by B. L. Morgan
It seemed like it should be late in the day. Evening should be falling but that grey fog all around us did not get any darker.
Night never fell.
After a long period of time, I have no idea how long, more out of boredom than anything else we did pick up the oars once more and rowed once again.
More time went by and I began to hear something in the distance, something that I didn’t know if I wanted to hear or not. I was convinced that my ears must be playing tricks on me.
I was hearing the rumbling sound of what could only be a ... motor boat.
I stopped rowing.
“Do you hear that?” I asked Johnny.
He nodded his head yes. “What the hell do you think it is?”
I didn’t even get the chance to answer.
Coming out of the wall of grayness that surrounded us, a small family sized motor boat appeared. It veered away from our side and coasted to the front of us.
A tanned blond haired guy in swimming trunks and t-shirt was standing up by the steering wheel. Two women in bikinis, one in her late thirties and her teenage daughter were seated at the end of the boat.
“Woe dude,” the guy steering shouted to us. “We almost hit you. Sorry about that.”
“Do you need a hand?” the mother shouted at us.
Me and Johnny both nodded yes because we were both too stunned to say anything.
The woman tossed a rope, a nylon rope, to us. It had one of those fasteners on the end that mountain climbers use and late in the 20th century you saw all over the place used for things like big key chains and shit like that.
“Hook up and we’ll tow you,” the guy shouted.
There was a steel ring bolted to the front of the life boat. We hooked the fastener onto that.
The motor boat revved up and the woman, all smiles and white teeth shouted, “Hold on!” The motor boat took off.
The rope played out and they vanished off into the impenetrable wall of grey that surrounded us. A few moments after that our life boat was jerked forward and we were flying over the water.
Johnny looked at me and I looked at him.
Through the low roar of the powerboat’s engine Johnny said to me, “Something is very wrong with this picture.”
“No shit.” I answered.
“They shouldn’t be here,” he went on. “Where the fuck do you think they came from?”
“I have no idea,” I told Johnny.
“I mean, we just jumped off a fucking pirate ship being attacked by a Royal Navy Frigate in the Mediterranean Sea in the 1600’s. Did you hear the way that guy and the woman spoke? They sound like they’re from the Midwest in the 20th Century for God’s sake.”
“I know.”
“So what the fuck is going on?” he asked.
All I could do was shake my head. I had no idea where the hell this family out for some fun in the sun came from. I was even beginning to wonder where the hell I came from.
The motor roared on out in front of us.
We bounced over the water skimming at high speed over the waves.
The grey around us suddenly ended and we were in bright sunshine. It was like stepping out of a cloud.
Like a switch was flipped off the rumbling sound of the motor was gone and the power boat was nowhere to be seen.
Behind us there was no fog bank, only open sea.
In front of us in the distance on the horizon we could see land.
“This is getting fucking weirder and weirder,” I said.
“You don’t have to tell me that,” Johnny answered. “I’m living this shit.”
Then I remembered the rope.
The rope that we’d fastened to the steel ring at the front of the life boat was nylon. That kind of rope hadn’t existed in the sixteen hundreds.
The rope was still attached to the front of the boat but the climbers clamp was gone. It was tied to the steel ring by a slip knot.
The rope was no longer nylon. The rope was now made from hemp.
I pulled the rope in, pulling it hand over hand and throwing it in the bottom of the boat. Only about ten feet of rope was all that I pulled in before it came to an abrupt end. The rope ended at a clean cut just like it had been chopped with a razor sharp ax.
“Where do you think they went?” I asked Johnny.
“Back to wherever they came from,” he answered. “I hope.”
“Yeah, me to,” I told him.
We rowed toward the distant shore.
Book Three
All Kinds
Of Beasties
That Go Bump
In The Night
Part One
Medieval Madness
All of Your
Darkest Dreams
Can Come True
... The Walker In Darkness
Chapter Thirty-Five
Singed Fur
When we came out of that weird unnatural fog the sun was still high in the sky. If I had to guess what time it was from the position of the sun I’d figure it was around four in the afternoon. We rowed toward the distant land that we could see on the horizon. The sun once again moved overhead. It dropped steadily toward the western horizon.
Johnny and me worked silently and rowed hard. We didn’t want to still be a long way off shore when night came.
If this was some small island in the Mediterranean and night fell there was always the chance that in the darkness we could miss the island entirely. We didn’t want to just row on past our only chance for survival. As evening fell we found that we shouldn’t have worried about that.
Lights appeared along the shoreline. As we got closer we could even make out some of the taller man made structures. The tallest was a lighthouse that was situated on a hill to the North. The coastline was inhabited. This didn’t appear to be an island.
The sun slid down the horizon behind us and we plunged into night. We rowed on toward the shoreline and it wasn’t long before we could hear the waves breaking on the beach.
A little bit after that our lifeboat was riding the waves and we jumped out when we bottomed out on sand.
I don’t know if solid ground ever felt better underneath me.
