by Holly Renee
“I know that you snort just a tiny bit when you think something is really funny and you gasp for breath when you cry from a sappy chick flick. I know that you hide behind this hard, bad girl shield to keep people at a distance, but you have a wall full of romance books in your room and you look like you are falling in love again and again every time you’re reading one.”
“Mason.” She twirled the end of her braid in her hand and looked up at her apartment.
“I know that you push me away because you’re scared of what we could be. Of what we are becoming.”
I watched her then. I watched her close her eyes and take a deep breath. I watched her brace herself for whatever she was going to say next, and I should have done the same. I should have protected myself from her. But I was an idiot.
I was an idiot who didn’t even see it coming.
She turned her eyes back to me, and I hated what I saw there. I fucking hated it. “I’m not interested in anything more with you, Mason. I fuck. That’s it. I don’t date. I don’t have relationships. I tried to make that clear to you in the beginning. This”—she motioned between the two of us—“this was a mistake. We had no business being friends, and we sure as hell had no business fucking again if you couldn’t keep your feelings out of it.”
I stepped back as if she had struck me.
“I’m sorry if—”
“You’re not sorry,” I cut her off. “You’re a coward.”
Her mouth straightened into a hard line, but her chest rose and fell as if she was having a hard time breathing.
“I didn’t want to hurt you,” she said the words softly, but I didn’t believe any of it.
“Save it, Staci.” I strapped my helmet on and moved back onto my motorcycle. Everything inside of me was telling me not to leave, but I wouldn’t allow Staci Johnson to drain even one more ounce of my pride. “I get it,” I said the words over the rumble of my bike. “You let me fall in love with you only to truly fuck me in the end.”
Her hand reached out, only minutely as pain fill her face, but I wasn’t going to stand around and watch it. I wasn’t going to let her drag me back in to only kick me out again. So, I kicked up the kickstand, and I rode away from her. I didn’t dare look back because I knew that I was too weak when it came to her. And this was exactly why I shouldn’t let myself do this.
I broke my own rules, and I could only blame myself.
Staci
I couldn’t breathe.
I couldn’t fucking breathe.
I sank down to the floor as soon as I managed to close the door, and I buried my face in my hands. I was such a damn idiot.
Mason was right. I was a coward.
But God, I panicked.
I panicked and pushed him away before I could even let the thought run through me. It was what I did. I pushed people away. I usually never let them get close enough to hurt me, but I had fucked up with Mason.
I knew from day one that we would hurt each other, that I would hurt him, but I was a fool. For the first time in as long as I could remember, I had let my guard down around a guy, and it was a mistake.
Mason was too much. He was too powerful. Too potent.
I didn’t stand a chance, and Mason deserved more than what I could give him.
My phone buzzed in my pocket, and I pulled it out to see my dad’s name light up on the screen. I took a deep breath, as deep as I could, and pressed answer.
“Hey, Dad.”
“Staci, it isn’t looking good, doll.”
I winced and rubbed my face. “What did the lawyer say?”
“You’re going to have to come back. She said that Ben is asking for mediation.”
“I’m not doing mediation with him. Why can’t she just go to court and be done with it?” I let my head slam back against the wall.
“Because if you don’t agree to mediation, then he’s going to try to take the house.” My dad’s voice was soft, wary.
“He can’t take your house.”
“He can. You and I both know it. It’s in your name, Staci. He can go after anything he wants.”
I gripped my hand against my thigh to keep myself from screaming. “I don’t understand what he wants from me.”
I didn’t understand why he wouldn’t just let me go.
“From what your lawyer told me, he wasn’t very happy when he was served the divorce papers. I think the word she used was enraged, actually. She doesn’t think he’s going to do any part of this easily.”
I didn’t know why I ever thought he would. He had never done anything easily. He had never cared about anyone other than himself.
It was why I had left. He was why I had left the only home I had ever known.
“When do they need me there?” I asked, but my skin crawled just thinking about it.
“She said if you agree to mediation that she could get it scheduled as early as next week. She said that Ben is trying to push everything back, but he agreed to that.”
Of course, he did.
Because he knew it would get me home. He knew that I would never allow him to take my father’s home. A home he had worked his whole damn life for. A home he had put in my name in case anything had ever happened to him, and here I was, putting everything he worked for at risk.
“Okay. I’ll talk to Parker today and see what I can figure out with work then I’ll get a flight.”
Dread. Pure fucking dread filled me.
“Call me and let me know the plan. You better tell me when your flight gets in so I can pick you up at the airport. I’ll be damned if you take a taxi like last time.”
“I will, Dad.” I laughed softly.
Even though going home to deal with Ben was by far the last thing I wanted to do, I did miss my dad. I missed him far too much, and I was dying to see him. Dying to have him hold me in his arms and tell me that everything was going to be okay.
Because right now, everything I could see, everything I touched, it was all fucked up.
Mason
It had been over a week since I last saw her. A week.
