.”
He pulled out of the parking lot. The silence in the car was awkward, and he felt odd after revealing so much of himself. He tapped the steering wheel. “Thanks for listening to me in there. I don’t know why I felt the urge to share all that with you. I’m not usually like that.”
Kat played with a large button on her coat. The awkwardness between them hadn’t lifted. “I didn’t mind.”
“I think finding out that I have a brother my father hid from me made me go a little crazy.”
Kat placed a hand on his leg. “You’re a good person. I meant it when I said that. You have a good heart.”
He swallowed and kept his eyes on the road. He didn’t want to get all wrapped up in Kat again. She was the kind of girl he could easily fall for. Or maybe he was alre
ady falling for her. That thought didn’t sit well with him. They had no future together. “Thanks,” he said, keeping his tone light.
“What are you going to do?”
“About Lydia?” He glanced at Kat and she nodded. “I don’t know yet. Something’s come up back home and I really should leave tomorrow. But things here feel unfinished.”
Kat seemed surprised. “I thought maybe you’d close things down once you found out. Mystery solved. End of story.”
He shook his head. “I have a brother I haven’t even met. I can’t just pretend he doesn’t exist like my father did. And I suppose my mother as well since she seemed to know about it too.” He tightened his grip on the steering wheel, unable to fathom how they could do that.
“Then you’re not closing things down?” Her voice sounded hopeful.
Clarity suddenly hit him, and he realized why Kat had wanted to spend time with him. Why she was showing him around the town. This was all about saving her job. His mouth grew dry. “Yeah. I’m not shutting it down.”
“Oh my gosh, I’m so relieved. I thought you were going to destroy the paper, and Lydia was going to kill me, then resurrect me and then kill me again.”
Of course, he should have known. It had to be Lydia’s idea all along. “So, Lydia put you up to this?”
“To what?”
He kind of didn’t want to know the truth, but his mouth asked anyway. “Spending time with me?”
“Well, yeah, she asked me to give you the royal treatment, but I didn’t think it was going to do any good. I was sure you were out to…” Kat stopped talking and looked at him. “What?”
He forced his gaze to the road. “Nothing.”
She had no interest in him at all. Everything that had happened was her trying to save her job. He tried not to let it bother him. He knew there couldn’t be anything more between them anyway. It just added to the rejection he felt after he lost control and kissed her, and she stopped him. He wouldn’t make that same mistake again.
Chapter 18
Kat looked at the menu, trying to decide what she wanted. Damian had already ordered his special latte whatever. She looked at all the choices. Finally, she gave up and ordered a tall medium roast with no cream. Damian made a little scoffing noise but his eyes held a smile.
They got their drinks and sat down at a table by the window. The Starbucks was in the New Haven Mall, if you could call the building that housed the twelve stores a mall. Kat watched as people walked by the windows getting last minute Christmas shopping done. Bing Crosby’s voice sang out over the speakers.
Damian’s phone rang and he looked at the screen. “Sorry, I should take this.”
“No problem.”
Damian put the phone to his ear. “Hello, Mother.”
Kat tried not to eavesdrop, but he was sitting right there at the table. It was impossible not to hear.
“I’m leaving tomorrow, but we’ll need to talk when I get back to New York.”
Kat picked up her coffee and stared at a woman walking by, several shopping bags hanging from her elbow.
“I don’t want to talk about it now. I’m with someone.”
Kat played with the cardboard sleeve on her cup.
“Yes, she’s a woman.” Damian sighed and rolled his eyes. “No, Mother. I’m hanging up now. I’ll see you tomorrow when I get back.”
Yeah, that wasn’t awkward at all. Kat took a sip and then set her cup down. “So, are you ready for Christmas? Are you done with your shopping?”
Damian nodded, his gaze not meeting hers. He shifted in his seat.
“What, you celebrate Christmas, don’t you?”
“Mother caters a party on Christmas. I attend. We don’t really sit around and open presents if that’s what you mean.”
“Oh.” Kat thought about Christmas with her family, how it used to be before her father died. Even with just her and Hilary, they always went to the facility and opened presents with their mother, even though it was sometimes hard. They always managed to have a good time together.
“But you bought your mother a gift? What did you get her?”
Damian sat silent for a moment before lifting his gaze to hers. “I had my secretary send her a fruit basket.”
“Oh, Damian. That just won’t do. Let’s go look for something you can get her.” Kat picked up her drink and stood. “There has to be something here she might like.”
Damian looked skeptical but he followed her out into the mall. Kat turned to him. “What kinds of things does she like?”
“Expensive things.”
“Well, we don’t have any fancy hoity-toity stuff here. Let’s go into Bath and Body Works. Women like to be pampered. There are some nice things in there.”