We both ran up through the ankle deep waves and when we reached dry sand collapsed there.
For a time neither of us spoke. We laid there catching our breath, letting our knotted muscles loosen.
I may have even drifted off because suddenly I noticed that the full moon was already high in the sky. I sat up and Johnny was already standing up.
He was looking toward the North.
Lights shone from low, squat buildings.
Then the beam from that distant lighthouse swung by and gave us a better look at the shoreline we’d come in on.
We’d been lucky.
Most of the shore was made up of cliffs and steep hillsides. We’d come ashore on just about the only stretch of beach that was visible for miles in either direction.
Johnny noticed I was up and said, “I’m glad you’re awake now. Did anybody tell you that you snore like a mother fucker.”
“That’s what all my bitches say,” I told him.
“Fuck you!”
“They do that too,” I answered.
“Let’s get to town, before I decide to kick your ass all over this beach,” he said. “I’m hungry as hell and there’s bound to be someplace open to get something to eat.”
“I don’t know about that,” I told Johnny. “This ain’t Chicago and I still think we’re in the sixteen hundreds.”
“Why’s that?”
“Look at your clothes,” I told him. “They’re the same as when we were on the ship. Besides, we didn’t jump through a portal.”
“But where did that powerboat come from?” he reminded me.
“Yeah, there is that ain’t there.”
It took longer to get to town than either of us though it would.
To the North about a hundred yards a steep rocky cliff sprang straight up out of t
he water. It would have taken a team of monkeys with mountain climbing gear to get up that cliff even in daylight.
This was in the middle of the night. The cliff could have been made of black glass for as much detail as we could make out in the dark.
Inland, away from the water was a thick forest. We headed over the sand and into the shadows of the trees.
Where we’d thought that it was dark on the beach when we were out in the moonlight, as soon as we entered that forest we found out what darkness was all about. After walking less than ten feet into the woods I couldn’t even see my hand in front of my face.
“I don’t know if this is such a good idea,” Johnny whispered.
“You said you were fucking hungry,” I told him. “Unless you can levitate us up that God dam cliff this is the only way we’re gonna get to higher ground and that’s where I’m certain we saw the lights from those houses.”
“I am fucking hungry,” Johnny told me. “But as pitch black as it is I bet there’s something else out here even hungrier than we are and we won’t see it till it bites us in the ass.”
“Then you’d best shut the fuck up and keep moving,” I said. “As much as you’re yapping if there’s a bear out here you’re telling him right where we are.”
That did shut Johnny up for at least a little while.
We walked on for a few more steps, maybe around ten steps and I couldn’t tell where the hell he was in the pitch blackness.
“Hey Johnny,” I told him. “I don’t want to lose you out here. I can’t tell where the hell you are, smile or something alright.”
“Kiss my ass,” he said.
His voice came from right beside me.
I reached out and touched his shoulder and kept my hand there as we walked.
“This doesn’t mean we’re going steady,” he said after a few minutes.
“That’s what all my bitches say,” I told him. “Right after they suck my dick.”
“You can kiss the baby,” Johnny answered.
We walked in silence for a moment or two.
“Ok you got me,” I told him. “What the fuck does that one mean?”
We stepped out of the tree line. The bright moonlight showed us farmland to the East as far as the eye could see.
Johnny grabbed his crotch. “This is my baby,” he said.
“You’re a fucking idiot,” I told him.
“You started it,” Johnny answered.
We were standing on a rocky road. On the other side there was a wooden fence and a cultivated field. I think it was winter wheat that was growing.
In the distance, a long distance off, I could see a farmhouse with smoke curling up out of a chimney.
To the North, perhaps a mile away was a cluster of buildings with smoke coming from vent pipes in roofs.
We took off in that direction.
We were hungry so we made good time on the road.
As we walked I could see our breath in the air and I noticed that it was pretty dam cold out too.
Large silvery puffs of steam came from our mouths as we trudged along. Neither one of us was dressed for cold weather but at least there wasn’t any snow on the ground.
“It’s cold as a son-of-a bitch,” Johnny muttered from beside me.
“Tell me about it bro,” I said.
“I just fucking did,” he answered.
We trudged some more.
“Do you think we were even on the Mediterranean anymore after that motorboat vanished?” I asked.
“All bets are off,” Johnny said. “That guy came out of nowhere and went back to nowhere. We could be anywhere or any time now. I mean, it was like he came out of a dimensional gap or something. So where the fuck he dropped us is anybodies guess. And I also figure that our clothes changing to suit the time we’re in doesn’t apply anymore.”
“That shit happening just erased all the rules,” he finished.
“Were there ever any rules?” I asked.
“I guess not,” Johnny said. “I was stupid to figure that there were any.”
The town was just up ahead, no further than fifty yards. The buildings were mostly two and three story stone structures. Flickering lights shone out through shuttered windows.