And I had regretted my decision to ride away from her for every damn second of it.
I had gone back to her apartment the next day. I was prepared to prove to her that she was wrong. I would force her to face the truth if I had to. Because I wouldn’t just walk away like this. I wouldn’t let us end like this.
But she was gone.
Her apartment was dark and the door locked, but her car was still in the parking lot. I had called her phone probably five times over, but it had gone straight to voicemail each time.
I felt like I was going crazy.
Parker probably thought I was crazy as well. I banged on his front door, banged on it repeatedly until one of them answered. He looked at me like I had lost my damn mind when I walked past him into his house, but I didn’t care. I needed to talk to my sister. If anyone knew where she was, it was her.
She was in the kitchen when I walked in, but I didn’t care what she had going on. I only cared about one thing. I could only think about Staci.
“Where is she?” I grabbed her shoulder and turned her to face me.
“Who?” She looked up at me confused.
“Don’t act dumb. Staci. Where is she?”
Livy jerked away from my touch and pushed me hard in the chest. “Don’t you come into my house and call me dumb. I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about.”
I ran my hands through my hair, frustrated. “I went to her apartment and everything is off, but her car is there. I tried calling her phone and it goes straight to voicemail. I need to see her. After yesterday—”
“What happened yesterday?” she interrupted me and put a hand on her hip.
I swallowed as I let the memories flood me. “I don’t know.” I threw my hands up in the air. “We went for a ride on my motorcycle yesterday morning, and everything was perfect. We were having a great day. She was happy, she was smiling, then poof.” I snapped my fingers. “Every
thing changed.”
“It couldn’t change just like that. Something had to happen.”
Parker walked up behind Livy and pulled the spatula from her hand that she was waving in the air before going to the stove.
“Well, we had sex.” I shrugged my shoulders.
“Mason,” she growled. “Did I tell you nothing? That was not a part of the plan. You were supposed to be wooing her not fucking her.”
“You two had a plan?” Parker looked over his shoulder at us, but Livy ignored him.
“So, what? Was it bad?”
“No. It wasn’t bad,” I huffed. “It was amazing actually.”
“At least for you,” she said under her breath.
“It wasn’t the sex,” I growled. “But afterward it was like something just changed. Something happened. I just don’t know what.”
Livy picked up her phone and hit a few buttons before she pressed it to her ear. I held my breath as I waited to see if she would answer, but Livy made a perplexed face and set the phone back on the counter.
“Straight to voicemail.”
“I told you.”
Livy rolled her eyes and crossed her arms. “Why would she have her phone off? That doesn’t make sense.”
“She’s on a plane.”
We both turned and stared at Parker when we heard his words.
“What?” I asked as Livy said, “How do you know?”
Parker turned off the stove eye before he turned to look at us. “She called me last night to tell me that she needed to go home to take care of some things. She’s going to be in Oklahoma for a few weeks.”
“Why didn’t she call me?” Livy looked offended.
“Well, she called me to make sure I could move things around for her at work. I’m sure she’ll call you once she gets things settled down.”
“What does she need to take care of?” I tried to think of why she would need to go home. She never talked about Oklahoma. She avoided talking about it actually.
“That’s something that you will need to talk to her about.” Parker was looking directly at me, and I knew that he hated keeping this from me. We didn’t keep shit from each other. Never had.
Except for my sister.
“How am I supposed to ask her if she won’t talk to me?”
“She’s on a plane, Mason.” My sister rolled her eyes.
“No.” I shook my head. “She told me yesterday that she didn’t want to do this anymore. She said a lot actually.”
“Give her time.” Parker pulled three plates out of the cabinet.
“Time.” I nodded my head. “I’m sure that will be easy. What if giving her time just fucks everything up more?”
I looked from Parker to my sister and neither one of them said anything for a minute.
But then my sister smiled. “Then you can kick Parker’s ass for suggesting it.”
Staci
There was nothing in the world that I could do that would help me be prepared for the meeting I was walking into. It had been three years since I had laid eyes on him. Three years since I ran away and never looked back.
My dad had offered to come with me, but I refused. I needed to do this on my own. I needed to face him regardless of how badly I didn’t want to. Regardless of how badly he had hurt me.
He stood as my lawyer and I walked into the room, and I avoided looking in his eyes. He looked the same as he had the day I left. His light brown hair styled back out of his face and not a single hair out of place. It never had been. He was wearing a pair of khaki pants with a light blue button-up shirt. A light blue that I knew were bringing out the ocean blue of his eyes.
His cologne hit me as I reached the large table, and I closed my eyes and tried to force out all the memories that were flooding me. Memories that I hadn’t thought about in a very long time. Memories that I refused to allow me to feel weak again.
“Mrs. Callen.” Ben’s lawyer nodded his head to my lawyer before turning to me. “Mrs. Howell, please have a seat.”
My lawyer started to sit, but I didn’t.
“My name is not Mrs. Howell.” I stared at him. “I am Ms. Johnson.”