Kat practically dragged him into the shop. He looked at the shelves for a few minutes, a picky scowl on his face. Kat wanted to whack him, but she kept her hands to herself. She picked up a tester spray and spritzed the air. “This one smells nice.”
Damian made a face. “She’s not really the ten-dollar perfume type.”
“Oh my word,” Kat said under her breath. She put the spritzer back and walked to a large display of bath bombs. “How about some of these? They’re pretty luxurious.”
Damian picked up one of the large balls wrapped in plastic and looked at it. “She only uses lavender and bergamot oils in her bath.” He put the bath bomb back on the display.
“Well, how about some lotion? Does her majesty get dry skin?”
Damian’s gaze snapped to hers. Kat covered her mouth. “Oops. Did I say that out loud?”
His lips twitched. “Yes, you did.”
“Sorry.” She handed him a bottle of lotion. “Smell this. Do you think she’d like it?”
He popped open the lid and stuck it beneath his nose. “Not really her smell. But I like the idea of lotion. She does go through a lot of it, and she complains that her hands are always dry.”
Kat pulled him over to the Christmas scents. “Maybe this vanilla one?”
“That is nice,” he said after smelling it. “I think she’d actually like this one.”
“Okay. We found something. Good.” Kat took it to the register. “Maybe if you tell me more things about her, we can find something else she might like.”
Damian frowned as he pulled out his wallet. “We’re not really that…close.”
A sadness settled over Kat. She’d give anything to have her mother back, her mind working again. It killed her to think of Damian and his mother, such a distance between them. “What does she like to do in her spare time?”
“She plans a lot of parties.”
Kat slowly nodded. “Maybe a piece of jewelry? Something she can wear to one of her parties.”
He paid for the lotion they walked three stores down to the jewelry store. A thin Christmas tree sat in the corner decorated with silver and gold ornaments. A saleswoman came up to them. “Are you looking for something in particular?” She sized them up. “Maybe an engagement ring?”
Damian coughed and his ears turned pink. “No.”
Kat hid a smile. She could totally have fun with that one. “We’re just looking.”
“Okay. Let me know if you want to try anything on.”
They walked around the store, peering into the display cases. Kat pointed to a gold necklace with a tree pendant. “Ooh, I love that one. Look at how the branches twist together. It’s the Tree of Life.”
Damian scratched his cheek. “Not really something my mother would wear.”
“Do you see anything here she’d like?”
His eyes bounced around the store. “Not really. She buys her jewelry from a New York designer. Sorry. I know you’re trying to help.”
“All right. That’s fine. Is there anyone else you need to buy a present for?”
“No.” They walked out of the store. “How about you? Do you have any shopping to do?”
“I do need to find something for Fred. He’s so hard to shop for.”
&nb
sp; Damian quirked an eyebrow. “You buy gifts for your co-workers?” He tossed his empty coffee cup into a wastebasket.
“Yes. Just little things.”
“And you don’t know what to buy the guy who wears a Doctor Who scarf everywhere?” Damian’s lips curled up into a smile as he pointed to a store window. A large display of Star Wars, Harry Potter, and Pokemon items stared baked at them.
“You’re brilliant.” Kat tugged him into the store. “What should I get?”
“This TARDIS pencil sharpener is good.” Damian picked up a blue thing that said Police Box and showed it to her.
“How do you know so much about Doctor Who?”
“My nanny let me watch TV after I got all my homework done.” He grinned at her, and she realized she liked his smile. Something about it seemed genuine.
“I bet your mom didn’t like that.”
“We didn’t tell mother about that.”
Kat laughed. “Good idea.” She took the TARDIS from him. “I’ll get this. I’m sure Fred will love it.”
She paid for the gift. As they walked the rest of the mall the crowd started to thin out. “It’s getting late,” she said. “I think the mall closes soon. We’d better head back to your car.”
Damian nodded. “Thanks for this. I enjoyed it, and not just the coffee.”
The way he looked at her, his dark eyes intense, made her knees weak. “Sure,” she said, trying to be lighthearted. They couldn’t get serious again. Not when he was leaving tomorrow. Not when there was no chance they would ever have a relationship. She did not want to get all wrapped up in someone she couldn’t have.
***
Damian sat at the desk, staring at his laptop screen. He knew he should go to bed, but the need to talk to Amelia surged in him, and he sat looking at the icon that would tell him when she logged onto the singles website. He tapped the desk with a pen. The icon lit up. She’d logged in.
He quickly sent her a message.
Can you talk?
What was he doing? He didn’t even know Amelia. And the last time they spoke, she seemed upset with him. Why did he even want to talk to her?
Her Big Fat Hunky Billionaire Boss Page 11