As we walked into town the place was well lit by torches that served as streetlights. There were a lot of torches too. About every twenty feet there was a post nailed into the ground with a flaming torch leaning at an angle from an iron torch holder that was kind of like a big mug with the bottom cut out.
No one, not a single soul was out on the street.
I mentioned that to Johnny ending that observation with, “Doesn’t it seem kind of strange for the whole place to be lit up and no one to be out?”
“You’re asking too many God dam questions tonight,” he told me. “What do I look like your fucking Encyclopedia Britannica?”
“You look like my bitch,” I said.
“Watch it boy,” he answered. “This is one bitch that sure as shit will bitch-slap you.”
I had to smile at that one. It was pretty good. I opened my mouth to give him a comeback and an animal roar erupted from down the street to the North that froze any words I had coming out right in my throat.
The roar sounded like a combination of a wolf, lion, tiger, and elephant. Whatever that animal was it was fucking big and pissed off.
After a long moment of silence Johnny whispered, “Shit.”
“Yeah,” I answered. “I think I know why they got so many fucking torches lit.”
We both drew our swords.
A cry came from the same direction as the roar. This one was not nearly as loud. It was a woman’s high pitched scream followed by a stream of words that sounded like desperate pleas.
“This don’t fucking sound right!” I told Johnny.
“Not at all,” he answered and we turned toward the sound of that scream and ran with drawn swords toward whatever bad thing we’d find there.
We ran down one short street when it curved to the left and opened into a large open crossroads. It was easy to see that in the daylight this spot was probably used as an open air market.
Right now it was being used as a sacrificial altar.
In the center of the square there was a large post driven in the ground. Tied to the post was a woman. She had chestnut brown hair and a face that looked like it laughed a lot although at the moment she wasn’t in the mood to be doing that.
This woman was bare to the waist and even from the edge of the square I could see that her breasts were perfect.
“Wow!” Johnny muttered from beside me.
“No shit,” I said and my admiration of her magnificent mammaries was interrupted by another of those blood curdling roars. This one came from directly opposite the crossroads.
Stepping out of the shadows was a thing that climbed out of a child’s worst nightmare.
It stood on two legs, just like a man, but that’s where the similarity ended. Covered from head to toe in a coarse black fur the thing stood easily seven feet tall and in the flickering torch light its eyes seemed to glow an evil red.
It was thick shouldered and heavily muscled and stood with saliva dripping from dagger-like teeth. The thing roared again warning us to get the hell away from his meal.
“Son-of-a-bitch,” Johnny said from beside me. “It’s the mother-fucking wolfman!”
“Yeah,” I agreed. “But tonight Lon Chaney best get ready for the worst beating of his career.”
We ran to where the woman was bound to the stake and the werewolf, because it could be nothing else, came bounding out of the shadows.
I was leading the way, but only by just a little bit and got between it and the woman.
The thing sprang at me and I brought my sword up just in time to harpoon the thing on my blade. The force of the flying man-animal knocked us both off our feet. My blade went in under its ribcage sliding up all the way to the hilt.
As we hit the ground the weight of the thing blasted
the air out of my lungs but I still managed to roll off to the side and slam a good left hook into its snout. I stood up, sucked in some air and jerked my blade free.
“Yeah, mother fucker!” I yelled at it. “That’ll teach you to fuck with the East St. Louis Johnnys. We will fuck you up!”
The thing rolled to its feet, standing on all fours like a hound from hell and shook itself. Then it stood straight up on two feet showing us the gaping wound in its side.
The wound sealed itself and healed before our eyes.
“Ain’t that a fucking bitch!” Johnny yelled and leaped forward. He slashed the creature across the chest and it belted him with a backhand right sending Johnny flying through the air a good ten feet.
Since the sword hadn’t worked I jumped on the things back and clamping my legs around its midsection applied a chokehold by wrapping my arms around its throat and squeezing for all I was worth.
The thing tried to bellow but couldn’t. It couldn’t get enough air to. Hanging on to that thing was like trying to ride a wild bull that was standing up on its two hind legs. I was doing a pretty good job and was figuring when we got back to our own time I might join the rodeo, when the thing threw itself backward and dropped to its back on top of me.
My bones crunched on impact with the ground and I blacked out. I was only out a moment but when my grip loosened, the thing rolled free. I came awake with the creature leaning down into my face dripping snot and spit on me and snarling.
It opened its mouth and I saw long pointed teeth and death staring into my eyes. It lunged forward to take a bite of my face but instead jerked back and howled in agony.
The smell of rancid burning hair filled the air as the thing jumped away, fell to the dirt, and started scooting on the ground trying to put out the blazing fire the lower half of his body had become.
Johnny had one of the torches from the poles in his hand. “You didn’t like getting that shoved up you ass, did you!” he yelled.
I grabbed my sword from the ground and shouted, “Finish it!”
Johnny leaped forward and lit the wolf man on fire again and as the thing beat at the flames around his face and head I leaped forward and cleaved the clawed hands clean off from his arms then cleaved the head from his shoulders.