“With all due respect, ma’am, you are still married to Mr. Howell, and as such, your name is still legally Mrs. Howell.”
“With all due respect, sir.” He reared back at the venom in my voice. “I am Ms. Johnson. My legal name has been changed to Ms. Johnson. If you would like me to stay for this mediation, you will refer to me as such.”
Ben’s soft chuckle was like fingernails down a chalkboard.
I finally looked at him, really looked at him, and I didn’t know why I expected to see anything different. But the man staring back at me with a smirk on his face was the same exact monster I had left three years ago.
I pulled my gaze from his and took a seat at the table as far from him as I could. My lawyer’s hand touched mine under the table, a silent sign of her support, before she began.
“You all have asked us here for mediation in agreement that you will no longer go after her father’s home.” His lawyer nodded his head in agreement. “So, please inform us what exactly you have asked us here for. Mr. Howell already has the home that they once shared along with their vehicles and all of their belongings. When Ms. Johnson left, she didn’t take anything that belonged to him.”
Ben scoffed, but I refused to look at him again.
“Mr. Howell would like to discuss the terms of the divorce. My client feels that he and Mrs.”—he cleared his throat and corrected himself—“Ms. Johnson didn’t give their marriage a fair chance. He would like Ms. Johnson to consider counseling before going forward with the divorce. Otherwise, he will refuse to sign the papers without going to court.”
I clenched my hands into fists and counted to ten. “Can Mr. Howell and I have a moment alone?”
My lawyer looked at me with shocked eyes. “Are you sure that’s a good idea?”
“I’m positive.” I looked at Ben, and he was leaned back in his chair completely relaxed.
“I’ll be right outside the door.”
I nodded my head to her but didn’t take my eyes off him.
When the door clicked shut behind me, he finally opened his mouth.
“It’s nice to finally see you, love.” He leaned forward, and I cringed that he was even an inch closer to me. “Although, I could have done without all the trashy tattoos but you can always cover those with clothing.”
“You have lost your damn mind if you for one second think that I would be willing to even consider giving this another chance.”
He tsked, something I absolutely hated about him, and smiled at me.
“You don’t have too much of a choice. You can either agree to counseling or I will drag your ass through court. I know that your daddy’s old house is in your name, and I know that you probably have assets wherever the hell you’ve been.”
But he was wrong.
It was the reason I didn’t own my own house. It was also the reason I turned Parker down when he offered to allow me to own a third of Forbidden Ink.
Because I knew that Ben would try to ruin everything.
But I refused to let him know that. I refused to let him know how much he affected every decision I made.
“You won’t.”
Ben laughed, a laugh that I fucking hated, and placed both of his hands on the table between us.
“You don’t think I would do it? You don’t think I would take your dad’s house right out from under him? You don’t think I would take everything away from you?”
“You’ve done it before.”
He grinned. “And I will do it again.”
I leaned down and pulled an envelope out of my purse. I hadn’t looked at it in over two years, but I knew every detail of what laid inside.
Every inch of it was burned into my brain.
I pulled the pictures out one by one and laid them in front of him.
He didn’t say a word as I set them down. He just s
tared at them with fury in his eyes, but he didn’t know fury. He hadn’t even begun to taste the amount of rage I felt toward him.
I pressed the last picture against the table then I folded my hands in front of me.
“If you even try to take me to court, I will bring every one of these with me.” His eyes bounced up to mine. “These pictures.” I pointed down at the images of my body covered in bruises. “These are only the last time. I have plenty other pictures where these came from.” I didn’t, but he didn’t need to know that. This was the only time I had gone to the hospital. It was the only time I had gathered my courage and my hate and decided to leave.
“You can’t prove that I did that.” He looked up at me, and every ounce of hate that I had for him boiled up inside of me.
“I will blast this everywhere, Ben.” His eyes narrowed at me. “How do you think the other men at your firm will feel about this? How will your parents feel about it?”
He didn’t say a word. He just stared.
“I won’t stop until I’ve ruined you. If you want to play this game with me, then we’ll play it. I’m not the girl in these pictures anymore.” I pushed one closer to him so he could see it, so he could be reminded of the pain he had caused. “If you refuse to sign those papers today, you will regret it.”
“And if I do sign them?” His throat bobbed, and I knew that I had him by the balls.
“Then these pictures will go back to where I’ve had them all these years. You’ll never see me again, and I will never hear from you again. You sure as hell will not go to my father’s house looking for me. This will be over.”
He swallowed hard, swallowing the words I was sure he was dying to spew at me, then nodded his head.
I looked behind me and waved our lawyers to come back in. When they did, Ben’s lawyer stopped mid-stride as he looked at the images that still rested on the table.
“Mr. Howell?” His voice was low and questioning.
“We’re both prepared to sign the divorce papers today.” His gaze flew to me. “I’m happy that you both demanded we attend mediation. Aren’t you, Ben?”